CHILDREN at a British childcare centre have been taught to sing "Baa baa rainbow sheep" to avoid causing offence.

In a world gone mad with political correctness, here's some more nursery rhymes which have been given the PC makeover. Perhaps you can suggest some of your own:

I'm a size challenged teapot, small in stature and generous of girth

Here is my non-judgemental holding device and here is my non-pressurised, safety device enabled, fluid releasing orifice

When I feel temperature augmented and in need of external expression

then I exclaim in an elevated decibel, yet non-threatening verbal tone

Adjust my angle and release my non-caffineated, dairy free organic contents.

Sing a song of sixpence, the RSPCA

Freed a flock of birdies before they got flambeed

Prosecute the despot who likes his snacks to tweet

And force him to restrict his fare to humane organic meat

The king was in his counting-house, reviewing the GST

The queen was in the parlour, undermining democracy

The maid was in the garden, protesting IRC reforms

When along came the Sedition Act and asked her to conform.

Baa Baa Pink Sheep have you any spots

yes sir yes sir, lots and lots

one on my back

one on my tummy

and one on my nose and THAT'S NOT FUNNY

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

When the boys came out to play

In fear of a lawsuit, he ran away.

Little miss muffet

sat on her tuffet

eating her curds and whey

along came a spider and sat down beside her

and got hit with a harrassment law suit and a restraining order

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All of the equally valuable members of the community

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

3 visually impaired rodents

3 visually impaired rodents,

see how they run, see how they run

they all ran after the agriculturalist's life partner

who in a non-aggressive way advised then they were invading her personal space

have you ever heard such a thing in your life as

3 visually impaired rodents.

Baa baa non-predominantly hued ruminant mammal,

Have you any delightful protective outer covering for sale at a fair and reasonable price?

Yes non-gender specific manager, yes non-gender specific manager,

three aged challenged females with slightly unfriendly personas full.

One for the non-gender specific manager,

one for his or her non-gender specific partner,

(not that there's anything wrong with that),

And one for the youthful non-gender specific, vertically challenged individual who lives down the lane.

Vertically challenged Jack Horner

sat in the socially accepted timeout space

eating his highly nutritious, low fat, gluten free snack.

He stuck in his diametrically opposed digit

and pulled out a fruit of the P. domestica species

and said "What a good non female person of younger age, am I?"

Peter

These are brilliant, thank you, really cheered me up...

Excellent mate