How much to help support Thai in-laws?

[pigeonjake]

rob,

my wifes a house wife, she looks after the house, our daughter and as you know she looks after the farm while im away,

its not all about money this life of ours, yes my wife used to work, but now she as i say looks after our house, daughter, farm and when im there she take bloody good care of me,

she makes money from our farm when im not there, sells eggs every day, veg, when we have pigs as you also know she sells them too,

why do people always think that a relationship has to be based on money?

this is the part i cant get my head round,

rob you know the money i earn, its not 25,000bht a day, but its not bloody far off,

if i wanted one of these hi-so girls im sure i could get one, money would buy them just the same as it would buy some girl from a bar,

you have enough money and you get what you want,

look at the top football players, there not handsum some of them, but you look at the wifes/girlfriends, there in it for money, beauitful young girls, not thai, but doing the same as people pull girls here down for,

when i met my wife i didnt tell her what i did, or how much i earned, i wanted to see if she was with me for me,

ive got a very nice good personality, if you ever meet me and im sure one day we,ll be fishing together, youll see that,

as you know im a supervisor at work, but all the men get on great with me, i dont have to <deleted> them, i treat them with respect and i get the same back from them,

i was brought up to show people repect in this life and youll get it back,

i repect my wife as a person as well as my beautiful wife, well i think shes beautiful many wouldnt,

but shes my beautiful wife.

and i love her because of who she is as a person, not some sex symbol,

when i first saw her in the restaraunt i said to my freinds wife, she looks so nice, she was shy, couldnt speak english, my freinds wife was talking to her, it was all so funny,

then i didnt see her for 3 months as i was back in the uk,

but i soon as i came back to my freinds house to stay, off we went, and when she saw me her face lit up, and i new mate, after that it was just trying to get to know her, and for me to try and learn thai and her english,

sorry enough of this old sod going on,

but i love my wife for what she is,

my wife,

jake

[robblok]

rob,

my wifes a house wife, she looks after the house, our daughter and as you know she looks after the farm while im away,

its not all about money this life of ours, yes my wife used to work, but now she as i say looks after our house, daughter, farm and when im there she take bloody good care of me,

she makes money from our farm when im not there, sells eggs every day, veg, when we have pigs as you also know she sells them too,

why do people always think that a relationship has to be based on money?

this is the part i cant get my head round,

rob you know the money i earn, its not 25,000bht a day, but its not bloody far off,

if i wanted one of these hi-so girls im sure i could get one, money would buy them just the same as it would buy some girl from a bar,

you have enough money and you get what you want,

look at the top football players, there not handsum some of them, but you look at the wifes/girlfriends, there in it for money, beauitful young girls, not thai, but doing the same as people pull girls here down for,

when i met my wife i didnt tell her what i did, or how much i earned, i wanted to see if she was with me for me,

ive got a very nice good personality, if you ever meet me and im sure one day we,ll be fishing together, youll see that,

as you know im a supervisor at work, but all the men get on great with me, i dont have to <deleted> them, i treat them with respect and i get the same back from them,

i was brought up to show people repect in this life and youll get it back,

i repect my wife as a person as well as my beautiful wife, well i think shes beautiful many wouldnt,

but shes my beautiful wife.

and i love her because of who she is as a person, not some sex symbol,

when i first saw her in the restaraunt i said to my freinds wife, she looks so nice, she was shy, couldnt speak english, my freinds wife was talking to her, it was all so funny,

then i didnt see her for 3 months as i was back in the uk,

but i soon as i came back to my freinds house to stay, off we went, and when she saw me her face lit up, and i new mate, after that it was just trying to get to know her, and for me to try and learn thai and her english,

sorry enough of this old sod going on,

but i love my wife for what she is,

my wife,

jake

That was not the point I was making, I did not understand the sentiment that if it all goes tits up you are happy to give her all. I certainly would not be happy to do that as it should be a fair split. If I paid for a house I would want at least part of it back. I just don't get the point where people feel their girls have earned that money.Again that probably has something to do with the fact your wife is a house wife and mine is not. Different tastes different opinions. I know I did not feel like my ex had earned that much of the money that I had to give her.

I don't love my wife for money, i love her for being independent, smart, and a good person. I would not survive long if I had one of those girls that need to do everything together. But others love that I accept that.

Many relationships here are based on money, its far more common here as back home. I absolutely hate it as I now know that my ex probably just wanted the money and not me. That is something that changed me for good.

