I Blew Up At The Missus This Evening.

[simple1]

Over a 100 posts to date. OP have you now got enough input to make a decision on your next steps. Plenty of interest in your situation so if you want to carry on the dialogue why not summarise your plans. I am sure their will be lots of comments to keep you engaged.

The only decision that I have been able to make today is that I won't be drinking any beer this evening. My head's still fuddled from last night.

I will see what happens when she comes home today, she didn't speak a word to me this morning. I'm not going to rush into anything, especially not when under the influence

If I remember correctly you claim you're only drinking 3/4 small cans of beer a day & this is getting you drunk? I get the impression you're drinking to excess every day; let us know if this is incorrect. If my partner was getting drunk every day, I wouldn't be impressed to say the least. Given you have indicated you're an open and honest man, what's the true situation in your household?

[loong]

The good news is you appear to know what is going on in her business life and her attempts to be somewhat independent so that doesn't mean that you aren't totally out of communication. An earlier poster asked when was the last time you felt happy with your partner and the relationship. Has there been anything notable that could have kicked off this perceived 'change of heart' on her part?

Nanlaew, you've made me think here.

A while before I went to the UK, someone posted on one of the forums. He scanned and posted a handwritten invoice and asked if anyone could translate. It was for some work on a bathroom. The handwriting was very difficult to decipher and I translated what I could. I foolishly showed this to the missus and asked her if she could read a couple of the lines. She immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was paying for somebody else's bathroom. I thought that I had explained it to her, but obviously she wasn't convinced. (The poster never even bothered to say thankyou for my efforts!)

While in the UK, I telephoned her via VOIP, When she received the call, it showed as coming from a Thai number. When I returned, she wanted to know where I had been and said that she was worried because she thought that I was staying with another woman and again mentioned the bathroom receipt.

I showed her my passport and she could see that my entry stamp was for that day and so there was no way that I could have been in Thailand when I called her.

Still, obviously there was this seed of doubt that had been growing for a while, and it's quite possible that despite seeing the proof, she is stll suspicious. That could be why she has been offhand lately.

you may have mentioned your 'alternative income' woes a tad too often?

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

Anyway, did you feel free of the worries while you were at home in May or was the 'problem' in Isaan always in your thoughts?

Yes, I was relaxed

[rixalex]

Nanlaew, you've made me think here.

A while before I went to the UK, someone posted on one of the forums. He scanned and posted a handwritten invoice and asked if anyone could translate. It was for some work on a bathroom. The handwriting was very difficult to decipher and I translated what I could. I foolishly showed this to the missus and asked her if she could read a couple of the lines. She immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was paying for somebody else's bathroom. I thought that I had explained it to her, but obviously she wasn't convinced. (The poster never even bothered to say thankyou for my efforts!)

While in the UK, I telephoned her via VOIP, When she received the call, it showed as coming from a Thai number. When I returned, she wanted to know where I had been and said that she was worried because she thought that I was staying with another woman and again mentioned the bathroom receipt.

I showed her my passport and she could see that my entry stamp was for that day and so there was no way that I could have been in Thailand when I called her.

Still, obviously there was this seed of doubt that had been growing for a while, and it's quite possible that despite seeing the proof, she is stll suspicious. That could be why she has been offhand lately.

Oh dear. All that aggravation from trying to help someone you have never met, who never bothered to say thanks. How sad.

[TommoPhysicist]

And you think just because you volunteered to chip in for his health care he should now meet your standards of social politeness? Maybe he hates you, maybe he's just shy, maybe ashamed.

Or maybe just upset that his wife is sleeping with a white guy!

[MANICMINER]

I think what the op is doing is admirable, because he is sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of his daughter. All those telling you to do a runner have obviously not been in your position or have no sticking power and run at the first moment there's a problem. People have asked if you can imagine doing it for the rest of your life, but they are a totally wrong: your daughter will grow and one day she will become a teenager, and become more independent, with her own mobile phone, and she will travel around on her own, independent of her parents. One day you will wake up, look at your daughter, and realize what a great job you have done, and also realize you can leave your wife, happy in the knowledge that your daughter will always consider you her father, and can stay in full contact with you. If you leave now, your wife will probably marry again, and your daughter will call somebody else daddy. so keep going mate, and one day you will win the biggest prize of all: your daughter.

