Could you have settled in Thailand without the help from a woman?

[up2you2]

First of all, it is at all possible just for the purposes of this thread, to put all sexual references aside for one moment.

What I'm saying here is, just how important were they for you in making the decision of trying to establish a base camp in Thailand.
Up until the moment of finding somewhere who could speak fluent English, I was seriously debating whether or not I could handle living here.

In amongst all of my frustrations at the time, she taught me two very important lessons.
Wait for the coconuts to come down, was one of her expressions, and the other was that I should have left all of my excess luggage at Heathrow.
By this she was referring to every time I started a sentence, well this is how we do things in England or the West.
She opened my eyes to look at everything with a blank sheet of paper, and just consider if the alternatives might be as good, if not better.

[SteeleJoe]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I was recently thinking about this too.

I can't actually think of one situation where having a local girl acting as an intermediary for a foreigner is actually useful to the foreigner.

First, it stops you thinking for yourself and learning the language.

Second, they are always seeking personal gain from you (commission for them on everything at the very least, large ticket items put in their name at worst).

Third, all other Thais will assume the girl is/was a sex worker of some kind, so you will be socially disadvantaged (true or not doesn't matter).

Fourth, you are insulated from most of the reality of Thailand, so you are living a complete fantasy life.

Fifth, they will be a drag on your finances, the children that aren't yours are needy, the family hand is always stretched out.

Sixth, they are serving their own best interests, never yours.

Better for a foreigner to deal with things on their own and stand on their own two feet IMHO.

(When was your last holiday in the west where you had everything done for you be a local girl that left school at age 13?)

Edited July 25, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[retiredusn]

As per your headline, I had no problems at all with either a long term visa or finding a area and moving there . First thing I did was research , research and research, then I applied for a retirement visa while still in the US so really had two years to settle in before I needed too start getting paper work ready for extension except for 90day reports which were very easy.

[watcharacters]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

.

Maybe a new topic some day. I hope so.

How does a 19 year old immigrate to and remain in Thailand?

[Richie23]

I've been here 8 months, live alone and settle in more and more each day. I agree with the above two posts. Each to their own though I guess.

[SteeleJoe]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

.

Maybe a new topic some day. I hope so.

How does a 19 year old immigrate to and remain in Thailand?

Same way anyone else might, I suppose. Visit and decide you want to stay, then work out how. (Immigration issues, work...the usual).

To be fair, my experience was probably fairly extraordinary and perhaps my choices were too. And it was a VERY different Thailand in 1982...

[rayongchelsea]

Stand on your own two feet...no question..100% right..

The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure, these types still exist but go else where now.

since then it seems to be almost entirely sex tourists who have "heard"what Thailand has to offer, basically lonely older men..nothing wrong with that but it does make it hard for someone to adjust when the reason they come here is an emotionally self centered one.So it's love at first blowjob...

They are not equipped to live here, do not absorb the culture, live in a dependency bubble created by the partner..most don't even know where to pay the electricity bill?

Loss of independence..leads to a lot of trouble financially as well..

But at the end of the day if they find happiness good for them,many don't..

[naboo]

Anyone who needs a woman to get by here needs to get a grip fast.

[SteeleJoe]

Stand on your own two feet...no question..100% right..

The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure, these types still exist but go else where now..

I regret that it will sound like another version of the tired old "well, you should have seen like it USED to be.../ It was much better when I got here..." and so on - guys were saying it when I got here - but I strongly suspect that the above is largely true. Certainly it appears that way to me and it certainly applies with me and the guys I met when I got here and the few years after...

[chrisinth]

When I first started to come to Thailand, I setup my own bank accounts, rented my own apartment, bought my own food, did my own washing (organized laundry later), etc, etc, etc. So, I could live here by myself, no problem.

But, to answer the title of the OP, could you settle in Thailand without help from a woman, the answer would have to be probably not. Sometimes I need a controlling feature in my life, one of the many things my wife has provided for me since I've been living here.

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

Anyone who needs a woman to get by here needs to get a grip fast.

^^^ I would agree with what is written above.

i never gave it much thought. i got on a plane, moved into a working class thai neighborhood and never looked back.

to suggest i would have needed any help is laughable

[watcharacters]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

.

Maybe a new topic some day. I hope so.

How does a 19 year old immigrate to and remain in Thailand?

Same way anyone else might, I suppose. Visit and decide you want to stay, then work out how. (Immigration issues, work...the usual).

To be fair, my experience was probably fairly extraordinary and perhaps my choices were too. And it was a VERY different Thailand in 1982...

sorry.

Not meant to pry on your privacy.

A lesson perhaps for those who try to immigrate to LOS before the magic retirement age.

I overstepped my bounds.

My apologies.

[glegolo]

In some sence, it is a pity that this thread is being misused like it is. It is the normal crowd of guys who have no problems whatsoever, and they are so extremely well fitted into society here in Thailand.

