Your Bike Is My Bike, What Would You Have Done?

[pattayadingo]

Reading some of the above posts about tools and bikes etc....

This household currently has a beef going on at the minute over a motorbike.

Honda Wave about 6 months old belonging to my g/f. The m/c in question is up in Issan. There is a cousin who is a layabout. Her past boyfriends have ditched her because she is lazy and sullen. Very few people outside the family want to know or help her. None will now lend her money. She used to take the g/f's parents m/c without asking and it usually came back with little or no petrol in it or cleaned.

When this cousin stays in Issan she consistently stirs trouble for my g/f. She refuses to hold down a job of work for more than a couple of months at a time. This gives you some basic idea of what the cousin is like.

To the m/c in question. It is at my g/f's mothers house. It is her pride and joy too. Hardly any miles on the clock.

The g/f understands that the cousin is now back in Issan again after giving up on her last job. Every day she turns up at the house asking for the spare key for the Wave. When she does not get it she cries and has tantrums.

The g/f's mother says she has to give the cousin the key as she is family and they have no transport, even though my g/f asks them not to do so. The m/c is not treated with respect. Often has 3 up people on it. Never cleaned.

There is no insurance on the m/c either so any accident could be down to the bike belonging to my g/f. Certainly the cousin and her family have no money to pay for any repairs.

Any Thai who has had to scrimp and save to get a brand new m/c would understand how the g/f feels and especially as this cousin is also a troublemaker.

Repeated phone pleas to mother & father this last 10 days or so not to let the cousin have / use the bike have all been met with the similar replies that the cousin and her family are poor, she cries when told she cannot borrow the bike. Cousins mother applies pressure too.

The upshot is that the g/f is now making a trip all the way to Issan to get the spare key and bring it back here. She is going to stay 2 days on the pretext of some music weekend and of seeing her parents. All this to stop the cousin abusing the bike.

It seems even Thai families can really fall out over stuff like this. respect for others property is obviously not always the norm.

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

install a hidden kill switch

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-prevent-thefts-steal-your-motorcycle-for-le/

when it will not start for them then shrug your shoulders.

problem solved

[britgent]

Reading this thread has filled my mind with many past experiences to do with family etc. I don't want to go into specific incidents, yet I share a similar position to the OP. My first impressions, on meeting our 2 lads 17 years ago, remain firmly imprinted in my memory. The elder, nice character, very eager to please and consequently easily manipulated. He completes high school. The younger, smarter, less outgoing, independent and in consequence a bit of a handful. He left school with a year to go. They have both had bikes as gifts from us. Both bikes are gone. Forward to the present. The elder, his wife and daughter live with us, collectively they own nothing, he is constantly getting fooled by others due to his desire to be the nice guy. The younger and his wife have moved on, learned a trade, have their own bike, hi if, tv etc, they make good money for Thailand and look after their hard earned possessions, though, we suspect that the bulk of their money is sent to her parents as they now have a car but no visible income. This is fine, his wife cannot have kids, she is an only child and the family have land etc. I'm not unhappy that the elder is with us, he is a good loving father and he does work around the place, I'd much rather they remain a strong family unit, unlike the majority of cases were the parents leave the village to seek crap jobs and grandma looks after the children, for a fee mind, with resulting parental disconnect, where mum and dad feel guilt and over indulge the kids to the detriment of the grandmas ability to control.

Coming to Thailand, we foreigners have a responsibility not to interfere with the status quo. If you over indulge you are seen as a benchmark, we need to set the example, that though by comparison wealthy, that wealth had to be earned. I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are. The key is not in helping them, but teaching and showing them how to help themselves, and if they are not my immediate family and show no interest in helping themselves they can get lost.

I can cite many examples of foreigners buggering up their lives, and those close to them, by the desire to show off how 'big' a man they are

I could cite many examples of farangs having their lives buggered up by those closest to them, their wife, and her desire to act the mia farang, curry favour, gain face and try to buy status in the village.

Often the poor sap has no idea whats going on around him.

I have stated before about not getting involved witha woman with kids, another example of what not to get involved with is a woman who has a sister/family member married to a farang.

He has set the benchmark,can you compete, are you a Cheap Charlie, black heart etc etc, why you no love me same same him.

