Why is it so hard to find a good man in Bangkok as a female farang?

[Sheryl]

Not to mention he apparently failed to read/understand the OP, which is not about "how to get a farang man in Thailand".

[rene123]

Speechless, really. Just speechless.

You and me both! Talk about a bitter man! It sure opens a woman's eyes about some men here.

[Sheryl]

He seems to have overlooked a key adjective in the title of the thread and article......

(i.e. it is not the likes of him that the article bemoans as being hard to find)

[LaraC]

haha....i have a pretty good idea what type of man mrrealwhatsami probably is.

What a pile of...

(,,and jesus, did he really only have access to women that didnt bathe before??! )

Woman, all over the world know how to be clean and hygienic. Sorry for you that you didnt have access to that.

..as for the rest,,a little bit of vomit came up..im ashamed to say.

[varun]

And another man puting a womans whole worth down to sex and the apperance of her vagina. Dude, you aren't what the op is looking for, nor any woman with an ounce of self respect. If you want a fuc_k buddy then by all accounts follow your "points". If you want a partner, someone to have and raise kids with, grow old with, someone to care what happens to uo then you are going to need someone with more than a shaved bush and 3 showers a day. Just, you know, an fyi for you.

Quotes from OP's original article:

"I’ve made a conscious decision to just try and have fun"

"It’s easy to believe that I am un-date-able. Especially when well-intentioned people give me advice on all the things I’m doing wrong (not giving men a chance, meeting too many of my dates in Wong’s, not adhering to the ‘three day rule’ are some of my dating crimes)"

What makes you think the OP is looking for a 'partner' ? Far from it.

She's just being wishy-washy about not being able to transition her casual encounters with men, into something more.

Based on the fact, that she's just looking for 'fun', his advice is right on the money, albeit, brutally honest, I'll admit.

[Sheryl]

From her statements she is already succeeding in "having fun" so hardly needs advice on how to do that.. (and would be very unlikely to want to have it with a man with those sorts of attitudes!).

But I agree that the way it is written, some ambivalence re a real relationship does come across. If that is in fact what she wants, she probably is "meeting too many of my dates in Wong’s".

[manarak]

With some afterthought, I come back to the too short lived debate I had on this thread with Sheryl about "maturity" and my post:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/658886-why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-good-man-in-bangkok-as-a-female-farang/page-7#entry6719299

I am more and more convinced that farang men find (apparently) good matches in some Thai women because they don't require the men to be have a mature bahavior.

Looking at Thai society, a lot of Thai men appear totally immature in their behavior and so do many Thai women.

That may be the key.

[Gaccha]

With some afterthought, I come back to the too short lived debate I had on this thread with Sheryl about "maturity" and my post:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/658886-why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-good-man-in-bangkok-as-a-female-farang/page-7#entry6719299

I am more and more convinced that farang men find (apparently) good matches in some Thai women because they don't require the men to be have a mature bahavior.

Looking at Thai society, a lot of Thai men appear totally immature in their behavior and so do many Thai women.

That may be the key.

Cui bono? (who benefits)

One must always ask when the narrative of maturation is attached to somebody's behaviour: which party is set to benefit for this. Can it be more than a coincidence that a man suffering from the tedium of the docile, lawn-mowing, automatron life of a Western man imprisoned in the life of the West just happens to be termed as mature in the narrative. A life without interests, passions, excitement is mature, but a life well lived is immature....

Women are the gatekeepers to sex, and men are the gatekeepers to relationships. If the woman wants a relationship she'll have to offer something for it.

Using a disciplining narrative of demanind maturation ("man-up!") in order for the woman to get her own way ( a man who mows her lawn) will not work when men have alternative pursuits available.

Edited September 7, 2013 by Gaccha

[sbk]

Fascinating how in general men assume that the whole tedium of middle class life is a construct of women to imprison them somehow. I think you would be quite surprised to find that research has shown that women are not the boring little hausfraus you assume them to be but are a construct of society's opinion of how women should behave.

[poanoi]

Well societies values differs from one to the next,

so here we are clearly in the thai-visa forum society,

and what do you expect us as a group/society our opinion to be on how woman should behave on an average,

as in a true democracy ?

Edited September 11, 2013 by poanoi

[sbk]

Frankly I don't really give one toss how you think women should behave. Its really none of your business.

[Somchai Mao]

I'm sure the OP is a wonderful person but dating a farang female to me would be just plain stupid. Thai women are so much more attractive and fun. Farang women have nothing to offer.

