Class Assignment

[alvino]

Class assignment

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women

Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from

the University of Colorado for an actual class

assignment: The professor told his class one day:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the

tandem story. The process is simple.

Each person will pair off with the person sitting to

his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one

of you will write the first paragraph of a short

story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and

send another copy to me. The partner will read the

first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the

story and send it back, also sending another copy to

me. The first person will then add a third paragraph,

and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has

been written each time in order to keep the story

coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside

of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be

written! in the e-mail. The

story is over when both agree a conclusion has been

reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his

English students: Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she

wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite

for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much

of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all

costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was

suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her

asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out

of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the

attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more

important things to think about than the neuroses of

an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom

he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.

Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his

transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established.

No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could

sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere

and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The

jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his

seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but

not before he felt one last pang of regret for

psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had

feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its

pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of

Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing

War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper

one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and

bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her

youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and

carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to

distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all

the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose

one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered

wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds

to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the

Anu'udrian mother ship launched the first of its

lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks

who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty

through the congress had left Earth a defenseless

target for the hostile alien empires who were

determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours

after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships

were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to

pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,

they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The

lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere

unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile

submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the

coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive

explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of

literature. My writing partner is a violent,

chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered

tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the

literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I have

chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of

F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air

headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele

novels!"

(Rebecca)

As*h@le.

(Gary)

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

<deleted> YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.