[pigeonjake]

i understand were you are coming from rob,

but im afraid in this world, its mostly the man that looses everything should the pair split up,

even if its the girls fault,

as it was with my ex wife, she had an affair while i was working in dubai, but she still got the house,,lol,

its the way of the world,

you just dont loose as much over here, not that we have a big house, there is pics of my place onthe farming section, our house is as big as we need,

im not flash never have been, we got a secondhand pickup and our motor bike was the same 1 year old,

i earn good money, but money isnt my worldand i hope it never will be, all ive ever wanted in this life was to be happy, and up to now that is what ive found,

some get stung in there own country and come here to lick there wounds i was the same,

then some get scared of going into another relationship,

well you cant live your life being scared,

not saying you are mate,,lol, ive seen you,,lol

jake

you know im no good with bloody words and trying to typ what i think,,lol

[devolad]

This topic just keeps on giving - we all seem to have pretty firm opinions.

For me there is no way I will disagree with those who don't want to fund ungrateful "hangers on" or be scammed. By the same token, don't think any of us should berate the bloke who is comfortable with helping out extended family that he believes are quality people who have a genuine need.

All of our situations and the people we have chosen are individuals with different circumstances, as are their extended families - don't think a hard and fast rule applies to this topic.

I have been "touched up" by NZ inlaws before - will never forget working on an ex FIL's new deck and fence one week end while he sat in the living room sinking cold one's and watching the rugby. He was able bodied but work shy. (On the Sunday I made a point of getting him out helping me and made sure the work pace left him with a few aches and pains!)Am just saying that the human condition, both good and bad is not exclusive to LOS.

For me, I have met the people I have willingly chosen to help out. We all rely on our own judgement - I determined (rightly or wrongly) that they are good people who love and support my lady. Am comfortable to help where I see a genuine need. (Not too long ago my Mum wasn't well - my lady caught two different busses a few times a week to visit my mum and help her out with cooking and house work and just provide her with someone to chat with - I wont forget the kindness shown and am happy to reciprocate).

[rene123]

Everyone is different and have different needs and wants. I commend Jake and his simple take on life. He doesn't aspire to the big fancy house on the hill, and from what he writes I doubt if his wife does either. They are happy with what they have. I've changed a lot since my divorce and I've discovered I don't need or want what I once thought I needed. I also believe that if two people can no longer live in harmony then the best solution is to separate. Don't let yourself be tied down to material possessions at the sake of your freedom or happiness. Bitterness and anger does not benefit anyone. What does it matter if one spouse or the other winds up with more after a separation so long as both sides are happy being apart.

[transam]

Everyone is different and have different needs and wants. I commend Jake and his simple take on life. He doesn't aspire to the big fancy house on the hill, and from what he writes I doubt if his wife does either. They are happy with what they have. I've changed a lot since my divorce and I've discovered I don't need or want what I once thought I needed. I also believe that if two people can no longer live in harmony then the best solution is to separate. Don't let yourself be tied down to material possessions at the sake of your freedom or happiness. Bitterness and anger does not benefit anyone. What does it matter if one spouse or the other winds up with more after a separation so long as both sides are happy being apart.

It mattered to me when my ex stood in court and told a complete pack of lies about me to for financial gain , that hurts after being together for 25 years. Fortunately I was on the ball and she was threatened with imprisonment, WHICH I think near caused her a heart attack.

[pigeonjake]

rene,

life is as simple or as difficult as you want to make it,

i like the simple things, so does my wife, were dont go out much, we both dont drink, but we love going to the beach, i go fishing and she sits eating,,lol no not what i catch,

all people are different, thats the thing with a thread like this,

there isnt and wont be one answer,

what makes me happy would bore the tits of some,,(sorry rene) forgot your a lady,lol, but thats what life is about, finding your place in life that makes you happy,

trial and error, thats why some are divorced,

jake

[billd766]

My philosophy on life now is just to be comfortable with my wife and son.

There are 5 things that sort of control my lfe now

Priority list

1 Must have, as in the bloody washing machine, water pump or what had died and I must replace it

2 Need, as in I really need new clothes, washing machine or whatever

3 Want, as in I want one of those things there

4 Like, as in I like that car, it's a Rolls Royce or whatever.

5 Money

The more of 5 I have then the more the list gets filled.

The less money I have the more the priority list takes control.

We live on 15 rai in a 4 bed house in the country with another 10 rai down the road.

I personally own a motorbike, tools, a couple of PCs and my clothes.

I am 69 and even if I had buckets and wardrobes full of money I know 100% that when I die it is of no use to me at all.

If I owned the land and house I can't dig it up and take it with me and I truly cannot understand how people HAVE to own things or their life is not complete.

I paid for most of the stuff we have and it isn't just for my use, but also for my wife and sons use so let them have it all now.

[isawasnake]

I wonder how warm and fuzzy it will make those posters who give a monthly sum feel when they find out that maybe a third of the money they send every month goes to greedy monks. It is like a never ending cycle of extortion, that is what this country is.

That might be your experience ... but certainly not mine.

Mileage differs widely over Thailand ... I put that down to poor road maintenance ... ... or choosing the wrong route in the first place.

.

Well, every household out there gives to the monks. I am glad yours doesn't, fine by me. There is not one house in my in-law's area that isn't pretty much compelled to give. I would think for the most part this would be true in almost every village out there. It seems like a cycle of endless want to me.

