To Go Or Not To Go.........That is the question

[thequietman]

Hi guys,

I am currently a teacher here in LOS. Salary and private lessons gives me 60,000 baht a month. Not a lot but ample for my life here. I manage to save 25000 of this most months.

I have been offered a job teaching in China at 100,000 baht a month before tax. Free accom, free medical and free meals.

However, the last time I went home, I couldn't be away from the wife for more than 3 weeks before I needed to come back.

This is a one year contract away from home. I trust my wife but I can't help but be aware of the issues other foreigners are having when they work away.

This is an opportunity to save some money for the future whilst gaining valuable experience from another culture.

Has anyone here took a better paying job and regretted it ? Has anyone here taken a teaching job in China and regretted it ?

Perhaps I need to stop thinking about Money, after all I have ample for the moment and life is fairly good and my wife and I are happy.

However my job here in Thailand is frustrating. Those of you who work here in the education system will be aware of what I am speaking about.

So, to go or not to go.................... that is the question.

Be gentle.

[benalibina]

Your age, where do you work/live, kids, wife works or not, living around FIL, futureplans ?

Trust in your wife is apparantly in issue for you, otherwise you would not have mentioned it.

[Upnotover]

What does your wife say? If you are in a real relationship this is a joint decision. But there seems some underlying problem of trust, 3 weeks and you missed her too much, or just couldn't sleep imagining what she was up to? This is not a Thai/foreigner issue, its a people issue.

[Issangeorge]

Money is not everything. If you are saving ฿25,000 a month that's pretty good. I would stay here. Unless of course if you could take your wife with you.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ 6 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[thequietman]

What does your wife say? If you are in a real relationship this is a joint decision. But there seems some underlying problem of trust, 3 weeks and you missed her too much, or just couldn't sleep imagining what she was up to? This is not a Thai/foreigner issue, its a people issue.

She doesn't want me to go but I am just trying to think about our future and unfortunately money will be an important factor in this. The immigration laws in Thailand worry me a lot but that's for another thread. Its not that I don't trust her............... I really do. Its that I would miss her too much.

Edited August 11, 2013 by thequietman

[MrWorldwide]

The last time I was in China, they still had (openly) differential pricing for foreigners (even overseas Chinese had a different rate to locals), but that's a few years ago now. You really need to look long and hard at exactly what your cost of living will be in your new locale, and whether a year of endless nights and weekends (presumably the time you have to yourself) make an extra ~40k baht a month worth the hassle. If your stay entails a Northern Winter, any unhappiness you feel will be magnified exponentially.

That said, if you want teaching options outside Thailand for the some point in the future, this may well be a good move - apologies for stating the blindingly obvious, but there seem to be a lot of unhappy campers in your profession.

[krisb]

Money is not everything. If you are saving ฿25,000 a month that's pretty good. I would stay here. Unless of course if you could take your wife with you.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ 6 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I agree. Doesn't sound like you really want to go. Maybe find a better job in Thailand? I think if your saving 25k there, that's good. I know plenty in Australia who can't save that.

[MrWorldwide]

Very true, krisb, but the cost of living is very different. People can cherry-pick prices for Farang food and say 'Look how expensive this is in Bangkok !', but good luck finding almost anything else at Thai prices in Australia. Sure, imported new cars are ridiculously expensive in Thailand, but how else are hi-so Thais supposed to show the rest of the world that they've 'arrived' ?

[thequietman]

What does your wife say? If you are in a real relationship this is a joint decision. But there seems some underlying problem of trust, 3 weeks and you missed her too much, or just couldn't sleep imagining what she was up to? This is not a Thai/foreigner issue, its a people issue.

sometimes, I need the obvious pointed out to me.

I sat the wife down only minutes ago and asked her. I got the usual 'up to you' but I pushed further and asked what she wanted.

She just looked at me that way she does and I got my answer. She doesn't want me to go. Simple.

I will worry about saving for the future at a later stage. For now, I will stay.

However, I would still like to hear from those that made the move. I am going to have to think about it in the near future. I already see job adds for thai schools stating not older than 45 years. The fact that I will have 8 ears experience teaching at that point won't mean a thing here. "Too old, not handsome, not good teacher."

