How to handle several Thai girlfriends at the same time?

[amykat]

Boo took the words out of my mouth.

But seriously...if you must do this then as some have advised, be honest about it from day one.

However I have the definite sense from your posts that you are really wanting a relationship and even if you try to have several at once you will end up falling for one.

I think what you really need to do is re-evaluate how you are selecting girlfriends..where you are meeting these women and what sort of things you are looking for/attracted to. To have ended up cheated on in what were supposed to be monogamous relationships several times suggests you aren't moving in the right circles/selecting the right women. Either that or there is something in the course of the relationships that's off. If you are n Thailand only temporarily with intention of leaving for an extended period/no intention to stay or to marry, that may be a factor that leads GFs to start looking for alternatives. Or maybe you are, unintentionally, just repeatedly falling for the wrong type.

I'm totally for honesty, but not in this situation. I've discovered it is a big disadvantage to be the only honest person in a group of "whatevers." I think Thai people expect lies, so they expect it from us as well. We can be 100% honest, but will still get treated like 90% of what we say is a lie. (Except maybe in the case of longer term relationships, not necessarily love relationships, just people who have gotten to know you over YEARS and have had the chance to confirm you show up when you say, you pay when you say, your stories seem true, the "lies" they follow up on, turn out not to be lies ...etc.)

Personally, I have decided that I WILL lie if it suits me, but I just haven't really had the chance or need to lie about anything! dam_n it! I also am not a good natural liar. I really DO want to tell some lies just to get in the game and feel like I got some payback! But as of yet, nothing has occured to me ...my boring life!

I agree though, that if you really want a nice relationship and are a nice, good, moral person, you might keep finding yourself disadvantaged here with Thai ladies. So, WHY don't you date NON-THAI women?? I hear we Western ladies here are all desperate for men, and we tend to be honest, and faithful ... so since you are still young enough to get one ...why not try that route out before you get too old, and too discouraged and find yourself, possibly, only dating hookers, so you won't be let down. Save that for your 60's+.

so your a singleton then Amy?

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Yes, I am a self-exiled, single, mostly, since living in Thailand. I thought it would be a good decision, and the longer I have lived here, the more respect I have for my own decision making abilities! If a husband/love life, caused me great stress in my old "real" life, I can't imagine the damage that could be done in this shark pool!!

I do hope to return, one day, to the "life" but sometimes have trouble imaging it after so long. There is an amazing stability and calmness to be had, when one isn't always mixing with "other" lives, hormones/brain chemicals that fire off and control you to some extent ...just due to some body-to-body friction, etc. I see things, like what terrible parents my parents became, when they divorced, and got into their own love lifes, or how they were somewhat terrible due to their common love life together, how this dominated everything they did. (I am parent to an adopted child.) I can see how it would be hard to be flooded with happy love chemicals/hormones, and still be a good parent ...really very hard for at least a year or two ..until that wears off, and you get into the stage of unhappy everything, and stress, and trying to change things, and blah, blah, until you just leave/kick out the "new" person.

Well, this might just be me, who is very bad at this, but since having a child to take care of, I have opted OUT! And I think it is good for me and my daughter ...for her, definitely good! And although I worry a bit that she should see a good, healthy, relationship ...I am probably not capable of providing that (based on my past experiences) and on the other hand, she can see that a single person can be a good parent, a good provider, educated, and that a WOMAN especially, doesn't need a man to make her happy, secure, whatever, (add your list here), and that might be a better guide for her, than "fall in love with your Knight" who will give all meaning to your life.

But anyway, thanks for asking!

Edited July 14, 2013 by amykat

[amykat]

I especially liked your quote " I can only suggest that you stop imposing *your* standards on your girls. Try to learn their standards and then work within them -- or walk away. They don't expect you to change, so you should not expect them to change either -- thus avoiding an endless succession of disappointments."

This time I will try to work within their standards and see how it goes.

This goes back to my previous post, about WHY date Thai women?? Yes, I can agree with the above, but if you want to end up in a LTR, than what about those standards, at that point? Those standards won't change because now your g/f is pregnant, or someone wants to get married. They won't change when you have those babies, and Mom teaches that to your kids!

