Never Underestimate The Irish

[anon21]

Murphy calls to see his old pal, Paddy, who has a broken leg.

Paddy says: "Me feet are <deleted> freezing mate. Could you nip upstairs and get me slippers."

"No bother", he says, and he runs upstairs, and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters, who are sitting naked on their beds.

"Hello, dere girls. Your Da sent me up here to shag ya both, he did."

"<deleted> off ya liar!"

"I'll prove it," says Murphy.

So he shouts down the stairs: "You did say both of them didn't you, Paddy?"

"Of course I did. What's the use of only <deleted> one!"

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[anon21]

An absolutely stunning drop-dead gorgeous blonde from Dublin went into the new super casino in Greenwich wearing a long mink coat. She looks around and spots the only table where the two croupiers are both male. She wafts her way over and places a bet of 50,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She looks at the two men and starts to flutter her eyelashes, "Hello boys. I hope you don't mind, but I'll feel much luckier if I could roll in the nude".

With that, she slowly unbuttons her mink coat and lets it slip to the floor.

Everyone in the casino roars their approval and rushes over to the table to watch. The two male croupiers are stunned and can't take their eyes off her wibbly wobbly bits as she picks up the dice and blows into her hands. As she rolls the dice she yells at the top of her voice, "Come on my babies. Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice come to a stop, she does a cartwheel and then jumps up and down and squeals ..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugs the two dealers, picks up the dice and her winnings, grabs her mink coat and heads for the door.

The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them says, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "Well I don't know - I thought you were watching."

Moral of the Story?

1 Never underestimate the Irish

2 Not all blondes are dumb

3 ..... and all men ... are ... well ... men.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

[anon21]

The Man Who Orders Three Pints

A stranger moves to a tiny hamlet in County Kerry. He walks into the pub on his own and promptly orders three pints of Guinness. The barman raises an eyebrow, but serves the man the three pints, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

When the man has finished the three pints, he gets up, waves goodnight to the barman, and leaves the pub.

The next evening, the man comes in again and orders his three pints of Guinness. Again, he takes them to a table, sits down, and drinks them on his own. Then, he gets up, waves goodnight to the barman and leaves the pub.

This happens night after night. Soon, everyone in the hamlet is whispering about The Man Who Orders Three Pints.

Finally, the barman broaches the subject on behalf of the hamlet. "I don't mean to pry, but folks round here are wondering why you always order three pints at once?"

"It is odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers. One went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two pints whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The barman and the whole town were pleased with this answer. Soon, The Man Who Orders Three Pints had became a local celebrity and a source of pride to the hamlet; out-of-towners would come in just to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two pints. The barman pours them with a heavy heart.

The same thing happens the next night, and the one after.

The word spreads swiftly. Prayers are offered up for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the barman says to the man, "Folks round here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know, the two pints and all..."

The man is silent for a few moments, and then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

Greetings from over the Silver Sea