Moving Out Of Thailand (A Confession)

[Thailand2012]

Similar here, i've got both miserable sexlife & partylife, i won't drive any more due to police scams,

nothing left here for me except paying for my gf success. I just want to sell off my stuff and move to sihanookville,

but that would be the end of my gf dreams.

why sihanookvile is a great spot and and you can easily meet a gf down there better chance in pp but ive been there a couple of times and have had no probls

[Naam]

try to break up without causing any hard feelings. tell her you are planning to move to Indonesia because you'd like to have better sex and that more often even though Indonesian ladies are not as good in bed as her sister.

believe me, you will part as friends... as soon as they release you from intensive care.

[soomak]

All the men I know in Thailand or in the West support the family. It is what men do. Well not the new age flouncy kind of guys but real men do and always have. My father supported my family and my mothers family and she was Irish. Maybe that makes a difference. My dad was always in charge. Most of the men I know in Thailand are in charge. The exception is the Thai guys who carry the little dogs. My wife got the loan for our house at the bank but I designed and had the house built.

It is definitely not true where I come from. Even my grandmother's-mother worked, and that was in the 1920s or 30s (she had a shop for buttons etc).

Men do make more money than women (on average 50% more where I come from), but most women do work. I also think that most women under 40 in Thailand work as well, at least in the cities it looks that way.

And on a different note:

These days in the West, about half of the graduating lawyers, doctors and accountants are women, so I guess your view of the world will be irrelevant in 20 years.

Edited November 13, 2012 by soomak

[GuestHouse]

All the men I know in Thailand or in the West support the family. It is what men do.

Well of course except for those enterprising Thai men who are happy to side step this 'manly duty' and hand it off to any luckless faring who swallows the story that it is his job to take on the financial burden of every mistake his new family ever made before he showed up and every mistake they are going to make while he's still around.

[GuestHouse]

^ And to make sure that message gets across form the get-go the luckless farang will of course have to make a down payment for the privilege of marrying into thesis new family and taking on this life long financial burden.

Most smile while doing so.

[kevvy]

admit it most woman here have the men by the balls, everything they do, and they way they live indicates that.

If you have no idea what they are saying how do you know? I mean they did change from silent to talking movies for a reason after all.

how many men have you seen supporting half the tribe, there is your answer.

no one likes giving money away, they do it out of fear of losing there young princess.

the woman sit back gettin monthly handouts, who is in charge.

my in laws dont get anything now , as they never respect me ..my wife supports me ..i am lucky as she does not have me by the balls ...

[BigJohnnyBKK]

All the men I know in Thailand or in the West support the family. It is what men do. Well not the new age flouncy kind of guys but real men do and always have. My father supported my family and my mothers family and she was Irish. Maybe that makes a difference. My dad was always in charge. Most of the men I know in Thailand are in charge. The exception is the Thai guys who carry the little dogs. My wife got the loan for our house at the bank but I designed and had the house built.

Where I come from these days 3/4 women work outside the home - as well as in it most often - and a third of them earn more than their husbands.

[siamamerican]

i've been througha similiar situation as the OP. Relationships evolve and require lots of nuturing which is ignored as time passes. The sad reality is returning to better times is nearly impossible. i've spent sleepless nights reflecting on why she changed and how to resume what we had during the first 18 months. In the end it was futile and contrived. She loved me deeply to the end but walking away was the best for both of us. The break wasn't clean and the relationship was tarnished but we are now living our own life and someday we will find what we had in another relationship.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

And sometimes true love relationships get even better once the sexual "romance" component has run its course. Life's too short, let the shallow ones go, but do keep in touch with those few special ones where you developed deeper ties.

I've got lots of people around the world with whom I still maintain very strong relationships even though we no longer live together, and sometimes decades later it turns out to have an entirely different but just as rewarding basis.

[thaibeachlovers]

Grow a pair of balls tell her straight and move on

with your life.

life is too short

you only live once

If he did that, he might wake up without any!

[thaibeachlovers]

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

Hell i would get tired of you real fast. To have equal say the girl has to pay 50%... Youve got to be kidding!

I think you're misunderstanding me and maybe I'm not making things clear enough. But that's alright, this is an internet forum and you don't know me in person anyway.

What I mean is that in instances like wanting to buy a bottle of collagen pills just to try them out. I seriously thought she didn't need them but she kept saying her friends think it's really good so I told her ok let's split the cost, but I still think she doesn't need those (especially at her age).

I don't ask her to split costs to "have equal say". I split costs only on things that I feel are a waste of money, and because I don't want to spoil her. And I rarely do it, I've probably only done that like 3 times over the past 8 months, so I think you've misunderstood me.