Many, many, men end up with unexpected children here, and I think, the "other parent" becomes the worst nightmare of their life, no matter if they stay or they go. The "other" parent can always become your worst nightmare, but it could be better within your own culture, your own laws (i.e. your own country) or just better and less likely, in the case of a Western partner, that the pregnancy, isn't an intentional "accident" which I think 95% of them here are.

I would guess, that it might be good advise, to get involved with women who you would like to be mother of your kids, if you are at that stage in life. And if you don't want kids, to do everything to prevent that, because it is likely to happen with Thai girlfreinds, and then you are screwed in so many ways.

[Byebyethaifornow]

I especially liked your quote " I can only suggest that you stop imposing *your* standards on your girls. Try to learn their standards and then work within them -- or walk away. They don't expect you to change, so you should not expect them to change either -- thus avoiding an endless succession of disappointments."

This time I will try to work within their standards and see how it goes.

This goes back to my previous post, about WHY date Thai women?? Yes, I can agree with the above, but if you want to end up in a LTR, than what about those standards, at that point? Those standards won't change because now your g/f is pregnant, or someone wants to get married. They won't change when you have those babies, and Mom teaches that to your kids!

Many, many, men end up with unexpected children here, and I think, the "other parent" becomes the worst nightmare of their life, no matter if they stay or they go. The "other" parent can always become your worst nightmare, but it could be better within your own culture, your own laws (i.e. your own country) or just better and less likely, in the case of a Western partner, that the pregnancy, isn't an intentional "accident" which I think 95% of them here are.

I would guess, that it might be good advise, to get involved with women who you would like to be mother of your kids, if you are at that stage in life. And if you don't want kids, to do everything to prevent that, because it is likely to happen with Thai girlfreinds, and then you are screwed in so many ways.

Thanks for you post it gave me more things to think about.

You asked why do I like to date Thai women? I guess my answer would have to do with why I came to Thailand to begin with. Without going in to too much detail, I love the climate in Thailand, love the friendliness (albeit sometimes superficial) of Thai people, and I have spent at least half the year here for the past few years. So while I am here I like to date Thai women, and when I go home I dont date. I just bury myself in work and save money waiting for my return to LOS.

Your concept of a woman here "baby trapping" a man by getting pregnant is probably as old as history, and it probably happens in most of the other countries in the world, not just Thailand. I am not worried so much about that, I would welcome a baby if it happened. My 2nd gf did get pregnant after we tried for 1 year. I paid a fortune of money for fertility treatments because she couldnt get pregnant and then she did get pregnant but miscarried after 4 months. That was one of the worst days of my life. Then she got terribly sick and was bedridden for a month. Then 3 months after the miscarriage, seems as soon as she was well again, she cheated on me when I went home. I was in it for the long run with her, had the baby lived I would probably still be with her. I would have bent my morals to stay with her, but without the baby, there was no incentive for me to stay with a cheater.

Your advice is well taken about finding another girl who I would like to be the mother of my children. But for now I will use a plan like Jpinx suggested to try and find my next long term gf. I will try to have a little fun in the selection process, dating can be hell, but Im gonna try and make it a little heaven this time around. I think that I have earned it.

Thanks to everyone who contributes thus far to this thread.

[TheSpade]

There is absolutely no need to go to bars unless you are 100% ready for that scene and *everything* it entails. There are umpteen lovely ladies in markets, malls and even in the street. If you are presentable and they are available - they will smile at you. Respond in kind and off you go.

You don't expect most guys to have the confidence to speak to women when they aren't drunk do you?

Thailand must be one of the easiest place in the world to meet women and yes no need for bars and clubs or hookers.

[jpinx]

...........

I especially liked your quote " I can only suggest that you stop imposing *your* standards on your girls. Try to learn their standards and then work within them -- or walk away. They don't expect you to change, so you should not expect them to change either -- thus avoiding an endless succession of disappointments."

This time I will try to work within their standards and see how it goes.

