Why is it so hard to find a good man in Bangkok as a female farang?

[Markaew]

so much for making a joke, some people are so sensitve.

I understand all your comments. They fit your profile.

[Boo]

so much for making a joke, some people are so sensitve.

I understand all your comments. They fit your profile.

Mid 30's hapilly married mother of one?

[sustento]

For Khun Molly, human being, seeking love and meaning in the pilgrimage of life: warm regards, and my sincere hope she finds a relationship that offers her as much of what she "needs" (to catalyze, and nurture, her reaching her full human potential), as it offers her what she "wants."

At least in the reportage, here, it is not absolutely clear whether the author is talking about finding a "quality male" independent of whether they are Thai, or Farang.

"an ex-gogo dancer who doesn’t own a phone, a guy who lives with his long term girlfriend and another guy who keeps trying to spring surprise threesomes on you? I think you need more options.”

This statement by the author could be interpreted as indicating the author has a preference for, seeks, a Thai male, but are we absolutely sure the author means that ? I do admit to not having ever met, in my twelve years in-country, a farang male ex-gogo dancer without a phone, but, that could just be an artifact of my own male-hetero way-the-genes'-cookie-crumbled psyche, lifestyle, and experience. Or, I don't have the right mobile phone ?

The author, at least as reported here, never defines what, for her, is a "quality male," and what she is really seeking. There are suggestions her quest includes certain (preliminary ?) behaviors by a male candidate, like "romantic dating," western style; or, certain long-term "outcomes:" possibly marriage, children ... at the least a "long-term" relationship ?

Does the author speak Thai, well; has the author studied, participated-in, tried to some extent "live inside" Thai culture: does the author have a sense of the profound cultural differences in the meaning of, and actuality of, "the relationship" as a social construct, and reality, between her western socialization, and acculturation, and contemporary Thais ? Or, as for any culture, nation, ethnic group, etc., the variations in "relatonships" between, and within, social classes, and different social strata, and different socio-economic groups, or groups defined in terms of age, employment, religion, regional heritage, etc. ?

Has the author ever done volunteer-work with Thais, worked alongside them, found enduring Thai friendships with either sex where she has experienced emotional intimacy (I don't mean sex) ? Does the author have some aspect of Thai culture, religion, or arts, that she actively participates in (Muay Thai, dance, Vipassana, etc. ... ?), where she has real experience being with Thais as a "peer" in shared roles, where she's "absorbed" in the activity; where her focus is enacting her role, and external, not just "on herself" ?

For me, knowing information like that would be essential to evaluate what the author's current goals for relationships: are. And, I would say exactly the same words, if I were responding to a similar article written by a farang male.

I find the comments on this thread about what people "can offer" kind of puzzling: I've never met anyone who did not "have something to offer;" except, at times, my own human self (the orangutan self I co-habit with always has more on offer than I could ever accept ... if I could accept it).

I won't mention my dim understanding, my innate intuition, that "relationships" are like rare transient flowers that appear, and bloom, in ways we cannot consciously predict, or choose (choose at the level of our normal limited ego-bound consciousness), and that, like all blossoms, they must wither ... in order to bear seed.

I would like to be optimistic about "love," simply because I think life is happier, more wonderful, the miracle of the ordinary more salient, by acting as if "love" exists, that if you don't have it, it can be "found;" that when you do "have it" it's eternal. Yes, that means I really did "mainline introject" the western romantic tradition, and probably will never "get over it," in spite of experience; that's possibly part of what "being" a poet, child, and grand-child, of poets, and story-tellers ... is

But, I also find great meaning, personally, in the great poem by Kabir:

"Where there is a garden, the flowers will come." ("rahi gulzar to phool, khilenge")

If my own life is not "the garden," if I am not as "innerly complete" as possible, realizing to the full extent possible, every aspect of my self, including those characterized (variously in different cultures, and groups) as "masculine," and "feminine;" if I avoid fully experiencing the loneliness I feel is an innate part of the human condition; if I avoid taking the risk of being vulnerable by really opening my heart ... if I "run away" from what I believe is the inevitable grief that is part of life, using other people for temporary substitutes for deeper intimacy (to just "get by") without real involvement, and commitment (what I call the "tear-off and wipe" pattern of serial pseudo-relationships) ...

