Living Away From Thai Gf

[muay_thai]

Just wondered how many of you other guys have experienced the living apart and if so wos it a constant fight !!

My gf seems intent that if I don't answer the phone or worse still I've changed

SIM card and she thinks my phones off ! on completely accusing me of

going short time !! (I know the girls in UK are easy but not that easy !! )

(She has both numbers but she is LAZY TO SAVE DIFFERENT NO. )

Anyone else experienced this and if so is their a solution or even an end to it ?

It looks to me as the answer is to ignore her for about 3 days, but I'm

uncertain if this method is going to work ?? or make things worse !!

Any of you guys 2 years + down the line and this still happening ???

Cheers for any help !!

[wolf5370]

Sorry mate, in my experience (7+ years ~ 5 married) she will remain eternally suspicious. A generalisation I know, but there you go.

Ignoring her will almost definitely make matter worse. She will think you are otherwise occupied! Best is simply to keep telling her that you only have eyes for her and miss her dreadfully. She will probably say she doesn't believe you, or that you are talking with a sweet mouth etc, but it will appease her. Don't get angry, she will take it negatively. Keep appeasing, and let it flow over you.

My wife gets jelous every time my exwife phones, no matter how short and abrupt the conversation. Usually I ignore it and appease her - by slagging of my ex is the best way.

I guess its because Thai men are famous for flittering and historically, Mia Tee Nung wanted to stay such, and not be replaced by the new Mia Noi. Its inbuilt, and incurable - a sure case of 'put up and shut up' I'm affraid.

Good luck.

[Thetyim]

100 per cent agree with Wolf.

Never get angry, always speak nicely, she will calm down

[NedKelly]

Mate yo uneed to go to counselling.......no not really but this is what some would say. If yo ulook at the situation from a Psychological perspective, jealousy can be caused by many different things. For example, if your wife has low self esteem or a history of men in her life doing the dirty behind her back. Or if her previous boyfriend left her high and ry for someone else and caused huge heartache for her.

But there is also another way of looking at it. Some may say that her continuing jealousy and her accusations against you are "projected anxieties", which means that she projects her accusations on to you because she feels guilty about what she is doing behind your back. So for example if she is shagging blokes while you are away then she gets jealous of you because of her guilt and she lets yo uknow it.

this may be total crap as I am not sure if this crosses a cultural barrier or not. Some just say that Thai chicks learn it - an environmental thing - and this is entirely true. It could be just an ingrained belief that all men are bastards........gees it's great to be a bloke..haha. But given Thai guys behaviours, do you blame her ? Maybe you could try getting jealous of her.......some of her own medicine. Or just tell her straight.....trust me and shut up or bugger off !!

[KevinN]

NED; I think you are right on all counts,After ###### near 3 years of marital bliss,I am about ready to throw in the towel,I can't stand much more of this jealous shit.

Coarse her sisters husband works in Korea and has a wifey there and when home here,they seem to get along OK and her dad is quite a cocksman, but I do nothing and I get all the shit.

So I think I will just say goodby baby.

[Dove]

Get a new girl. don't waste your time and endanger your own life at the end.

Keep on going with this girl and you may be the next one requesting for advice from this forum on what to do about a gf who wants to make duck food out of you.

[DaveYo]

Hey, I agree with the many points of advice here. I too went thru a marriage whereas my ex got jealous sort of and wanted to know almost every single minute of my where abouts etc. Believe me it can take a mans breath away and it is very destructive to maintain such relationship.

My ex had a background from her parents where her father played on the side and her mother found out of the affair and kicked him out only to take him back in the later years of his life. Also low self esteem, or insecurity or lack of trust can play into jealous fits. Plus many others and start putting some together it can really destroy both of your relationships over the course of time.

You have a big decision here to make my friend. It is not healthy if a woman or man is always suspicious of you and makes accusations which are not true and always has you on the defensive posture facing her or him. It should be an equal trusting relationship with each trusting the other to respect each other and play by the rules the right way. If you can't do this, then fluff up your wings and say adios to her or to him and seek out new pastures to start over. Life is too short for the B/S.

That's my thoughts into this area.

Daveyoti

[muay_thai]

I agree with the points made about the jealousy and understand why she is the jealous type after what she has told me regarding previous relationships and the fact her dad decided to leave her mam for another wife at an early age for her doesn't add up to much.

But she is always sorry 1,2 or 3 ! days later, but she seems to becoming to terms with it a bit easier and I'm starting to learn the "mai pen rai" attitude !

