Not Allowed To Have Fun In Thailand.

[theblether]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

You dont know what trouble is my friend.

Ive used an avatar of a real person. Bragged about my wealth and generally pished off the entire membership of TVF.

I'm laying low for a while. Might try reading and not posting for a bit.

All your misdemeanors are inconsequential IMHO. I have just friended the OP so that's you both buggered!

I'll pass on the buggery if you don't mind.

[itchybum]

Many guys pay very good money to be treated like that.

There is an avatar somewhere about suggesting such.

So if you like a little domination, slap and tickle and can get it for free, why not.

[itchybum]

The gold digging aspect is interesting arthurwait, obviously the foundations of the relationship are built on quicksand from the start.

In defence of guys who fall for it, many are lambs to the slaughter. I can remember going back on the dating game after a 17 year relationship, and I felt like a lamb to the slaughter myself. My first date/ girlfriend was perfect for me at that time, slightly mad, great fun, and after 3 months with her I was back in the game.

But this brings me back to my OP, in this game, we are the prize......why do so many guys fall into the trap of being controlled?

Nanlaew made a valid point, basically just learn to say you ain't getting away with behaviour from the start.

When I first started reading TV someone wrote, I apologize I can't remember who, " always remember, your Thai lady doesn't want to lose you ".

That stuck in my mind, and excepting some wilful/criminal/evil exceptions, I would say it's broadly true.

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

Some prizes are bigger than others hey!!

But thinking you are the prize is somewhat ego building isn't it?

Many people sell their prizes.

[Fgis]

A cop behind every German, at least this is my experience with German neightbours everywhere in the world, so as they try to even control their neighbours I guess that they can try to control a Thai wife...

[Khun Watchaporn]

I think many farang were so desperate for a relationship that they accepted the first thing that called them hansum, and then handed over their testicles in a glass jar.

Sad really.

[Keith67]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

One aspect of this i have never undersood here, so you make the decision to build your own home, why in gods name would you build it in your girlfriends village or put it in her name?

Build the house in a village away from the family and put it in your own name. If you think you are in a relationship for the long half until death do you part she'll get the house in the end when you die as odds are she is probably 20yrs your junior.

If it all goes wrong you still have a house that you can live in without the judgement of her family and friends every time you step foot outside.

[itchybum]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

One aspect of this i have never undersood here, so you make the decision to build your own home, why in gods name would you build it in your girlfriends village or put it in her name?

Build the house in a village away from the family and put it in your own name. If you think you are in a relationship for the long half until death do you part she'll get the house in the end when you die as odds are she is probably 20yrs your junior.

If it all goes wrong you still have a house that you can live in without the judgement of her family and friends every time you step foot outside.

But you seem to be unwise to the ways here grasshopper.

[Keith67]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

One aspect of this i have never undersood here, so you make the decision to build your own home, why in gods name would you build it in your girlfriends village or put it in her name?

Build the house in a village away from the family and put it in your own name. If you think you are in a relationship for the long half until death do you part she'll get the house in the end when you die as odds are she is probably 20yrs your junior.

If it all goes wrong you still have a house that you can live in without the judgement of her family and friends every time you step foot outside.

But you seem to be unwise to the ways here grasshopper.

Not really i built my house in my wifes village but the only reason was it was never built for me it was built for the kids, as the kids are too young to have their sole names on the book it is in my name until they are old enough and then it will be changed and i will build the house i want and where i want it.

If me and my wife did have problems and split up i would leave the village with no problems maybe a sigh of relief, but the house would still go to the kids when they were old enough.

[Keith67]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

You dont know what trouble is my friend.

Ive used an avatar of a real person. Bragged about my wealth and generally pished off the entire membership of TVF.

I'm laying low for a while. Might try reading and not posting for a bit.

Interesting...but more importantly are you allowed to stay out for a third beer?

I was told recently and it may be of interest to the guys who are only allowed two beers, a bar in Udon town is serving 2.25L bottles now, never seen them myself but i will try and find out if it's true, then you could order them in your own area.

Problem solved...........

[MAJIC]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

You dont know what trouble is my friend.

Ive used an avatar of a real person. Bragged about my wealth and generally pished off the entire membership of TVF.

I'm laying low for a while. Might try reading and not posting for a bit.

Bragging about £13.5 million,if you do that everywhere you go,you got off lightly,whether it's true or not.

[yourauntbob]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

As long as its not every night I never problems with the missus and her name is stamped on our house. i think many guys simply like handing their balls over.

[yourauntbob]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

You dont know what trouble is my friend.

Ive used an avatar of a real person. Bragged about my wealth and generally pished off the entire membership of TVF.

I'm laying low for a while. Might try reading and not posting for a bit.

Bragging about £13.5 million,if you do that everywhere you go,you got off lightly,whether it's true or not.

Agreed, but I for one had my fun and am done with the situation. I think other should get off his back now too, its getting old. Hopefully homeownership learned a bit about forum etiquette but I hope he doesnt sit on the sidelines too long, i am always up for another perspective.

