Tracey's First Day At Work - Oh Dear. There's Trouble Ahead

Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.

Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: "I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."

"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."

"You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here," she replies with a smile. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."

The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

As you may have guessed poor Tracey didn't last too long as a ferry guard so she's looking for another job. She gets an interview, but must see the company psychiatrist first.

As she sat in the chair, he asked her a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company.

Things are not going well for our Tracey though. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, just to give her one last chance.

He asked: "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

Tracey smiled brightly: "Oh that's easy. The living one of course."

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Your favourite blonde Tracey is back in town. HOORAY!

Tracey has just bought some new shoes. She pulls them out of the bag to show to her old Aussie friend, Sheila

Sheila says: "Why have they got TGIF printed on the inside, Tracey? It means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday', right?"

Tracey giggles and says: "No silly. It reminds me, when I need to get my shoes on in a hurry, that Toes Go In First."

Tracey has a blonde friend, Samantha who has recently been telling the world at large that not everyone appreciates the fact that she is both blonde and beautiful.

Click HERE to read her story. It's a hoot!

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Tracey is on the M11 heading for a day out in London when she was flagged down by a man whose van had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to London?"

"Sure," answered Tracey, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my van. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to London Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you 100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said Tracey with a bright smile. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of her car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the van driver was driving through the heart of London and was getting close to Regent's Park (home to the Zoo) when suddenly he was horrified!! There was Tracey walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to Tracey. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you 100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said Tracey with another bright smile, "but we had money left over, so now we're heading for Oxford Street to do some shopping."

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Like me, you may have been shocked to read in the newspapers back on June that there had been a big earthquake in Melbourne. There were no reports of injuries, so no doubt our Aussie mates are still happily spreading Vegemite on their crocodile sandwiches and downing a few cold beers as usual.

They may even be able to tell us whether it was an Oscillatory or a Trepidatory earthquake or perhaps even a combination of both.

If you are unsure of the difference then click HERE for the official explanation. I have to say that as a non scientist I found this rather dry; hardly memorable.

Anyway, yesterday, I just happened to bump into your favourite blonde Tracey (hooray! I hear you cry). When I told her that I was having trouble visualising the difference was between oscillatory and trepidatory, Tracey said that she could help. She and two of her friends have got together to provide you with an easy to remember visual explanation:

Click HERE

No prizes for guessing which one is Tracey.

Greetings from over the Silver Sea

Blimey! Tracey's been invited to a dinner party. Time for another "blonde moment"!

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.'

'I don't know about that,' answered Tracey 'I have kept my age a secret since I was eighteen.'

'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.

'I hardly think so!' responded Tracey with a frown. 'If a woman can keep a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'

Greetings from over the Silver Sea