Why is it so hard to find a good man in Bangkok as a female farang?

[webfact]

Why is it so hard to find a good man in Bangkok as a female farang?
By Molly Lanscombe

Photo: Imgur

BANGKOK: -- HOT MESS - “So, basically, your three main options are an ex-gogo dancer who doesn’t own a phone, a guy who lives with his long term girlfriend and another guy who keeps trying to spring surprise threesomes on you? I think you need more options.”

Sometimes you have moments of clarity, and it was this conversation with my best friend, Boy, which made me start to think my love life in Bangkok was a bit dysfunctional.

Dating can be hard but, as you will hear many women lament, it’s almost impossible in Bangkok.

Apart from one vaguely decent long term relationship before I moved here, I’ve never had much success with men, but this city seems to bring about even more terrible relationships than usual. I think the reason is that Bangkok is bursting with far more women than men, making it a playground for the indecisive gent. I also think it’s because this city is SO much fun, and who has time for thinking about marriage and babies when you could be singing karaoke on the bar at Wong’s Place until 10am?

Right? Am I right? Oh.

When I first arrived here two and a half years ago, I found it hugely depressing but, as I began to realize that looking for a meaningful relationship was all but impossible (I’ve actually only been on about five proper dates in Bangkok), I’ve made a conscious decision to just try and have fun. If you’re living in Bangkok in your twenties and thirties and not having fun, then you’re not doing it right.

On paper, casual dating is great. I had flings with a few lovely beach bums in Samet, a gorgeous chef and a kickboxing instructor who every time I meet him brought along a hopeful friend (who I would have to usher off home). [read more...]

Full story: http://bangkok.coconuts.co/2013/08/06/why-it-so-hard-find-good-man-bangkok-female-farang

-- Coconuts Bangkok 2013-08-06

[Ianatlarge]

What do you mean "hard to find good men in Bangkok"? I know dozens. There is Jim the English guy, Paul the yank, and Ivan from Norway (with the chopper), and even a few ozi blokes are half decent (some of the time).

[jmccarty]

Lots of Asian guys are interested in White gals. Not sure what Molly's really looking for in a guy or what she has to offer. Normally it takes chemistry and don't know what a 3 day rule really is. Putting a timer on a relationship, if that's what she really wants is like not putting a timer on roast in the oven and using your psychic powers to determine when it's done.

If Molly only really had 1 relationship before coming to Bkk. Could be she is happy being alone?

[sbk]

Post removed.

I guess a reminder is needed.

Gentlemen. This is the ladies forum and as such we have stricter rules regarding what is allowed here. This forum is a place for women to feel comfortable posting without being attacked or denigrated. So, I would suggest you think before posting and understand that a public warning has been issued in regards to the kind of behavior that will be tolerated here. There is a very low tolerance policy for rude and disrespectful behavior here. Best remember the manners your mother taught you before posting.

[hanno]

Years ago, I was chatting to an expat kady in HCMC. She basically said the same thing as the article: all the expats have Vietnamese wives/girlfriends and most Vietnamese men are not very attractive to a foreign man. Most ladies prefer their dates to be taller than them.

I thought about it at the time and realized she had a very valid point Certainly I have never wanted to go out with any white woman in the 20 years I have been in SE Asia.

[CrisRMenumate]

Coming to Asia as a farang lady you either have to be hard as nails and just get on with your job or really search out opportunities. Sadly most foreigners who live here or visit are more interested in the local fare but you never know your luck, but no need to give up, I know many expat ladies over the years who have found partners while in Asia, so its not impossible. And they are lucky, much less likely to meet up with some dolly who is just looking to rip them off as their first thought in the relationship... just sayin'

[kurnell]

Sweet grundies/sock combo. That dude has some serious style.

[LaraC]

My bf used to date Thai girls, then we got together (hes farang - we met here in Thailand).
Ive had several offers (all nationalities) but havent actively sought out dates.
The guys are def out there.
But i do think quality guys arent easy to find here.

Lots of below average guys who we wouldnt be really interested in.

[wolf5370]

I always thought it must be hard for single western ladies here relationship wise. Of course not all Thai men are the drunken womanising louts we hear so much about, but I always wonder if many of the nicer young men would have the bottle to approach a western woman. Many meetings are still done through family here - especially with younger, better educated couples - which is a big hole I would think. The western lady could of course be proactive/assertive, but in an Asian country, I wonder if that might not put off decent men here. Catch 22!

Most western (straight) men here I guess are already involved in relationships: either brought wives with them, or are in relationships with locals. Those that are not are probably butterflies (to use a Thai analogy) and/or not interested in long term relationships. Ignoring tourists as holiday fling is not what the op is referring to (I guess).

