Things To Consider Before Taking Your Thai Girl Back Home....

[metisdead]

A troll baiting post which sparked an insuting baiting and bickering session has been removed.

[Horatio Poke]

I've done it, and had the experience that goes with.

My conclusion is that if you take anyone of any nationallity out of their home culture you risk letting the tiger out of its cage - any walk along Sukhumvit will show you that. If she ain't well grounded, forget it. If she is, I wish you good luck, good health, good fortune, and a happy life together.

Someone has been burnt and even registered himself here just to tell us all

I'm pleased that you derived such a good laugh from my experience, but your assumption is wrong. We were blissfully happy together until she died a long, painful and slow death from cancer.

That was my first post on Thaivisa. Thanks for the welcome.

[JAFO]

I wanted to also add outside of making it what it is, a huge amount depends on the women. I know a few that it imploded very fast after arrival and the greencard process done. Some men got baited(not just Thai but Viet, Cambodian, Laotian, etc). Game played well. Got here and then it was over shortly.

This is a HUGE very powerful thread and is much deeper then webcam, friends and acclimation. There could be harsh society pressures and there is a lot to consider. We thought about it for nearly a year before we decided to trek back this way. For me it was easy but I knew there would be challenges.

A few others to mention are the age difference. While in TL it is for the most part ignored however here in a western country you will be stared and scoffed at, name called and even ridiculed if the age gap is large enough. I have witnessed this first hand with others (White/Viet couple). She will not understand this and it could create problems. Western cultures are quite judgmental and have little issue talking about it. If her English is poor she might be called names and pushed around or even taken advantage of. If she is extremely attractive she might be openly approached by other men confusing her and if you are a jealous insecure guy this will create riffs. Wanting to start a family in the western country creates pressure from family back home to see their grand children. We are older and she does not want children and nor do I so we do not have that pressure but it is one that exists.

I think it has to be looked in the big picture before just up and bringing her here. Someone mentioned on and off arguing and most is cultural, I have to agree. Western culture is faster paced, far more consumerism, highly competitive. If your Wife/GF was Bangkok raised or has been in the big city a lot, college educated etc her transition here will be far easier. if she is a farm girl it will be greatly taxed IMHO.

Good luck to all who do it. I have enjoyed it thus far and she has settled right in. It is a nice mix of Thai practical living with an occasional "live it up". She prefers saving money, loves finding deals to buy things "Low Price". She set up getting coupons sent to her Safeway card so she can save even more. She does not like fast food and we eat very healthy. It can work but you have to be be aware of the pitfalls

[Songhua]

Seems like the successful post are from gents with partners who did not sit around all day watching television or playing on the internet. If your girl has no interest in doing something like studying, working, starting a business or getting out of the house then it looks like trouble will happen very, very soon.

How true. I see a lot of the wives clinging to very Thai lifestyles - socialising with only other Thais, having their get togethers three times a week and gambling all their money away. That's fine, it's not for me to ssy or judge although I do sometimes wonder whether their husbands also prefer it this way, whether they don't care or whether they have no say in it.

In our situation, my wife chose her own path and did every one of those things you mention - undertook some study (language and other), got out and about to learn as much as she could take in, worked hard, raised kids and (we) started a business which she, more than I, made very successful.

Every couple of weeks we take the hour's drive down the highway to Brisbane's Chinatown. Every time we are there, the same group of middle-aged Thai women are sitting around gossiping in a shop owned by one of them and which sells/rents thousands of DVD's pirated from Thai soapies - a business that doesn't seem to do all that well but which they appear to cling to anyway. My wife has never shown an ounce of interest in what they're selling (she hates Thai soaps) and once said to me 'why did they come here to do that? They could do it in MBK'. I'm not judging them for living that sort of life - they are obviously content with it and my wife is content with the direction she has steered her life in. My point is simply that everybody's different and we can't really 'blame' someone for the way they choose to lead their life. Sometimes people we put in a box in the belief that they are 'all the same' don't even understand each other.

Very true Songhua.

Thai women come in all shapes and sizes of box and it seems pointless to make sweeping generalisations that encompass all of them.

Nowt wrong with people watching TV shows from their home country when abroad. I do it all the time.

While we think their soaps are of low value, they might also think the same of Benny Hill or Fawlty Towers.

