Want To Get My Hands On My Neighbours Cock

[RedStain]

Every morning between 4.10 & 4.15 Exactly I am Forcibly woken up by the high pitched siren like call of my neighbours Cock. who ive come to name as " sod off " due to the fact they are my first words spoken when he wakes me up, this Cock and I have come to know each other well over a period of time, During the day this king of the coupe , This purveyor of pain struts his way to my gate, there he stands in all his glory with

his shimmering uniform of red , green and black. He then has the nerve to push his regal head through the railings and look me stright in the eye, and let's rip with a full blast war cry. ive managed to get with in Two feet of him, and can confirm that infact after his resounding war cry he does the equlvante of a human smile

the chicken's smile of I'm the boss around here mate !!. . So " sod off " thinks he's the boss does he well with the help of forum members may be I can knock him down a peg or to. ..Here's my questions... First how the hel_l does " sod off " know when its exactly 4.10 AM its pitch black out side no sun rise or morning light ... ?

Second Does a froum member know a Hallucinogenic substance which I could slip into his food, that would cause him to alter his internal clock, may be back 4 hours , so he would then trumpet his racket at around 8.15 AM, which in my mind is an acceptable time to be woken up. Ive considerd Murder but the repercussions , knowing from spying through my neighbours fence and watching my neighbour with his cock firmly held between his knees , giving the bird a shower and rubdown. would cause problems as its obvious from watching just what's going on between them, that the neighbour has a deep and worring

bond with his bird. I'm not sure how much more I can take from " sod off " before the signs of Alektorophobia set in and I am also forced to partake in a hallucinognic substance to retain my normal sleep patterns.

help please ...... RS

[Tywais]

Ear plugs. Not being a wise arse here but I had that problem before and was my only solution. Ordered some really good ones from abroad, molds like putty so fits the ear perfectly. Our dog managed to kill of a few of them that would be so bold as to stray onto our property but finally the owner got rid of them (maybe too much for them too).

Don't know if this will work but try shining a bright spot light at the coop area so he thinks it's daytime.

Edited February 12, 2006 by tywais

[sierra01]

The subtance you require is called strychnine

[chuchok]

Plastic pellet gun.You can buy them at most markets.Aim for the body evey time it crows.The pelletswon't do it any harm, but they will hurt and will make you feel better.

[Youbloodybeauty]

Ear plugs. Not being a wise arse here but I had that problem before and was my only solution. Ordered some really good ones from abroad, molds like putty so fits the ear perfectly.

Bluetac molds really well too!

YBB

[Beachcomber]

Hi

Be wary of what you do. Some of these cocks are “Boxing Chickens” and very valuable.

I used to use a catapult, as long as no one was looking, but the bird got to know and only increased the game play.

Rat poison in corn form may work.

This is the land of smiles so SMILE

Good Luck.

[Jeff1]

I know exactly how you feel .

Every night I get the same thing , except there are more than one . Only to be compounded by the packs of dogs barking all night . It's like I live in a zoo . The dogs are worse then the rosters I bought a slingshot but did not have the heart to use it . Being sleepy and probally not the best shot I might hit one in the eye and feel bad . So I go to the door and scream SHUT UP ! ...alot , to the point where 2 of the closest neighbours now bring their dogs in at night . Thinking , im sure , farang bah . Load up on small throw pillows ( now I know why they call them that ) and fling them at the chicken every time it opens it's fat yap . I don't know if this will work but it will be fun for you .

But by all means , do keep your hands off of your neighbours cock .

[BKK90210]

If all else failed....

Buy a pretty looking female one and give it to your neighbour as a gift.

This will keep his beloved "Cock" happy and sleeping for hourssssss......

[otherstuff1957]

For the last 2+ years a neighborhood rooster starts sounding off at about 4 or 5am and continues every few minutes until 8 or 9am. When I first moved here, I was really ready to hunt that critter down and have it for dinner! But as time went by my attitude changed. Mainly, I got to be so used to the sound, that I don't really hear it unless I deliberately listen for it. But I've also become somewhat attatched to the bird. He's there, day in and day out, crowing away though all of the bird flu outbreaks and subsequently culling. He's a survivor.