Bangkok itself probably does not lend itself well in this respect either. A mass sprawling metropolis with expats spread like butter across the landscape. Likelihood of meeting an available in the local Tesco that tickles your fancy, in that time honoured way, is slim - most that are there are pattering behind a Thai girl sporting a lump! So, meet at work? Good choice, but again many will be already attached. Meet at bars? Perhaps, but unlike at home, many will be interested in only relationships counted in hours (seconds?) or already tied to a mast. I think somewhere like Chiang Mai is better - a lot of older expats sure, but also a lot of younger guys working at the international and bilingual schools - being a small city, and congregation places few (and a tiny pink light district - pink light because its not really grown up enough to be a red light district) it is relatively easy to meet them. Not all are looking for Thai relationships either - I think it is a misnomer that all farang men here are here to find a 19 year old girl that will - some are just here because they want to be here, it is a nice place to live and easier to get into teaching than at home too. Some have been burned by their attempts at Thai love too.

Up here in CM we are starved of young western women too! Many a time I have sat in an expat bar up here and a young farang women (often in pairs), wanders in - and they are noticed (for want of a better word that won't get me banned!) - two Thai girls walk in of similar ages, and they get barely a glance - seen that, done that, still paying for the T-Shirt.

I think in Bangkok it's like trying to find a decent BF in Ibiza or Ayia Napa during the summer - plenty of fish, but they are all either bottom feeders or only interested in a quick nibble before following the shoal on the hunt again tomorrow night.

Anyway what would I know, just celebrated 16 years of marriage - for my teenage daughters though, it may well be an issue for them later (they both profess to have no interest in Thai boys in particular - and for now, in relationships at all (thank God) ). University, especially if they go back home to study, scares the bajeebers out of me though!

[Markaew]

Relative to Thai women. you have nothing to offer.

[SteveReilly]

Come on Markaew surely you dont think such rubbish! Farang women have so much more to offer than their Thai counterparts. How about language?conversation? Intellectual compatability? ability to reason and use logic? Same spiritual backgrounds? The list is endless unless of course one is a 20 something western male here in Thailand for the first time who only things with one part of the body. But heh that gets old quickly and one realizes it is all an illusion.

[krisb]

Webfact I don't know about these Coconuts stories you find. Some of the are pretty average at best.

[quiuvo]

I don't know you, so you may have lots to offer. You need to be at the right place at the right time.

[jamhar]

Hey its the same for guys too!

At least those of us not looking for gogo girls!

Lots of chaff out there, not much wheat

but then again, thats not why i came here. So I cant complain too much.

[overherebc]

Come on Markaew surely you dont think such rubbish! Farang women have so much more to offer than their Thai counterparts. How about language?conversation? Intellectual compatability? ability to reason and use logic? Same spiritual backgrounds? The list is endless unless of course one is a 20 something western male here in Thailand for the first time who only things with one part of the body. But heh that gets old quickly and one realizes it is all an illusion.

In some ways he is correct though. I've never met a Western female here who had a sick buffalo or a brother who had fallen off his motorbike or two kids from different fathers and demanded 25,000 baht a month before they would 'share' your house.

Maybe I've just been unlucky and should keep on searching.

[Maria23]

Yes I agree that it's difficult to make a serious relation for a falang woman in Thailand especially with the farang guys. Firstly, most of the farang man coming here are very much keen on Thai ladies. Secondly, there is the so called myth that Thai ladies are better/ wilder in bed that a farang woman. UPS! Don't think this is true but anyway this is the saying. Third, the farang man like the submissive attitude of the Thai woman who always follows them and say "Up to you", contrary with a farang woman who would argue/ debate or discuss about certain things. And the list can go on.. I'm just amazed to read here on Thai Visa how many farangs has been ripped off by Thai ladies and still they don't learn their lesson. In regards of having a relation with a Thai men, when this is a bit tricky because, although they like the white skin ladies, they are not very much willing to adapt to the western thinking mentality of a Farang lady but rather try to convince the farang lady to adapt to the Thai stile. Which I must admit it's quite difficult to do a downgrade! So let me put it simple. It's almost impossible to have a serious relationship with a Farang guy in Thailand and absolutely difficult to have a relation with a Thai men.

[dudu]

actually. no comment!

Edited August 6, 2013 by dudu

[Straight8]

Unfortunately the "majority" of farang ladies in Thailand, just don't quite stack up in the looks department. Intelligence and a sense of humour only go so far.

Another obvious reason, majority of guys here are not interested in farang females.

Any other reason?

[Boo]

lol at some of the responses. I don't really know why the writer didn't state the obvious that the majority of the men on offer are so low down the gene pool (one or more social, personal & emotional issues) that you wouldn't consider them in the first place, then remove the ones with an asian prefernce & you are left with some average & slightly above to pick from. A very small pond indeed.

Anyone women getting on a plane to Thailand thinking she was going to meet her hansome prince really didn't do her homework

[Xonax]

My bf used to date Thai girls, then we got together (hes farang - we met here in Thailand).

Ive had several offers (all nationalities) but havent actively sought out dates.

The guys are def out there.

But i do think quality guys arent easy to find here.

Lots of below average guys who we wouldnt be really interested in.

Same same as in Farangland. Lots of average (or below) single women, who are not the least interested in average (or below) single men, but only hoping to find the one and only "quality guy"!! By the way - what is a quality guy? Is it all about the sex-appeal, youth and money, as to me it seems, that us men with only inner beauty, never or rarely get a fair chance with Farang women.