[TheRuckusinThaMai]

Since I got married, I noticed that I can't have any fun here in Thailand. Everything stopped. Makes me wonder what the hell happened to anything fun. Everything went serious. Now it makes me wonder if I should just back up, and look at this situation that I got into,and see if I can get out without hurting anyone's feelings. I work hard, and play hard at work, but at home, I'm a prisoner.

[amykat]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

One aspect of this i have never undersood here, so you make the decision to build your own home, why in gods name would you build it in your girlfriends village or put it in her name?

Build the house in a village away from the family and put it in your own name. If you think you are in a relationship for the long half until death do you part she'll get the house in the end when you die as odds are she is probably 20yrs your junior.

If it all goes wrong you still have a house that you can live in without the judgement of her family and friends every time you step foot outside.

But you seem to be unwise to the ways here grasshopper.

Not really i built my house in my wifes village but the only reason was it was never built for me it was built for the kids, as the kids are too young to have their sole names on the book it is in my name until they are old enough and then it will be changed and i will build the house i want and where i want it.

If me and my wife did have problems and split up i would leave the village with no problems maybe a sigh of relief, but the house would still go to the kids when they were old enough.

Just wondering why you couldn't build the "house you want, where you want" to start with? And that would be for the kids too eventually. I'm guessing the house "in the village" is a rural area, or not a big city, and maybe your kids will NOT want to live there ...for school, for jobs, maybe not until they are retired...if ever? If they are half-farang,, speak English fluently, have a better education, can live in your Western country some day, chances are the best place for them later, won't be in some Thai village?? Even just for investment, as a rental or something, a main city would be better right?

I'm also confused why so many men here claim they are buying houses for their kids, when the lifetime of a home here, isn't very long, generally, the houses are going to be in pretty bad shape, 30-50 years from now, but Thai ladies ...even the ones living in the West, seem to using some excuse, some manipulation to convince men to buy/build a house in their village "for the kids", later, "for retirement later", in 30 years, and lots of guys seem to go for it. Guys who have been in relationships for a total of a year, are building/buying homes, for "whatever reason" to be used in 30 years!!

I'm not trying to attack you, just asking the question.

[RabC]

What about mutual respect?

If I have said I am going for a beer for a few hours and it looks like turning into a full on session, yes I will call home and see if it is OK. Who knows, maybe a special dinner has been prepared, other plans I wasn't yet aware of made.......... I would also expect exactly the same in return. If your partnership is based on cash then sure call all the shots, but if its love then no matter who earns/has more cash both are equal in my eyes. By the way in 99% of cases I get the all clear to do what I want and therefore am more considerate when requested to return home.

[Thakkar]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

[amykat]

Since I got married, I noticed that I can't have any fun here in Thailand. Everything stopped. Makes me wonder what the hell happened to anything fun. Everything went serious. Now it makes me wonder if I should just back up, and look at this situation that I got into,and see if I can get out without hurting anyone's feelings. I work hard, and play hard at work, but at home, I'm a prisoner.

Well I am not sure what you want to do "to have fun in Thailand" ...maybe that is something most people might consider "bad"? But if it is within reason, then I am sure you shouldn't feel that way, "like a prisoner". If you got yourself into a bad situation, then by all means, rethink it, and leave if that what you need to do.

I am curious, what does it mean, you "play hard at work"? Anyway, I hope you can work it out to be happy and satisfied.

[FDog]

What about mutual respect?

If I have said I am going for a beer for a few hours and it looks like turning into a full on session, yes I will call home and see if it is OK. Who knows, maybe a special dinner has been prepared, other plans I wasn't yet aware of made.......... I would also expect exactly the same in return. If your partnership is based on cash then sure call all the shots, but if its love then no matter who earns/has more cash both are equal in my eyes. By the way in 99% of cases I get the all clear to do what I want and therefore am more considerate when requested to return home.

Yes have to agree. If I'm with the 'boss' and enjoying a few beers and want to stay longer, knowing full well I am supposed to go do something else with her then I will ask if it is ok to stay and drink. It isn't so much asking permission but really it is asking, but also telling her that is what I'm doing. In the nicest possible way.

If the 'boss' is at home and expecting me then it is just good manners to call and tell her I will be late. Also good as an early warning to her that I will have the wobbly boots on and she can be ready to just ignore me.

[muythai2013]

I can go out when I please however without my wife and children I get bored so we stick to family related entertainment.

[itchybum]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

Most farang here are unable to be on top I would imagine.

[arthurwait]

Since I got married, I noticed that I can't have any fun here in Thailand. Everything stopped. Makes me wonder what the hell happened to anything fun. Everything went serious. Now it makes me wonder if I should just back up, and look at this situation that I got into,and see if I can get out without hurting anyone's feelings. I work hard, and play hard at work, but at home, I'm a prisoner.

Well I am not sure what you want to do "to have fun in Thailand" ...maybe that is something most people might consider "bad"? But if it is within reason, then I am sure you shouldn't feel that way, "like a prisoner". If you got yourself into a bad situation, then by all means, rethink it, and leave if that what you need to do.