I have to say I agree with to a considerable extent. Though you need to be in the situation first, and, then adapt. I was the first foreigner in the village. We came a couple of times a year, made good the family home etc. Then lo and behold, the other village ladies want a piece of this amazing foreigner action (not me btw) and the talk was I'm going to get a richer one and so on. Competitive one up womanship. One women went and got a a foreigner who "is so rich, you can't even look at him", while she was still married. She now knows he's just as much a fraud as she is and I hope they are happy together. To some extent my involvement with a poor Thai family is somewhat responsible for this attitude and the subsequent foreigner arrivals have made the situation even more acute. Those we call friends are married to ladies of their own general age, have taken their wives to live in their home country to see first hand the reality of life in a 'rich' country, their wives speak the husbands language fluently, they work and gain some independence. Those we avoid are with ladies half their age, think they can move to thailand without the wife seeing his culture, he wants and expects a bed partner, cook and nursemaid, she's only with him for the money, add a language barrier that frustrates the relationship further, what is left is a complete sham. Oh yeah, for all you guys, learn some Thai, know when your the subject of conversation, because some of the stuff my wife tells me about these men and their women is often beyond belief.

Please do go on!

[muythai2013]

might be their way of thinking, at least until its time to help pay for gas, then its not their bike.

[robblok]

Reading some of the above posts about tools and bikes etc....

This household currently has a beef going on at the minute over a motorbike.

Honda Wave about 6 months old belonging to my g/f. The m/c in question is up in Issan. There is a cousin who is a layabout. Her past boyfriends have ditched her because she is lazy and sullen. Very few people outside the family want to know or help her. None will now lend her money. She used to take the g/f's parents m/c without asking and it usually came back with little or no petrol in it or cleaned.

When this cousin stays in Issan she consistently stirs trouble for my g/f. She refuses to hold down a job of work for more than a couple of months at a time. This gives you some basic idea of what the cousin is like.

To the m/c in question. It is at my g/f's mothers house. It is her pride and joy too. Hardly any miles on the clock.

The g/f understands that the cousin is now back in Issan again after giving up on her last job. Every day she turns up at the house asking for the spare key for the Wave. When she does not get it she cries and has tantrums.

The g/f's mother says she has to give the cousin the key as she is family and they have no transport, even though my g/f asks them not to do so. The m/c is not treated with respect. Often has 3 up people on it. Never cleaned.

There is no insurance on the m/c either so any accident could be down to the bike belonging to my g/f. Certainly the cousin and her family have no money to pay for any repairs.

Any Thai who has had to scrimp and save to get a brand new m/c would understand how the g/f feels and especially as this cousin is also a troublemaker.

Repeated phone pleas to mother & father this last 10 days or so not to let the cousin have / use the bike have all been met with the similar replies that the cousin and her family are poor, she cries when told she cannot borrow the bike. Cousins mother applies pressure too.

The upshot is that the g/f is now making a trip all the way to Issan to get the spare key and bring it back here. She is going to stay 2 days on the pretext of some music weekend and of seeing her parents. All this to stop the cousin abusing the bike.

It seems even Thai families can really fall out over stuff like this. respect for others property is obviously not always the norm.

Stupid question, why is the bike not where she lives now ?

I got asked to loan my bike to the sister and bf of my wife. Wife advised me against it not all Thais are the same there are plenty who can stand up to pressure and look at the reality of stuff.

Just find one that suits you and don't fall for the its their culture. They wanted to have a farang b/f if they wanted a Thai relation they should have gotten a Thai bf. Same of course goes for the guys if you wanted everything the western way you should have gotten a Western gf / wife.

Both have to set limits and give and take a bit, its not the farang that has to colaps totally and turn Thai, of course unless she got you by the balls because you were stupid enough to let that happen financially or whatever.

Edited March 24, 2013 by robblok

[Almera]

The nature of the Thai, abuse someone's goodwill, give an inch take a mile.

Then when the goodwill ends due to the Thai taking advantage of them and damaging their property or whatever, the goodwiller is the bad guy and to be treated with scorn.

I thankfully have very little to do with Thai people, just observing them is good enough.

Anyway, to the OP, they are Thais, Thailand is for the Thais, you do nothing but watch them, no need for you to interfere.

[Morakot]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

But they are NOT part of the family, he is upset about his FRIENDS riding it, they are not his or his son's family, so it is WRONG!

They call each other Pee/Nong (i.e. older/ younger SIBLING), must be family than.

Edited March 24, 2013 by Morakot

[FunFon]

But they are NOT part of the family, he is upset about his FRIENDS riding it, they are not his or his son's family, so it is WRONG!

They call each other Pee/Nong (i.e. older/ younger SIBLING), must be family than.

-

If you're just joking and I don't get it I apologize, but pee/nong is not restricted to family.

And even wrt to the idea of "family", it's much more flexible here, especially in a rural village setting, the idea of "closeness" of family members has more to do with how the relationship has developed rather than shared mother/father.

