Reasonable Charges For Stitches? (Caution Scary Picture)

[David48]

Hi there agksmehx ... really great that you have shared this story with us.

Indeed may I ask you to share one more thing?

I'm always interested in the Human Psyche and the emotional and logical reasons that we all do things.

This is your 'ex-gf' and yet you seemed compelled/coerced into paying the bill ... given that she is your 'ex' what is the strong link/attachment that you have?

In no way am I asking to delve into anything uncomfortable to share on a public Forum ... I do, however, remain curious.

OH ... did you actually pay/settle the bill/invoice?

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[agksmehx]

Hi David48,

I'm happy to share since it is a common dilemma.

The key to the puzzle is that one of us is blessed and the other is not. I come from a very supportive family, have a great education, I usually work high paying jobs, and live in a country that offers very good opportunities. She, on the other hand, is vulnerable. She has a family that is her greatest misfortune. She has no college education. She lives in a country that offers relatively fewer opportunities, even to the well-educated. She is also bereft of good advice from people around her who are more likely to prey on her than help her. (I suspect the reason for this scam is at the behest of a boyfriend who will be the ultimate recipient of my money.)

When you think of "helping an ex" you probably envision a symmetric relationship and find it inexplicable why I would support an ex-girlfriend who had similar opportunities as I do. I would find it inexplicable too. But clearly, this is far from symmetric. The fact that she is an "ex" is relevant because when you are in a relationship there is some implicit commitment that you will be there for each other in a dire situation.

However, the question of character is paramount. No matter how vulnerable one is, one always has a choice of being mostly honest, and if somebody isn't, it is not responsible to help them because the same resources could go to somebody more deserving. Therefore, after this particular brazen incident, I have resolved to cut her off. This is the first such incident in two years where a medical emergency has almost certainly been faked.

I paid the bill before I posted my inquiry here, when I was not aware that there was any possibility this was cosmetic surgery, otherwise I would not have paid it.

The summary is that there is a certain commitment that lasts beyond the end of a relationship, even in symmetric situations. When one person is far more vulnerable than the other, the commitment has a greater tolerance for bad behavior. There is a moral hazard on the side of the vulnerable person -- very common in Thailand -- to try to exploit the person who is helping, based on common misperception that the person who is helping has an undeserved amount of wealth which is fair game to shake down, or the person who is helping is doing so out of attachment rather than responsibility, and therefore is also fair game to shake down. In Thailand, many such shake-downs abound, and word gets around among the locals on techniques and legitimacy, and if one is not careful the situation reverses and the helper becomes the exploited one.

This exploitation is what seems to have started happening and to be fair to myself, it is the first such fake medical emergency and I chased it right away, without doing the inhuman thing of "guilty until proven innocent" and not sending the money promptly in the face of an alleged medical emergency. I wouldn't have done that with say 100k baht -- the amount was high enough to chase down the truth post facto, but not so high that I could take a flight down and see for myself.

Hope this helps - don't hesitate to ask if I missed something. The bottomline is that she has been cut off henceforth for attempting to brazenly and significantly exploit me.

Edited November 22, 2012 by agksmehx

[Payboy]

Noble thoughts, OP.

[agksmehx]

Thank you Payboy

[MrRed]

Just another tale of how morally dysfunctional a very high percentage of Thai's are,rob Peter to pay Paul and to hell with it....i believe in karma though even if they don't(of course they tell you they do when making merit)and things happen for a reason.

A good story and a warning that nothing in Thailand can be taken at face value.

[David48]

Noble thoughts, OP.

Agreeing with Payboy and read your reply with the warmth and compassion and spirit with which it was written ...

When you have 30 mins or so to idle your time with ... drop by and meet my Lassie and her family down at the Farm

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[agksmehx]

When you have 30 mins or so to idle your time with ... drop by and meet my Lassie and her family down at the Farm

Thank you David48, I'll hope to do so. The pictures of the farm and family are very nice! Keep up the good work!