Also agree with what our saying Ned about projected anxieties, this thought did cross my mind on a couple of occasions and I wondered if it was a form of defense so if she's angry with me I won't talk to her for a day and she's left alone to do whatever !

Still, I'm gonna stick it out as the other side of her is truly wonderful and as a

precautionery measure I've learnt how to say duck in thai, if she mentions it once (chicken flu or no chicken flu!) I'm off !!

Cheers for the advice, nice to know it's not just me wolfie !

[PD0NVJ]

You can consider marrying a man.

My sister dit it and she never conplains.

[the gentleman]

I think all women are jealous, but having to wait three or four days for her to come round, would do my head in. I agree with all of the posts to a certain degree, it could get a lot worse. Maybe sit her down and explain to her, your not doing anything behind her back, try this everytime, spend the time to make her feel confident in you both. If it doesnt work after a few months, get out of there mate.

[think_too_mut]

>Anyone else experienced this and if so is their a solution or even an end to it ?

Natural end to it will be to live together. Before that happens you may consider installing a web cam.

I did it 2.5 years ago, cost me about 4 cents per hour (both ends included). At that price you can not only talk, you can afford to watch her sleeping. There were many days when the line was on 24x7.

Until recently I had it at work too. Being 5K miles apart did not feel that bad. Her jealousy died out about 6 months ago.

[DaveYo]

No way am i going to waste my time with web cams.

If she cannot trust me, I will move on and live my life. I don't have such time to deal with the estrogen B/S.

Daveyoti

[Dove]

Seriously speaking, long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain. We change everyday in our life, the change is gradual if you are together with your mate and easier to accept but when you are over the phone or visiting her once in 3 months or so it can be very trying.

She has her expectations, you have yours, she has her perceptions she has yours. Her thoughts are in Thai , your are in English (I think) the culture is different, what we do is acceptable like giving a peck on the cheek to a female friend as a greeting, it might not be acceptable to her culture.

In my past relationship, I got in trouble many times for using the wrong english words because she gets the literal translataion from some cheap dictionary and it can send some very very wrong signals. So speak carefully to her, some things may looks pretty awkward in her Thai mind when she is listen and trying to perceive what you are saying.

And when you are together and one of you read the other's body languages wrongly ###### will break lose, jealousy and all will come. To make things worst if PMS is in force. Hence in the extreme case it is wise to note her behaviour and plot against her monthly cycle.

I know a Brit who has a gf who gets pretty nasty when her period is approaching.

Hang on if you want but be ready for the worst should it come, just don't crash and burn. Know where the ejection seat cord is and pull it when it is time to bail out. Good luck buddy.

[Bluecat]

Jealousy is a big reason of marriage failure all over the world,...

The fact is, after some time (I am not going to define the amount of time,...), most of the men will look for another relationship. When I say another relationship, it means another "physical" relationship, if given the chance,...

And "unfortunately", women know it and in Thailand, even worse, women FEEL it.

So, what will happen? Women will get very suspicious and very jealous, with all the consequences coming from it,...

But this jealousy thing is either not manageable (Thai bar girls, they know you guys,...) or manageable (other girls) and if you do not stray or think about it, it should be OK

[Koh_Falang]

Well in regards to all the answers on this topic... i agree mostly with the solution of smiling and keeping your cool.

When i was up north in Chiang Rai last xmas i was walking past these women having a domestic argument on the street. I could see one of them was yelling and screaming... taking the other to pieces.. but this other women just stood there and said nothing and smiled. When in rome do as the romans do.

For some reason its just best to smile and take the sh*t. I suppose some of you can just get up and leave but if its a cultural thing then just about all girls are gonna act in the same kind of way and weather it be a good thing or bad thing.. u will have problems sticking to the one girl for long. I know alot of you are in thailand for the girls or for love so i would think its best to learn from the locals.

RE: web cam - seriously... take this as constructive critisim.... Get a life. No offence to the web cam guy but if ur GF cant trust you and wants to see what u do all the time then maybe you give her reason to not trust her...or maybe shes a frikkin nutcase . Im not just saying this to write you off... I too have a LD relationship with my GF at the moment and if i had to do that to keep her happy.. i would go mad. Its hard and sometimes i dont wanna put up with the crap that comes with it but thats the decision i have made and im gonna make it work. As far as im concerned.. Mai pen rai it - she'll be right.

[Koh_Falang]

Oops

Skuze my spelling