10 Commandments

[BKK90210]

A column in Bangkok Post-2001, the English newspaper published in Thailand. It may be old… but still humorous

The reader of this column sent this statement to the writer.

It’s called “The Bar Girl’s Ten Commandments”. Let’s have a look.

1. Late week, specially Friday and Saturday, many locally employed walking ATM machine will come to your bar. Choose carefully! Some have money, but others do not! If he is wearing a suit and tie, check that the tie is not a Pratunam special and check that he isn’t wearing tennis shoes.

If either of these are in the affirmative, forget him because he is likely an English teacher, and they will give you peanuts-that is if they give you anything at all.

2. No matter how fat and ugly he is, no matter how bad he may smell, no matter how drunk he is, make sure you always tell him how handsome he is. Sit close to him and run your hands over his body, arousing him.

As soon as he has paid the bar fine, you can stand clear of him. Even if he knows that you despise his ugly butt, he’ll still pay you. The hard part is getting him to pay the bar, and as soon as you have done that, the rest is easy.

3. Start collecting email addresses from all of your customers. And once you have a good collection of addresses, a visit to your local Internet café is in order. All of those email addresses should be sent an email. Simply change the name on each email and send it off to all of the guys. If you can remember something specific about them, mention that in the email too.

This walking ATMs all have a soft heart, so you need to tell them a story to get them to send you some of their riches. Start with a sick buffalo and if he doesn’t reply, next tell him that your mother is sick. As the last resort, if he still doesn’t send any money, tell him you are pregnant and the baby is his!

4. Practice crying on cue, it is essential that you can produce tears immediately. This will have the effect to helping the walking ATM machine to see things your way!

5. When you get a customer for an extended period of time, make sure he takes you shopping, with ran tong (gold shop) the best place to visit. Make sure he buys you gold and if he doesn’t, see rule 4!

As soon as he has left Thailand, take the gold back to the shop and sell it straight back to them, thus increasing your pay out.

6. When locally based farang are inside the bars, do not speak in Thai with your friends in the bar but rather use Lao, Khmer or any other dialects that you may know.

It’s bad enough that some of them can speak and even read Thai, but Lao and Khmer should be kept as sacrosanct. Under no circumstances should the farang be taught our regional dialects.

7. Always see him off at the airport. That currency cannot be used in his country, so it is highly likely that he will give you all of his leftover baht as the leaves and say goodbye.

While accompanying him to the airport, prevent him buying going-away gifts for his family and friends in his homeland. Which leaves more for you.

8. See Asian customers. They understand that we like gamble, and they understand that we have lots of unemployed brothers and sisters who need to eat. Therefore, they pay a lot better than the farangs.

9. Remember, when you get paid, you must always ask for taxi money and give him the excuse that taxi drivers cannot give change on the big notes. Don’t let him see the small change in your wallet. If taxi money isn’t forthcoming, see rule 4.

10. If you are no longer making money in Bangkok, move down to Phuket where you will be able to start making money again. Give Phuket a few years, then move on to Pattaya,. Even if you are approaching 50, it is no problem ad the walking ATM machines seem to be blind on Pattaya.

I am sure that this article is written by a Westerner who had a bad experience with a bar girl. I have heard a lot of similar stories and I am confident that many of you have heard about it too. So I wonder why Westerners still fall into that trap again and again. If you are ugly, you should know that a girl is telling you a lie if she says you are very handsome. If you ignore the fact and start to lie to yourself and believe what she says, you can’t blame that girl. I think many of you know it is a trap, but you think you can change those girls, but not all of you will be lucky. Westerners usually think they can fix their girl’s problems by giving them money. A nice girl won’t ask for money and will not take money you offer.

[bkkmadness]

I am sure that this article is written by a Westerner who had a bad experience with a bar girl.

And I'm pretty sure you are sure coz you had the similar experience.

Anyway, if everyones clear on the wisdom given to us today..........

take money = bad girl!

don't take money = good girl!

.............we'll just move on shall we.

[cdnvic]

It's already been posted on this forum at least three times too.

cv