[loong]

Over a 100 posts to date. OP have you now got enough input to make a decision on your next steps. Plenty of interest in your situation so if you want to carry on the dialogue why not summarise your plans. I am sure their will be lots of comments to keep you engaged.

The only decision that I have been able to make today is that I won't be drinking any beer this evening. My head's still fuddled from last night.

I will see what happens when she comes home today, she didn't speak a word to me this morning. I'm not going to rush into anything, especially not when under the influence

If I remember correctly you claim you're only drinking 3/4 small cans of beer a day & this is getting you drunk? I get the impression you're drinking to excess every day; let us know if this is incorrect. If my partner was getting drunk every day, I wouldn't be impressed to say the least. Given you have indicated you're an open and honest man, what's the true situation in your household?

No, it's very rarely that I get drunk. I don't enjoy hangovers at all.

Yesterday evening, after our argument, I drank a lot more than normal.

[TommoPhysicist]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

PS

Minimum government insurance is about 900bht, why pay more on someone else's car.

PPS

Check her car driving licence, she has one and it is currently valid, else the insurance is invalid anyway (so no point buying).

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[loong]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

PS

Minimum government insurance is about 900bht, why pay more on someone else's car.

PPS

Check her car driving licence, she has one and it is currently valid, else the insurance is invalid anyway (so no point buying).

I believe that having the full insurance is a provision of getting finance. Anyway, it would be idiotic to have the minimal insurance on a 2 year old pick-up

She paid the insurance and showed me the receipt.

Yes, she has a valid driving licence.

[rixalex]

I think what the op is doing is admirable, because he is sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of his daughter. All those telling you to do a runner have obviously not been in your position or have no sticking power and run at the first moment there's a problem. People have asked if you can imagine doing it for the rest of your life, but they are a totally wrong: your daughter will grow and one day she will become a teenager, and become more independent, with her own mobile phone, and she will travel around on her own, independent of her parents. One day you will wake up, look at your daughter, and realize what a great job you have done, and also realize you can leave your wife, happy in the knowledge that your daughter will always consider you her father, and can stay in full contact with you. If you leave now, your wife will probably marry again, and your daughter will call somebody else daddy. so keep going mate, and one day you will win the biggest prize of all: your daughter.

There are many things that you may have to sacrifice as being a parent, but i don't think your own happiness is one of those things. If you do sacrifice it, the children may end up suffering as much, perhaps more, than you taking whatever measures necessary to improve your happiness.

Edited June 14, 2012 by rixalex

[BigJohnnyBKK]

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

I completely disagree. When it's something so easy to check then it's a great way to test for trustworthiness.

And sometimes - sending the maid down to the green market for basic food supplies for example - it's just cheaper/more convenient to have a bit of trust.

[edwinclapham]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

PS

Minimum government insurance is about 900bht, why pay more on someone else's car.

PPS

Check her car driving licence, she has one and it is currently valid, else the insurance is invalid anyway (so no point buying).

Just reading this makes me wonder whether a relationship based on mistrust is worth it in the end.

If I had to question my wife on mundane aspects like "do you have a driving licence or insurance" for me the game is up, probably before it began.

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

[rixalex]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

Well if it gets to the point in a relationship where you can't trust your spouse in paying a third party, the relationship isn't worth much.

[transam]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

PS

Minimum government insurance is about 900bht, why pay more on someone else's car.

PPS

Check her car driving licence, she has one and it is currently valid, else the insurance is invalid anyway (so no point buying).

Just reading this makes me wonder whether a relationship based on mistrust is worth it in the end.

If I had to question my wife on mundane aspects like "do you have a driving licence or insurance" for me the game is up, probably before it began.

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

Weeeeeeeeeell, l could write a book, you might be surprised. Remember the old topic, ''Where do you come in the pecking order'' ?, Should be pinned.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I think what the op is doing is admirable, because he is sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of his daughter. All those telling you to do a runner have obviously not been in your position or have no sticking power and run at the first moment there's a problem. People have asked if you can imagine doing it for the rest of your life, but they are a totally wrong: your daughter will grow and one day she will become a teenager, and become more independent, with her own mobile phone, and she will travel around on her own, independent of her parents. One day you will wake up, look at your daughter, and realize what a great job you have done, and also realize you can leave your wife, happy in the knowledge that your daughter will always consider you her father, and can stay in full contact with you. If you leave now, your wife will probably marry again, and your daughter will call somebody else daddy. so keep going mate, and one day you will win the biggest prize of all: your daughter.