No, nothing wrong with it at all but I bet the Fawlty Towers, Mr Bean and Lord Of The Rings boxed sets will be the very first things my wife packs when we move back to LoS. I don't think she owns a single Thai DVD, CD or even a Thai book. There are many, many Thai's overseas however who couldn't conceive of getting through the day without it, just as some of us, I suppose, couldn't survive without an English newspaper in Thailand.

Although she might pray to the same Buddha, share most of the same beliefs, speak their language (if she has to) and look like them, she still doesn't live the lifestyle many do because she's not 'them' - she's just herself.

What she doesn't understand is, why did they travel to the other end of the earth if improving their life and making something of themselves wasn't at least part of the motivation? To her way of thinking, by changing nothing they've gained nothing, and they may as well have stayed at home and watched the soapies together.

My spin on it - they're humans, not 'Thai wives'. Once they get overseas, give them a little independence, give them a bit of credit and let them be themselves ... it's much more fulfilling for them AND you.

[cuddleypete]

My spin on it - they're humans, not 'Thai wives'. Once they get overseas, give them a little independence, give them a bit of credit and let them be themselves ... it's much more fulfilling for them AND you.

agree

[Mark1971]

I have seen many Thai girls come to our area over the years I have been with my wife.

The first year can be difficult for them if there is too much changing from there previous life in Thailand.

For example.

Previous life in Thailand.

Working in a bar in a major city like Bangkok, always loads of her mates around, plenty of easy money coming her way, every day is a party / excitement, Thai street food never more than 10 steps away, all expenses paid weekends at the beach in Pattaya or Phuket with that weeks new benefactor.

New life.

2 Bedroom council flat in the rough end town, 7 months pregnant, mid winter -3 degrees & sleeting outside, can't drive so has to wait in the cold for the bus to town, husband at work all day, no mates yet as always stuck in the flat, no family, doesn't know where to get Thai food shopping.

It's a wonder 90%+ of the Thai girls who turn up stick around.

Edited November 21, 2012 by Mark1971

[norrona]

I have seen many Thai girls come to our area over the years I have been with my wife.

The first year can be difficult for them if there is too much changing from there previous life in Thailand.

For example.

Previous life in Thailand.

Working in a bar in a major city like Bangkok, always loads of her mates around, plenty of easy money coming her way, every day is a party / excitement, Thai street food never more than 10 steps away, all expenses paid weekends at the beach in Pattaya or Phuket with that weeks new benefactor.

New life.

2 Bedroom council flat in the rough end town, 7 months pregnant, mid winter -3 degrees & sleeting outside, can't drive so has to wait in the cold for the bus to town, husband at work all day, no mates yet as always stuck in the flat, no family, doesn't know where to get Thai food shopping.

It's a wonder 90%+ of the Thai girls who turn up stick around.

as you say 90%+ do stick around, job and or language school plus not living in the middle of nowhere helped for me at first and I thoroughly reccomend it....

other way round if I was placed in her village and left to sit about all day with nothing to do I would not last 3 days...either that or get on the lao khao

[Mark1971]

Things that will help your Thai wife settle in more quickly in your home country, and improve your chances of a successful marriage.

Get her driving lessons & her own car. (This will give her a lot more confidence & independence).

Ask her to register at the local college for ESOL, cooking, maths or whatever takes her fancy.

High speed Internet in your home, so she can Skype her friends, EBAY shopping, Facebook watch Thai Lakorn or do whatever Thai women do on the Internet. (These seem to be the only things my wife uses a computer for).

Bring her to your country in Spring, so she can enjoy 6 months of good weather while she settles in.

Find out where the local Asian / Thai supermarkets are, these are good places for her to meet other Thai women as well as do her shopping.

Buy her the best rice cooker she can find.

If she wants to work let her, but don't push her into until she is settled & relaxed at home.

Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style.

Open a bank account for her & automatically transfer an agreed sum of money to her each week or month, so she can spend it herself.

If she has children from a previous relationship, let her bring them with her if she wants to.

If she is pregnant when she comes, talk to her about getting a 3 - 6 month visa for her mam or sister to live with you & help out with the new baby.

[Mark1971]

I have seen many Thai girls come to our area over the years I have been with my wife.