I'm sure most of us here have been confused to discover that many of the people referred to as my sister/brother end up being cousins or even no blood relation at all once you figure things out, many farang assume they've been deceived, when it's just a different cultural idea, more flexible definition of the terms.

And this includes the obligation to share with others, much less strict definition of "personal property". There are many cultures worldwide where it's considered selfish, if not very strange to claim possession of something to the point where you feel you have the right to withhold its use from others.

Of course most of such cultures have long been wiped out by the one that's pretty much taken over the whole planet.

But don't try to claim that's the only "right" way to view "ownership" or the way it should be. But pretty natural to take that stance when you're the one who's got more than everyone else living around you I suppose. . .

[pattayadingo]

Reading some of the above posts about tools and bikes etc....

This household currently has a beef going on at the minute over a motorbike.

Honda Wave about 6 months old belonging to my g/f. The m/c in question is up in Issan. There is a cousin who is a layabout. Her past boyfriends have ditched her because she is lazy and sullen. Very few people outside the family want to know or help her. None will now lend her money. She used to take the g/f's parents m/c without asking and it usually came back with little or no petrol in it or cleaned.

When this cousin stays in Issan she consistently stirs trouble for my g/f. She refuses to hold down a job of work for more than a couple of months at a time. This gives you some basic idea of what the cousin is like.

To the m/c in question. It is at my g/f's mothers house. It is her pride and joy too. Hardly any miles on the clock.

The g/f understands that the cousin is now back in Issan again after giving up on her last job. Every day she turns up at the house asking for the spare key for the Wave. When she does not get it she cries and has tantrums.

The g/f's mother says she has to give the cousin the key as she is family and they have no transport, even though my g/f asks them not to do so. The m/c is not treated with respect. Often has 3 up people on it. Never cleaned.

There is no insurance on the m/c either so any accident could be down to the bike belonging to my g/f. Certainly the cousin and her family have no money to pay for any repairs.

Any Thai who has had to scrimp and save to get a brand new m/c would understand how the g/f feels and especially as this cousin is also a troublemaker.

Repeated phone pleas to mother & father this last 10 days or so not to let the cousin have / use the bike have all been met with the similar replies that the cousin and her family are poor, she cries when told she cannot borrow the bike. Cousins mother applies pressure too.

The upshot is that the g/f is now making a trip all the way to Issan to get the spare key and bring it back here. She is going to stay 2 days on the pretext of some music weekend and of seeing her parents. All this to stop the cousin abusing the bike.

It seems even Thai families can really fall out over stuff like this. respect for others property is obviously not always the norm.

Stupid question, why is the bike not where she lives now ?

I got asked to loan my bike to the sister and bf of my wife. Wife advised me against it not all Thais are the same there are plenty who can stand up to pressure and look at the reality of stuff.

Just find one that suits you and don't fall for the its their culture. They wanted to have a farang b/f if they wanted a Thai relation they should have gotten a Thai bf. Same of course goes for the guys if you wanted everything the western way you should have gotten a Western gf / wife.

Both have to set limits and give and take a bit, its not the farang that has to colaps totally and turn Thai, of course unless she got you by the balls because you were stupid enough to let that happen financially or whatever.

She bought it while she was up there and before we got living together. Here, we (I) have the Fino and a car so no need really for another vehicle.

It really is down to this one cousin that the problems are about because she really is a lazy person and cares little for other peoples property. And now she is back home she feels she can get away with anything. The phrase 'Spoilt Brat' springs to mind in her case.

There are other old m/c available but this one is new and the cousin likes to show off or whatever on it. But not for long. The spare key will be taken away soon

I do see that many rural families are happy and willing to share and I do not see that as a bad thing. What I - personally - do not like and never have, are the people (Thai or not) who borrow things and do not take care of them, be it a drill, tools, m/c or whatever.

Maybe someone should put their foot down in this particular instance but my g/f mother is too soft hearted and no one will go against her wishes. At least the g/f is hard hearted enough to put her foot down over what she sees as abuse of her m/c.

Good on your wife for telling it as she sees it too over the loan of the bike

Yes maybe there should be more people like that, where they know the borrowers will not take care of the property.

[Bluenose BKK]

Falang ATM buy bike,good for whole village,mai bpen rai!
If motorbike break,stupid Kwai buy new one,som nom na!

[billd766]

My wifes nephew is now living with us as his grandfather and father couldn't cope with him in BKK.

He kept skipping school and staying out late and was sent to us where it was explained that "lung" Bill was the last resort and that it might be a good idea to keep on my good side.

He now has a job up in Mae Wong national park and he seems to listen to his aunt (my wife). We let him use our scooter and initially paid for the gas until his salary came through and now he pays for the gas. Sometimes he forget and tops the tank from the 10 litre can we use for the weed whacker etc but I have hidden that now.