Thanks for your inputs.

[krisb]

I'm no teaching expert, but I think you could be wrong about the age thing. You have experience and I assume a degree. Have you talked with the teachers in the teaching forum on here? Maybe worth having a chat with them. Good luck with it all mate.

[jvs]

I have made a lot of life and lifestyle altering moves so far but i was always the only person deciding.

If your wife does not want you to go you can ask her if she wants to come along but when you will be away all day at work it will be difficult for you both.

If after a year or earlier it does not work out can you go back to your old job or do you have to look elsewhere?

No easy answer to give i guess.

i have done things because i did not want to be asking myself after many years ,what if?

Some turned out ok and some i will find out in the future.

Maybe it all boils down to ,have much do you and your wife love eachother?

Many times people are changing careers etc because there is something wrong in the relationship.

Tough choices,good luck.

[moe666]

A friend here in Cm just came back from China he says the longest 6 months of his life

[impulse]

Before you go to a teaching job in China, do significant diligence on the company you'll be working for.

Make sure you speak to current teachers. If they won't let you contact current teachers, run- don't walk away.

Quite a few of my friends in the 10 years I lived in China were teachers. The vast majority had horror stories to tell before some of them landed with good schools. More than half did not make it through their first semester before they gave up and went back home. Between broken agreements, dismal housing arrangements, not enough hours, unpaid salary and visa problems, they would just go home.

Free accommodations, free medical and free meals won't mean much if you live in a glorified closet, eat flavored rice 3x a day and have to go to a local state run hospital for medical care.

There are some good schools, but there are a lot of bad ones. And a lot of the "schools" are actually agencies that farm you out to different schools and there's no way to check on the actual school until it's too late.

My advice: If you're happy here, stay here. Any promised increase in pay should be risk weighted at a low probability of success.

[CharlieH]

My first reaction to your OP was if it aint broke why try to fix it, you have seemingly a good job, you can save money each month, yiur wifes happy and you like being close to her, so why change it?

Next, I went to China, left after 48hrs, nothing like I was promised, had to share room with 4 other teachers, the school was run military style where they drilled the kids and beat them with sticks ! No way was I being part of that.

Second time out, alot of travelling to different schools, poor conditions, always chasing and fighting salary, no one and I mean no one in my area spoke any English at all, made living a little uncomfortable and very lonely.

Be warned ! Promises and reality are poles apart, make sure you speak to another teacher on the ground already in place.

Personally, refer to my opening line !

Good luck.

Edited August 11, 2013 by CharlieH

[Mike45]

What does your wife say? If you are in a real relationship this is a joint decision. But there seems some underlying problem of trust, 3 weeks and you missed her too much, or just couldn't sleep imagining what she was up to? This is not a Thai/foreigner issue, its a people issue.

sometimes, I need the obvious pointed out to me.

I sat the wife down only minutes ago and asked her. I got the usual 'up to you' but I pushed further and asked what she wanted.

She just looked at me that way she does and I got my answer. She doesn't want me to go. Simple.

I will worry about saving for the future at a later stage. For now, I will stay.

However, I would still like to hear from those that made the move. I am going to have to think about it in the near future. I already see job adds for thai schools stating not older than 45 years. The fact that I will have 8 ears experience teaching at that point won't mean a thing here. "Too old, not handsome, not good teacher."

Thanks for your inputs.

I'm happy you decided to stay.

I happen to be believe that loneliness and wondering WHY your loved one has left when you are doing so well right now would most likely destroy most relationships.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" That's BS. Absence destroys relationships.

Good luck and all the best to you and your wife.

[Issangeorge]

I'm 62 and presently not teaching because I want to stay at my home. To be honest when I was teaching away from home making ฿33,000 a month I found I wasn't saving any of it, so I may as well stay home and live on my pension. However I still look at the job adds and I am quite sure if I wanted a job I could get one. If you are worried about your future I suggest you try to increase your extra tutoring and you invest the ฿25,000 a month you are saving into a house, condo, shophouse, whatever. Perhaps you could buy a shophouse and use the bottom floor as a classroom and live in the upper floors.

