Dating Thai Girls (First Trip)

[alex3948]

Hello all! I am new here, this is my first post, I've come across MANY posts talking about the DO's and DONT's about dating Thai girls. I had the chance to spend 1 month in this country a few weeks ago, and I thought I could share my experience about Thai girls dating for anyone who would find this useful. After that, I will make a top 10 of the things you have to know if you are serious about finding love in this country.

I was chatting online with this girl for about 6 months, and I have no clue how she appeared in my FB friend list. Anyway, got to give it a try. After 6 months (skyping 1 time per month), we agreed to meet in Bangkok airport. She was from a small village about 250 km north of Bangkok, and she is a student. I am 21 and from Canada, she is 19. I came there alone. I speak French, English, Spanish, and she speaks Thai, Laotian, English. So we agreed on English as common language. Here is how things went.

She was in the arrivals area in the airport, like we agreed. She was as beautiful as her pictures (so WOW) and accompanied by her mother. The first 2 days, we wandered around Bangkok, of course the mother was following. I can understand, since letting her 19-year old unique daughter meet a farang at the airport in Bangkok can sound like a death plan. She was caring about me, but only like a friend, no physical contact whatsoever. She slept with her mom in a hotel room and I was sleeping in the next room. The first days, I felt like, "have I been friendzoned even at 20,000 km from home?"

The contacts started after 3 days: we went to visit her village with her female friend (we were 3 people, the mother was working this day). Her friend grabbed her hand, and asked me, "hey, do the same with the other hand!", this was the first contact. But even after 8 days, I could not spend a minute alone with her. Either a friend was there, or her mom. On the 8th day, we had a few minutes alone in her village (her friend had a meeting, which gave us 1 hour alone), I grabber her hand, she didn't mind. I asker her later (the same evening), seemed fine.

On the same evening, she cracked and told me everything that was worrying her about a relationship: she never had any boyfriend (even after spending 1 year in America as an exchange student), I lived far, etc. we cleared things up, which seemed positive. I was determined about spending time with her. And I said to myself, "tomorrow is the day".

So, the next day her mom took me and her female friend to a park north of town, where we were together with her friend (her mom went to work). When she was gone at the washroom, I talked to her friend and asked her to let me a few hours alone with her. This may seem rude, but I was starting to be a bit angry about always being with someone else. But she accepted. So she said "OK I'm gonna let you guys alone together, I'll be back at 4PM (it was around noon)". We got together at a quiet place, and this is where we had our first kiss. At the 9th day. Things were progressing slow as a crawl, but I was not done with trouble.

The next day we were going out with friends, and she acted distant with me. She was "deflating". Then, she cracked after 2 hours of being distant: "I am not sure about my feelings". This is a mood jump, and the kind of things I normally dump a girl when she does that. For me, it is a lack of respect. But we cleared things out a 2nd time.

She finally "unblocked" and became the best girlfriend ever. Let me tell you, Thai girls are so caring. And the ability to keep calm: during our trip, her grandmother died, and she did not even give a tear. She just had a sad face. I sent an e-mail to my airline to postpone my return date. This level of caring was far beyond anything I saw with any western girl. She was looking around, "ok no one's looking!" and jumping on me. Always willing, and no mood jump. This lasted 3 days. Then, the same evening: got an e-mail from my airline: return date change denied! I had to leave the same evening at midnight. When I told her, we were both crushed.

On our way to Bangkok airport, she was crying all the time. The fact is, she did not cry when her grandmother died. In the observation tower in the airport, she couldn't get off me for 2 seconds. She gave me a paper heart and told me to open it when I was alone. This is where I found that her love was genuine, and I was the first one. I promised her to come back on May. As a freelancer programmer, I can work from anywhere as long as there is an Internet connection, so this is no big deal for me. We spoke everyday since when, and I am burning of envy to go back there. Can't wait, and when I saw how things were going there, I will hold my promise.

My advice for anybody who would like to get involved in a relationship with a Thai lady, is to consider the following 10 points:

1) Relationships take time to build. If your girl is a genuine girl (not the kind of Pattaya bar girl), it will take time to build a relationship and feelings to appear for her. But it is worth the wait.

2) Genuine ladies in Thailand always come to the first date (whatever it is: resto, airport, boat ride, etc.) accompanied (i.e. a "chaperone"). The chaperone is there to evaluate you and check if you are suitable as a boyfriend. You are expected to pay for both of them.

3) The parents of a genuine lady will not let you spend some time alone together until you have earned their trust.

4) When you accept a Thai girl in your life, you accept her family and friends. Family is what is the most important thing for girls in Thailand.

5) Learn how to speak Thai. When everyone starts to speak Thai and you are not part of the conversation, you can get frustrated for several minutes.