I think myself that the more a person is screaming out his own perfection and success in adapting into the thai way of life, the more of a failure is he in real life. I have been on this forum (Thaivisa) now I think since 2008, and I see all these millions of questions coming from guys that have absolutely no clue whatsoever, more than ordering in a beer at the bar, or buying food at Foodland..

Where are all these guys, that could have answered here in this thread. Because what I read here sofar, is mostly the normal kind of people that never in a lifetime will take a good idea and make something useful of it...

So much bullcrap in one thread, come on be honest, dont be so naiv and clever and never dare to open up.... OK I shall start than....I think that the OP has a point here,,,,, In many cases there are a woman behind the expat who is helping him to learn about the practicle obsticles in living his life here, and without this woman it would be so much harder to find out.....

Glegolo

[F4UCorsair]

The little contact I've had with Thai women, and I don't believe any of them have been hookers, ex or current, showed me that they were always on the take, secret commissions, most expensive options, etc. I expected a little humility. They always went for the biggest and best, restaurants, etc., things they would have never been in a position to afford themselves.

I wouldn't want any help from one if I was to settle there, and would probably prefer to hire rather than buy.

[Genericnic]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

+1

I did as well. I was 61, knew no one here, and adjusted just fine.

David

[aTomsLife]

Stand on your own two feet...no question..100% right..

The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure, these types still exist but go else where now..

I regret that it will sound like another version of the tired old "well, you should have seen like it USED to be.../ It was much better when I got here..." and so on - guys were saying it when I got here - but I strongly suspect that the above is largely true. Certainly it appears that way to me and it certainly applies with me and the guys I met when I got here and the few years after...

If the quality of westerner was so much higher back then, it stands to reason Thais were more inclined to be accommodating. Perhaps then, before the infamous 'farang fatigue' set in, a westerner didn't need a girlfriend to help because many others were happy to lend assistance to the charming, white skinned gentleman living next door.

When I got here, I didn't need much help -- but then I had the internet as a crutch.

Still, one instance where my girlfriend proved invaluable was when there were massive leaks in my ceiling. I was living in a top floor apartment in a new building and the roof wasn't sealed correctly. It was late in the evening when the rains came, the super had already retired to his apartment, and having her there to call and explain what was happening made everything seem ok. That was during my first year here. Now I speak enough Thai myself and would be able to make that phone call and explain things. But at that time, knowing she could help me like that gave me great peace of mind.

[SteeleJoe]

In some sence, it is a pity that this thread is being misused like it is. It is the normal crowd of guys who have no problems whatsoever, and they are so extremely well fitted into society here in Thailand.

I think myself that the more a person is screaming out his own perfection and success in adapting into the thai way of life, the more of a failure is he in real life. I have been on this forum (Thaivisa) now I think since 2008, and I see all these millions of questions coming from guys that have absolutely no clue whatsoever, more than ordering in a beer at the bar, or buying food at Foodland..

Where are all these guys, that could have answered here in this thread. Because what I read here sofar, is mostly the normal kind of people that never in a lifetime will take a good idea and make something useful of it...

So much bullcrap in one thread, come on be honest, dont be so naiv and clever and never dare to open up.... OK I shall start than....I think that the OP has a point here,,,,, In many cases there are a woman behind the expat who is helping him to learn about the practicle obsticles in living his life here, and without this woman it would be so much harder to find out.....

Glegolo

If a topic is begun with a question that makes an assumption that simply isn't accurate in regards to me (among others), is it a misuse of the thread to point that out in my answer?

Speaking for myself, I never claimed to have no problems.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

So much bullcrap in one thread, come on be honest, dont be so naiv and clever and never dare to open up.... OK I shall start than....I think that the OP has a point here,,,,, In many cases there are a woman behind the expat who is helping him to learn about the practicle obsticles in living his life here, and without this woman it would be so much harder to find out.....

Glegolo

Harder to find out what?

[SteeleJoe]

Stand on your own two feet...no question..100% right..

The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure, these types still exist but go else where now..

I regret that it will sound like another version of the tired old "well, you should have seen like it USED to be.../ It was much better when I got here..." and so on - guys were saying it when I got here - but I strongly suspect that the above is largely true. Certainly it appears that way to me and it certainly applies with me and the guys I met when I got here and the few years after...

If the quality of westerner was so much higher back then, it stands to reason Thais were more inclined to be accommodating. Perhaps then, before the infamous 'farang fatigue' set in, a westerner didn't need a girlfriend to help because many others were happy to lend assistance to the charming, white skinned gentleman living next door.

When I got here, I didn't need much help -- but then I had the internet as a crutch.