What a refreshingly optimistic fellow you are. I certainly hope this fairy tale has such a happy ending.

Not that it makes much difference AFAIC but you do realize this isn't his biological daughter?

And IMO if mum and dad aren't getting along staying together isn't going to do the kids much good.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

The good news is you appear to know what is going on in her business life and her attempts to be somewhat independent so that doesn't mean that you aren't totally out of communication. An earlier poster asked when was the last time you felt happy with your partner and the relationship. Has there been anything notable that could have kicked off this perceived 'change of heart' on her part?

Nanlaew, you've made me think here. A while before I went to the UK, someone posted on one of the forums. He scanned and posted a handwritten invoice and asked if anyone could translate. It was for some work on a bathroom. The handwriting was very difficult to decipher and I translated what I could. I foolishly showed this to the missus and asked her if she could read a couple of the lines. She immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was paying for somebody else's bathroom. I thought that I had explained it to her, but obviously she wasn't convinced. (The poster never even bothered to say thankyou for my efforts!) While in the UK, I telephoned her via VOIP, When she received the call, it showed as coming from a Thai number. When I returned, she wanted to know where I had been and said that she was worried because she thought that I was staying with another woman and again mentioned the bathroom receipt. I showed her my passport and she could see that my entry stamp was for that day and so there was no way that I could have been in Thailand when I called her. Still, obviously there was this seed of doubt that had been growing for a while, and it's quite possible that despite seeing the proof, she is stll suspicious. That could be why she has been offhand lately.

you may have mentioned your 'alternative income' woes a tad too often?

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

Anyway, did you feel free of the worries while you were at home in May or was the 'problem' in Isaan always in your thoughts?

Yes, I was relaxed

I honestly have to say you are a fool; I'd never share financial details or show passport stamps, IMO you're just setting your own self up to be stomped in the future.

You don't have to justify anything, just let her know you're cutting back, the household's getting xxx baht from you per month for the next few months. Let her think it's because you're unhappy with her attitude, or even that you're supporting a mia noi, that's her problem not yours. Of course she's suspicious, that's the natural constant default position, even if some know to hide it well.

And if she can't make the payments on her truck that she didn't discuss with you before committing too that's also her problem not yours.

Bottom line - you don't have to explain or justify or defend anything, let her think what she likes, your answer is none of her business.

You really need to take the pants back man.

Edited June 14, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[TommoPhysicist]

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

In 90% of relationships this is the norm. Seen it happen too many times.

They think you cheat, you think they steal. Sounds fair to me.

Jeez, what is it with all you balding, fat old foreign guys thinking the cute young Thai chicks love you for your looks, personality and 'good heart'.

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[edwinclapham]

Possibly. I find it difficult to convey that I not only have to think about my spending for today, but also for the years to come. I gave her the money for the car insurance a couple of days ago and told her that we have to be a bit careful for a few months as I only have 860K in my Thai bank account and I need to have 800K when I apply for my retirement extension in August. I can't move any more cash over yet as it is tied up.

NEVER ever put money in someones hand to pay a third party. She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost.

You want to pay car insurance, go down to the insurance office and pay them yourself.

PS

Minimum government insurance is about 900bht, why pay more on someone else's car.

PPS

Check her car driving licence, she has one and it is currently valid, else the insurance is invalid anyway (so no point buying).

Just reading this makes me wonder whether a relationship based on mistrust is worth it in the end.

If I had to question my wife on mundane aspects like "do you have a driving licence or insurance" for me the game is up, probably before it began.

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

Weeeeeeeeeell, l could write a book, you might be surprised. Remember the old topic, ''Where do you come in the pecking order'' ?, Should be pinned.

Transam, I would not doubt it, and it could just be that luck wasnt on your side.