[TBWG]

Every morning between 4.10 & 4.15 Exactly I am Forcibly woken up by the high pitched siren like call of my neighbours Cock. who ive come to name as " sod off "

Hi Redstain

Have you thought of feeding him some corn laced with Lao Kao just before he goes to bed!

Even if it does not work at least you have the satisfaction of knowing he has a stinking hangover!!

TBWG

[MyNameIsFarang]

Spray the rooster thoroughly with a garden hose every time he sounds off.

But be sure no one sees you or you'll gain a reputation as a cock-soaker.

[daleyboy]

Are paintball guns legal in Thailand? If they are you have your solution.

[libya 115]

When you stay in Thailand for several years some sixth senses come into operation, one of these is coping with noise. Noise is everywhere in every conceivable form. From the cocks 4am call to the bong-bong-bong of a mortar and pestle at 1am from a late night snack. Motorbikes, barking dogs, booming wat bells, family arguments, TV sets, advertising cars etc.

After a while you become immune. I have never used earplugs so just give your brain time to adjust. Now I sleep through anything, which is probably dangerous because no sound wakes me up.

Look at the Thais they sleep anywhere, anytime and never complain of the noise. It is because they have been programmed from an early age.

[phibunmike]

1. Abduct said rooster.

2. Fly with it to India.

3. Exchange with a local cock of similar appearance.

4. Return replacement cock.

5. Jet-lagged rooster will crow at 8.10.

[skippybangkok]

mega lol

[zzap]

Ahh, this topic is not what I suspected from the title!

[penzman]

If you're going to do anything, just don't get caught or let anyone see you, who knows what kind of revenge will come your way...

We had a roosters waking me up most days but one of the soi dogs eventually killed them all one by one when they got cocky enough to fly over their fences.

[coldcrush]

1) Preheat the oven 220c

2) Get a sharp knife

3) Clamber the fence to the neighbours yard

4) Slit the little shits throat

5) Go back home

7) Slow cook for 3 hours

8) Serve it up to your loved ones

9) Grin and say "sod off" at the end of the meal

10) wipe ones lips and have a nice power nap

[Mighty Mouse]

This proud rooster has just rooted all the hens in shed and is boasting to all the other roosters in the area.

Is it any different to what we men do in the bars?

[FlyingDutchman]

Order a freshly died chicken from a farm in Thailand, Cambodja, Vietnam, China, Indonesia, Turkey, Roemenia, Sweden, Greece, Great-Brittan, Nigeria or Kroatia; put on a mask before you receive it. Throw it over the fence and hope it's got H5N1 ... If so. Sure this will do the job and the neighbour propably will never be allowed, if he survives, to farm chickens/roosters again .

[spog]

Buy a frozen chicken from Big C.

Nail it to the fence, in view of the rooster.

Pin a big sign on it: 'You're Next'

Edited February 13, 2006 by spog

[kurgen]

Buy your neighbour a cat.

It may not solve the problem but "I want to get my hands on my neighbours pussy" sounds much better

[Simbo]

Ahh, this topic is not what I suspected from the title!

Yes, A bit of a let down really. I thought something juicy was coming up.

[Backpack_thailand]

The subtance you require is called strychnine

or lead!!!

[daleyboy]

This proud rooster has just rooted all the hens in shed and is boasting to all the other roosters in the area.

If this is the case then you could always just cut his nuts off. Problem solved

[Rj 81]

Theres too any innuendo's going on here for me. Great thread title

Why don't you go round to yours neighbours and tell him to put his cock away or you'll cut it's head off or something

Sorry

[Mighty Mouse]

This proud rooster has just rooted all the hens in shed and is boasting to all the other roosters in the area.

If this is the case then you could always just cut his nuts off. Problem solved

Nope. Problem not solved. This horny rooster performs cunningless too.

[daleyboy]

This proud rooster has just rooted all the hens in shed and is boasting to all the other roosters in the area.

If this is the case then you could always just cut his nuts off. Problem solved

Nope. Problem not solved. This horny rooster performs cunningless too.

In which case, cut its <deleted> tongue out, problem solved, he gets his oates and you dont have to listen to him go on about it.

[britmaveric]

Uh this title is plain disturbing!!!

[Rj 81]

Uh this title is plain disturbing!!!

Depends, if you was the neighbour and the OP was Jennifer Elison for example, wouldn't be so bad would it?

Edited February 13, 2006 by Rj 81