[poanoi]

Pathetic statement

[Somchai Mao]

Pathetic statement

May I ask why?

[manarak]

Pathetic statement

May I ask why?

I agree with Poanoi.

You make a blanket statement that is quite offensive to some farang women.

Firstly, there are farang women who are very attractive even by my standards (and my preference is Asian) and secondly, there are quite a lot of fatties and uglies in the Asian female population too.

The point is: blanket statements are stupid.

[Somchai Mao]

If my statement is offensive to some women then I am sorry if they find it offensive. That is my personal opinion. I find Asian women, including Thai women to be more attractive than farang women. That is a statement the same as saying I prefer red M&M's to blue ones. I'm in my early fifties and have had quite a number of long term live in relationships with farang women but never married. I thought that was the norm at the time. However once I started visiting Thailand some 13 years ago I learned what having fun with attractive women was like. I like the Asian facial structure, the Asian bodyform, the Asian smile and the Asian sense of fun. Farang women simply do not offer that all in the same package. To me a farang woman offers me nothing as I prefer Asian women.

Some guys prefer blondes to brunetts, do they get questioned? No. I was just stating my preference. Unlike a previous poster I mentioned nothing of fat or thin. For all you know I may just prefer rather overweight Asian women. I think you are making assumptions on very little information.

I feel I am perfectly justified in making a "blanket statement" in that I prefer Asian women and farang women have nothing to offer me, a perfectly reasonable opinion.

I spent most of my time in China and Thailand, China working and Thailand for holidays, maybe 7 or 8 times a year. Additionally I lived in Thailand for a few years and ran a small business, a very happy time in my life. At the moment I am in the UK which quite frankly is a very miserable place these days and I yearn to get back to China and Thailand where the attitude to life is different and I can spend time with attractive, fun women along with all the other aspects of my life that are enhanced by living and working in SE Asia.

I didn't realise having preferences was "pathetic" but mai pen rai.

[Boo]

Heres the thing, you can prefer what you want but no one cares, your posts have nothing to do with the article.

[manarak]

I find Asian women, including Thai women to be more attractive than farang women. That is a statement the same as saying I prefer red M&M's to blue ones.

You actually said it would be stupid to eat a blue M&M.

I have the same preference as you, but I must say there are plenty of blue M&M which look better and taste better than some of the red ones. Because women are not identical and interchangeable as two red M&M.

[Sheryl]

Heres the thing, you can prefer what you want but no one cares, your posts have nothing to do with the article.

Which contrary to what you seem to have assumed, is NOT bemoaning western men's preference for Asian women nor asking how to get a western man in Thailand.

[preahko]

And another man puting a womans whole worth down to sex and the apperance of her vagina. Dude, you aren't what the op is looking for, nor any woman with an ounce of self respect. If you want a fuc_k buddy then by all accounts follow your "points". If you want a partner, someone to have and raise kids with, grow old with, someone to care what happens to uo then you are going to need someone with more than a shaved bush and 3 showers a day. Just, you know, an fyi for you.

Men are obsessed with sex. In case you hadn't noticed. Maybe not what the OP had in mind, but when you're dealing with men, you have to deal with this attitude.

[crazykopite]

Just keep looking Mr Right could be around the corner in the mean time enjoy your freedom !!!!!!!!!

[sbk]

Post in violation of forum rules removed and response to that post. Mind your manners here.

[wolf5370]

snip

You are missing the point. Men come to Thailand to get away from women like you. Fortunately, you are a minority here.

gawd, couldnt you have just typed that in the first place instead of rambling on about tooting horns.

And of course men like you come to thailand to get away from women like me, you couldn't cope, much better you go for someone less challenging

So you are saying Thai women are lower than you. How so?

She's making a joke - but as always many a truism spoken in jest. Many, many posts on this site about the limited education, unworldliness and cultural status of women here - so, yes, less challenging. Its a generalisation of course, and there are smart Thai women (and men) and some very smart ones, however the culture and educations system here is not conducive to turning out women that can compete intellectually with the west - however unfortunate that may be.

Many of the Thai women that find relationships with western men are after men that can look after them and their families - not that that is an invalid reason - but this is easier for a westerners to fulfil than being a David Beckham clone back home. The difference of scale becomes even greater with age - harder in the west as the looks go, and easier in the east as finances improve. A much harder challenge for us back home than here seems obvious to me.

It is an interesting thread - I feel for Boo/SBK as the Mod having to deal with overt bitterness rather than logical discussion. Bitter men and their hatred of western women is not relevant to a thread about a western women here looking for someone she can actually found a relationship with. Jeez get a life guys!