I don't understand why you would split the cost on something you disagree with. If my wife wants something I disagree with she has to buy it herself.

[jpinx]

Try the it's not you, it's me routine..worked once for me.

Actually best strategy is to come up with a way for her to come to the decision herself, but that may take a bit of doing depending of course on a lot of factors only you can judge. Maybe make the move to Indonesia a done deal and you're assuming she'll want to come along - but only if you're 100% sure she wouldn't want to - actually even if she did, she wouldn't stay unless she reeeeeeally loves you, but that's of course a pretty unfair scenario.

Otherwise more than hearts will get broken along the way, I'd say 80+% of the time in my experience. Some consider it the coward's way out but the cleanest break IMO is to just disappear, leave some dosh behind with a note.

Talk about the voice of experience haha!!! Devious, but well worth the effort -- works for me every time. Give her a few reasons to dump you without actually attempting murder

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Talk about the voice of experience haha!!! Devious, but well worth the effort -- works for me every time. Give her a few reasons to dump you without actually attempting murder

Yes, especially tricky when the goal was to get the mother of my children to leave AND divorce me with sole custody AND with no money.

Got the last two accomplished legally a full eight months before the first one 8-)

[TommoPhysicist]

Talk about the voice of experience haha!!! Devious, but well worth the effort -- works for me every time. Give her a few reasons to dump you without actually attempting murder

"Darling, I've spent all my money and now we will have to live on what you can earn"

Works every time, no thought required.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

"Darling, I've spent all my money and now we will have to live on what you can earn"

I never bluff something I'm not willing to be called on. In this particular case also would've resulted her taking the kids and sending them off to Yai upcountry, which I also wasn't willing to allow.

Had to actually convince her and the family they were better off with me.

[TommoPhysicist]

Had to actually convince her and the family they were better off with me.

An impossible task, I would think!

[BigJohnnyBKK]

An impossible task, I would think!

Not at all, everyone had the kids' best interest at heart, genuinely good people all.

Their mum does change her mind from time to time, threatens to get a lawyer when she thinks I'm not making enough money, wants them to go to fancier schools etc.

Actually lately she's angling to get me to take them back to the US, offered to go along "just as a nanny" to help out.

Edited November 14, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[rattler]

You have to sit down and talk this out with your girl friend

Fine advice, but even if the cause of her distancing herself has been her realization of or even desire for the coming split, don't expect it to be a calm, rational or productive discussion, unless she's a very very unusual girl for here.

Some people don't mind big emotional drama scenes; personally I'd rather get a root canal without anaesthesia. But that's just me, if you don't mind them by all means feel free to do it gangnam style.

Firstly I might have to comically clarify that I'm not a "farang", I'm an Asian foreigner. And yes, she's young and attractive, and if you'd allow me to mention, so am I. I have had many other options but I chose her, because I saw how poor her family is and how hard she works and sacrifices to support it (I saw that as a good quality and a reflection on her character).

Like I said before, she gives 50% of her salary to her widowed and sickly mother, who is paying the bills for an extended family of aunts and cousins who are mostly freeloaders and drunks. Her dream is to build a small home for her mother and her to stay in, and move away from that old family home her late father built (even the cops come over sometimes because of the stupid crimes those cousins of hers commit).

As for talking to her, I unexpectedly had a chance to do that last night. She was repeatedly replying in a bad way when I was trying to tell her about cleaning up after she's done, so I replied with "Alright, I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I wasn't really that angry, I just wanted to let her know she's really pushing it. I rarely let myself get angry or have fights with people, that's been my nature at home, with friends, and at the workplace.

So I went to bed, and she kept asking me if I'm angry. I told her no I'm not, I just wanted to tell her something and it's so hard to do that sometimes. A few more lines exchanged and she went to shower, slamming the door after her. I just said, "Well suit yourself" to myself, and tried to sleep.

She later got into bed and asked me if I want to talk about anything. So I told her I wasn't so angry, but I do think especially over the past 2 months, she's not been talking to me like she used to. I told her that my mannerism towards her hasn't changed, but hers has.

She said that was just her way of "joking". And yes, she does have a slightly abrasive way of joking with her friends, but the way she does it with me doesn't seem playful at all really. She said over time, she got closer to me and got to know me a lot more like her long time friends so she treats me the same way. She said if I don't like her talking loudly (that's the way she describes it), she'll stop.

I told her that I appreciate her treating me like one of her close friends. But I don't want her to stop the way she's talking completely, because that's what she's comfortable with. I told her that talking "loudly" to me is fine sometimes, but not all the time. I told her that I smile and talk to her nicely or in a normal tone of voice almost all the time, but she doesn't. Again she said she was only joking, and that she'll stop talking like that totally. I told her no, that's not what I want.