Well, then: I think the flowers I dream of blooming ... will remain ... dreams.

And, the memories of the flowers/relationships that actually bloomed in this life, most often defying and confounding all my expectations, transforming me in "spite of myself:" surely, if I am not a garden, soil fertilized by both tears and laughter, humility, and awe: those memories will ... fade. And, what a profound loss, if those memories become ... just ... mundane; or, psychically mutated into "sacred relics" that are, ritually, "hollow."

~o:37;

Mr ~o nails it again

[tingtongfarang]

There are lots of people that never have this problem wherever they go. On the other hand, MOST people DO have this problem wherever they go, and it is true for either sex. I am absolutely convinced that no matter who or what you are, there are others that will find you attractive.

Want to understand the problem? Well, the first question is whether you have mass appeal, or would attract only from some small niche groups. From your earlier history, I have to guess it is the latter. That's not necessarily bad, in fact it might be something to be quite proud of. But if your appeal is for a certain type of male that is in the minority, you have already cut your chances of an early find. Next, you have to ask yourself, what percentage of the members of that particular group of men would actually be interesting to YOU. So now the pool of possibilities shrinks even more. And the smaller the group, the less likely it is going to happen quickly. It is simple mathematics.

As a youngster I learned that this is also the situation with fishing. I was taught that I should first decide exactly what kind of fish I wanted to catch. Only then could I decide what bait to use. (OK, you shouldn't change anything that defines you as YOU, but the unimportant stuff can be modified. Ladies have much more choices available in this department than men. Think it over.) Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you want to catch fish, you have to go where the fish are. You don't go fishing in the desert, or a gravel pit. You don't go fishing for a fresh water fish in the ocean. I don't care what bait you use or how often you go. It ain't going to work.

So first decide what kind of man you are looking for, then figure out where he will be, and finally guess what he would find attractive and present yourself as close to that appearance as you are comfortable. You want a guy that likes bars? Good chance you'll find some at bars. Want a guy that doesn't like bars? Then by all means look some place else. Figure out where he hangs out, and then that's the place to go. And just like fishing, it is probably going to take patience and throwing back a few before you find a keeper.

If any girls want to find me they only find me fishing

in reality we should look at the other side of this coin, believe me i done a lot of dating here,

I got tired of going to meet date and having to hide the car or the motorbike for the simple reason that the advise they are given if u have these things you know too much and the date is over, same with speaking thai...going on dates equiped with 80% knowledge of thai but having to remember to appear to have none, the whole scene often feels very shitty and full of deciete,

We ARE force fed complete or parcial lies non stop and after a while learn to accept, So often i did a runner from dates ...i even had them turn up with the husband and a few others,

From what i,m told the situation is very similar when western girls date thai guys, i even seen it happen.

[bigbamboo]

Unfortunately the "majority" of farang ladies in Thailand, just don't quite stack up in the looks department. Intelligence and a sense of humour only go so far.

Another obvious reason, majority of guys here are not interested in farang females.

Any other reason?

Not true! We do keep up with the looks department, but guess what ? We have more western taste in dressing up than Thai ladies. If you refer to beauty treatments to make our nose or add filler into our chin or silicone breasts, well we don't need that! We have it from the mother nature. And don't forget one thing. Thai ladies are doing so to look more like a farang woman!

Maria does have a point, chaps.

[manarak]

There are lots of people that never have this problem wherever they go. On the other hand, MOST people DO have this problem wherever they go, and it is true for either sex. I am absolutely convinced that no matter who or what you are, there are others that will find you attractive.