He was on the computer indoors a couple of weeks ago and our scooter puuuuulls up and is parked by his mate. Whilst I didn't get too mad I made my point and it hasn't happened again as I told him if it did he would have to get a lift or walk the 17 km to work. What really pissed me off was his mate came to the house on his own bike which I assmed was out of gas.

Lung Bill Rules OK and if you don't like my rules then find somebody who gives a **** and tell them cos it sure as hell ain't me.

[FunFon]

Lung Bill Rules OK and if you don't like my rules then find somebody who gives a **** and tell them cos it sure as hell ain't me.

-

Yes a firm hand is definitely necessary, gotta be willing to be the bad guy sometimes.

Most importantly with the better half of course, once you hand over the pants there most of the time it's all over.

[Bluetongue]

Well, I have observed no problems regarding the motorbike since the incident described in the OP. Just to make it clear the kid seen riding the bike was not one of the "village extended family of cousins and that ilk" it was a kid I had never seen before, and I've been here years. I am not naive enough to believe the problem has gone away, it will be buried deeper, ie he wont let other kids ride it where I might see them. The kilometres seem to have tapered off so maybe something got through. Also his brother just had to pay out about 10k to get his engine fixed mainly I suspect as a result of others flogging it,

We are always getting family members crying to MIL etc about how poor they are but in most all cases it makes no difference to me. This is partly because I observe all the behaviour leading up to the big cry, the gambling, cheating, lying and laziness that takes place beforehand is a measure of what likelihood a loan has of being repaid. My SIL has just bought a new motorbike on the never never and already her 14 year old son has claimed it. (She needed it to ride a 10k round trip each day to buy supplies for her restaurant.) It was new yesterday as of 12o'clock today it had 150km on it and was filthy. No I dont want to change how the Thais live and treat property just aint buying a new motorbike until I've received value for this one.

[billd766]

Well, I have observed no problems regarding the motorbike since the incident described in the OP. Just to make it clear the kid seen riding the bike was not one of the "village extended family of cousins and that ilk" it was a kid I had never seen before, and I've been here years. I am not naive enough to believe the problem has gone away, it will be buried deeper, ie he wont let other kids ride it where I might see them. The kilometres seem to have tapered off so maybe something got through. Also his brother just had to pay out about 10k to get his engine fixed mainly I suspect as a result of others flogging it,

We are always getting family members crying to MIL etc about how poor they are but in most all cases it makes no difference to me. This is partly because I observe all the behaviour leading up to the big cry, the gambling, cheating, lying and laziness that takes place beforehand is a measure of what likelihood a loan has of being repaid. My SIL has just bought a new motorbike on the never never and already her 14 year old son has claimed it. (She needed it to ride a 10k round trip each day to buy supplies for her restaurant.) It was new yesterday as of 12o'clock today it had 150km on it and was filthy. No I dont want to change how the Thais live and treat property just aint buying a new motorbike until I've received value for this one.

If it were the son of anyone in my family I would gently take them aside and explain to the child that the bike will indeed be his just as soon as HE gives the SIL the cash deposit, pays for all the repayments from HIS money and PAYS for th gas himself. Until he does that he should get his a** in gear to wash and polish the new bike.

Until that point keep his sticky fingers off it.

Politenes, good manners and keeping my nose out are options in my skill set. You want them, tick the box and pay the bill.

[MAJIC]

Some people sure know how to take the P**s, I left my 9 month old Honda Click,with 6500k on the clock,in my wifes village, with the family,came back to it much much later,to find it had 14000 k on the clock together with several deep scratches,with no insurance or road tax,and petrol in the tank? you gotta be joking,oh forgot to say my crash helmet had diappeared too, <deleted>.

This an official Red Shirt Village,where my wife tells me she is one of the few that doesn't support them,need I say more?

[Ulu Watu]

Well, I have observed no problems regarding the motorbike since the incident described in the OP. Just to make it clear the kid seen riding the bike was not one of the "village extended family of cousins and that ilk" it was a kid I had never seen before, and I've been here years. I am not naive enough to believe the problem has gone away, it will be buried deeper, ie he wont let other kids ride it where I might see them. The kilometres seem to have tapered off so maybe something got through. Also his brother just had to pay out about 10k to get his engine fixed mainly I suspect as a result of others flogging it,

We are always getting family members crying to MIL etc about how poor they are but in most all cases it makes no difference to me. This is partly because I observe all the behaviour leading up to the big cry, the gambling, cheating, lying and laziness that takes place beforehand is a measure of what likelihood a loan has of being repaid. My SIL has just bought a new motorbike on the never never and already her 14 year old son has claimed it. (She needed it to ride a 10k round trip each day to buy supplies for her restaurant.) It was new yesterday as of 12o'clock today it had 150km on it and was filthy. No I dont want to change how the Thais live and treat property just aint buying a new motorbike until I've received value for this one.

