The Secrets To Dating A Thai Guy

[webfact]

Phuket: The secrets to dating a Thai guy
Kaila Krayewski



PHUKET: -- For foreign girls, dating a Thai man can be an enchanting, fun, exciting part of your Thailand experience. This cheat sheet to successful cross-cultural romance is based on their experiences.

The approach

Thai guys can be shy. One girl says, “You can chat with a Thai man all evening, swap phone numbers and still not be sure if you’re just friends.

They will be sweet and attentive and charming, and you still can’t figure out if it’s just social conventions that make them behave so considerately or if they want to take you for dinner. They’re slow and shy in their approach and they might not even make one.” But don’t necessarily mistake his lack of aggressiveness for disinterest.

Make it clear that you like him, but don’t throw yourself at him. Smile at him a lot. Don’t flirt with other guys.

Learn a few cute Thai phrases, even if you don’t know how to speak Thai.

Though this is a common dating rule amongst most societies, it’s strongly recommended that if you want to keep a Thai guy, don’t sleep with him on the first date. Western girls are sometimes viewed as more promiscuous than Thai girls, so make him know that that’s not what you’re in it for (unless, of course, you are).

The dating dance

Pay half the bill on your first date – this will make clear to him that you want to be treated like an equal.

Many girls say that Thai men can be incredibly romantic and treat you like a queen at the start of the relationship. This may not always last, but hey, enjoy it while it does!

Be a bit mysterious. Don’t give away everything about yourself when you first start dating. Remain confident, and if he does something that in your culture would be unacceptable, make it known to him without getting angry – accept that there are cultural differences, but be sure to point them out rather than internalising them.

He may turn you down the first few times you invite him into your bedroom. This is part of Thai culture, and his way of showing respect for you. Embrace it – how cute is that!? He’ll come in eventually...

Many girls have experienced the hot-and-cold nature of the Thai man they’re dating. They may inexplicably not call, or ignore you for a while, and then turn up all lovey-dovey. On the other hand, they could become overzealous and call you five or more times a day. Be aware of it, and it’s up to you whether you can deal with it or not.

He may call you fat. This is an obvious no-no in the West, but in Thailand, calling someone fat is not seen as offensive. Most Thai women are around 40 kilograms, so compared to that, most Western women are quite a bit bigger. Try not to take too much offence, but let him know that you don’t like it when he says that.

Many Western women have told stories of their Thai boyfriends getting insanely jealous and possessive. Some even threatening rival men with bodily harm. Don’t provoke this jealousy or you could get someone seriously hurt.

If you really like him and want to keep him, show copious amounts of respect for his family – he respects them much more than he lets on. Says one girl: “If you get to meet his family (he will be eager for this to happen if he likes you), try to be as ‘Thai’ as you can without relinquishing your personality. Kiss up to his mum like a fiend.” Dress ultra-conservatively when meeting his family. His grandma will not appreciate your stellar cleavage.

Speaking of which, in general try not to wear clothes that are too revealing around him.
Learn some Thai – he’ll really appreciate it and it’ll allow you a much better connection with his friends and family. Plus, a foreign woman who can speak some Thai is a total turn-on for many Thai guys.

Incorporate the best parts of Thainess to your actions, without losing your personality. This means showing extra patience, femininity, and sweetness (do your best not to argue with him or yell at him), but also carrying your own handbag, and be able to hold and buy your own drinks.

Allow him his freedom – let him go out with his friends and don’t always drag him out with yours.

Thais tend to offer up the word “love” much quicker than might be expected in the West. Expect and know this, and judge for yourself on how serious you want to take it.
Be aware that infidelity is not necessarily frowned upon in Thailand. Many Thai men (and women as well) have more than one girlfriend. If you’re not cool with that, make it known from the beginning, and watch for signs without being overly paranoid.

Calling it quits

At the end of the day, the cultural differences may be too much. If it gets that way, but you’re not sure how to end it, here is one phrase suggested by a girl who’s lived in Thailand all her life: “I love you, but as much as I try, it’s not in the way that you deserve.”

