Profane Polly

[kevjohn]

Profane Polly

A man goes to a pet store in order to buy himself an exotic bird.

He tells the clerk, "You know I've had a number of pet birds in my life and now I'm looking for something really special. Have anything I might like?"

"Yessir, I do. I have a South American parrot rumored to have a vocabulary of over 400 words. He can talk about the weather, about sports, and about politics. But I might add, he is very expensive."

"Well, he sounds just perfect. Why don't you bring him out here?"

The clerk goes into the back room and brings out an exquisite green bird with bright feathers and a dark, golden beak. He sets the bird on a perch and excuses himself to take care of another customer in another part of the shop.

The man looks at the bird and starts talking to it in the usual way, "Pretty bird, pretty bird, Polly want a cracker?"

The bird replies in such beautiful English the man can hardly believe his ears. They have a conversation about the recent rains, they talk about the latest bills in Congress, and even talk about the latest Super Bowl. The man is dumbfounded.

"I'll take him," he calls out to the clerk, "take him home with me today."

"Very good, sir," says the clerk. They conclude the transaction and the man walks out with the parrot on his shoulder.

As soon as they get to the man's home, the bird goes into a loud tirade of profanity. One four-letter word after another. On and on without end. The man can't believe it.

"Look, bird, you didn't do any of this in the shop. I have guests coming over tonight. Don't you dare embarrass me with this kind of language."

The bird continues on and on with the profane cursing.

The man gets fed up and throws the parrot into his freezer. That will quiet him down, thinks the man.

Sure enough, within a minute or two, the bird has gone completely silent. The man opens the freezer and the bird takes a deep bow.

"Forgive me sir, I will never talk like that again. I just do not know what got it to me."

The man is satisfied and motions for the bird to perch on his shoulder and the man goes about his business.

A few minutes later the bird leans over to his ear and asks quietly, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Uh, what exactly did the chicken do?"