Want to understand the problem? Well, the first question is whether you have mass appeal, or would attract only from some small niche groups. From your earlier history, I have to guess it is the latter. That's not necessarily bad, in fact it might be something to be quite proud of. But if your appeal is for a certain type of male that is in the minority, you have already cut your chances of an early find. Next, you have to ask yourself, what percentage of the members of that particular group of men would actually be interesting to YOU. So now the pool of possibilities shrinks even more. And the smaller the group, the less likely it is going to happen quickly. It is simple mathematics.

As a youngster I learned that this is also the situation with fishing. I was taught that I should first decide exactly what kind of fish I wanted to catch. Only then could I decide what bait to use. (OK, you shouldn't change anything that defines you as YOU, but the unimportant stuff can be modified. Ladies have much more choices available in this department than men. Think it over.) Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you want to catch fish, you have to go where the fish are. You don't go fishing in the desert, or a gravel pit. You don't go fishing for a fresh water fish in the ocean. I don't care what bait you use or how often you go. It ain't going to work.

So first decide what kind of man you are looking for, then figure out where he will be, and finally guess what he would find attractive and present yourself as close to that appearance as you are comfortable. You want a guy that likes bars? Good chance you'll find some at bars. Want a guy that doesn't like bars? Then by all means look some place else. Figure out where he hangs out, and then that's the place to go. And just like fishing, it is probably going to take patience and throwing back a few before you find a keeper.

If any girls want to find me they only find me fishing:cheesy:

in reality we should look at the other side of this coin, believe me i done a lot of dating here,

I got tired of going to meet date and having to hide the car or the motorbike for the simple reason that the advise they are given if u have these things you know too much and the date is over, same with speaking thai...going on dates equiped with 80% knowledge of thai but having to remember to appear to have none, the whole scene often feels very shitty and full of deciete,

We ARE force fed complete or parcial lies non stop and after a while learn to accept, So often i did a runner from dates ...i even had them turn up with the husband and a few others,

From what i,m told the situation is very similar when western girls date thai guys, i even seen it happen.

555

that's so wrong on so many levels... "let's find a farang who can't speak Thai and is too stupid or scared to ride a motorcycle or car, so we can easily take advantage of him" hahaha

But... sorry to say this, your dates seem to have been pretty sad.

[NCC1701A]

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears. And it is unfair. I am sorry that almost all men everywhere can start their lives over at 50 or 60. get married and have kids. Or have two or more girlfriends. Most woman can't. I hope I don't get deleted. I am just trying to cut to the core issue here.

And there is more. Sorry if this is too painful. But the truth is I had a playmate beautiful blonde girlfriend in Beverly Hills that was so smart and brilliant and had 10 million dollars. I am 57 and she was 47. But one trip to Thailand and that was it.

I came back to Los Angeles and went on a date to a Thai restaurant and I could not take my eyes off the Thai waitresses.

I sold my business and all my possessions to get out of the West. You should see the sadness in the faces of women I have know all my life who I know have a crush on me as I tell them I am leaving for good. This is a painful subject for women. No contest.

don't kill the messenger.

[Boo]

This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears.

lol, no, it doesn't. where is that shakes head smilie!

[manarak]

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears. And it is unfair. I am sorry that almost all men everywhere can start their lives over at 50 or 60. get married and have kids. Or have two or more girlfriends. Most woman can't. I hope I don't get deleted. I am just trying to cut to the core issue here.

And there is more. Sorry if this is too painful. But the truth is I had a playmate beautiful blonde girlfriend in Beverly Hills that was so smart and brilliant and had 10 million dollars. I am 57 and she was 47. But one trip to Thailand and that was it.

I came back to Los Angeles and went on a date to a Thai restaurant and I could not take my eyes off the Thai waitresses.

I sold my business and all my possessions to get out of the West. You should see the sadness in the faces of women I have know all my life who I know have a crush on me as I tell them I am leaving for good. This is a painful subject for women. No contest.

don't kill the messenger.

555 Captain Kirk, that looks like a bad case of Asian fetish! I got the same

[Boo]

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears. And it is unfair. I am sorry that almost all men everywhere can start their lives over at 50 or 60. get married and have kids. Or have two or more girlfriends. Most woman can't. I hope I don't get deleted. I am just trying to cut to the core issue here.