All through that conversation in bed, she sounded like she was going to cry. I do believe she doesn't want to let go of this relationship. Does my financial support have most or everything to do with it? I hope not.

freaking hell, book a ticket, pay the bills, exit sharp left dont look back and dont give stuff+ say nowt just get out.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

freaking hell, book a ticket, pay the bills, exit sharp left dont look back and dont give stuff+ say nowt just get out.

He's already received that advice from many and shown he's taken it on board and doesn't seem to have any reason to hurry other than the fact that life is short.

[advancebooking]

Its a big decision to leave the LOS for the noisy traffic and bad food in Jogyakarta. You can always come back...

[Chads]

Its a big decision to leave the LOS for the noisy traffic and bad food in Jogyakarta. You can always come back...

Sorry, I think the traffic is much better in Yogyakarta, all the times I've been there. And I loved the food there.

[jpinx]

Its a big decision to leave the LOS for the noisy traffic and bad food in Jogyakarta. You can always come back...

Sorry, I think the traffic is much better in Yogyakarta, all the times I've been there. And I loved the food there.

One presumes you are now writing this from your room in Yogyakarta ?

[Chads]

Its a big decision to leave the LOS for the noisy traffic and bad food in Jogyakarta. You can always come back...

Sorry, I think the traffic is much better in Yogyakarta, all the times I've been there. And I loved the food there.

One presumes you are now writing this from your room in Yogyakarta ?

Haha, no.

[jpinx]

Its a big decision to leave the LOS for the noisy traffic and bad food in Jogyakarta. You can always come back...

Sorry, I think the traffic is much better in Yogyakarta, all the times I've been there. And I loved the food there.

One presumes you are now writing this from your room in Yogyakarta ?

Haha, no.

I appreciate that you are not a "real" farang and your attitude maybe is more "thai-sympathetic" - but please don't get caught up in this mess any longer than it takes to book the ticket and pack your bags. Your "ex" will be angry for 3 months or so at worst. I pity the first few guys she crosses swords with, but they'll learn a lot too........

[Chads]

I appreciate that you are not a "real" farang and your attitude maybe is more "thai-sympathetic" - but please don't get caught up in this mess any longer than it takes to book the ticket and pack your bags. Your "ex" will be angry for 3 months or so at worst. I pity the first few guys she crosses swords with, but they'll learn a lot too........

dam_n you guys are really scaring me. Seriously it's growing on me.

[jpinx]

I appreciate that you are not a "real" farang and your attitude maybe is more "thai-sympathetic" - but please don't get caught up in this mess any longer than it takes to book the ticket and pack your bags. Your "ex" will be angry for 3 months or so at worst. I pity the first few guys she crosses swords with, but they'll learn a lot too........

dam_n you guys are really scaring me. Seriously it's growing on me.

Don't be scared - be gone

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I know I've been all voice of reason and up to you about this, but if you go back and re-read my very first posts on the topic - my actual opinion on your case hasn't changed one iota.

IMO you should not be more inclined to bail out from the POV of fear, but just because life is too short to continue doing something once you realize better alternatives exist.

[jacktrip]

I appreciate that you are not a "real" farang and your attitude maybe is more "thai-sympathetic" - but please don't get caught up in this mess any longer than it takes to book the ticket and pack your bags. Your "ex" will be angry for 3 months or so at worst. I pity the first few guys she crosses swords with, but they'll learn a lot too........

dam_n you guys are really scaring me. Seriously it's growing on me.

remember, los is full of people running from one thing or another, wives, the irs, themselves, the list goes on. its only natural you get this easy and simple solution for any questions you post on here.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

remember, los is full of people running from one thing or another, wives, the irs, themselves, the list goes on. its only natural you get this easy and simple solution for any questions you post on here.

True enough, but wrt girlfriends you don't actually love, why the heck would anyone advise sticking around once the bloom's off the rose. That's like saying you should keep a meal you're finished with around after it's started to pong on the kitchen counter, when everyone knows it's only going to get worse.

Very few relationships in life are worth the hard work and energy needed to maintain them properly.

[TommoPhysicist]

remember, los is full of people running from one thing or another, wives, the irs, themselves, the list goes on. its only natural you get this easy and simple solution for any questions you post on here.

I find running the perfect solution to almost any problem.

Girlfriends, wives, police, courts, IRS, debt ......... running is the perfect answer, plenty more places left in the world to start over. It works for me!

Edited November 17, 2012 by TommoPhysicist