Breaking Up in Thailand

[GooEng]

Anyone else inclined to share a bit of their own break up history, or is this just gonna keep getting slung back at me?

20 years ago I lived in Phuket I met setteled down with a Thai woman from a military family in Udon Thani. I adored her. Together we started an import business in the then somewhat quieter upmarket resort of Patong. I had continueing business interests back home and left to attend to matters arising. It was upsetting for both of us as I would be away two to three months. We travelled to Singapore together to delay our parting until the last possible moment. We were both crying as I headed to my flight to LA. Although we had never lived together it was very difficult for us. I still wore the Temple bands of commitment on my wrist and called her every day but there was never an answer.

Weeks later I manage to return to Thailand early. The business premises were boarded-up. No one had seen my partner in weeks. I pannicked and went to the Farmers Bank where both the business account and my personal account was. The business account had been emptied and closed. By way of calming me on hearing this news because I was very angry The bank presented me with a copy of a police report that stated that the bearer had reported that her partner had been missing for months and is now presumed dead because all attempts to contact said business partner had be fruitless.

Admittedly telephone comunication to Thailand then was tenuous at best. But my future was trashed. The total loss in love and of our joint property continued to upset me and so I left Thailand again for the security of my old life and to take stock of my options for another three months. On my return to Thailand I set about trying to find her....but that is another story.

Ok, so what happened? Did you find her?

[SinglePot]

Sorry to hear this story indyuk.

Are you coming back to us please?

I for one would like to know if this is a bitter or a sweet story.

Apologies for any impertinence.

[vijer]

Also, there are not many available men in Thailand so if a woman gets a man she wants to keep him.

In Thailand, the demograhics I looked up, if correct, are:

At birth, there are 1.05 males/females

At 15-64 years, there are .98 males/females

If many Thai men, have more than one lover, more than one wife, or some combo, plus there are some amount of foreigners coming here for women, how would that make a shortage of men for Thai women???

I think it might be quite the opposite.

That isn't what the Thai women I have spoken with said, not to mention a predilection for younger Thai males to be gay, effeminate, or Lady Boys would lessen the number of eligible Thai men.

[kristophon]

what you need to do is to pretend to slowly come around to her way of thinking... buy yourself a ticket... kiss her butt up point at which she drops you off at the airport... get on that plane.. chop up that sim card, get that email address, skype and whatever else blocked and never contact her ever again....

put it down to experience...

get yourself a nice tight unambitious type and start afresh... trust me.. its the ambitious ones you need to watch out for... (PS. try to find one without too much baggage... nigh on impossible, but try....)

jeese... if i had a 100baht note for every farang i`d met whos said 'if only I could do it all again, I`d do it SO differently!'... I`d be a very rich dude...

Edited June 23, 2013 by kristophon

[Thailand2012]

Well no matter what Tom, you sure have concentrated some minds, even if some of them are ever so slightly warped. So what's the verdict, and can I have the 'rights' for the Thai Movie ? Please ?

After note. The movie would encompass all of the above..... The OP would be thread running through it all. Oh.... And you would live happily ever after in my script.

Verdict is I'm going to be honest about the possibility of my departure, but not tell her I'm 99% sure of it. Moreover, I'll stress to her that we can try and make it work. It seems the most reasonable course to take. And as I mentioned, even if she's not actively dating other guys, I don't think she'll stop entertaining the attention that comes her way on a regular basis. Point being, for those inclined to accuse me of wasting her time, I think she's well in control of keeping her options open.

mate just tell her the half truth you have to go home to make more money as your money is running out and you will be back when you have money.she wont shut the door on her way out,theres no piont trying to be rationale with her as it is all about her not you,i can gather that she played the game with you for some time looking for other suitors no doubt then decided you will do,now she is pissed of that you are trying to better yourself.(you selfish ass 555) and im sure if she didnt react the way she did you might of considered alternatives.you have seen her for who she is move on (no money no honey) if she is a looker she will find another suitor.

[Eesat]

Anyone else inclined to share a bit of their own break up history, or is this just gonna keep getting slung back at me?