I am curious, what does it mean, you "play hard at work"? Anyway, I hope you can work it out to be happy and satisfied.

Yeah a happy ending will be very satisfying.

[theblether]

Since I got married, I noticed that I can't have any fun here in Thailand. Everything stopped. Makes me wonder what the hell happened to anything fun. Everything went serious. Now it makes me wonder if I should just back up, and look at this situation that I got into,and see if I can get out without hurting anyone's feelings. I work hard, and play hard at work, but at home, I'm a prisoner.

You didn't get married to be a workhorse. You have to value your personal happiness.

[rubberduck]

Pussy whipped is often also just a lazy mind, it's too easy if someone else thinks for you.... Might be hard sometimes with an up-to-you-girl at your side. Edited April 26, 2013 by rubberduck

[MAJIC]

@ yourauntbob Post 42

(too many blocks of text to reply direct)

My Post was more in line with a warning for him to be careful,some people would do anything to get their hands on even a tenth part of that sort of money,best kept to ones self,even if it's a joke.

[amykat]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

Thakkar, I think I always agree with your posts and this one makes good sense, but MY experience with Thai people, is that (I have decided ...but I may be wrong) that Thais don't deal well with equality. It may be totally an unknown experience for them, and we Western people, just assume they will enjoy it, live it, and deal with it well ...I think many Thai people cannot deal with it at all! They seem to always be measuring who has the power, and when they feel they have it, they don't usually treat others "equally".

I THINK they thrive on being unequal, and when they have the power, or THINK they have the power, they usually don't treat the inferior person well or equally, or how that person treated them before (if that was well when they had the upper hand.) That is maybe why some people see this power shift, which seems like a joke (if you bought her a house in her name already) but really isn't a joke in many cases. Once they get the house, the car, the visa, the whatever, and they don't see the future "stuff" coming as still valuable, there is often a power shift in relationships here. This works this way, not only for love relationships, but all relationships, employees, too ...according to me, but that is just my experience. But looking at life this way, here in Thailand, has helped me in so many ways, to deal with life here, in a better way for me! I'm sure everyone isn't this way, but I think mostly, this is true.

[Thakkar]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

Thakkar, I think I always agree with your posts and this one makes good sense, but MY experience with Thai people, is that (I have decided ...but I may be wrong) that Thais don't deal well with equality. It may be totally an unknown experience for them, and we Western people, just assume they will enjoy it, live it, and deal with it well ...I think many Thai people cannot deal with it at all! They seem to always be measuring who has the power, and when they feel they have it, they don't usually treat others "equally".

I THINK they thrive on being unequal, and when they have the power, or THINK they have the power, they usually don't treat the inferior person well or equally, or how that person treated them before (if that was well when they had the upper hand.) That is maybe why some people see this power shift, which seems like a joke (if you bought her a house in her name already) but really isn't a joke in many cases. Once they get the house, the car, the visa, the whatever, and they don't see the future "stuff" coming as still valuable, there is often a power shift in relationships here. This works this way, not only for love relationships, but all relationships, employees, too ...according to me, but that is just my experience. But looking at life this way, here in Thailand, has helped me in so many ways, to deal with life here, in a better way for me! I'm sure everyone isn't this way, but I think mostly, this is true.

.

My experience in Thailand has been different to yours. Either way, it's anecdotal and I really wouldn't want to generalize.

Power struggles in relationships (and here I mean relationships in a broad sense as you partly seem to be doing) are common in every culture; it's a human thing more than a cultural thing, though it manifests itself differently in different cultures. To mix metaphors, we each of us navigate these minefields/attempt to capture the high ground to get the best advantage for ourselves.

When it comes to the microcosm of a marriage (or marriage-like relationship), I would think that the most fruitful strategy for success is total disarmament from both sides. It's got to be 'us against the world' and not 'us against each other.'

I think the same applies to close friendships and sibling relationships.

Cheers

T

[Eesat]

Thailand is a Matriarchal society like China,the woman runs the household,keeps the money and gives the layabout drunken husband pocket money,surely most people have realised that by now?

[Eesat]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

If there is mistrust in a relationship there is no relationship!

[His Masters Voice]

A future bleak - it feels like a prison

[smokie36]

What about mutual respect?

If I have said I am going for a beer for a few hours and it looks like turning into a full on session, yes I will call home and see if it is OK. Who knows, maybe a special dinner has been prepared, other plans I wasn't yet aware of made.......... I would also expect exactly the same in return. If your partnership is based on cash then sure call all the shots, but if its love then no matter who earns/has more cash both are equal in my eyes. By the way in 99% of cases I get the all clear to do what I want and therefore am more considerate when requested to return home.

You've nailed it here Rab.

We all get grief if we don't show our ladies enough attention....different priorities sometimes and we have to remember that from time to time...or be reminded.

Having said that I have a beer whenever I want...which isn't at 6am or ten beers before we meet for dinner.

Funnily enough she is quite happy for me to drink beers while sat in front of the TV....less so on pub crawls along Sukhumvit.

No idea why that is....