This goes back to my previous post, about WHY date Thai women?? Yes, I can agree with the above, but if you want to end up in a LTR, than what about those standards, at that point? Those standards won't change because now your g/f is pregnant, or someone wants to get married. They won't change when you have those babies, and Mom teaches that to your kids!

Many, many, men end up with unexpected children here, and I think, the "other parent" becomes the worst nightmare of their life, no matter if they stay or they go. The "other" parent can always become your worst nightmare, but it could be better within your own culture, your own laws (i.e. your own country) or just better and less likely, in the case of a Western partner, that the pregnancy, isn't an intentional "accident" which I think 95% of them here are.

I would guess, that it might be good advise, to get involved with women who you would like to be mother of your kids, if you are at that stage in life. And if you don't want kids, to do everything to prevent that, because it is likely to happen with Thai girlfreinds, and then you are screwed in so many ways.

Thanks for you post it gave me more things to think about.

You asked why do I like to date Thai women? I guess my answer would have to do with why I came to Thailand to begin with. Without going in to too much detail, I love the climate in Thailand, love the friendliness (albeit sometimes superficial) of Thai people, and I have spent at least half the year here for the past few years. So while I am here I like to date Thai women, and when I go home I dont date. I just bury myself in work and save money waiting for my return to LOS.

Your concept of a woman here "baby trapping" a man by getting pregnant is probably as old as history, and it probably happens in most of the other countries in the world, not just Thailand. I am not worried so much about that, I would welcome a baby if it happened. My 2nd gf did get pregnant after we tried for 1 year. I paid a fortune of money for fertility treatments because she couldnt get pregnant and then she did get pregnant but miscarried after 4 months. That was one of the worst days of my life. Then she got terribly sick and was bedridden for a month. Then 3 months after the miscarriage, seems as soon as she was well again, she cheated on me when I went home. I was in it for the long run with her, had the baby lived I would probably still be with her. I would have bent my morals to stay with her, but without the baby, there was no incentive for me to stay with a cheater.

Your advice is well taken about finding another girl who I would like to be the mother of my children. But for now I will use a plan like Jpinx suggested to try and find my next long term gf. I will try to have a little fun in the selection process, dating can be hell, but Im gonna try and make it a little heaven this time around. I think that I have earned it.

Thanks to everyone who contributes thus far to this thread.

Don't abandon the thread now - will you ?

We want to know how it works out for you.

[Byebyethaifornow]

Thanks Jpinx. I will be returning to Thailand next month, and so far I dont have plans to meet any potential girlfriends yet, but I am on one of the dating sites and there might be a few ladies I might want to meet. I am going to try and avoid running into or meeting my most recent ex-gf, I think she has her hands full with her multiple new bf's, so I would not want to intrude. haha

It will be strange going to Thailand and not having a gf there already. The only time I ever went without already having a gf there was the first time 6 years ago. Im still going through a bit of sorrow about my ex-gf, but hopefully with time and a few new ladies to meet, I will be able to forget about her more, but I still care about her. I was a Boy Scout for many years, and thats just the way I am, I try to take care of the people I love even after they have done me wrong.

So Jpinx where do you think I should start looking for a new gf, or should I just go and relax and maybe I will find one while I am there by chance? Its new to me, being single again, so Im just not sure what to do. I dont know why I am so afraid of not having a gf, I have always had one since I was 16 years old. I just dont like to be alone so much.

Well thanks for your help and I will keep you posted.

[sustento]

Its new to me, being single again, so Im just not sure what to do. I dont know why I am so afraid of not having a gf, I have always had one since I was 16 years old. I just dont like to be alone so much.

[jpinx]

Thanks Jpinx. I will be returning to Thailand next month, and so far I dont have plans to meet any potential girlfriends yet, but I am on one of the dating sites and there might be a few ladies I might want to meet. I am going to try and avoid running into or meeting my most recent ex-gf, I think she has her hands full with her multiple new bf's, so I would not want to intrude. haha

It will be strange going to Thailand and not having a gf there already. The only time I ever went without already having a gf there was the first time 6 years ago. Im still going through a bit of sorrow about my ex-gf, but hopefully with time and a few new ladies to meet, I will be able to forget about her more, but I still care about her. I was a Boy Scout for many years, and thats just the way I am, I try to take care of the people I love even after they have done me wrong.