Actually, if you think about it, the cycle will end with the monks. They got a full proof system. They can ask for the money, but nobody can ask them.

Edited August 20, 2013 by isawasnake

[rene123]

Everyone is different and have different needs and wants. I commend Jake and his simple take on life. He doesn't aspire to the big fancy house on the hill, and from what he writes I doubt if his wife does either. They are happy with what they have. I've changed a lot since my divorce and I've discovered I don't need or want what I once thought I needed. I also believe that if two people can no longer live in harmony then the best solution is to separate. Don't let yourself be tied down to material possessions at the sake of your freedom or happiness. Bitterness and anger does not benefit anyone. What does it matter if one spouse or the other winds up with more after a separation so long as both sides are happy being apart.

It mattered to me when my ex stood in court and told a complete pack of lies about me to for financial gain , that hurts after being together for 25 years. Fortunately I was on the ball and she was threatened with imprisonment, WHICH I think near caused her a heart attack.

That might be true, Transom... BUT! When you look back, then your ex probably did you a favour by leaving. As Charlie Sheen said about his women... "I don't pay them to sleep with me. I pay them to leave." Some just cost more than others, but it is all worth it in the long run. I'm sure my ex-husband thinks it was worth it in getting rid of me.

[tingtong]

There is definately no monthly support from our side, however some reward for work done ( like spraying the sugar, can be family, can be stranger; i am willing to pay the same to B-I-L if the same job done).

There are presents:

for the kids some cloths/toys/sweets occasionally.

a better bottle alcohol to F-I-L to share with his neighbors if he wants while watching muay thai Sundays.

help in the funeral costs of wife's grandma.

help to pay the hospital bill to my nephew.

buy some food to cook when we visit.

some money for F-I-L's wedding, a present

such things.

things i/we do for my not well off family as well in my country.

but within normal context, as we arent well off neither.

i dont drive a new pickup, or watch a 3D TV...so, i assume family can just do without too, else if not, then they make the money for it themselves.

[lujanit]

My thai family is far more wealthy than I could ever hope to be. Small gifts from me are accepted with sincere appreciation. What more could you ask for? Good people, not like a lot of thai's are portrayed in this forum and Stickman

[billd766]

i wasnt meaning it as an excuse,

i was just trying to point out that, yes i cant own land here,

but by the same token, when i got divorced in england i still lost the house that i could own,

and if things did go tits up with me and my wife, i would walk away, yes sad that it was over, but i wouldnt of lost anywere near the amout i lost in the uk,

if i walked i would be down say 30k pounds, now take that into account that ive had a very good life for 7 years, thats not bad, my money is still in my bank account, i still earn a very good wage,

so yes i would be sad, but it wouldnt be the end of my world, i would get up dust mtself off and start again,as i have done here,

would i get married again?

i would say no, i would buy a condo somewere and just life my life how i wanted to live, travel more, go back to brazil as a tourist and not a worker and have a good look round, beautiful ladys,,,lol

jake

I am just the same as you.

If my wife ever divorces me then I will walk away happy assuming I still get to see my son.

She has done more for me than my UK wife ever did.

Provided that I have enough to live on then she can have everything else with my blessing and thanks for the last 20 years.

I don't understand these sentiments why would wives have to walk away with money and possessions from this. It is like you did not put anything int he marriage and she is not happy with you. My feeling is i put love and effort and sure some money in a relation she does the same why should she then be entitled to loads of money from me.

It might be different in your cases as you guys don't have ladies that work and earn their keep. If they gave up things to be with you guys then I understand it a bit. But it sounds a awful lot like paying to stay with you.

I think we just have a difference of opinion about this.

Mind you I had a Thai girl get money from me from my first marriage I was not happy about that at all but in her case it was a (little) bit justified as had not much income. But on the other hand she cheated all the time and was a bad wife only stayed for her kids until I had to choose for myself. (this was in the Netherlands)

My ex wife in the UK was working in London when we married and she followed me to South Wales where I was stationed in the RAF. She did that for 8 years and worked when she could if jobs were available and she wasn't being a home maker and bringing up our son so in effect she didn't work either.

I worked in the UK for 7 years the last 3 of which I was on the road Monday to Friday and for 7 years after that I worked offshore and she didn't need to work.

Whilst we were in love in the early days it was me who fell out of love with her and that along with me working offshore was what broke us up. Not her fault really and it IS hard to cope with for the one left behind.

I felt the same way for her as I do for my present wife so that when I left all I took away was some memories, my clothes and anything else that would fit into a Ford Mondeo station wagon and my pensions.

I left behind everything else including our son who was 21 but I still keep in touch with him.

I could have fought in the divorce court to have the house sold and the money split etc but why would I have done that.

She earned it for putting up with me, job or no job, for the 20 odd years we had been married.