I myself am now happily married to a Thai woman, who didn´t take me for the money, but sees my inner (and strangely also outer) beauty and loves me dearly. Back in Farangland, I was a single father, with a well above average salary, for years and years, not getting any serious interest from Farang women. I am an average (or below) man by the looks, low height, above average weight, less than average hair left, but have true inner beauty, which Farang women tend to not to be interested in.

Unfortunately I am by nature not a very outgoing type, so if a woman don´t return my smile, or simply ignore my prescence, I would never even think about giving it a try. The women I found interest from on a datingsite, were all dating several men already, so I backed out immediately, as I did not find it sincere, them expecting me to accept, to participate in some kind of Bachelorette competition.

[LaraC]

Well there are a ton of guys on this page which is made for farang ladies (https://www.facebook.com/groups/118673681641137/)
..and yet, its all guys posting up details with the ladies being too shy...!
Frustrating to hear women complain but then not take inititive!

Edited August 6, 2013 by LaraC

[NoshowJones]

What do you mean "hard to find good men in Bangkok"? I know dozens. There is Jim the English guy, Paul the yank, and Ivan from Norway (with the chopper), and even a few ozi blokes are half decent (some of the time).

OP, I think most Thai ladies will tell you.

[bangarang]

Sorry girls but its going to be hard to find a great man in thailand. Most of the guys come here for the amazing women here so im sure that most of them will be taken. And I know most white girls dont seem to like asian guys too much so your options are kind of limited to guys that come and go. Not to say you cant find anyone, but it will be hard.

Better to find love in a city like Singapore where there are many more options for you.

[Boo]

post removed.

No no, u don't get to be nasty here.

[I Like Thai]

Come on Markaew surely you dont think such rubbish! Farang women have so much more to offer than their Thai counterparts. How about language?conversation? Intellectual compatability? ability to reason and use logic? Same spiritual backgrounds? The list is endless unless of course one is a 20 something western male here in Thailand for the first time who only things with one part of the body. But heh that gets old quickly and one realizes it is all an illusion.

Now you're just taking the Pi**

[realenglish1]

Ok look at it in reverse. Why is it that a lot of Thai woman want Farang Men./ Because Thai men drink, smoke, gamble and have sex with lots of woman. They don't want to commit . Pick any combination of these reasons and you will find most thai men are like this. Then on top of this Thai culture treats woman as second class or that they are like a chantle when married to a Thai man.

So you are probably left with a very small % of Men that want a Farang Wife And from my experience Farang woman are not subservient. Farang woman are similar to Men from the West. Responsible Honest hard working and usually smart which is not a a desirable trait for Thai men.

So figure it out Thai woman want Farang and not Thai men. It is clear why . So you are going to have to accept this formula since there is some truth to it

Sorry for your dilema. I am not saying 100% are like this so go out have fun and maybe you will fine someone to love.

I got very lucky

I was in a restaurant and there was this very nice lady smiling at me . I got her phone number and after our first Date we have been together since then. It has been fabulous but then again she prefers Farang Men for the very reasons I outlined

[I Like Thai]

lol at some of the responses. I don't really know why the writer didn't state the obvious that the majority of the men on offer are so low down the gene pool (one or more social, personal & emotional issues) that you wouldn't consider them in the first place, then remove the ones with an asian prefernce & you are left with some average & slightly above to pick from. A very small pond indeed.

Anyone women getting on a plane to Thailand thinking she was going to meet her hansome prince really didn't do her homework

That's exactly the same impression I get when meeting and seeing Farang women in Thailand. They are all usually drunk, loud and I was always left wondering what they were doing in Thailand in the first place.

In my experience, the type of ladies that come to Thailand were also the dregs of the gene pool. I don't wish to generalise, as I know that there is a wide variety of ladies in Thailand. I think the type of Farang lady that I might be attracted to keeps a low profile and not frequently encountered. Even the ladies that I have seen (very rarely would I speak to them) seem to have a chip on their shoulder and seem to have decided in advance that no one will be good enough for them that they might meet. The ones that are up for a bit of verbal interaction seem to have a desperation about them and stalk men like predatory animals.

Edited August 6, 2013 by I Like Thai

[SSSlongtime]

i am free

[winstonc]

My bf used to date Thai girls, then we got together (hes farang - we met here in Thailand).

Ive had several offers (all nationalities) but havent actively sought out dates.

The guys are def out there.

But i do think quality guys arent easy to find here.

Lots of below average guys who we wouldnt be really interested in.

it very much depends on how fussy the girl is,,,, aisan ladies are naturally prettier,but thats just my opinion,,

[Boo]

I'm sorry but I think you have a skewered perspective.

The amount of thai women actively loking for a farang is miniscule in comparison to the thai women looking for & actively being with thai men.

I'm sure your gf has given you all the stories about "thai man no good" & I am sure it makes you feel good about yourself but you are very far off the mark about thai men I'm afraid.

Why is it that a lot of Thai woman want Farang Men

snip Because Thai men drink, smoke, gamble and have sex with lots of woman. They don't want to commit

So figure it out Thai woman want Farang and not Thai men. It is clear why