Still, one instance where my girlfriend proved invaluable was when there were massive leaks in my ceiling. I was living in a top floor apartment in a new building and the roof wasn't sealed correctly. It was late in the evening when the rains came, the super had already retired to his apartment, and having her there to call and explain what was happening made everything seem ok. That was during my first year here. Now I speak enough Thai myself and would be able to make that phone call and explain things. But at that time, knowing she could help me like that gave me great peace of mind.

I never used the word "quality" and I honestly don't think in those terms about people - generally speaking and certainly not in this instance. I believe, for the most part, the people who settled back then were different than those decades later; different, not "better" (or necessarily worse). I mean there were a LOT of less than reputable guys around doing unsavory things to varying degrees - many of them people who I liked and who added to the allure of the place - and I don't think of them (or myself) as having been a "higher quality".

[1FinickyOne]

Could and did with ease... Some people have trouble living in their own countries w/o a mate, GF, whatever - other people do fine just by themselves..

By the time i met my Thai wife, I had been all throughout Thailand on my own as well with no problems.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Still, one instance where my girlfriend proved invaluable was when there were massive leaks in my ceiling. I was living in a top floor apartment in a new building and the roof wasn't sealed correctly. It was late in the evening when the rains came, the super had already retired to his apartment, and having her there to call and explain what was happening made everything seem ok. That was during my first year here. Now I speak enough Thai myself and would be able to make that phone call and explain things. But at that time, knowing she could help me like that gave me great peace of mind.

Fon tok, langka rua, hawg biak mak, chewy dai mai?

Edited July 25, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[aTomsLife]

Stand on your own two feet...no question..100% right..

The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure, these types still exist but go else where now..

I regret that it will sound like another version of the tired old "well, you should have seen like it USED to be.../ It was much better when I got here..." and so on - guys were saying it when I got here - but I strongly suspect that the above is largely true. Certainly it appears that way to me and it certainly applies with me and the guys I met when I got here and the few years after...

If the quality of westerner was so much higher back then, it stands to reason Thais were more inclined to be accommodating. Perhaps then, before the infamous 'farang fatigue' set in, a westerner didn't need a girlfriend to help because many others were happy to lend assistance to the charming, white skinned gentleman living next door.

When I got here, I didn't need much help -- but then I had the internet as a crutch.

Still, one instance where my girlfriend proved invaluable was when there were massive leaks in my ceiling. I was living in a top floor apartment in a new building and the roof wasn't sealed correctly. It was late in the evening when the rains came, the super had already retired to his apartment, and having her there to call and explain what was happening made everything seem ok. That was during my first year here. Now I speak enough Thai myself and would be able to make that phone call and explain things. But at that time, knowing she could help me like that gave me great peace of mind.

I never used the word "quality" and I honestly don't think in those terms about people - generally speaking and certainly not in this instance. I believe, for the most part, the people who settled back then were different than those decades later; different, not "better" (or necessarily worse). I mean there were a LOT of less than reputable guys around doing unsavory things to varying degrees - many of them people who I liked and who added to the allure of the place - and I don't think of them (or myself) as having been a "higher quality".

In rayongchelsea's post, to me quality is clearly inferred -- " were self sufficient, well traveled" (as opposed to not being those things now). You responded by saying "the above is largely true". If I was mistaken, my apologies.

Edited July 25, 2013 by aTomsLife

[SteeleJoe]

ERROR

Edited July 25, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[Ajaan]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

.

Maybe a new topic some day. I hope so.

How does a 19 year old immigrate to and remain in Thailand?

Haha, all I can say is, if *I* had discovered Thailand at age 19 (I first went there when I was 40), I would be dead today. Died happy, to be sure, but dead for sure...!

[SteeleJoe]

Stand on your own two feet...no question..100% right..

The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure, these types still exist but go else where now..

I regret that it will sound like another version of the tired old "well, you should have seen like it USED to be.../ It was much better when I got here..." and so on - guys were saying it when I got here - but I strongly suspect that the above is largely true. Certainly it appears that way to me and it certainly applies with me and the guys I met when I got here and the few years after...

If the quality of westerner was so much higher back then, it stands to reason Thais were more inclined to be accommodating. Perhaps then, before the infamous 'farang fatigue' set in, a westerner didn't need a girlfriend to help because many others were happy to lend assistance to the charming, white skinned gentleman living next door.

When I got here, I didn't need much help -- but then I had the internet as a crutch.

Still, one instance where my girlfriend proved invaluable was when there were massive leaks in my ceiling. I was living in a top floor apartment in a new building and the roof wasn't sealed correctly. It was late in the evening when the rains came, the super had already retired to his apartment, and having her there to call and explain what was happening made everything seem ok. That was during my first year here. Now I speak enough Thai myself and would be able to make that phone call and explain things. But at that time, knowing she could help me like that gave me great peace of mind.