So Jpinx where do you think I should start looking for a new gf, or should I just go and relax and maybe I will find one while I am there by chance? Its new to me, being single again, so Im just not sure what to do. I dont know why I am so afraid of not having a gf, I have always had one since I was 16 years old. I just dont like to be alone so much.

Well thanks for your help and I will keep you posted.

Get onto the dating websites and go for quantity - not quality - to begin with. Set out in writing for yourself the parameters you have for your "ideal girl" and be ruthless about rejecting the rest no matter how cute they seem to be. Simple things like previous kids, degree education, etc. Given your story I wonder if you are able to go through 20 emails a day and reject all of them What age are you and what "style" of girl do you want ?

Also -- remember the age-old saying -- be careful what you wish for because you might get it

[Sheryl]

A woman you have "lined up"to be your gf sight unseen via a dating site is not, I hate to tell you, in it for love or affection.

And women you have to send money to from home to keep available for you when you go back are also not what I would exactly call GFs. That's a financial transaction.

The thing about buying a woman is -- you end up with a woman who can be bought. Which among other things makes it highly likely she will either leave you for a higher bidder or seek to maximize profits by two-timing you.

Just come on your own and try to meet ordinary women, not ones on the prowl for a farang. By all accounts this is not at all hard to do. Try to learn to speak some Thai while your are at it, which also then provides an excellent conversation starter as you can ask women if you can practice your Thai with them.

You will certainly manage to have soem nice dates and who knows, you might acquire an actual GF.

[theblether]

You'd be better off in China, those ladies will back you every step of the way, and any money that pours in will be kept within the household.

Go on the Chinese dating sites and you will be astounded at who you will end up dating. I dated a lady that owned a company that supplied the F1 teams with clothing.

In Chinese culture, you need to understand the motivation of the "On The Shelf" girls, they get to an age and a status when they are effectively trapped out of the marriage game.

Chinese men don't marry above themselves, it would be a humiliation for them, they don't even like to marry equals, they prefer to marry one strata below them. That leaves millions of highly educated Bridget Jones types on the shelf. Aged 30 and finished. There's more to it, but you will find a far better chance of a excellent life partner on the Chinese sites.

[jpinx]

I have hear similar stories about chinese ladies, but I have no personal experience. I also heard from the same guys that chinese ladies are more conservative than ........... Consider what you are looking for very carefully.

As to the comments about girls online -- it's rubbish. I have made contacts and followed up with real meeting with many girls, most of whom are still good friends, even if we never went into a romance. As for anyone sending money to *anyone* they don't know REALLY well -- the old saying comes to mind - a fool and his money are soon parted...

[Byebyethaifornow]

Im trying a different tactic this time, thanks in part to Jpinx advice. When I go to the online dating site, instead of using the same things I have used in the past, such as "looking for marriage and children" I am not committing to anything, Im not telling anyone I am looking for marriage, and I dont tell anyone where I work or how much money I make. They will learn all about that later if it is the right girl. If they dont want to meet me because I tell them Im not looking for marriage, then they need to find someone else. I gave alot of money and emotions to the last 3 girls, this time Im not getting so emotional.

It is not going to be a "financial arrangement" as Sheryl assumed, it will start as a meeting and then maybe more. Im going to avoid any financial arrangements this time, if they dont like that, they can find another man. Im just not committing this time, I did the last few times and they cheated, so this time Im being more careful.

[TheSpade]

You do NOT have to tell them what your intentions are RE: marriage / gf or mention money.

You just say you're coming to live here / spend X amount of months here and let them come to their own conclusion.

And as other posts have said any girl you have to send money to whilst you are at home is not really your girlfriend so stop that.

I never make commitments to any of the Thai girls I meet. Some I'll meet once and never again. Some I'll see on a weekly basis, some every now and then.