Don’t expect it to be amicable. One girl dated a hi-so (high society) Thai guy, and she tells us: “Once you break up, they have a rule that they cannot be friends with their ex girlfriends and if they do, they will be really disrespectful to them.”

However, that’s not always the case. Another girl tells us that her Thai exes have been far more respectful to her than her western exes. So it’s probably just down to the individual in the end.

Koh Phangan-based Kaila Krayewski is the Managing Director of Blonde
Traveler.com, a travel support service for women travelling and living in Southeast Asia.

Source: http://www.thephuketnews.com/phuket-the-secrets-to-dating-a-thai-guy-37952.php


-- Phuket News 2013-03-19

[phuturatica]

As someone who has been out with a Thai guy before... The article is kinda accurate and correct with regards to me... However I'm aware it doesn't apply to everyone.

For me, the cultural differences were way too much and I ended up feeling very frustrated most of the time. I called the whole thing off and now he doesn't speak to me at all as I made him lose face by dumping him.

But oh well... Onward and upwards right?

From this experience I will never date a Thai guy again as I don't think I'm cut out to deal with the cultural differences.

P.S. I have nothing against Thai people and I am not Thai bashing FYI.

[poanoi]

If you by 'cultural differences' mean chanting & Buddha worshiping, spending good money after bad at

the endless rituals etc, then i'm with you on this one, never again a religious woman, on this i swear.

[swissie]

Trolling around in internet-forums is also a way to kill time.

Cheers.

[eek]

Dont have enough time to reply, and realise you relate to this Phuturatica, but personally i dont much. But dont have time yet to reply properly as to why i dont relate to it, but will when i get the chance.

Dated one Thai man for over two years, and another for around 4 months i think.
One was slightly more conservative than the other, both business men.anyway, just dont have time at the moment to reply!

[phuturatica]

If you by 'cultural differences' mean chanting & Buddha worshiping, spending good money after bad at

the endless rituals etc, then i'm with you on this one, never again a religious woman, on this i swear.

No, that's not what I mean by cultural differences. Religion didn't really have much to do with it...

I'm on about different customs and mannerisms more than anything.

[phuturatica]

Trolling around in internet-forums is also a way to kill time.

Cheers.

Who is trolling?!

[rene123]

Although I'm not looking for a relationship at this time, the few experiences I have had with Thai men have been similar to what the article said. I also agree with phuturatica in that I believe the cultural differences might be too much for me. But, my main problem is that most attractive Thai men I've met are shorter than I am, and I'm just shallow enough that it makes a difference.

[Swiss1960]

Hmm... since I personally have no intention to date a Thai guy... and since I am not a girl... would that not be better positioned in the Ladies Forum? Just asking...

[swissie]

Trolling around in internet-forums is also a way to kill time.

Cheers.

Who is trolling?!

The OP.

[Swiss1960]

Trolling around in internet-forums is also a way to kill time.

Cheers.

Who is trolling?!

The OP.

Wow... now it might get interesting... swissie accusing an Admin to be troling around... that might deserve

Edited March 19, 2013 by Swiss1960

[aTomsLife]

I think it's an interesting topic, a change from the western man / Thai woman dynamic.

I would like to hear more about these "cultural differences". Such a vague explanation. But then some prefer to keep their private lives private.

Edited March 19, 2013 by aTomsLife

[Almera]

I have known a few Westerners who have slept with their Hill Tribe Trek guides, and fishermen boat drivers and the such.

They always said 'Wow', amazing!

Edited March 19, 2013 by Almera

[Scott]

Enough off-topic sniping. If you want to have a private conversation with another member, then use the PM function (the rules still apply). Please stay on-topic.

[Thai-Aust]

Pay half the bill on your first date ...

I don't recommend this, decent Thai guys won't let his ladies to pay bills, absolutely not on the first date. By paying the bills on the first encounter will embarrass him, he needs to show his girl that he's a gentleman and can take care of all these. If he happens to be less well off, he won't ask you out until he has enough money to pay all the bills.