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[theblether]

First of all, China can be a hardship posting, it is a place that many people detest working in and regret moving to. A couple I know just returned last week after a month working there and hated every moment of it. I see though you've decided not go so that's a moot point.

My experience of being separated from wife was that it effectively ended our marriage. We both changed, we both got into a new routine and we were never the same again. In fact, a month after I returned after two years working abroad ( we saw each other at holidays ) we separated. After a bit of soul searching we got back together three months later. That was a mistake, we should have stayed separated. The marriage floundered on a few more years then finally collapsed.

In my opinion, what you have now you will never get back, and the new reality may not suit you. It's got nothing to do with fidelity, and everything to do with the effect of a year of solitude on each of you. My advice is don't ever do it, as you may gain a few quid but lose your wife.

It's as simple and brutal as that.

Edited August 11, 2013 by theblether

[nottocus]

Take her with u.

[Familyonthemove]

Good decision.

China can be tough with the (generally) selfish and ruthless approach to life compared to Thailand. One child policy and being one in 1.3 billion has impacts.

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[poanoi]

You have earlier started 2 threads about modifying your honda phantom to make it look cool and have more rumble

like a big bike, so i think you would want cash to buy a big bike without worrying about economy.

So in short, i think you should give it a year, and in case you find it rewarding enuff, do another.

[fletchsmile]

In your situation I wouldn't go without taking my wife. Particularly if as you say your wife would rather you didn't go.

The only likely upside is money, as you can get the cultural experiences etc together by moving together. Even then 1 year doesn't sound like a life changing increase in your finances. 100k before tax is what? 80k after tax there? Then you'll spend some money. You'd be very lucky to come away with say more than 500k in a year above what you save now.

The downsides are numerous, including: doesn't work out job-wise, you don't like it, you start growing apart, wife resents it as you should know she doesn't want it, spend more than you expect so save less, year without much sex or a year with adultery (your choice)...

Basically giving up one year of your life for a small likelihood of a bit better financial future. How would you feel if it was the last year of your life? ...

Cheers

Fletch

Edited August 11, 2013 by fletchsmile

[farang000999]

Why can't she come with you?

[benalibina]

Why can't she come with you?

What can she do there except waiting for hubby to finish work. It brings her nothing and he knows it probably. It seems she is in control. As long as he is aware of and happy with it, its ok.

[farang000999]

If she is good wife she will sacrifice so that he can retire earlier. He will get free housing and medical. He can save a lot more money with this opportunity.

[farang000999]

I guess reading the topic and hearing about people who have taught in China it might not be that good of an opportunity after all.

[smokie36]

Fletch nailed it....too many risks for little reward.

[mogandave]

If you take your wife (I assume she's Thai), she will hate it. Unless you're rich, China (IMHO) blows.

When it comes down to it, all anyone has is how they feel at any given moment. Dow what makes you feel good about being you.

[rene123]

First of all, China can be a hardship posting, it is a place that many people detest working in and regret moving to. A couple I know just returned last week after a month working there and hated every moment of it. I see though you've decided not go so that's a moot point.

My experience of being separated from wife was that it effectively ended our marriage. We both changed, we both got into a new routine and we were never the same again. In fact, a month after I returned after two years working abroad ( we saw each other at holidays ) we separated. After a bit of soul searching we got back together three months later. That was a mistake, we should have stayed separated. The marriage floundered on a few more years then finally collapsed.

In my opinion, what you have now you will never get back, and the new reality may not suit you. It's got nothing to do with fidelity, and everything to do with the effect of a year of solitude on each of you. My advice is don't ever do it, as you may gain a few quid but lose your wife.

It's as simple and brutal as that.

I think the blether's reply was a good one. After I got over the original shock of our divorce I think my husband did me a favour by leaving. It is easy to start enjoying a single life style and your freedom again.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder... but for someone else.

[mogandave]

Don't worry about your wife, if you're not there to take care of her, someone else will be...

[SinglePot]

Thai wife would find China very alien. guarantee it.

You may too.

Blether and others make sense I think.

Bird in hand better than promise in China.

Regards