If the engine is new it should be run in gently for at least the first 1,000 km.Failure to do so and thrashing it around will result in a sloppy piston/bore fit,giving lower compression ratios.It will also greatly reduce the lifetime of the engine,reduce power output plus increase fuel consumption as well!

[MAJIC]

Put your foot down and demand they respect your wishes, who pays the piper...we do not loan money, bikes, cars but we help with real needs, lifts to doctors and hospitals, transport for work and school.

Why ? A few years ago we loaned a new Airblade to a friends daughter who needed it for getting to work, genuine reason and we were both in the UK for a few months.

It was used to tear around Pattaya, pose on, boyfriends used it and unknown to them, a close family member was in the group who used it. He did not realise it was our bike until we got back.

There were 3000kms on it and it was battered about. Complete contempt for the kindness we showed to a "struggling" girl. If they have not got a cent invested in the machine it will be ridden like they stole it, hell, of course it will.

3000k is that all,see my Post!

[MAJIC]

Put your foot down and demand they respect your wishes, who pays the piper...we do not loan money, bikes, cars but we help with real needs, lifts to doctors and hospitals, transport for work and school.

Why ? A few years ago we loaned a new Airblade to a friends daughter who needed it for getting to work, genuine reason and we were both in the UK for a few months.

It was used to tear around Pattaya, pose on, boyfriends used it and unknown to them, a close family member was in the group who used it. He did not realise it was our bike until we got back.

There were 3000kms on it and it was battered about. Complete contempt for the kindness we showed to a "struggling" girl. If they have not got a cent invested in the machine it will be ridden like they stole it, hell, of course it will.

3000k is that all,see my Post 135!

[MAJIC]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

I think if given the opportunity a set of rules is the way to go and they might learn there is penalties if the rules are broken which would help them in life anyway.

The op problem is a difficult one and there no easy answer

I have been here 12 years married 8 of them and I am still trying to get to grips with the Thai family way of life but one thing I have noticed and it drives me crazy that they don't seem to have much respect for your stuff when they come for a occasional visit to our house the kids are just wild we have a two story house a and they are up and down in and out of all the rooms bashing you stereo and furniture whilst the adult are sitting round eating and talking with not a care in the world .

Now I can tell you my wife is not happy about it either but after the mayhem has stopped and they have gone back home and we sit and have a quite ( I don't shout anymore its bad for your health) word her response is `` I know but what can I do they are family`` case closed

Now I understand some of this as we go to village now and again and of course its mayhem there as well in fact its even worse as there is more kids there and the house is always busy but of course everybody sits outside on the concrete patio on mats and and there is always many motorbikes there and yes everybody rides them to the local shop which is about 100m away its a free for all

Best of luck the op.

I live out in a village though fortunate most of my wife's family live in BKK. Having said that my son is 8 and he has friends come around to play on the computers.

The new one is MINE and while my son can use it, NOBODY ELSE is allowed on it and the other 2 are older models that they can all use.

In the house the rules are Daddy's rules.

I use a kitchen timer with a maximum of 1 hour on the computer and then off for at least an hour.

There is NO shouting in the house, if you want to shout go outside.

NO running up and down the stairs.

Before you go home pick up and put away ALL the toys.

Any problems Daddy rules on and my word is final.

If you don't like it tell your parents or anybody who you think might care.

If they come and whine to me the answer is that in MY house we use MY rules and I don't care what you do in your house.

If you don't like it, go home, nobody forced you to come here.

It has worked for me for years fortunately because my wife backs me up.

Your last last sentence is the dead giveaway,if your'e wife did not support you,there would be no chance the kids would listen to your rules,they would just play your wife off against you! and kids are pretty good at that!

[MAJIC]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

Gentlemen, please let me explain something so the about comment is read in perspective.

MissFarmGirl is Thai.

I'm sure she is not trying to change your thinking but more, maybe, understand how Thai people think about some things. Remembering that all Thais don't think the same, they are not the Borg ... or, as she oftens says to me ... Honey, remember, we are all different.

Below, I'll tell a story that relates to the OP and it might put it in a fresh light of understanding.

OH ... if long stories that explain the facts and relationships bore you ... please fast forward to the next comment ...