And there is more. Sorry if this is too painful. But the truth is I had a playmate beautiful blonde girlfriend in Beverly Hills that was so smart and brilliant and had 10 million dollars. I am 57 and she was 47. But one trip to Thailand and that was it.

I came back to Los Angeles and went on a date to a Thai restaurant and I could not take my eyes off the Thai waitresses.

I sold my business and all my possessions to get out of the West. You should see the sadness in the faces of women I have know all my life who I know have a crush on me as I tell them I am leaving for good. This is a painful subject for women. No contest.

don't kill the messenger.

555 Captain Kirk, that looks like a bad case of Asian fetish! I got the same

exactly, you developed a preference to asian women, there is nothing deeper going on in the minds of western women because of it. lol

[NCC1701A]

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears. And it is unfair. I am sorry that almost all men everywhere can start their lives over at 50 or 60. get married and have kids. Or have two or more girlfriends. Most woman can't. I hope I don't get deleted. I am just trying to cut to the core issue here.

And there is more. Sorry if this is too painful. But the truth is I had a playmate beautiful blonde girlfriend in Beverly Hills that was so smart and brilliant and had 10 million dollars. I am 57 and she was 47. But one trip to Thailand and that was it.

I came back to Los Angeles and went on a date to a Thai restaurant and I could not take my eyes off the Thai waitresses.

I sold my business and all my possessions to get out of the West. You should see the sadness in the faces of women I have know all my life who I know have a crush on me as I tell them I am leaving for good. This is a painful subject for women. No contest.

don't kill the messenger.

555 Captain Kirk, that looks like a bad case of Asian fetish! I got the same

Thank you Doctor McCoy, I feel much better now.

[Choonpon]

Why will women need men anyway?

Good men are almost extinct, even in SG.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[tingtongfarang]

There are lots of people that never have this problem wherever they go. On the other hand, MOST people DO have this problem wherever they go, and it is true for either sex. I am absolutely convinced that no matter who or what you are, there are others that will find you attractive.

Want to understand the problem? Well, the first question is whether you have mass appeal, or would attract only from some small niche groups. From your earlier history, I have to guess it is the latter. That's not necessarily bad, in fact it might be something to be quite proud of. But if your appeal is for a certain type of male that is in the minority, you have already cut your chances of an early find. Next, you have to ask yourself, what percentage of the members of that particular group of men would actually be interesting to YOU. So now the pool of possibilities shrinks even more. And the smaller the group, the less likely it is going to happen quickly. It is simple mathematics.

As a youngster I learned that this is also the situation with fishing. I was taught that I should first decide exactly what kind of fish I wanted to catch. Only then could I decide what bait to use. (OK, you shouldn't change anything that defines you as YOU, but the unimportant stuff can be modified. Ladies have much more choices available in this department than men. Think it over.) Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you want to catch fish, you have to go where the fish are. You don't go fishing in the desert, or a gravel pit. You don't go fishing for a fresh water fish in the ocean. I don't care what bait you use or how often you go. It ain't going to work.

So first decide what kind of man you are looking for, then figure out where he will be, and finally guess what he would find attractive and present yourself as close to that appearance as you are comfortable. You want a guy that likes bars? Good chance you'll find some at bars. Want a guy that doesn't like bars? Then by all means look some place else. Figure out where he hangs out, and then that's the place to go. And just like fishing, it is probably going to take patience and throwing back a few before you find a keeper.

If any girls want to find me they only find me fishing:cheesy:

in reality we should look at the other side of this coin, believe me i done a lot of dating here,

I got tired of going to meet date and having to hide the car or the motorbike for the simple reason that the advise they are given if u have these things you know too much and the date is over, same with speaking thai...going on dates equiped with 80% knowledge of thai but having to remember to appear to have none, the whole scene often feels very shitty and full of deciete,

We ARE force fed complete or parcial lies non stop and after a while learn to accept, So often i did a runner from dates ...i even had them turn up with the husband and a few others,

From what i,m told the situation is very similar when western girls date thai guys, i even seen it happen.