I have friends who have been bitten as well, quite badly, but I must say "speed of relationship" was often the downfall and of course the repenting over a long period of time is painful.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

Farang man with Thai woman - unfortunately so, most are scams through and through, the average "relationship" is just an extension of by-the-night long time, and usually ends up being a lot more expensive over the time it lasts than if he'd just kept it on that basis.

The good ones that last more than a few years are few and far between indeed, and I bet in 90% of those the finances are still comfortable.

No money no honey is such a cliché for a reason.

[edwinclapham]

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

Farang man with Thai woman - unfortunately so, most are scams through and through, the average "relationship" is just an extension of by-the-night long time, and usually ends up being a lot more expensive over the time it lasts than if he'd just kept it on that basis.

The good ones that last more than a few years are few and far between indeed, and I bet in 90% of those the finances are still comfortable.

No money no honey is such a cliché for a reason.

Whether its down to the fact that my wife went to Uni here in Australia, therefore she is pretty much "western thinking" I dont know.

We dont have these issues Big Johnny, we pool our joint finances/assets etc and are both exceptionally honest with each other.

I am not blind to what can go on with Thai v westerner relationships, and I am not too sure whether I could handle that.

Do you think that the laws regarding visas , ownership of property etc encourages the arrogance/scams/lies etc in a relationship in Thailand? Or is it genuinely "luck of the drawer" or bad research?

[rixalex]

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

In 90% of relationships this is the norm. Seen it happen too many times.

They think you cheat, you think they steal. Sounds fair to me.

Jeez, what is it with all you balding, fat old foreign guys thinking the cute young Thai chicks love you for your looks, personality and 'good heart'.

Why don't you stick to speaking for your own situation, rather than stereotyping and making assumptions about other people on here you have never met?

[TommoPhysicist]

Whether its down to the fact that my wife went to Uni here in Australia, therefore she is pretty much "western thinking" I dont know.

We dont have these issues Big Johnny, we pool our joint finances/assets etc and are both exceptionally honest with each other.

I am not blind to what can go on with Thai v westerner relationships, and I am not too sure whether I could handle that.

Do you think that the laws regarding visas , ownership of property etc encourages the arrogance/scams/lies etc in a relationship in Thailand? Or is it genuinely "luck of the drawer" or bad research?

You haven't really married a Thai girl, as in another thread girls educated in the western world can be different.

I think it's the Thai land laws that cause the main problems, foreigners want to own a house, put it in a Thais name, then the squeeze is on.

Why don't you stick to speaking for your own situation, rather than stereotyping and making assumptions about other people on here you have never met?

It's what happened in 90% of the relationships I have seen, what part of that didn't you understand.

Speaking of my own situation, my wife is entirely different and completely trustworthy in every way.

Of course she handles her money and pays her bills, and I handle my money and pay my bills.

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[ozzydom]

Loong, I think I married your wifes twin sister,Their attitudes are very much alike.

As Dingo and others have suggested,you need a holiday.

When things get to much for me thats exactly what I do, I just make sure all is in order on the farm and say I need a holiday ,then grab a flight to Cambo, it is done with no animosity and she eventually calls me pleading for me to return and that things will be better.

I find that it takes action to get change,talking over matters of conflict goes nowhere in my household as the only response to talking is ,"I get headache when you talk".

Of course ,besides the usual bones of contention that you are experiencing I have the added "bone" of my wifes gambling habit.

I find that I can now handle the problems better simply because I learnt that I have the option of "going on a holiday" whenever the <deleted> gets to much to handle.

[edwinclapham]

" She will cheat you, either not pay or exaggerate the cost."God there has to be some trust (and hope) out there, and I find it hard to believe this is typical of a Thai relationship!

In 90% of relationships this is the norm. Seen it happen too many times.

They think you cheat, you think they steal. Sounds fair to me.

Jeez, what is it with all you balding, fat old foreign guys thinking the cute young Thai chicks love you for your looks, personality and 'good heart'.

I can hardly be called old when I am in my twenties... am certainly not bald... but why generalise, there are some marriages made in heaven, I cant quite comprehend the cynical bitter atittudes that prevail.