I've read your stories and found them rather interesting. I've heard of this sort of "communal" living but didn't think it was still happening, much less in Thailand. What I mean is I've heard of stories about something similar happening in an African village years ago. A foreign guy was there doing some sort of research and had a bicycle. Well some villager came out and decided to take the bike for a spin. Startled, the foreign guy screamed to the villager, "Hey, that's my bike!" Several villagers descended on the scene and finally, it was explained to the foreigner: the villager had no concept of ownership. Everything in the village was shared by everyone, so no one really "owns" anything. Hence, the term "my bike" had no meaning to him.

Anyways, related to this thread, I can understand family members sharing stuff, but not random friends and strangers. But if that's what the kid is accustomed to, might take some explaining and hands-on "training." No need to be a blowhard about it, though. Just explain that the world ain't like what John Lennon envisioned--there is such thing as personal "possessions."

The "Haves" understand the concept of ownership,because they are the ones that struggled and worked hard to aquire a possession. So it's just a convenience for the lazy to not understand,and prevaricate on joint ownership,a virtual scroungers,lazymans,charter,don't bother to get your own stuff around you and look after yourself,just help yourself to another persons,the BS of Culture to suit themselves!

[MAJIC]

Reading some of the above posts about tools and bikes etc....

This household currently has a beef going on at the minute over a motorbike.

Honda Wave about 6 months old belonging to my g/f. The m/c in question is up in Issan. There is a cousin who is a layabout. Her past boyfriends have ditched her because she is lazy and sullen. Very few people outside the family want to know or help her. None will now lend her money. She used to take the g/f's parents m/c without asking and it usually came back with little or no petrol in it or cleaned.

When this cousin stays in Issan she consistently stirs trouble for my g/f. She refuses to hold down a job of work for more than a couple of months at a time. This gives you some basic idea of what the cousin is like.

To the m/c in question. It is at my g/f's mothers house. It is her pride and joy too. Hardly any miles on the clock.

The g/f understands that the cousin is now back in Issan again after giving up on her last job. Every day she turns up at the house asking for the spare key for the Wave. When she does not get it she cries and has tantrums.

The g/f's mother says she has to give the cousin the key as she is family and they have no transport, even though my g/f asks them not to do so. The m/c is not treated with respect. Often has 3 up people on it. Never cleaned.

There is no insurance on the m/c either so any accident could be down to the bike belonging to my g/f. Certainly the cousin and her family have no money to pay for any repairs.

Any Thai who has had to scrimp and save to get a brand new m/c would understand how the g/f feels and especially as this cousin is also a troublemaker.

Repeated phone pleas to mother & father this last 10 days or so not to let the cousin have / use the bike have all been met with the similar replies that the cousin and her family are poor, she cries when told she cannot borrow the bike. Cousins mother applies pressure too.

The upshot is that the g/f is now making a trip all the way to Issan to get the spare key and bring it back here. She is going to stay 2 days on the pretext of some music weekend and of seeing her parents. All this to stop the cousin abusing the bike.

It seems even Thai families can really fall out over stuff like this. respect for others property is obviously not always the norm.

Stupid question, why is the bike not where she lives now ?

I got asked to loan my bike to the sister and bf of my wife. Wife advised me against it not all Thais are the same there are plenty who can stand up to pressure and look at the reality of stuff.

Just find one that suits you and don't fall for the its their culture. They wanted to have a farang b/f if they wanted a Thai relation they should have gotten a Thai bf. Same of course goes for the guys if you wanted everything the western way you should have gotten a Western gf / wife.

Both have to set limits and give and take a bit, its not the farang that has to colaps totally and turn Thai, of course unless she got you by the balls because you were stupid enough to let that happen financially or whatever.

She bought it while she was up there and before we got living together. Here, we (I) have the Fino and a car so no need really for another vehicle.

It really is down to this one cousin that the problems are about because she really is a lazy person and cares little for other peoples property. And now she is back home she feels she can get away with anything. The phrase 'Spoilt Brat' springs to mind in her case.

There are other old m/c available but this one is new and the cousin likes to show off or whatever on it. But not for long. The spare key will be taken away soon

I do see that many rural families are happy and willing to share and I do not see that as a bad thing. What I - personally - do not like and never have, are the people (Thai or not) who borrow things and do not take care of them, be it a drill, tools, m/c or whatever.

Maybe someone should put their foot down in this particular instance but my g/f mother is too soft hearted and no one will go against her wishes. At least the g/f is hard hearted enough to put her foot down over what she sees as abuse of her m/c.

Good on your wife for telling it as she sees it too over the loan of the bike

Yes maybe there should be more people like that, where they know the borrowers will not take care of the property.

This is the Town Bike Mentality (no not that one) everybody uses the one bike until something goes wrong with it,and then everyone walks,until some mug uses their money and time to fix it. And then guess what?........it becomes the The Town Bike again.