20 years ago I lived in Phuket I met setteled down with a Thai woman from a military family in Udon Thani. I adored her. Together we started an import business in the then somewhat quieter upmarket resort of Patong. I had continueing business interests back home and left to attend to matters arising. It was upsetting for both of us as I would be away two to three months. We travelled to Singapore together to delay our parting until the last possible moment. We were both crying as I headed to my flight to LA. Although we had never lived together it was very difficult for us. I still wore the Temple bands of commitment on my wrist and called her every day but there was never an answer.

Weeks later I manage to return to Thailand early. The business premises were boarded-up. No one had seen my partner in weeks. I pannicked and went to the Farmers Bank where both the business account and my personal account was. The business account had been emptied and closed. By way of calming me on hearing this news because I was very angry The bank presented me with a copy of a police report that stated that the bearer had reported that her partner had been missing for months and is now presumed dead because all attempts to contact said business partner had be fruitless.

Admittedly telephone comunication to Thailand then was tenuous at best. But my future was trashed. The total loss in love and of our joint property continued to upset me and so I left Thailand again for the security of my old life and to take stock of my options for another three months. On my return to Thailand I set about trying to find her....but that is another story.

Interesting stuff,certainly sounds worthy of its own thread on here I would have thought to serve as a warning?

[laislica]

Dear OP, I suggest that you obtain a copy of Thailand Fever and read it to find out just how badly wrong your understanding of Thai culture is.

I read in a very early post an explanation that you totally rejected.

Although you have said that you do not "live together", I gather that you sleep together.

Here is a small snip from the book (there is so much more in the actual book)

"Thais who can speak English will often tell you that, they think of any couple who lives together, whether or not they've had any public marriage ceremony, as “already married.” You'll also hear Thais refer to unmarried couples as “husband” and "wife." As a Westerner, you probably think they’re talking about whether or not the couple’s sex is morally or religiously acceptable (e.g. whether the sex is sinful or not). Thais couldn’t care less about that. Plenty of couples in Thailand live and sleep together without having held a marriage ceremony. The lack of a ceremony doesn’t seem to bother many Thais. They are saying that by sleeping together, the couple has already made the commitment of husband and wife—that is, the responsibility to take care of each other. It most definitely does bother a Thai to see a man sleep with a woman (an act that Thais would translate as “take a woman for a wife”) without also showing naam-jai by taking care of her. Thais would call such a man jai-keep, or “narrow-hearted.” The marriage ceremony, with its associated dowry, is a symbolic way the groom can show that he is willing to take on this responsibility, but it is not a necessary condition for a respectable relationship in the Thai view."

In the west your behaviour may well be acceptable but in the east it is not.

I hope that you are able to escape without encounting any physical problems and that you will take the time to truely understand the differences in culture.

I might say that 40 up years ago, I was in your situation but in another Asian country.

I was but a boy they and somewhat like you, I had no idea at all of the differences in culture.

I only knew things from "my point of view".

I don´t blame you though, no one explains any of this to us and we just bumble along in the land of smiles following the well trod paths to exotic food, weather, beaches, bars, girls and everything else that we are told that this paradise has to offer......

Kindly do your best to help your lady save face, it is most important to them..

[Khunangkaro]

To OP, so many posts interesting opinions/experiences and also interesting distracting sidetracks, however ......

I might have missed out, but still have questions I wish you understand.

How serious is your GF ?

Indications: Is she having her own private life without you?

If she is serious with you she will need the opinions first of her close friends and when positive she will introduce you to her family etc.,etc..

If you are serious about her you will stimulate this process.

As far as I understand nothing of this process going on.

Thus you two are both playing games.

We know some of your side.

Not much of hers, but as far as I can see IMHU, she not yet has any face to loose but to you.

I guess we are waisting our time.

[aTomsLife]

Thank you to everyone who replied. I do appreciate all the advice, even if tempers seemed to flare occasionally.

The response was far more than I ever expected. Rather than add commentary here to an already excessively long thread, I've started a new thread as an update, "Making up in Thailand": http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/649404-making-up-in-thailand/

I'm not sure how to request that this topic be locked. If someone would inbox me directions, I'd greatly appreciate it. Or, if a Mod reads this, please lock this thread as it's being continued elsewhere. Thank you all again, and cheers.