Personally I can not understand why men artificially limit themselves by excluding a subset of potential partners over some generalised belief. Seems dumb to me. I am very wary of men that only find one race attractive (and women of course) - and being burned is not an excuse as statistically it is worthless as an argument. To each their own, of course, but still seems like choosing to fish in a puddle when the lake is open for business! Every race has beautiful women - every single one of them.

Thai men are not all sots that beat their wives, smoke and drink their family income away, screw anything that moves, and bugger off as soon as a kid appears. Some are, so are some westerners! As far as I know there are no good statistics on it, so we are all basing it on thread we read on forums like this and Thai women who may or may not have ulterior motives to tell us such stories (or are as bitter as some of the farang men). Anyone that does not live in an expat bar here, and that has been here more than a few weeks, knows Thai families all around them that are no different from those back home - sometimes dealing with (struggling with) even more extreme issues (money and inability to ever get promoted or realise a pay rise etc).

Edited September 13, 2013 by wolf5370

[wolf5370]

Men and women are equal in spirit, equals in rights, but since men and women think differently and usually want different things, they are in fact different.

The core of the problem is: most men like casual sex, women don't, and this makes it mission impossible for the average guy to find **** in western countries, where women like to play hard to get.

So in the western world, many men go into improbable contorsions for pleasing a potential mating partner - who posted above that women should not have to change themselves to please men?

What some men interpret as "playing hard ot get" that is simply women needing time to know a man before they know whether or not they are attracted to him. Most women are not sexualy attracted based solely on physical appearance, so just seeing what a man looks like is insufficient. Attraction relates to the totality of the person..mannerisms, expressions, thoughts/actions etc as well as looks, indeed positives in other categories can outweigh poor looks and vice versa. It takes time to get enough exposure to someone to have this sense of them. You can get a negative sense pretty quickly in some cases but not a positive, "I'm attarcted to him", one; that needs prolonged exposure.

That's all the multiple dates are about...her needing time to get a sense of you and whether from her side, there is chemistry. It is not a series of hoops, not an attempt to get free meals, not a game.

I don't think Thai women are any different in this regard, at least none of my Thai women friends are. A Thai woman immediately willing to have sex with you on first sight/meeting is likely acting out of motives other than sexual attraction. which carries its own set of potential problem,s and dangers for you in the long run.

And not all men like casual sex. Quite a few in my experience definitely do not. Especially those who are more mature and have "been there, done that".

Also in my experience, the average man in the West does not find it particularly hard to find a partner. Among western men in Thailand one is more apt to find men for whom it was difficult back home, because this is sometimes (perhaps even often) a reason for moving to Thailand. But as a sample of all western men, they are atypical in that regard.

I guess this blow the speed dating concept out of the water (not that I though it ever floated to begin with).

It would perhaps be an interesting poll (if it could be honest) to sell just why western men did come here - a lot is made of the older gent coming over to find a younger wife to look after him (and rock his boat as it were). Even those that did retire here and found a wife - one wonders if that was the initial reason for coming in the first place, or a by product of living here. However, this is not the sector that the OP is looking for I would think - so we are talking say 25-45 (give or take). That will encompass a lot of people here for work, that live here part time and work in the oil/gas industry or in more oppressive regions like UAE, back packers that never wanted to leave and so on. There are also those that came here with their families (all western or mixed Thai) - some of these will have split too but not in a position/endeared to go(ing) home.

I met my wife (of 16 years and counting) here - through family and an old school friend - I had just broken up with a girl I had been engaged to (and some 6 years after a divorce from an early all-too-young marriage). Last thing I wanted was a relationship. In deed I pushed away several set-ups and other women that approached me here (I was 25). However, I become besotted (I had to chase her - and it was a challenge due to her very traditional upbringing) and I spent the next two years coming back and forth to Thailand and courting her (with chaperone). We are still happy and have two teenage daughters . Sometimes you find love only when you stop looking for it, and in the place you do not look for it in. Taking your time, as Sheryl here talks about, is the absolute key IMHO. If you can last a couple of years without obvious areas of irremovable contention, then you can probably last forever.

[FiftyTwo]

It is an interesting thread - I feel for Boo/SBK as the Mod having to deal with overt bitterness rather than logical discussion. Bitter men and their hatred of western women is not relevant to a thread about a western women here looking for someone she can actually found a relationship with. Jeez get a life guys!