6) Do not be greedy. I've been told off for hesitating about paying a 79 baht meal to her because she didn't have money. I learned later that men are expected to pay. Thailand is a very cheap country, so don't count your pennies.

7) Thai girls are the best girlfriends you can have, and far surpass western girls, provided you let time for the feeling to build up.

8) Men are expected to make the first move and initiate conversations about relationships. The girl will very rarely make the first move.

9) Do not cheat and do not lie. Her friends were finding me attractive and I could have hooked up with them, which I didn't do.

10) Most importantly, do not underestimate the feeling that can build up. If you are only on a trip and have no intentions of coming back there, do not get attached to a Thai girls. Believe me, you better have a strong mind and an exceptional ability to cope with depression if you do that. Trust me.

Anybody who would get some advice / share their experience just reply

[Lite Beer]

Moved to General Forum.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A lovely little fantasy story, well done, I enjoyed reading it.

May I ask

Where she learned English (age 19)?

Where did she get the money and the VISA to spend a year in America (age 19)?

When making up a story, best to allow some room for credibility.

Edited April 9, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[alex3948]

Learned English at school and during exchange student trip.

Money: her parents paid for it, the flight transited by Seoul and Los Angeles.

[muythai2013]

thanks for sharing your vast knowledge aquired over a massive 2 weeks.

my wifes as straight as an arrow and was never shadowed by momma.

her parents understood she was a good girl and trusted her so much they need not follow her everymove because she is so sensible.

[alex3948]

In fact I am not speaking by expertise, but rather by the first experience I had in this country and giving points that some travelers might find useful, as well as making comparisons with western women.

[Songhua]

Thankyou for the advice OP.

it's good you also got a chance to see what the Pattaya girls were like during your short stay.

I'll be sure to heed this advice when my wife of 23 years leaves me and I'm searching for my next one on the Internet.

[muythai2013]

In fact I am not speaking by expertise, but rather by the first experience I had in this country and giving points that some travelers might find useful, as well as making comparisons with western women.

your 3rd point is a not quite correct.

many good girls are not escorted, I have also seen very bad girls escorted on dates by their stupid brothers on dates who have no idea their sisters a bar girl.

[alex3948]

In fact I am not speaking by expertise, but rather by the first experience I had in this country and giving points that some travelers might find useful, as well as making comparisons with western women.

your 3rd point is a not quite correct.

many good girls are not escorted, I have also seen very bad girls escorted on dates by their stupid brothers on dates who have no idea their sisters a bar girl.

This is true, reason why I am not an expert, but rather sharing my short experience on the subject. Everyone's story will be different.

[muythai2013]

also you state relationships take time to build, 9 days was it. bahahaha

[muythai2013]

anyone cames with my wife pays for themself, no free rides.

[meatboy]

are you a fiction writer.

[Songhua]

also you state relationships take time to build, 9 days was it. bahahaha

No muythai2013, the relationship was built online - the nine days was just to cement it.

[somtampet]

In fact I am not speaking by expertise, but rather by the first experience I had in this country and giving points that some travelers might find useful, as well as making comparisons with western women.

Your only mistake was posting on here,there are quite a few nobheads mate,and very direspectful too.

[muythai2013]

also you state relationships take time to build, 9 days was it. bahahaha

No muythai2013, the relationship was built online - the nine days was just to cement it.

I will say this however, good luck with the relationship and i hope you both find happiness together.

with a thai girl you must structure your arguments in such away that she thinks she has won but is still learning her lesson, they are never wrong and you need to let her believe that whilst sneakily getting your way.

dont fight with them, they just resort to tantrums until they win.

[Scully]

You are only 21, this will cost you money, time and heartache. Get a nice young American girl and then another and then another. I am not saying you can't have a relationship with a Thai girl but there is so many obsticles that it's really not worth it at your age.

That is unless your are clinically obese and have a face like a gargoyle then I would say go for it

[Hedghog]

A relationship expert at 21.

You haven't even got started.

A world of hurt is waiting round the corner.

[canman]

Op, you are 21. I think you need to ask yourself if you really want to settle down now with one woman. I say this because from your description, this is exactly where your Thai lady thinks this is heading. You seriously need to consider this from her point of view. You have described a traditional, conservative Thai girl and family, there is only one direction this is heading in their minds and that is long term commitment. If thats what your after then fine go for it but take it one step at a time. If thats not what you are after then you need to make sure she is well aware of your intentions.

[Payboy]

also you state relationships take time to build, 9 days was it. bahahaha

No muythai2013, the relationship was built online - the nine days was just to cement it.

Possible, but then I read this...

After 6 months (skyping 1 time per month), we agreed to meet in Bangkok airport.

[candypants]

this thread encompasses everything sad about thaivisa

[villagefarang]

I find the OP more than a little naive but he is a kid with little experience after all. No doubt she will be the first of many but he can’t see that yet. I loved the line about earning trust and then jumping the girl the first time they were alone. Misplaced trust?