The first year can be difficult for them if there is too much changing from there previous life in Thailand.

For example.

Previous life in Thailand.

Working in a bar in a major city like Bangkok, always loads of her mates around, plenty of easy money coming her way, every day is a party / excitement, Thai street food never more than 10 steps away, all expenses paid weekends at the beach in Pattaya or Phuket with that weeks new benefactor.

New life.

2 Bedroom council flat in the rough end town, 7 months pregnant, mid winter -3 degrees & sleeting outside, can't drive so has to wait in the cold for the bus to town, husband at work all day, no mates yet as always stuck in the flat, no family, doesn't know where to get Thai food shopping.

It's a wonder 90%+ of the Thai girls who turn up stick around.

as you say 90%+ do stick around, job and or language school plus not living in the middle of nowhere helped for me at first and I thoroughly reccomend it....

other way round if I was placed in her village and left to sit about all day with nothing to do I would not last 3 days...either that or get on the lao khao

Yes 90%+ do stick around.

But only 50% stay with the same man they first came over with.

[MAJIC]

to remember,you are taking a fish from water,from her homeland to something totally unknown,unless she has done a couple of trips on tourist visa,or she has studied abroad,or she had another farang take her overseas before it will be a culture shock.

if your partner,as in my case could never leave the family home without being married it was very difficult for her to adapt.

a ex-hooker who uprooted (no pun) from her local area,she having had many different experiences is maybe far more adaptable than a lady who has never needed or been invited to travel.

many tv posters are well travelled,seen the world,served in the forces,had good jobs,but where is the understanding when people are thrown into situations they are ill prepared for,do farangs expect to much?.

i would never want to travel ill prepared,but many thai ladies do, i think.

Culture shocks for Thai Ladies,in my experience are mostly for the good,that's why most of them know when they are well off,and wouldn't dream of going back to Thailand to continue scratching along to make a living,mostly they go back for holidays.

[The Pundit]

It must be a culture shock for any Thai lady,living here amongst nothing but Ex-Special Forces and Multi-Millionaires who rent a room for 5k per month as they don't want to show off their wealth and want to blend in with the locals,by only eating at 40 baht noodle stalls.To move back to developed Western countries and see real life for what it is!

[SeaVisionBurma]

living here amongst nothing but Ex-Special Forces and Multi-Millionaires who rent a room for 5k per month as they don't want to show off their wealth and want to blend in with the locals,by only eating at 40 baht noodle stalls.

This lame stereotyping is wearing a bit thin.

Got anything original to say?

[David48]

Things that will help your Thai wife settle in more quickly in your home country, and improve your chances of a successful marriage.

Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style.

Some good advice there but ... 'Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style' ...

thank you, but no ...

[farangme]

Things that will help your Thai wife settle in more quickly in your home country, and improve your chances of a successful marriage.

Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style.

Some good advice there but ... 'Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style' ...

thank you, but no ...

Eck!!!

Sent from my PC36100 using Thaivisa Connect App

[krisb]

living here amongst nothing but Ex-Special Forces and Multi-Millionaires who rent a room for 5k per month as they don't want to show off their wealth and want to blend in with the locals,by only eating at 40 baht noodle stalls.

This lame stereotyping is wearing a bit thin.

Got anything original to say?

Thats as original as hes got.

[krisb]

Things that will help your Thai wife settle in more quickly in your home country, and improve your chances of a successful marriage.

Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style.

Some good advice there but ... 'Give her a little project, like redecorating the house in her own style' ...

thank you, but no ...

I like it!

[krisb]

It must be a culture shock for any Thai lady,living here amongst nothing but Ex-Special Forces and Multi-Millionaires who rent a room for 5k per month as they don't want to show off their wealth and want to blend in with the locals,by only eating at 40 baht noodle stalls.To move back to developed Western countries and see real life for what it is!

Real life huh.....your confused.

[Chittychangchang]

It must be a culture shock for any Thai lady,living here amongst nothing but Ex-Special Forces and Multi-Millionaires who rent a room for 5k per month as they don't want to show off their wealth and want to blend in with the locals,by only eating at 40 baht noodle stalls.To move back to developed Western countries and see real life for what it is!

Real life huh.....your confused.

Pundit and his alias try to drag every topic into the gutter, ignore him he's a troll looking for a fight.