Subsequent dates he may allow his lady to pay some of the expenses. However, I don't think paying 50-50 is ideal in Thai society. If you're a guy or in a higher social position, you should pay more than the others.

[Boo]

I don't really relate to any of this but as the writer is based on KPG she clearly has experinces specific to that scene but here's my tuppance;

I think it is very dangerous to offer yourslef up as an "expert" on thai men in so much that you think you can not only write an article on how to date them but to also run a business catering to women traveling in thailand. It is a very dangerous occupation indeed.

My advice after numerous years, several thai bf & one 10+ years thai husband.....be yourself. Sure be respectful to his family, I would do that with anyones family, listen to his opinions, I would do that with any bf, have space as a couple, I would have space with any bf from any country & lastly, don't try to be thai, if that's what he wanted then he wouldn't have picked a westerner.

Oh & before I forget, calling you gf fat, in any culture is out of order, thai men also understand this so the writer should probably think about why her bf's have been so rude.

Just sayin'

[Boo]

Pay half the bill on your first date ...

I don't recommend this, decent Thai guys won't let his ladies to pay bills, absolutely not on the first date. By paying the bills on the first encounter will embarrass him, he needs to show his girl that he's a gentleman and can take care of all these. If he happens to be less well off, he won't ask you out until he has enough money to pay all the bills.

Subsequent dates he may allow his lady to pay some of the expenses. However, I don't think paying 50-50 is ideal in Thai society. If you're a guy or in a higher social position, you should pay more than the others.

yes, this. The only time I have come across this was with boat boys or the beach boys, the ones looking for a quick fling/shag rather than a gf.

[EvilDrSomkid]

Seems to me that the advice in the OP applies pretty much to dating any male. Thai or not.

[arthurwait]

He may turn you down the first few times you invite him into your bedroom. This is part of Thai culture, and his way of showing respect for you. Embrace it – how cute is that!? He’ll come in eventually...

Unless this is for cougars and their BFE on a long con or that he has been down the soapy before the date of course.

[Chittychangchang]

Staying on topic, the western lady must also be respectful of their Thai man's wishes to have a mia noi, TIT

[Trembly]

Once chiangmaikelly turns up this will be perfect.

[chiangmaikelly]

Once chiangmaikelly turns up this will be perfect.

It's a trap.

[mingalaba]

And the person that wrote this "guide" has been in Thailand?

[chiangmaikelly]

If this is about dating Thai guys are we really getting the right expertise in this forum?

[eek]

I think its useless trying to have a "normal" discussion on this kind of topic, too much bigotry is already airing its ugly head. Seems too that several male members already believe they have knowledge of heterosexual relationships between farang women and Thai men. Personally really cant be bothered to discuss with ignorant bigots who have truly blinkered ideas...
(Harsh, i know..but the constant narrow-mindedness is just so tedious..)

[Boo]

one post removed, don't be that guy. m'kay

[kurnell]

My sister had a Thai boyfriend for a year or 2. He seemed more interested in seeing prostitutes than having a relationship

[Boo]

Oh dear, they've all crawled out fo the wood work haven't they!

See this is why you can't have a normal discussion about this stuff on thaivisa.

I have cleaned up some of the comments but the next derogatory comment about thai people or western women will result in me going postal. ok?

I really don't have the patience for it.

[annabel]

Hmm... since I personally have no intention to date a Thai guy... and since I am not a girl... would that not be better positioned in the Ladies Forum? Just asking...

Why are you reading this then??? Move on Honey !!

[NeverSure]

Oh dear, they've all crawled out fo the wood work haven't they!

See this is why you can't have a normal discussion about this stuff on thaivisa.

I have cleaned up some of the comments but the next derogatory comment about thai people or western women will result in me going postal. ok?

I really don't have the patience for it.

Points well taken.

I hadn't heard the term "going postal" for a while. Seems like it had something to do with a disgruntled ex-post office employee going in and shooting the place up?

I will be very careful to not only watch what I say, but to stay out of post offices.