Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

[catbird]

Leave a small note, and go on vacation for a week. Give her some time to think about it.

THIS sounds the ABsolute best.

[catbird]

It seems to me that your wife has made some form of committment that you're not aware of. Alternatively It could also be that your wife has asked for the land to be cleared & the request has been refused and she doesn't want to tell you, thereby ignoring you. So why don't you just go-ahead and use a contractor to clear the 9 rai to get the land ready for planting. Sometimes taking an action will actually resolve the issue you are facing, or at the very least bring matters to a head one way or the other.

I like this suggestion.

If the larger issues is one of being ignored, then whatever "breach" that might be presented by over-riding her formal authority over the land would be a smaller life course earthquake than that of losing your relationship with her son (and her?). As was said, that would bring things to a head and might show that the larger issue is that of being ignored.

[catbird]

If you want 9 rai of land cleared why don't you just clear it or get it cleared yourself? I'm pretty sure that if I went to my wife every time I wanted something done I would have the same problems, especially if she didn't really want to do it.

With regards the child you are bringing up - seems you need to decide that he is your son too and not just hers.

It's not his land. It's her land.

That the OP has unilaterally decided to support his wife and her son is his decision. It doesn't automatically follow that he can just assume the right to do what he wants with her land - without her consent - as a quid pro quo.

As a conventional legal matter, that is so, but I hope wives of dictators, without any real authority, feel perfectly free to use their informal power to make their hubbies do what is right. The larger question is whether clearing the land without her authority would (a) give her "moral ground" or impetus to revert and degenerate, or ( cause her to find new ways to be loving.

[catbird]

For some..."sorry" really is an impossibility.

I pity such people. Mostly.

I'm struggling to understand why people think the lady in question has to say sorry for using land she owns in anyway she wants, without being forced into another use simply because a farang voluntarily decided to support her and her son.

I am starting to agree with this point of view to a large extent. I could see how she can very rightfully want to reserve that authority.

But that point of view might presume that "fairness" will yield better outcomes.

Consider another point of view. If a or woman has surgery to stop from having children, one can understand why the parter would want a very fair hearing in the decision, and that issue of being fairly heard is being embodied in how the land is used. And, ultimately, he said the large issue is she could say "sorry". Furthermore, does the mother's behavior border on reckless disregard for the well being the the child.

But, still, partly agree with the view above. He has the right to want to be treated lovingly, and whether that takes form in how the land is treated, she can righttfully declare is her perogative.

Maybe the solution is to undertake a "project" with the boy of finding other corners of land. Let it be their thing without interference.

The saddest thing is the day happiness of the relationship is lost.

[catbird]

For some..."sorry" really is an impossibility.

I pity such people. Mostly.

I'm struggling to understand why people think the lady in question has to say sorry for using land she owns in anyway she wants, without being forced into another use simply because a farang voluntarily decided to support her and her son.

The way I read it , it was because the "farang, as you put it) has some foresight and would like to make provisions for their son's university fees in 7 years time!

Quite commendable in my books!

yes, this is the one and only reason. Rather prepare now for his future, she will expect me to shell out the money in 7 years time. I have told her numerous times that I must have 400,000 baht in the bank in order to stay here. It doesnt seem to register with her at all. Many thais are not aware of the hoops we must jump through just to stay here.

I bought her the ground and as such it is both our ground. Not legally I know but decisions on its use should be up to both of us as a unit. All I want to do is to use it to generate funds for the sons university. What is wrong with that ? If it comes to it, I will walk away from everything. I dont care if half the house is legally mine, I dont want it.

This is why I say clearing the land would be less of an earthquake of losing the son. People, relationships, love, memory, and the life we create ... all of that is more important that the legal definition of who owns the property. The pragmatic question is how her rightful perception of ownership may affects the unfolding.

[catbird]

What this thread has revealed to me is how many unhappily married men there are on Thaivisa.

Baffling. Truly baffling.

Actually the thread "My Thai Wife Is Lovely" brought out many a happy member out of the closet.

Baffling.. truly baffling!

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey ..If that's the basis for a happy marriage I'm a banana

I didn't take him to be expressing disapproval or superiority. I took him to be expressing sadness mixed with shock.

[catbird]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

To recognize and turn to this type of forum shows adulthood. I've seen loads of tips worth consideration, not mention some humanity. There are limits to the degree to which one's direct friends, family and neighbors can speak on sensitive matters.

[thehelmsman]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

To recognize and turn to this type of forum shows adulthood. I've seen loads of tips worth consideration, not mention some humanity. There are limits to the degree to which one's direct friends, family and neighbors can speak on sensitive matters.

Turning to this type forum with personnal matters shows a juvenille outlook of the world. It makes fun reading but to expect positive feed back is totally unrealistic.

[edwinclapham]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

To recognize and turn to this type of forum shows adulthood. I've seen loads of tips worth consideration, not mention some humanity. There are limits to the degree to which one's direct friends, family and neighbors can speak on sensitive matters.

Turning to this type forum with personnal matters shows a juvenille outlook of the world. It makes fun reading but to expect positive feed back is totally unrealistic.

I actually disagree with that. Some foreigners live in more isolated areas/ and or / can feel very isolated away from their own people.

If you cut away the crap, there are an abundance of intelligent and sympathetic posters on TV that can actually make you see the wood for the trees. Yes! I have seen many positive replies, so I feel you are tarnishing many of the members with a very cynical brush!