I never tell any of them they are my girlfriend or anything similar. If they ask if we are b/f and g/f I tell them no I'm too busy for that and honestly I have very few problems.

Just don't lie or bullshit to them or be a c*nt and you can do as you please for the most part. I never give money to any of them. In fact if I meet a girl on a regular basis and she's never putting her hand in her pocket or I sense she's only after free nights out. she gets ditched quite quickly.

[Byebyethaifornow]

Im just wondering if anyone who has followed this path of dating several ladies at the same time has gotten unintentionally emotionally attached to any of the ladies he is dating? I have friends who date alot and have several gf's at a time, some ladies they meet just for sex, others they like to hang out with more. If you do end up falling for one of them, can you be emotionally attached to one of them and still go to the others for sex? Im not sure how any girl would react to knowing her bf, who she might also be emotionally attached to, has several gf's on the line. Im afraid I will fall for one lady, dump the others and then be in the same situation being cheated on again.

It seems a little bit cold to me to have several ladies, I guess you just have to be detached from your emotions and just focus on the physical part? I would love to have another loving relationship but Im scared now, but on the other hand I dont want to have a bunch of meaningless relations with ladies I have no intention of marrying.

As you can probably tell, Im not good at this at all. I tend to look for one good lady and then settle with her even though she might not be exactly what I was looking or hoping for. I am trying to avoid that this time, but I have to find a way to withdraw my emotions during my search. It is not easy.

[TheSpade]

If you do end up falling for one of them, can you be emotionally attached to one of them and still go to the others for sex?

I tend not to get too attached to any of them but even if I like one girl a fair bit I can still meet other girls. I know they are probably all doing the same so this is what you have to remember.

but on the other hand I dont want to have a bunch of meaningless relations with ladies I have no intention of marrying.

I suspect you are a lost cause. You don't seem to know what you want. You either want a serious of meaningless flings or you want marriage...which is it?

[Kudel]

Im just wondering if anyone who has followed this path of dating several ladies at the same time has gotten unintentionally emotionally attached to any of the ladies he is dating? I have friends who date alot and have several gf's at a time, some ladies they meet just for sex, others they like to hang out with more. If you do end up falling for one of them, can you be emotionally attached to one of them and still go to the others for sex? Im not sure how any girl would react to knowing her bf, who she might also be emotionally attached to, has several gf's on the line. Im afraid I will fall for one lady, dump the others and then be in the same situation being cheated on again.

It seems a little bit cold to me to have several ladies, I guess you just have to be detached from your emotions and just focus on the physical part? I would love to have another loving relationship but Im scared now, but on the other hand I dont want to have a bunch of meaningless relations with ladies I have no intention of marrying.

As you can probably tell, Im not good at this at all. I tend to look for one good lady and then settle with her even though she might not be exactly what I was looking or hoping for. I am trying to avoid that this time, but I have to find a way to withdraw my emotions during my search. It is not easy.

Dating Thai woman is not for you then.Apperently you have emo issues wich you need to deal with first .

When i was a horny teenager i also liked to butterfly but one girl who really liked me took a very dim view of my romantic stunts and sent her older brother and some tough guys to kick my ass ,a hard lesson learned that day for sure.

So grow a pair fella you should enjoy yourself being single and going to Thailand ,i myself just got divorced from my thai missus of ten years ,i envy some of those boys living in Thailand and being able to date the local woman with no strings attached.

[transam]

Have a BIG wallet.

Hansum.....NO.............Fat........................yes........................SAS.....................NO........................Big wallet..............................yes.................No problem.

[TheSpade]

Met a new girl a couple of days ago

Her: "So you are looking for a girlfriend?"

Me: "No I'm too busy for a gf"

Her: "So if we meet you are just looking for sex?"

Me: "Not just sex but I don't want a gf"

Her: "Ok that's fine with me just as long as you don't lie to me or pretend I'm your gf it's fine"

Simple.

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

Get yourself a dog.

dont. too many people get dogs in thailand, blunt their survival skills and then bugger off home leaving the dog behind after a few half assed attempts to re home them.