Help! GF refuses to leave!

[smotherb]

Take her home to her family. Talk to her father, mother, family members about the situation. Tell them you do not want to hurt her or cause her problems with the police--its just that the relationship is over . . . period.

Her family will find a solution. It will probably involve you paying her some money--call it a reverse dowry.

It is best to have a lawyer draw-up the settlement document and have her and her family sign it--which will mean more money.

Or, the simple threat of bringing her family into it may . . .--no, never mind, that would be too rational.

[robertson468]

She is a at times a violent (and unpredictable) bully and you have inherited what is know as "the victim syndrome". This is evidenced by at times feeling good and wanting to help her and then allowing her to repeatedly beat you when it takes her fancy and for whatever reason. There is only one solution and that is get out of the relationship, before it escalates into something more deadly. She will not change, certainly with you and it just might get worse. I am not being hysterical about this; you have to think the way she does. She is escalating things to the stage where she will do anything not to loose you. She feels in control. Be very, very careful. Ask your Thai Friends if they have any Policeman/woman as Friends, who for a consideration will witness you telling "your Lady" that it is all over, final, no more, go away, or you go away. Her financial situation is NOT your responsibility. In fact, if she sold the condo and the car, she might end up with a surplus, but that is her AND NOT YOUR decision. If you can find a nice friendly Policeman, you might ask him to stay at your pad for several days and pay him to do so, just incase "the ex" turns up to harass you. If she does, he might be good enough to take her down to the Police Station, read the riot act to her and lock her up for a couple of hours. The latter is supposition, but THE most important thing is GET OUT of it one way or another and quick.

[indyuk]

What you are describing is the death of a codependent relationship which has arisen out of your own insecurity. In short you are the biggest part of the problem.

This is a time for you to be decisive. You must tell her in all sincerity that you don't want her anymore.

After a 3 year cohabitation you can't walk away legally in Thailand because you are not Thai

You should ask your lawyer to resolve the problem for you. He will negotiate with her and reach a financial settlement with her that will compensate her sufficiently to prevent her returning to you with three very big and hungry BIB's.

Once she has reach settlement, you have handed over the cash she will be required to signed an agreement that will keep her away from you and you will never hear from her again even if you want to.

[Renny]

Talk to your boss about it and tell them you have to leave to get a new job elsewhere. Secure a new job in another city. LEAVE! In secret with a note left for her to tell her how you feel and logistics. Pay the rent for her for 1 month and start afresh. New phone. New Facebook. Count your losses. This is an emotional and physical abusive relationship and will NEVER get better...

[misterphil]

Been here and done this.

If you feel sorry for her set her up her own place, tell her you are seeing someone else and its over. Start to see other girls, let her know you are not messing around and you are moving on in your life, she too has too aswell. When I had this problem my now wife chased my ex away, the ex would phone up threatening so my now wife give her a mouthfull back on the phone, and slowly but surely the harrassment stopped. I know its difficult but chin up fella, youll be right.

[ttthailand]

You stayed with her for years and asked her to follow you so perhaps you need to get her setup again. Sit with her and help her open a Thailovelink or other dating site account. Don't ever question her about the account and if she is still attractive and you are lucky she will find other man. If that don't work offer her 100,000 baht to end it now, no return ! Or maybe do both.

Now this is down right vicious ttthailand! Foist her on another unsuspecting Farang to be terrorized? I hope you never need help....lol. .

Perhaps it is like a friend of my says " now that's an idea, not a good one but an idea "

Desperate time means desperate measures

[RigPig]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

Very innaproptriate !!

What is inappropriate is the GF's behaviour, and the only way out for the OP is to either loose his job, his home, be assassinated, loose a vast amount of money etc.....

The only way out of this amicably is IF SHE MAKES THE DECISION TO LEAVE!!!

Find one and give it to her........ Whatever it may be

Edited August 26, 2013 by RigPig

[SOTIRIOS]

Perhaps part of the problem is that I have 'spoiled' her and given in on occasions when I probably shouldn't have, conditioning her to think she is right.

I have tried to leave before when things got heated; I packed the car and got ready to leave when she stood blocking the way refusing to let me go.

She is always checking my phone and work bag behind my back, and I've even caught her following my car so if I moved out to a new place, she would probably eventually find out where I leave to cause chaos.

