Do U Fear?

[PeaceBlondie]

I think it was Billy Joel who said that we are told that we cannot sleep with so-and-so, "but sooner or later, we all sleep alone." I think that means that even when we're cuddling in bed with a lover, in another sense we're still sleeping alone. I can take it or leave it, although it's comforting to have that warm body next to me, so long as they're not hogging all of the bedcovers.

Again, you needn't be lonely just because you're by yourself.

[Jeff1]

I used to be lonely , until I learned about living alone .

Keep pushing on .. REO...

It used to scare the $hit out of me being alone .

Then I realised that im alone in a crowd .

Your not missing much kido . Don't worry about it . It will happen when it happens .

[chanchao]

> i dont want that .. i fear

> even i know my family love me

> but ..i dont wanna be single till i die

Oh dear... Just reached your 25th birthday? The age where Thai-women's-mid-life-crisis hits.

"And when not married by the time you're 30, obviously something is wrong" and all that crap.

...ur best years are coming right up... enjoy them.

Oh yes, and men LOVE educated women... they tend to bring in more money.

Anyway, consider yourself e-hugged. (again)

[kayo]

E hug right back mate....

[quadricorrelator]

Even married people have a 50% chance of dying alone. there isn't anything we can do about that. But, we can at least try to find someone to live our lives with.

My current thinking is this: For most people, their ability to find a happy relationship is limited by their fears not by their looks, personality, etc.. I think that most people are attractive enough, charming enough, and have reasonable enough expectations that they can find someone. But, I think it is our fears, insufficient psychological development (and maturity), as well as other psychological limitations that stop us from sustaining a happy relationship.

Even when people think they have found the right partner, they still fail the great majority of the time. Marriages fail 50% of the time. Of the ones that don't end in divorce, I imagine that 50% of those are unhappy. Of the remaining 25%, I would guess that 50% of those have happiness less than when the individuals were single. This means that relationships increase happiness over the single life about one in eight or 12.5% of the time. In the absence of all other information, your odds of increasing your happiness by finding a partner are 12.5%.

Happiness is not the only criteria for measuring relationship success. But, if you do measure relationship success using happiness as a criteria, then, in the absence of all other information, the odds are not good (of increasing happiness over your happiness when you are single).

Being alone means that we have to suffer the pain of loneliness. This has to be weighed against the pain of relationship difficulties (and the benefits of both have to be weighed as well).

In the end, you can't know which way is best because you can only live your life once.

Am I afraid? Yes. But, I am also resigned to this likely fate. Lowered expectations reduce the chances of success, but also make failure easier to accept.

[paulfr]

Couple of points .....

Just because 50% of marriages fail does not mean 50% of people who choose marraige are unhappy. Many are happy for 8 years, then fall out of love and divorce 2 yrs later. Not a bad percentage of happy years for a 'failure'.

And happiness and contentment are two different things IMO. The first depends mostly on the personality of the individual; optimistic, positive, pro-active rather than a fatalist, temperance of desires, courage with one's fears. All these things are independent of your partner or lack of one.

I have read and tend to believe .... that a man who grows old single dies much sooner than a man with a loving partner. It is also said that for a woman this is NOT so. She can be alone and quite content.

What I fear most is spending my final months or years surrounded by bureaucratic, unconcerned strangers in a nursing home. That to me seems the ultimate indignity at a time when one is at his/her weakest moment(s) in life.