Personally I can not understand why men artificially limit themselves by excluding a subset of potential partners over some generalised belief. Seems dumb to me. I am very wary of men that only find one race attractive (and women of course) - and being burned is not an excuse as statistically it is worthless as an argument. To each their own, of course, but still seems like choosing to fish in a puddle when the lake is open for business! Every race has beautiful women - every single one of them.

As a 58 year old English male, I would be more than happy to meet and date with a western woman aged 30-45 who could pay her own way, but because of my age that must be my impossible dream. However I have no problems meeting and dating Thai ladies in that age range, even if they do expect me to pay for everything.

[Sheryl]

Again, the Op was not talking specifically y about difficulty getting a western man. In fact she readily acknowledges the "Asian preference" of western men and moves on to talk about her difficulties with Thai men...not in attracting them or dating them, but in finding "good" ones. Yet we keep getting male posts that focus on the "why western men prefer Thai women" theme. Not the topic.

[manarak]

Again, the Op was not talking specifically y about difficulty getting a western man. In fact she readily acknowledges the "Asian preference" of western men and moves on to talk about her difficulties with Thai men...not in attracting them or dating them, but in finding "good" ones. Yet we keep getting male posts that focus on the "why western men prefer Thai women" theme. Not the topic.

maybe Thai men are even bigger playahs than western men in Thailand?

[1kate1]

I can understand the position being a Foreign Woman living here. I am on my own and its very difficult to find company not just male company......it can be difficult to go out to a bar/restaurant on ones own.........with regards looking for a good Thai man......there is good and bad in every race ....Male & Female........

[Kalbo]

I don't usually read this part of Thai Visa, but the subject piqued my interest and without trying to blow my own trumpet, so to speak, I'll narrate my experiences of Thailand.

I'm now in my mid-forties, I was sent here by my employer 6 years ago,(a very large Japanese company) initially for 3 months, ended up having to stay here indefinitely. When I arrived in Thailand, I had no particular interest in Thai women, as i had got all Asian fever out of me during the previous 20 years spent in Japan, then the Philippines, and actively tried to find a Western woman as a partner, but I only met about 5 in a year or so,looking the 'traditional' way, (supermarkets, bars , in the gym etc) and all but 1 were incredibly arrogant,and I did not enjoy being in their company. I could've very easily fallen for 1 lady, but after the 3rd date, she told her her boyfriend from the UK was arriving soon,and I couldn't see her for a while. Too cut a long story short, I met a Malaysian woman of Indian heritage a number of years ago and have been together ever since.

The point I'm trying to make is that I am a successful professional who made an effort to meet and mingle with western women, but ended up in a similar situation as the OP, and I hardly think that I am the only male that has experienced this either.

[Tomtomtom69]

Ok look at it in reverse. Why is it that a lot of Thai woman want Farang Men./ Because Thai men drink, smoke, gamble and have sex with lots of woman. They don't want to commit . Pick any combination of these reasons and you will find most thai men are like this. Then on top of this Thai culture treats woman as second class or that they are like a chantle when married to a Thai man.

So you are probably left with a very small % of Men that want a Farang Wife And from my experience Farang woman are not subservient. Farang woman are similar to Men from the West. Responsible Honest hard working and usually smart which is not a a desirable trait for Thai men.

So figure it out Thai woman want Farang and not Thai men. It is clear why . So you are going to have to accept this formula since there is some truth to it

Sorry for your dilema. I am not saying 100% are like this so go out have fun and maybe you will fine someone to love.

I got very lucky

I was in a restaurant and there was this very nice lady smiling at me . I got her phone number and after our first Date we have been together since then. It has been fabulous but then again she prefers Farang Men for the very reasons I outlined

So western men doesn't drinks,smoke, gamble and have sex with lots of woman? but every time when i see Headlines from western countries i can see these words Cheats on, Drunk

Would you like me to show some?

Dont' generalize. everyone is an individual

Thai women who date with farang for several reasons not just only because thai men, some of them might like western men for general that's normal couples and sounds lovely but some of them just want ur money so back to a basic principle everyone is an individual

me, as a thai man,holds a master's degree, full time job,dont' smoke and drink,i used to date with the white women.my problems to date with white woman are my shyness and languages barriers but not my habits.

I know some of thai men ( well educated ) who date or mary with whites women or few blacks.

Sounds like you are a good man. And of course there are hundreds of thousands of Thai men, just like you, mainly in Bangkok. But unfortunately, just like many foreigners date the stereotypical Isarn bar girl and have to put up with all her baggage, many Thai men are stereotyped as drinking, smoking, gambling types. Yes, that holds true for many Thai men, but certainly not all.