Whilst she we work for the same company, we are in entirely different departments with no work interaction at all so in principle, she could just continue in her work even if we split up.

The saddest thing is that I suspect she will struggle to find her feet without me around. I have helped to pay the deposit on her small car, and little condo which is still being built and would struggle to make those payments whilst living on her own, supporting herself.

I had asked for us to try living separately for a few weeks so she could learn to appreciate me. This happened when I managed to escape after an argument and stayed away for a day after she had thrown a rock which smashed the back of the car as I was escaping. I told her I had shown this to the police and she got a bit hysterical and offered to stay with a friend for a week. There were a lot of hysterics and tears and she spent a night with a friend before moving back in.

Ideally, we could split but stay friends but this suggestion has caused very animated and aggressive reactions, usually with the statement that I would not be allowed to be happy without her and if that I found someone else that things would turn bad for her.

I just need to have a clear plan lined up to deal with all eventualities before I take action.

....car...condo.....???...so you definitely strung her along.......made her dependent on you.....now deal with it....

[JLCrab]

OP has been a TV Member since 2004 total 130 posts -- only 2 of the 100 or so posts this topic are his -- has not been on since 19:28 yesterday. Today is Monday -- maybe he was just trying to get an idea how many guys have had screwed up relationships as bad as his or worse.

[F4UCorsair]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

Very innaproptriate !!

On second thoughts, maybe you're not my kind of girl, Kirsty!!

That IS a joke, honestly.

[harrry]

What you are describing is the death of a codependent relationship which has arisen out of your own insecurity. In short you are the biggest part of the problem.

This is a time for you to be decisive. You must tell her in all sincerity that you don't want her anymore.

After a 3 year cohabitation you can't walk away legally in Thailand because you are not Thai

You should ask your lawyer to resolve the problem for you. He will negotiate with her and reach a financial settlement with her that will compensate her sufficiently to prevent her returning to you with three very big and hungry BIB's.

Once she has reach settlement, you have handed over the cash she will be required to signed an agreement that will keep her away from you and you will never hear from her again even if you want to.

Unless he has married he can walk away anytime. Only amphur marriages give any rights.

[WAERTH]

All I can say is from my experience in handling unreasonable girlfriends is that both parties will end up damaged to some degree

[rbmcn]

I am 66. Spent over 30 years in the law business as private practitioner (lots of family law experience), criminal prosecutor and for 10 years as a judge. That's from where I come from. IMRO, even if she had "earned" your loyalty, committment etc..... by her self-sacrifices along the way, she has, as of right now, given up any claim to your ongoing relationship with her. Her bizarre behaviour verges on the dangerously psychotic and you should be rightly apprehensive as to what she may do to you. Really aprehensive, if you get my drift. Altho' sound advice, I would very surprised if cash plus a signed "release" would remove her from your day to day life. She should be a great continuing worry to you. I would either consider trying to either get a new job, as painful and difficult as that may be and change homes or just leave town, asap and seek your fortunes elsewhere. With her in your face daily that seems an impossibility to do without her in your back pocket. The situation will blow up, without doubt. A clean fast break like moving to another part of the LOS is in order. No doubt, lesson learned and won't be repeated. Good luck.

[xenophon]

If she refuses to leave, then just leave yourself. Find another apartment and let the landlord deal with kicking her out. If she blocks your car, just drive slowly forward and push her out of the way. If she follows, grab her keys, throw them into the road, and go along your way.

Alternatively, scare the shit out of her. No offense but you sound fairly passive, letting her hit you, bother your work etc. Just flip out, grab her firm by the shoulders, yell something like "don't EVER fuc_king touch me again", with your eyes all wild like you're crazy.

ideally stay friends? Are you crazy? You don't stay friends with a woman like this. Staying friends with an ex is difficult in the best of breakups, you have to break up, cut off all contact. Whether she struggles to pay rent or anything like that, well, I guess what is more important, your wellbeing and happiness, or that of the psycho who has made you miserable.

I've had stalkers in the past, never that serious, but a couple of girls who got overly clingy after just a few dates. There's no "nice" way to go about it, you want this type of person to stop, you have to be brutally blunt, "stay the fuc_k away from me, I don't want anything to do with you ever again, under no circumstances will I ever change my mind." etc.

I don't know HOW you can still be with her after 3 years of this. And why your posts are so sympathetic towards her. She must be amazing in bed.