555

that's so wrong on so many levels... "let's find a farang who can't speak Thai and is too stupid or scared to ride a motorcycle or car, so we can easily take advantage of him" hahaha

But... sorry to say this, your dates seem to have been pretty sad.

yeah...i agree its quite sad when u have to turn up for a date with all these things in mind along with a plan to do a runner if need be,

But...i did hang around with a thai friend at a resteraunt for the sole reason there was a european girl on the next table with her thai bf along with 4 of his friends, the table had already been loaded with 2 bottles of whiskey and a load of sea food...we over heard the conversation between the bf and his mates so we just hung around for a couple of more beers being over curious who was gonna get the bill, i won the bet and my mate had to pay our bill...really they were making jokes as she peeled the notes out of her purse,

i feel the western girls should lower their expectations if they want to date western guys,

[NCC1701A]

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears. And it is unfair. I am sorry that almost all men everywhere can start their lives over at 50 or 60. get married and have kids. Or have two or more girlfriends. Most woman can't. I hope I don't get deleted. I am just trying to cut to the core issue here.

And there is more. Sorry if this is too painful. But the truth is I had a playmate beautiful blonde girlfriend in Beverly Hills that was so smart and brilliant and had 10 million dollars. I am 57 and she was 47. But one trip to Thailand and that was it.

I came back to Los Angeles and went on a date to a Thai restaurant and I could not take my eyes off the Thai waitresses.

I sold my business and all my possessions to get out of the West. You should see the sadness in the faces of women I have know all my life who I know have a crush on me as I tell them I am leaving for good. This is a painful subject for women. No contest.

don't kill the messenger.

555 Captain Kirk, that looks like a bad case of Asian fetish! I got the same

exactly, you developed a preference to asian women, there is nothing deeper going on in the minds of western women because of it. lol

this has nothing to do with me. i was just using my example which is very common. Anyway I think I am very brave to put this in writing. I was just trying to be helpful. I hope I have not offended anyone.

[tingtongfarang]

There are lots of people that never have this problem wherever they go. On the other hand, MOST people DO have this problem wherever they go, and it is true for either sex. I am absolutely convinced that no matter who or what you are, there are others that will find you attractive.

Want to understand the problem? Well, the first question is whether you have mass appeal, or would attract only from some small niche groups. From your earlier history, I have to guess it is the latter. That's not necessarily bad, in fact it might be something to be quite proud of. But if your appeal is for a certain type of male that is in the minority, you have already cut your chances of an early find. Next, you have to ask yourself, what percentage of the members of that particular group of men would actually be interesting to YOU. So now the pool of possibilities shrinks even more. And the smaller the group, the less likely it is going to happen quickly. It is simple mathematics.

As a youngster I learned that this is also the situation with fishing. I was taught that I should first decide exactly what kind of fish I wanted to catch. Only then could I decide what bait to use. (OK, you shouldn't change anything that defines you as YOU, but the unimportant stuff can be modified. Ladies have much more choices available in this department than men. Think it over.) Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you want to catch fish, you have to go where the fish are. You don't go fishing in the desert, or a gravel pit. You don't go fishing for a fresh water fish in the ocean. I don't care what bait you use or how often you go. It ain't going to work.

So first decide what kind of man you are looking for, then figure out where he will be, and finally guess what he would find attractive and present yourself as close to that appearance as you are comfortable. You want a guy that likes bars? Good chance you'll find some at bars. Want a guy that doesn't like bars? Then by all means look some place else. Figure out where he hangs out, and then that's the place to go. And just like fishing, it is probably going to take patience and throwing back a few before you find a keeper.

