Father Murphys Donkey

[Robby nz]

Father Murphy was the village priest in a small Irish
community. It was a poor village and the church was in need of many repairs,
the roof leaked and some of the windows were broken.

There was never enough
money in the collection plate or from anywhere else to even start on the
repairs so Father Murphy was always looking for ways to get the money needed.

One of the parishioners suggested one day that the church
should get a race horse as race horse owners always had a lot of money.

Father Murphy thought this was a good idea so he got what
money he had and went to a horse sale in a neighboring town.

He bought an animal but when he brought it home he was told
that it wasn’t a horse but a donkey. The good Father thought this could be an omen,
after all did not the blessed virgin herself ride into Bethlehem on a donkey?

He prevailed on a race horse trainer to train the donkey to
race, the trainer wasn’t keen but being a good Catholic he couldn’t refuse a
Priest.

As it turned out the donkey could really run and was soon
beating some of the trainer’s best horses so it was decided to enter the donkey
in the first race at an upcoming week long race meeting.

The race committee didn’t want to accept a donkey to race
among the horses but they were also good Catholics and couldn’t refuse the
Priest so the donkey raced in the first race on the first day.

The donkey ran well and came in second with the prize money
being a good start to the church repair fund.

The local newspaper editor who wasn’t Catholic saw an
opportunity and the headline in the paper read

“FATHER MURPHY’S ASS SHOWS”

The Bishop heard about this and called Father Murphy to ask
what was going on, he was told about the donkey racing and how much prize money
it had got. The Bishop said OK but no more bad headlines.

The donkey had already been entered in a race on the second
day and this time it came first, this generated a headline

“FATHER MURMHY’S ASS OUT IN FRONT"

This prompted another call from the Bishop who now wasn’t in
a good mood. ‘But one more win and we will have enough to start repairs on the
church’ said Father Murphy. All right said the Bishop but any more bad stuff in
the papers and that’s the finish.

The next day the donkey raced again and this time came in
third, the headline that day was

“FATHER MURPHY’S ASS BACK IN PLACE”

The Bishop called again in a rage and told Father Murphy to
get rid of that animal, give it away, whatever.

Sister Mary at the local convent loved animals and as there
was a big field behind the convent for the donkey to graze in Father Murphy
gave the donkey to Sister Mary.

The editor who’s paper sales were the best ever wasn’t going
to let a good thing go easily so he came up with the headline

“SISTER MARY HAS BEST ASS IN DISTRICT"

The Bishop called in a terrible temper and told Father
Murphy he wanted the donkey right out of the district sell it or something he
said.

As it happened a horse dealer came past the next day and
offered ten pounds for the donkey so it was sold to him and gone forever.

The editor who knew this was the last chance he would get
came up with the banner headline

“SISTER MARY SELLS ASS FOR TEN POUNDS”

The Bishop died of a heart attack that evening.