I never used the word "quality" and I honestly don't think in those terms about people - generally speaking and certainly not in this instance. I believe, for the most part, the people who settled back then were different than those decades later; different, not "better" (or necessarily worse). I mean there were a LOT of less than reputable guys around doing unsavory things to varying degrees - many of them people who I liked and who added to the allure of the place - and I don't think of them (or myself) as having been a "higher quality".

In rayongchelsea's post, to me quality is clearly inferred. You responded by saying "the above is largely true". If I was mistaken, my apologies.

I can only comment on what I posted and have no interest in trying to figure out what the other poster was or wasn't "inferring" but it seems to me that "Quality" is your judgement. In any case, it never would have occurred to me think of people in those terms and on reflection I still wouldn't about the sort of people described in that post.

And you have misquoted me. What I said was I STRONGLY SUSPECTED the above is true and what was above was (the part I had quoted): "The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure...".

I don't think those people are "higher quality" than other people.

[SteeleJoe]

Answer to question in Topic Title:

Apparently I could, because I did.

I was 19 and knew no one here...

.

Maybe a new topic some day. I hope so.

How does a 19 year old immigrate to and remain in Thailand?

Haha, all I can say is, if *I* had discovered Thailand at age 19 (I first went there when I was 40), I would be dead today. Died happy, to be sure, but dead for sure...!

Truth be told, I came pretty damn close.

[NanLaew]

I can see this being a contentious topic with the (so far) D-I-Y guys having their say and the quieter (so far) married-with-less-options crew waiting for a break in the diatribe. As pointed out by another ASTUTE poster, the OP specifically said 'settled' in Thailand. How many younger, single D-I-Y guys have long term plans beyond ensuring they get a fast internet connection so that their revenue streams don't dry up?

People that came here in the 60's.70's and 80's and chose to settle most likely had a local (lady or otherwise) on tap for more than bedroom gymnastics. Back then, there were even fewer locals with any ability in foreign languages and with everything being written in Thai (and no google translate), it was probably easier to get a girlfriend or a taxi driver or a bellhop with a smattering of whatever language you spoke to help out. If it wasn't the language, it could have been a procedure that the foreigner needed guidance with. Even finding things like decent furniture or a good mechanic relied on word of mouth and having someone to translate that word. If the foreigner eventually married the bellhop, well... I hope they are happy.

In the 90's, Thailand was the 'baby Tiger' of Asia (before the crash) and everything became more accessible as foreign investors arrived. The growth of TEFL'ing and electronic aids in translation made the whole relocation game a bit easier. Multinationals were moving in and the whole demographic started to change. Yes, you could open a bank account totally unassisted and then go and buy a car in your name.

People settling here in the last 5 to 10 years may have benefited from the tons of information freely available on the internet and found it relatively easy to move in. With English-speaking real estate agencies, 7-elevens and IKEA, the basics of getting a roof over your head, a bed to sleep on and something to eat is a whole lot easier. With forums like this, you didn't have to learn by personal experience that certain types of food or restaurants are day time only, that staying in the 'fast' lane will usually get you a traffic ticket and there's frequent 'dry' days where you can't buy booze.

Having said that, my wife and I witnessed a rather distressed looking farang accompanied by a matronly Thai lady walking just off the ring-road in Udon. She looked like a middle-aged school teacher, smartly dressed and looking for a noodle shop. He looked like a school teacher, probably retired and judging by the "deer in the headlights" look, totally shocked. It was a very hot day btw. My wife nudged me, pointed at them, smiled and suggested, 'internet date?'

Edited July 25, 2013 by NanLaew

[aTomsLife]

I can only comment on what I posted and have no interest in trying to figure out what the other poster was or wasn't "inferring" but it seems to me that "Quality" is your judgement. In any case, it never would have occurred to me think of people in those terms and on reflection I still wouldn't about the sort of people described in that post.

And you have misquoted me. What I said was I STRONGLY SUSPECTED the above is true and what was above was (the part I had quoted): "The biggest difference between foreigners who came here through the 70, 80 and most of 90 was that they were self sufficient well travelled etc..who came for the travel experience and found out about its charms later..basically looking for adventure...".

I don't think those people are "higher quality" than other people.

Being self sufficient and well traveled as opposed to not being those things, if not quality, how do such characteristics rate? Nevermind, you're not interested in figuring it out. You just want to agree with someone's ideas without knowing what they mean. Sorry for interrupting.

And strongly suspecting something means you're inclined to believe that such is the case. Don't see how I misquoted you. You're just being specious.

[villagefarang]

I am a firm believer in developing a relationship with Thailand first, before starting a relationship with a Thai girl. These days the girl seems to come first and can be a major roadblock to adjusting to Thailand and feeling comfortable here.

I lived here and took care of myself from 23 to 45 when I finally got married. I have gladly relinquished some tasks to my lovely wife over the last 14 years but not because I couldn’t do them myself.