Then again at his age, I seem to remember waiting more than a couple of days for sex felt like an eternity, so I devised a three date rule. If I didn’t get it by halfway through the third date, I would use reverse psychology and back off. Acknowledging I was probably not what they were looking for and they were too good for me, surprisingly seemed to work more often than it didn’t.

I also found it advisable to spend my evenings in the presence of less reserved female company. It helped to take the edge off. The angst of young love is so moving and at the same time so fleeting, I suggest we sit back and allow this story to follow its normal progression. Besides how many of you guys actually have experience being 21 in Thailand?

[uptheos]

Probably a short story written for school.

[Morden]

Alex, ignore the bitter cynics.

Chaperoning is traditional and, with luck, a sign that she comes from a 'good' family. Visiting the family is often a sign of commitment on both sides.

Be absolutely honest. Thai ladies detest lies.

Don't take the advice of the poster above to play around in Pattaya. The grapevine is very efficient and many philandering farang has been caught out. If she's being straight with you, you would be out on your ear when a relate, friend or bar girl from the village tells her with gleeful spite what you have been up to.

Always remain wary until you are absolutely sure. 'Bad' girls are good at playing the good girl role and any Thai girl can play the manipulative games that a Western girl can play. The waterworks is a common one.

Understand what will be expected of you if the relationship develops. The family and village will expect the farang to take better care of his girl than would a local man. But take that slowly. Common requests are:

1. Spend some money improving the family home.

2. Buy her some land and build a house.

3. Buy her a vehicle.

You should delay 2. and 3. until you are legally married at the Amphur. If you do those things before you marry, you have no legal right even of part ownership. Requests to give money to or buy something for a family member should also be viewed with caution. You may set a bad precedent.

If you've found a good one, she won't press for anything more at first except, perhaps, a monthly allowance. That's reasonable if you accept that you are in a relationship. she may expect the relationship to develop quicker than you have hitherto been used to.

Try to see the date of birth on her ID card. 19 years is OK but 16 to 18 can get you caught in a trap. Sex during those years is legal only with the parents' permission. It's not unknown for the permission to be denied after the event and an expensive rip to the police station follow.

Does she work or have a business?

You will read many more scare stories than happy ones. However, there are many more good relationships than bad ones. Happy farang tend not to rattle on about it.

Above all, take time to understand Thai culture, her family and the village. Be careful how you question her - she seems to be nervous about her new relationship. That's probably a good sign but don't give her cause to worry about your sincerity.

I wish you luck and hope that you are entering a relationship that's as good as mine.

[cooked]

welcome to Thaivisa forum - you can't write something like that without getting a lot of sneers, no direct insults yet but they will probably turn up.

Telling people about your experiences is ok but giving advice to people whose median age is probably over 50 is not necessarily a good idea..

I video called my now wife every day for months, eventually went to Thailand and the day we met. ...Still romantically involved with her, integrated into the family, very happy.

Good luck, let us know from time to time how you get on.

[thenervoussurgeon]

I wish i was young enough to know everything, sorry Oscar

[DLock]

I agree with VF.

This is how Alex saw the relationship. Whose to say it did or didn't happen, but this is how he processed it in his mind.

But it does seem like this girl (and her family) see this as a lot more than he does....and don't underestimate the families input in this "relationship".

Alex, you are 21, and this is the first Thai girl you have met. In fact, she took you prisoner from the moment you landed, therefore avoiding the risk that you would be captured by another girl.

Son, whilst the advice on TV can be brutal, consider it experience and wisdom and take note. I recommend you come back to Thailand a single man. Learn about Thailand. Make some mistakes. Have fun...but don't fall in "love" with the first girl you met online...

...but the last thing a Greenhorn wants to do is offer relationship advice on TV after 9 days.

Enjoy, Grasshopper.

[JLCrab]

Well it took me a while to find it but I knew it had to be there:

As a freelancer programmer, (who) can work from anywhere as long as there is an Internet connection ...

These days, who isn't?

[VocalNeal]

My advice having been 21 before!

Treat this young lady as you would an Italian man dating an Italian girl. Similar moral issues and chaperon.

You go on a date with her/friends/mother etc. then take her home. After the date you go out on the town, drinking and dancing etc. with party girls/women.

This releases all the sexual tension and you will be able to separate lust from love.

[maxme]

A lovely little fantasy story, well done, I enjoyed reading it.

May I ask

Where she learned English (age 19)?

Where did she get the money and the VISA to spend a year in America (age 19)?

When making up a story, best to allow some room for credibility.

Nice generalization there... yup they are all the same...

[chonabot]

I had the chance to spend 1 month in this country a few weeks ago,

So you are here for 2 more weeks?