Sounds like a good way to get yourself arrested. Who are the cops going to believe if you even touch her with the car, threaten her , etc.

[xenophon]

I am 66. Spent over 30 years in the law business as private practitioner (lots of family law experience), criminal prosecutor and for 10 years as a judge. That's from where I come from. IMRO, even if she had "earned" your loyalty, committment etc..... by her self-sacrifices along the way, she has, as of right now, given up any claim to your ongoing relationship with her. Her bizarre behaviour verges on the dangerously psychotic and you should be rightly apprehensive as to what she may do to you. Really aprehensive, if you get my drift. Altho' sound advice, I would very surprised if cash plus a signed "release" would remove her from your day to day life. She should be a great continuing worry to you. I would either consider trying to either get a new job, as painful and difficult as that may be and change homes or just leave town, asap and seek your fortunes elsewhere. With her in your face daily that seems an impossibility to do without her in your back pocket. The situation will blow up, without doubt. A clean fast break like moving to another part of the LOS is in order. No doubt, lesson learned and won't be repeated. Good luck.

Quite right. The situation will blow up (even further) and may lead to one of you ending up on the slab.

As an italian friend of mine used to say:'cutta! cutta! cutta!' Just get out of .. whatever you need to .. including the city, job, etc. Temporarily or permanently, depends

[historyprof]

What you are describing is the death of a codependent relationship which has arisen out of your own insecurity. In short you are the biggest part of the problem.

This is a time for you to be decisive. You must tell her in all sincerity that you don't want her anymore.

After a 3 year cohabitation you can't walk away legally in Thailand because you are not Thai

You should ask your lawyer to resolve the problem for you. He will negotiate with her and reach a financial settlement with her that will compensate her sufficiently to prevent her returning to you with three very big and hungry BIB's.

Once she has reach settlement, you have handed over the cash she will be required to signed an agreement that will keep her away from you and you will never hear from her again even if you want to.

Unless he has married he can walk away anytime. Only amphur marriages give any rights.

I find it fascinating to read all the half baked ideas of the folks who have never had to face a situation like this. Remember reading all the posts from the guys who have only had one women in 50 years of life and think they are experts? How many times have you heard on Thai Visa that Thai women are like women everywhere?

I remember one naive poster who said, "if things didn't work I could walk. I would own my own pickup and scooter and could just move."

Number 1. The world thinks that NSA is a sophisticated spy agency. They are novice players when it comes to the Thai women's network.

Number 2. Thai women have no fear of the police, you, the Army, Navy or any other group of men with guns.

Number 3. A Thai woman with a high heeled shoe in her hand is a weapon of mass destruction.

I could go on with this but suffice it to say the only answer is to get the woman to leave and think it is her idea.

[winstonc]

you definatly need to grow some bollo-x and man up.many people have given very sound advice on here for you.decide and get on with your life,,if you cant be bothered to even reply to tv .advice

Edited August 26, 2013 by winstonc

[kirstymelb101]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

Very innaproptriate !!

On second thoughts, maybe you're not my kind of girl, Kirsty!!

That IS a joke, honestly.

I'm used to it.

In a crowd where the majority of posters are males.

I have to expect these comments once in a while unfortunately.

Don't worry.. I'm a big girl.. I can take care of myself...

Edited August 26, 2013 by kirstymelb101

[rbmcn]

What immediately came to mind when I read this post was my first case back in 1978. My client was threatened by his psycho wife that she would separate him from his willy when he was sleeping, as revenge for perceived infidelities. She was a physically strong woman and the nite before I met my client she had come close to "doing the business" with a pair of pinking shears while he was sleeping. He woke up. Nasty, and permanent. He got out, fast.

[Prettygirl051469]

You are sounding more and more like a rerun of my own bad experiences. There is no way I could have made my partner want to leave me, too many financial benefits. If you leave she will have some hardship, but nothing that she has not bought upon herself. She will survive, believe me, with the great start in life you have provided. Eventually, just like my partner there will be a new relationship. I hope you find the right woman the next time around too. Just go, replan your life, take the pain, it's not as bad as thinking about doing it. Turn over a new leaf. I know that partner of yours even though we have never met.

[expattom]

I sympathise with the OP but I'd advise him to ignore the time-honoured TV BS approach that advocates moving out in the dead of the night with your tail between your legs, changing your phone number, abandoning your regular haunts and essentially uprooting your life.