If any girls want to find me they only find me fishing:cheesy:

in reality we should look at the other side of this coin, believe me i done a lot of dating here,

I got tired of going to meet date and having to hide the car or the motorbike for the simple reason that the advise they are given if u have these things you know too much and the date is over, same with speaking thai...going on dates equiped with 80% knowledge of thai but having to remember to appear to have none, the whole scene often feels very shitty and full of deciete,

We ARE force fed complete or parcial lies non stop and after a while learn to accept, So often i did a runner from dates ...i even had them turn up with the husband and a few others,

From what i,m told the situation is very similar when western girls date thai guys, i even seen it happen.

555

that's so wrong on so many levels... "let's find a farang who can't speak Thai and is too stupid or scared to ride a motorcycle or car, so we can easily take advantage of him" hahaha

But... sorry to say this, your dates seem to have been pretty sad.

have to turn over a lot of bad apples in the attempt to find a good one...stealth hookers abound!

[Dap]

Come on Markaew surely you dont think such rubbish! Farang women have so much more to offer than their Thai counterparts. How about language?conversation? Intellectual compatability? ability to reason and use logic? Same spiritual backgrounds? The list is endless unless of course one is a 20 something western male here in Thailand for the first time who only things with one part of the body. But heh that gets old quickly and one realizes it is all an illusion.

Define "quickly"

[Boo]

Not offended at all but I do object to generalisations such as ;

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears

the suggestion that western women care let alone are affected by your choice to be with asian women is really too much.

And the conversation can usually never happen due to some men trying to justify their choice of asian women by being offenisve about western ones not for any deep rooted fear of thai women!

[tingtongfarang]

Not offended at all but I do object to generalisations such as ;

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears

the suggestion that western women care let alone are affected by your choice to be with asian women is really too much.

And the conversation can usually never happen due to some men trying to justify their choice of asian women by being offenisve about western ones not for any deep rooted fear of thai women!

Reality is that western men here can live out their fantasies with very little effort ( some prefure to use money ) but most at the end of it all or infact in my case many times realise it was only an illusion, I evicted 3 of them,

The same experience is also available for western women on a lesser scale albiet the learning curve being much greater,

Why we farangs continue to subconciously avoid eachother regardless of gender is beyond me...but guilty also.

[robhufton]

Unfortunately the "majority" of farang ladies in Thailand, just don't quite stack up in the looks department. Intelligence and a sense of humour only go so far.

Another obvious reason, majority of guys here are not interested in farang females.

Any other reason?

Farang women are nearly always looking for a younger guy...

...and would not even look at a guy 10 (or more) years older than them

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

Not offended at all but I do object to generalisations such as ;

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears

the suggestion that western women care let alone are affected by your choice to be with asian women is really too much.

it would seem that the OP was written by someone who is affected and cared enough to write an article, though thankfully she didnt seem to have an axe to grind.

i personally could not care less whether a woman is thai, spanish swedish or otherwise as they all hold a different appeal for me.

my years here bring that fact home again and again

[tingtongfarang]

I lived in greece for 14 years.. i was a play boy for the tourist girls and already spoke 4 european languages, not one of these girls had financial interest in me... vice versa, i only messed myself up mentaly,

One day my neighbor-philosopher and good friend came with a bottle of wine and dure in the course of this bottle explained that at the age of 64 he woke up one morning to realise his libido was gone!

he proclaimed ....at last i was freeee!

[tingtongteesood]

As a single guy I would ask the converse, why is it so hard to find a good woman !??

[catweazle]

Relative to Thai women. you have nothing to offer.

Why are the wisest answers always the shortest ones? Well done, Markaew, well done!!!!

[sbk]

While there are certainly some interesting perspectives and comments on this thread some still cannot refrain from nastiness and derogatory generalizations that are in violation of forum rules. I would strongly suggest that members heed these.

7) Not to post slurs or degrading comments directed towards any group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

Cheers, final warning gentlemen

[digibum]

The Answer:

Okay, it's not like this is the first forum or discussion on the internet about this topic. Heck, it's not even exclusive to Thailand. So let me sum up hundreds of hours of debates, discussions, and griping.

