Divorce In Usa With 3 Year Old Son

[Yager]

A day before I was scheduled to leave on a work trip, I was served with divorce papers and luckily my boss cancelled my trip. We've been married just under 5 years and have a 3 year old son. The divorce papers were asking for sole custody, the ability to move further than 60 miles without notification (against state law), and stated that it was anticipated that she might move back to Thailand. It was also asking for $1000 per month in spousal support for 5 years and $900 per month in child support. My base take home wage (no overtime) is $2500. I guess she was hoping I would not be able to respond.

I am in the process of retaining a lawyer. Since we've been married she has gone back to Thailand about once per year with our son. She stays much longer than I'm comfortable with and it's been hard to get her to come back. Now I cannot trust her anymore and she is keeping his passport from me. Is my only option to use the courts to never allow our son to leave the country again? Is there any recourse once he is over there to get him back if she decides not to come back? Would joint custody mean anything over there? Does anyone have experience with this?

[osiboy]

i had a similar circumstances a few years back , but i can only speak from a UK perspective and you dont say where your from , canada , us , australia ? .......anyway i stopped her taking my son , he was Brit born , yours ? .....eventually she was allowed to take him but only with my agreement . Problem is , sadly it seems that thais are only too willing to abandon their off spring in pursuit of money , she may well leave you literally holding the baby and then how can you work ? . It did'nt cost me much to take the court action , about £360 i think . best of luck to you .

[amykat]

OP, you have neglected to say in what state in the US you are living ...this is one of the most important points as divorce is controlled by state law, not a federal thing.

In some states, spousal support is basically limited to half the time you were married, so a 5 year marriage, would generally be allowed 2.5 years of spousal support ...what that amount may be is up to many factors. Child support is generally up to a specified amount, you can look that up according to your state, based on what you earn.

These things will also depend on what your wife earns, if anything. Your earnings will be considered, on what you actually have EARNED over the years you have been married. So if you only earn $2500 take home, ( and take home isn't what they will look at, but gross income), yet you usually do a lot of OT or make commissions, get a car allowance, etc, all of that will be considered ...and if that makes your regular income much more, that is what the numbers will be based on.

Spousal support will be a tax deduction for you, and she will owe taxes on that money. Child suport is not deductible, so you will be not able to deduct that, and she will not be liable to pay tax on her side on that money. Obviously it is better for you to pay more spousal support and less child support, tax wise, but if you can negotiate for a better overall package, in all child support, that might be best, just depends on the numbers and your tax situation.

You might not pay much in taxes, and may live in a tax-free state, or low tax state ..so tax savings may not amount to much. You should probably buy a book on divorce law in your state, as well as getting a lawyer. Since you married, I suppose, an immigrant, who may not have worked in the US, and who may not be able to work at any decent level, other than min. wage, you might be a bit more screwed.

I don't know what to say about her ability to travel to Thailand with your child, but if she does do it, and has your child support/spousal support to live off of, that will be good money here, and she probably will neglect any laws to the contrary, and try to pull it off.

Can you make the money dependent on her staying in the US? I don't know. Might be a good thing to bring up with the lawyer, a certain amount for the US, and a much lower amount if they are living in Thailand, might be worth a try? Might be enough of a difference to make her want to stay in the US ...or maybe not, because you don't seem to earn enough to support an ex-wife and a kid, and yourself, to any degree that would make a Thai woman want to stay in the US ...she probably is dreaming of having that amount of money, but in Thailand, to live off of. But on the other hand, maybe she has a good job too, and is wanting to get another farang husband in farangland, etc. Only you can know these things. Or she is totally a mess in the US and can't wait to get back to Thailand?

You are in a difficult situation, and I hope you can work it out well for you and your child. Please get a lawer right away! Good luck!

[Sheryl]

Get a lawyer and get an immediate injunction preventing her from taking your son out of the country. I think the judge can require that the child's passport be turned over.

That is the #1 priority, as trying to sort out custody issues overseas is always very difficult.

Sole custody is almost never awarded unless the parent requesting it can show that the other parent is unfit (or unless the other parent agrees to it). Obviously, file a countersuit asking for joint custody (or sole custody if you have grounds -- a lawyer can advice on that. Her statement about returning to Thailand could possibly be used on grounds that the child is better off in the US. See what lawyer thinks.).

Re spousal support, as Amykat says, depends on the state. In many there is no such thing unless there are extraordinary circumstances, or if one parent will be unable to work due to child care (which in turn reverts to the custody issue). If you are in a community property state, all assets acquired since the marriage get split 50-50. That much you can find out fro ma web search.

Meanwhile waste no time getting a lawyer.

[Yager]

Thanks everyone. I live in Oregon, USA. This is one of the few states where joint custody is never awarded by a judge. In order to get joint custody you have to both agree to it. I have a lawyer now and will file a court order to get the passport. My lawyer also consulted with another attorney who is an expert in international law. I will post the info because it might help someone else.

My attorney:

"I had a lengthy discussion with [international law attorney] late yesterday. He identified [wife] as a substantial flight risk – all of the factors are there – he says it is very common in the Asian culture – she has her boy, her parents are taken care of, short term marriage, etc. Additionally, he says if you think she has bled you dry at this point financially – you ain’t seen nothing if she absconds with [son] –you will be essentially paying ransom to see your son. I realize I am using very harsh terms but you need to be aware of the seriousness of your situation – I asked whether I should request that she immediately turn over [son's] passport to the court and he said yes. He advised that we must get joint custody of [son] – additionally he will need to work with an attorney from Thailand to make sure that the language of the US Divorce Judgment will work in Thailand. Apparently the divorce judgment with custody and parenting time provisions has to be registered in Thailand and the language of the judgment has to comport with the requirements of Thai law. His hourly rate is $300 and he estimates 2 to 3 hours for his time plus whatever we have to pay the attorney in Thailand. Additionally, after divorce is final then the judgment will have to be registered in Thailand – he can assist with that as well."

She has bled me dry in a number of ways, and her parents being "taken care of" refers to the loan I took from my retirement account to pay for her parents house. She promised to make payments but left me with the bill. She has been working a number of waitressing jobs but some were "under the table", so I'm screwed on that. I also put her through beauty college which she has yet to use, and she has a college degree from Thailand. The problem here in Oregon is getting her to agree to joint custody.

[Sheryl]

Getting the boy's passport turned over is the #1 priority.

Once she no longer has the option of absconding with they boy, you will be in a better bargaining position.

If she is hell bent on returning to Thailand then there may not be a way, practically speaking, for joint custody to work. Would you be interested in sole custody? Do you think (once she realizes that her plan to take the boy to Thailand won't work) that she would agree to let you have custody? How attached is she to the child?

[NeverSure]

Once you get that judgement for the passport, be sure it is given to the Sheriff's department along with their small fee ($35?) to go serve it on her and to physically get the passport. You don't want a private process server here. The sheriff is just as cheap and they can stand there and demand the physical passport. If she doesn't fork it over, she is arrested on the spot for contempt of court and the child taken to child protective services.

Now (if she does this) she's a bad girl and your odds of prevailing on anything skyrocket. Failure to turn over the passport is absolute contempt of court and let's just say that judges take that personally and collectively within the local circuit court. Also, doing an illegal act which causes her child to be taken is bad news for her too.

In any event the court gets the passport.