It's a waste of time and resources unless you're gonna leave your job too because she can easily follow you home after you finish work, right?

Thai men deal with this kinda shit from an early age and their way works.

Twice I found myself in situations like this myself here and, twice the Thai approach brought the situation to a satisfactory conclusion.

Explain the Thai, men, Way !

Yeah, don't leave us hanging!

[JSatGS]

You stayed with her for years and asked her to follow you so perhaps you need to get her setup again. Sit with her and help her open a Thailovelink or other dating site account. Don't ever question her about the account and if she is still attractive and you are lucky she will find other man. If that don't work offer her 100,000 baht to end it now, no return ! Or maybe do both.

Now this is down right vicious ttthailand! Foist her on another unsuspecting Farang to be terrorized? I hope you never need help....lol. .

Perhaps it is like a friend of my says " now that's an idea, not a good one but an idea "

Desperate time means desperate measures

+1 ttthailand.... I can agree with that. lol. It is an idea, but the next suffering fella will be in for a dandy... and that could have been me! lol.

[harryfrompattaya]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

This a trick I used 40 to 60 years ago this works and sometimes it straightens them out And it fun for me

[Shotime]

You.ve had many good suggestions. You must not be sympathetic. If money doesn't work. I suggest telling her you have a new GF who happens to be a ladyboy. Go hire one to come home with you, and scare your ex-GF away.

[Etherus]

I had a gf that reached a crazy stage in our relationship. I just told her I did not want to wake up every day and be unhappy which was how she made me. It took a while to sort out but she is now long gone.

[Nayet]

I sympathise with the OP but I'd advise him to ignore the time-honoured TV BS approach that advocates moving out in the dead of the night with your tail between your legs, changing your phone number, abandoning your regular haunts and essentially uprooting your life.

It's a waste of time and resources unless you're gonna leave your job too because she can easily follow you home after you finish work, right?

Thai men deal with this kinda shit from an early age and their way works.

Twice I found myself in situations like this myself here and, twice the Thai approach brought the situation to a satisfactory conclusion.

Explain the Thai, men, Way !

He's suggesting OP should plant some drugs on her, call the police and have her put away.

[Kudel]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

This a trick I used 40 to 60 years ago this works and sometimes it straightens them out And it fun for me

Yes but maybe in the op's situation this could land him statutory rape charges :his word against hers when bib get involved,whatever op does don't lay a finger on her.

Another poster sugested doing it the Thai man way,bitchslapping ,again op is not a Thai man and could get in to trouble for assault again bib get involved his word against hers.This aint the ghetto homey.Some people take those gangsta rappers way to serious.

Edited August 26, 2013 by Kudel

[me313]

Instead of putting the blame for the situation mostly on her, read or investigate relationship psychology and dysfunctional relationships. Add to that various forms of addiction and the psychology of trauma, and then re-evaluate yourself and your past with it's own trauma and problems. As for the relationship, you do have to end it somehow. Since it's "her" country she will be able to cope more easily than you, I suspect, so get away any way you can without leaving a trail and then try to avoid situations like this again. Sounds like "co-dependency" issues and it deals with subjects you brought up--an unstable childhood and lack of role models from your parents, and things like that, along those lines.

[atyclb]

You stayed with her for years and asked her to follow you so perhaps you need to get her setup again. Sit with her and help her open a Thailovelink or other dating site account. Don't ever question her about the account and if she is still attractive and you are lucky she will find other man. If that don't work offer her 100,000 baht to end it now, no return ! Or maybe do both.

Yes and in a few months another guy wil post on Thaivisa about a crazy girl he met on thailovelinks,happy i deleted my account there a while back the tricks some of the woman try on that site is beyond belief had some fun chatting with some woman on there but no place to find a potential partner for sure.

Agree with you about that and other internet dating sites. At times some women may seem appealing on the sites until you realize they seem like those that populate the freelance disco's

[Centrum]

God help me if I ever find myself needing the help of the unknown, faceless members of thaivisa to solve a personal problem.

I shouldn't really specifically mention TV members over any other local forum as a bad idea, the advice of complete strangers should always taken with a grain of salt.

But one has to question the number of internet experts willing to offer their worldly advice.

I hope the op is just another troll