The reason it's difficult to find a good guy in places like Thailand is not a single answer but could be for a multitude of reasons.

Some men prefer Asian women. And the chances of finding a guy who prefers Asian women in and Asian country goes up pretty dramatically. Sure, there might be some people who are in Asia because that's where their business interests are but chances are they're into Asian women.

Even back in Farangland there are guys who exclusively date Asian women. Call it Yellow Fever or whatever, it's a preference.

Another reason it's hard for farang women to meet guys is that farang women don't know how to compete in Asia. One thread will forever stick in my mind written by a woman who complained that she went to a work related party and while she sat there on the couch no guys came over to buy her a drink. She was livid that the Thai gals had been snagging all of the guys she was interested in at the bar before they got a chance to come over and talk to her.

Okay, here's the problem, guys don't need to come to you in Thailand. Girls come to guys in Thailand. Even if the girls don't approach the guy, they at least give off very obvious indications of interest inviting the guy to come talk. They don't sit back on a couch and wait for guys to come to them. If you don't understand that role-reversal then you're going to have a real hard time meeting guys here.

I know that doesn't seem fair because it works differently back home but it's one of the reasons a lot of men move here. It's sort of like complaining about not being able to find a good hamburger in India. You can complain all day long but it's not going to change anything.

Also, a lot of men seem to exhibit a bit of dating post traumatic stress syndrome developed while back in Farangland. If they're not in Thailand due to a bitter divorce or some other tragedy involving a women, many of them seem a tad resentful at the years of being shot down by women back home.

Women don't seem to understand how demoralizing it is to be a normal looking guy with an okay job and have 9 out of 10 women you walk up to in a bar tell you either politely or very rudely to go piss-off. Nor do they realize what a lifetime of having women use a man's desire to be with them to manipulate them does to a guy. You know, like when the cute girl Mary asks a guy to help her study for the Chemistry exam and bats those eyes and acts just interested in the guy enough to get him to jump at the opportunity, only to find out later that she's really interested in some other guy?

I know, you're saying, "I never did that" or "I'm not like that," and that may be true but I guarantee you that 99% of all men can share at least one experience like that.

Anyway, the point being that a lot of these guys come to Thailand and have the whole role reversal thing happen to them and they feel vindicated in a sense. They feel like all of those Mary's who screwed them over back home are idiots for not appreciating him for who he is. And since there's a good chance this has happened dozens or hundreds of times to many guys they develop a complete anti-farang woman persona. They resent all farang women for having made them feel so bad about themselves for so long and that manifests itself in a hatred of farang women.

[manarak]

anyone here know what a primal scream is? you can never have this conversation on this subject with a western woman. they don't want to hear it. i have tried. the entire concept of a Thai woman is so alien to woman in the west and frankly so terrifying to them they just melt down just like this thread. This reaches to the core of western women's deepest fears. And it is unfair. I am sorry that almost all men everywhere can start their lives over at 50 or 60. get married and have kids. Or have two or more girlfriends. Most woman can't. I hope I don't get deleted. I am just trying to cut to the core issue here.

And there is more. Sorry if this is too painful. But the truth is I had a playmate beautiful blonde girlfriend in Beverly Hills that was so smart and brilliant and had 10 million dollars. I am 57 and she was 47. But one trip to Thailand and that was it.

I came back to Los Angeles and went on a date to a Thai restaurant and I could not take my eyes off the Thai waitresses.

I sold my business and all my possessions to get out of the West. You should see the sadness in the faces of women I have know all my life who I know have a crush on me as I tell them I am leaving for good. This is a painful subject for women. No contest.

don't kill the messenger.

555 Captain Kirk, that looks like a bad case of Asian fetish! I got the same

exactly, you developed a preference to asian women, there is nothing deeper going on in the minds of western women because of it. lol

I agree, but I still stand by what I wrote in my earlier post: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/658886-why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-good-man-in-bangkok-as-a-female-farang/page-3#entry6690535

I could also add that the somewhat reversed dating economics in Thailand can also contribute to confuse western women.