[MAJIC]

Well, I have observed no problems regarding the motorbike since the incident described in the OP. Just to make it clear the kid seen riding the bike was not one of the "village extended family of cousins and that ilk" it was a kid I had never seen before, and I've been here years. I am not naive enough to believe the problem has gone away, it will be buried deeper, ie he wont let other kids ride it where I might see them. The kilometres seem to have tapered off so maybe something got through. Also his brother just had to pay out about 10k to get his engine fixed mainly I suspect as a result of others flogging it,

We are always getting family members crying to MIL etc about how poor they are but in most all cases it makes no difference to me. This is partly because I observe all the behaviour leading up to the big cry, the gambling, cheating, lying and laziness that takes place beforehand is a measure of what likelihood a loan has of being repaid. My SIL has just bought a new motorbike on the never never and already her 14 year old son has claimed it. (She needed it to ride a 10k round trip each day to buy supplies for her restaurant.) It was new yesterday as of 12o'clock today it had 150km on it and was filthy. No I dont want to change how the Thais live and treat property just aint buying a new motorbike until I've received value for this one.

If the engine is new it should be run in gently for at least the first 1,000 km.Failure to do so and thrashing it around will result in a sloppy piston/bore fit,giving lower compression ratios.It will also greatly reduce the lifetime of the engine,reduce power output plus increase fuel consumption as well!

Isn't running in, a thing of the Past? that's not to say i'm advocating thrashing the bike from day 1?

[maxme]

Well, I have observed no problems regarding the motorbike since the incident described in the OP. Just to make it clear the kid seen riding the bike was not one of the "village extended family of cousins and that ilk" it was a kid I had never seen before, and I've been here years. I am not naive enough to believe the problem has gone away, it will be buried deeper, ie he wont let other kids ride it where I might see them. The kilometres seem to have tapered off so maybe something got through. Also his brother just had to pay out about 10k to get his engine fixed mainly I suspect as a result of others flogging it,

We are always getting family members crying to MIL etc about how poor they are but in most all cases it makes no difference to me. This is partly because I observe all the behaviour leading up to the big cry, the gambling, cheating, lying and laziness that takes place beforehand is a measure of what likelihood a loan has of being repaid. My SIL has just bought a new motorbike on the never never and already her 14 year old son has claimed it. (She needed it to ride a 10k round trip each day to buy supplies for her restaurant.) It was new yesterday as of 12o'clock today it had 150km on it and was filthy. No I dont want to change how the Thais live and treat property just aint buying a new motorbike until I've received value for this one.

If the engine is new it should be run in gently for at least the first 1,000 km.Failure to do so and thrashing it around will result in a sloppy piston/bore fit,giving lower compression ratios.It will also greatly reduce the lifetime of the engine,reduce power output plus increase fuel consumption as well!

Wrong post.

Edited April 8, 2013 by maxme

[maxme]

Falang ATM buy bike,good for whole village,mai bpen rai!

If motorbike break,stupid Kwai buy new one,som nom na!

Thank god I don´t live out in the sticks.

[overherebc]

MAJIC,

Running in is still advisable but not as important as it used to. The tolerances used in manufacture nowadays are so fine that there will be no very small bits that have to bed in like they used to have to do. Materials are much more suitable for the job as well. Lubricant technology has also improved .

I can remember when you had sump plugs with magnets to catch all the fine metal particles that wore of during the engines first few hundred miles and when a ford cortina engine needed a re-build at 50,000 miles because everything was worn out no matter how carefully you looked after it.

Edited April 8, 2013 by overherebc

[bostonboy]

Yes I too have the same mentality as you.

Not always appreciated or understood but the family are beginning to understand and accept that I set the rules in my house.

Out of curiosity ... wouldn't the statement above be more like ... "but the my family are beginning to understand and accept that I set the rules in my our house" ... or is the family really a 3rd party in the social arrangement and it truly your house and your family are simply guests in it?

I understand the concept of wishing to be the alpha male and rule the roost ... but I would prefer to be an inclusive father rather then an exclusive one. Just seems to work better in Thailand ... less conflict and all that.

Often here if your not the alpha male your all walked over. It of course depends on the family how they are. In some cases you really have to be tough. I was Mr Nice always, believe me it does not help. Better to set rules and stick by them else your setting yourself up for grief.

David, you have never really lived here for a prolonged period or have you ?. I think those who just visit for a while never really see these problems as they usually come later.