[MANICMINER]

I think what the op is doing is admirable, because he is sacrificing his own happiness for the sake of his daughter. All those telling you to do a runner have obviously not been in your position or have no sticking power and run at the first moment there's a problem. People have asked if you can imagine doing it for the rest of your life, but they are a totally wrong: your daughter will grow and one day she will become a teenager, and become more independent, with her own mobile phone, and she will travel around on her own, independent of her parents. One day you will wake up, look at your daughter, and realize what a great job you have done, and also realize you can leave your wife, happy in the knowledge that your daughter will always consider you her father, and can stay in full contact with you. If you leave now, your wife will probably marry again, and your daughter will call somebody else daddy. so keep going mate, and one day you will win the biggest prize of all: your daughter.

What a refreshingly optimistic fellow you are. I certainly hope this fairy tale has such a happy ending.

Not that it makes much difference AFAIC but you do realize this isn't his biological daughter?

And IMO if mum and dad aren't getting along staying together isn't going to do the kids much good.

Yes, i am aware she is not his biological father, and it makes no difference - just look at the cases of adopted children - and it seems to make no difference to the OP. if it is a fairy tale, then i must be living in a fairy tale, because i am speaking from personal experience.

[TommoPhysicist]

I can hardly be called old when I am in my twenties... am certainly not bald... but why generalise, there are some marriages made in heaven, I cant quite comprehend the cynical bitter atittudes that prevail.

I see the attitudes of BJB and myself as 'sensible and prudent' rather than 'cynical and bitter'.

When you get older, you will understand.

Edited June 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Whether its down to the fact that my wife went to Uni here in Australia, therefore she is pretty much "western thinking" I dont know.

We dont have these issues Big Johnny, we pool our joint finances/assets etc and are both exceptionally honest with each other.

I am not blind to what can go on with Thai v westerner relationships, and I am not too sure whether I could handle that.

Do you think that the laws regarding visas , ownership of property etc encourages the arrogance/scams/lies etc in a relationship in Thailand? Or is it genuinely "luck of the drawer" or bad research?

Sure of course there are exceptions, congratulations be grateful and hope/pray/make sure to do whatever you can to make it last.

I think the reason is "looking for love in all the wrong places", or not even looking for it, most farangs here let themselves be drawn into long-term relationships with women that are best dealt with on a purely casual basis if at all.

IMO combination of laziness and ignorance, willful refusal to face reality and realize it's not all wine and roses, lot of evil in the world, many of us are largely shielded from it back home "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist".

[edwinclapham]

I can hardly be called old when I am in my twenties... am certainly not bald... but why generalise, there are some marriages made in heaven, I cant quite comprehend the cynical bitter atittudes that prevail.

I see the attitudes of BJB and myself as 'sensible and prudent' rather than 'cynical and bitter'.

When you get older, you will understand.

"when you get older, you will understand"

comes across as quite condescending .

[edwinclapham]

Whether its down to the fact that my wife went to Uni here in Australia, therefore she is pretty much "western thinking" I dont know.

We dont have these issues Big Johnny, we pool our joint finances/assets etc and are both exceptionally honest with each other.

I am not blind to what can go on with Thai v westerner relationships, and I am not too sure whether I could handle that.

Do you think that the laws regarding visas , ownership of property etc encourages the arrogance/scams/lies etc in a relationship in Thailand? Or is it genuinely "luck of the drawer" or bad research?

Sure of course there are exceptions, congratulations be grateful and hope/pray/make sure to do whatever you can to make it last.

I think the reason is "looking for love in all the wrong places", or not even looking for it, most farangs here let themselves be drawn into long-term relationships with women that are best dealt with on a purely casual basis if at all.

IMO combination of laziness and ignorance, willful refusal to face reality and realize it's not all wine and roses, lot of evil in the world, many of us are largely shielded from it back home "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist".

Now that is a post I can relate to. Many thanks!

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Yes, i am aware she is not his biological father, and it makes no difference - just look at the cases of adopted children - and it seems to make no difference to the OP. if it is a fairy tale, then i must be living in a fairy tale, because i am speaking from personal experience.

And I genuinely hope it all works out for the OP. Just from what I've been able to piece together so far if it does, it's due to luck and the goodwill of his mate, not from his knowing how to protect his own interests.

[rixalex]

It's what happened in 90% of the relationships I have seen, what part of that didn't you understand.

The part where you make judgements about people and relationships you have no information at all on.