[manarak]

The Answer:

Okay, it's not like this is the first forum or discussion on the internet about this topic. Heck, it's not even exclusive to Thailand. So let me sum up hundreds of hours of debates, discussions, and griping.

The reason it's difficult to find a good guy in places like Thailand is not a single answer but could be for a multitude of reasons.

Some men prefer Asian women. And the chances of finding a guy who prefers Asian women in and Asian country goes up pretty dramatically. Sure, there might be some people who are in Asia because that's where their business interests are but chances are they're into Asian women.

Even back in Farangland there are guys who exclusively date Asian women. Call it Yellow Fever or whatever, it's a preference.

Another reason it's hard for farang women to meet guys is that farang women don't know how to compete in Asia. One thread will forever stick in my mind written by a woman who complained that she went to a work related party and while she sat there on the couch no guys came over to buy her a drink. She was livid that the Thai gals had been snagging all of the guys she was interested in at the bar before they got a chance to come over and talk to her.

Okay, here's the problem, guys don't need to come to you in Thailand. Girls come to guys in Thailand. Even if the girls don't approach the guy, they at least give off very obvious indications of interest inviting the guy to come talk. They don't sit back on a couch and wait for guys to come to them. If you don't understand that role-reversal then you're going to have a real hard time meeting guys here.

I know that doesn't seem fair because it works differently back home but it's one of the reasons a lot of men move here. It's sort of like complaining about not being able to find a good hamburger in India. You can complain all day long but it's not going to change anything.

Also, a lot of men seem to exhibit a bit of dating post traumatic stress syndrome developed while back in Farangland. If they're not in Thailand due to a bitter divorce or some other tragedy involving a women, many of them seem a tad resentful at the years of being shot down by women back home.

Women don't seem to understand how demoralizing it is to be a normal looking guy with an okay job and have 9 out of 10 women you walk up to in a bar tell you either politely or very rudely to go piss-off. Nor do they realize what a lifetime of having women use a man's desire to be with them to manipulate them does to a guy. You know, like when the cute girl Mary asks a guy to help her study for the Chemistry exam and bats those eyes and acts just interested in the guy enough to get him to jump at the opportunity, only to find out later that she's really interested in some other guy?

I know, you're saying, "I never did that" or "I'm not like that," and that may be true but I guarantee you that 99% of all men can share at least one experience like that.

Anyway, the point being that a lot of these guys come to Thailand and have the whole role reversal thing happen to them and they feel vindicated in a sense. They feel like all of those Mary's who screwed them over back home are idiots for not appreciating him for who he is. And since there's a good chance this has happened dozens or hundreds of times to many guys they develop a complete anti-farang woman persona. They resent all farang women for having made them feel so bad about themselves for so long and that manifests itself in a hatred of farang women.

I wouldn't say that this applies to a majority, but it's certainly accurate for some!

I think the role reversal in dating/flirting is one of the crucial points.

[digibum]

I wouldn't say that this applies to a majority, but it's certainly accurate for some!

I think the role reversal in dating/flirting is one of the crucial points.

For men, in general, I might agree but for men living in Thailand . . . I think they're more likely to be as I described than not. I mean, go on any Thailand forum and start up a thread about farang women and it'll erupt into a sexist, misogynistic blood bath in no time. Start a similar thread on a message board back in Farangland and see how quickly the thread gets deleted due to it being in poor taste.

[CLUBBER]

Post removed.

I guess a reminder is needed.

Gentlemen. This is the ladies forum and as such we have stricter rules regarding what is allowed here. This forum is a place for women to feel comfortable posting without being attacked or denigrated. So, I would suggest you think before posting and understand that a public warning has been issued in regards to the kind of behavior that will be tolerated here. There is a very low tolerance policy for rude and disrespectful behavior here. Best remember the manners your mother taught you before posting.

Mistress Whiplash I will obey !

[Boo]

post deleted, as prophesied by the poster. well done, you were right.