All my wive her friends know that i just walk if they are more then half an hour too late (unless there is a real valid excuse). Now i seldom have to wait anymore for people showing up and canceling appointments. Saves me a lot of grief, maybe not as bad if your on a holiday and have all the time int he world and just sometimes encounter the problem. Same with other stuff, you come here for a bit and leave its just not the same.

Then again different people handle situations different I have learned not to let people walk all over me and use culture as an excuse.

I am 100% the same as you

i think i am extremely nice to my wife's family and friends but they know i don't put up with any shit

she said to me once "my family fear you"

and i don't think she meant it in a bad way

they see all these other farangs get walked over by girls in the village and they just know it won't fly with me

in turn, my wife has grown a much bigger back bone also from living outside of Thailand

[billd766]

I agree it isa matter of putting your foot down.

My 15 year old neice (who lives with us) needs a motorbike to go to the new school 25kms away at the start of the new school year. So yesterday we bought a new honda, in my wife's name (as no Thai I believe can own a vehicle until 21or 25 years old).

First though I set out the rules.

1. She has to go and get her licence.

2. If she goes outside the village she must always wear a hemut.

3. Nobody but direct family can use it.

4. It must be left at our house, Not other family's houses when she is not using it.

5. It is her responsibility to keep it clean.

Then she was told that breaking of any of the first 4 rules will mean no motorbike, other than for going to and returning from school, for a month. Second offence 2 months.

Now I await the outcome. hopefully what I have said will get through.

I think it will, because she came home last week saying a friend of hers was very scared to go home as another friend borrowed her motorbike and had an accident, where the bike was seriously damaged and could not be driven home.

I think if given the opportunity a set of rules is the way to go and they might learn there is penalties if the rules are broken which would help them in life anyway.

The op problem is a difficult one and there no easy answer

I have been here 12 years married 8 of them and I am still trying to get to grips with the Thai family way of life but one thing I have noticed and it drives me crazy that they don't seem to have much respect for your stuff when they come for a occasional visit to our house the kids are just wild we have a two story house a and they are up and down in and out of all the rooms bashing you stereo and furniture whilst the adult are sitting round eating and talking with not a care in the world .

Now I can tell you my wife is not happy about it either but after the mayhem has stopped and they have gone back home and we sit and have a quite ( I don't shout anymore its bad for your health) word her response is `` I know but what can I do they are family`` case closed

Now I understand some of this as we go to village now and again and of course its mayhem there as well in fact its even worse as there is more kids there and the house is always busy but of course everybody sits outside on the concrete patio on mats and and there is always many motorbikes there and yes everybody rides them to the local shop which is about 100m away its a free for all

Best of luck the op.

I live out in a village though fortunate most of my wife's family live in BKK. Having said that my son is 8 and he has friends come around to play on the computers.

The new one is MINE and while my son can use it, NOBODY ELSE is allowed on it and the other 2 are older models that they can all use.

In the house the rules are Daddy's rules.

I use a kitchen timer with a maximum of 1 hour on the computer and then off for at least an hour.

There is NO shouting in the house, if you want to shout go outside.

NO running up and down the stairs.

Before you go home pick up and put away ALL the toys.

Any problems Daddy rules on and my word is final.

If you don't like it tell your parents or anybody who you think might care.

If they come and whine to me the answer is that in MY house we use MY rules and I don't care what you do in your house.

If you don't like it, go home, nobody forced you to come here.

It has worked for me for years fortunately because my wife backs me up.

Your last last sentence is the dead giveaway,if your'e wife did not support you,there would be no chance the kids would listen to your rules,they would just play your wife off against you! and kids are pretty good at that!

Not so as most of the time my wife is elsewhere when the kids are in the house. SHE is the one that has the problem with the kids and not me.

I don't threaten the kids, just explain what happens if they don't do what I ask them. If they don't they lose the privelege.

My wife's nephew uses our scooter and pays all the running cost for it. One of his jobs around the house is taking the trash down to the gate and last week he didn't want to do it. I explained forcefully that he should otherwise he will be walking the 17km to work and back. On the way down to the house I took the scooter key and put it in my pocket. I have no idea if he or somebody else saw it but 5 minutes later the trash was moved.

[FunFon]

i think i am extremely nice to my wife's family and friends but they know i don't put up with any shit

she said to me once "my family fear you" and i don't think she meant it in a bad way

they see all these other farangs get walked over by girls in the village and they just know it won't fly with me

-

Yes, the concept of respect and fear are IMO even more closely intertwined here than in farang cultures.

Witness the fact that it's impossible to "translate" kreng jai, without getting into a detailed explanation, examples etc.

Thais believe a teacher cannot be effective unless the students fear him/her.

Same with any senior/authority position, and usually the root one from which the rest of our relationships follow here is husband over wife.