Help! GF refuses to leave!

[umbanda]

She tough that you were gay...OK. Stop having sex with her. Tell her that she was right, that you are gay and in love with a coworker and you want to move in with him. Ask a male friend to take you in his home for a month until you find a new place to live....and ask for forgiveness and how much she wants for leave you with your new life......

If she is sure you are gay, not more sex, not place to live, and some money to start somewhere....you may have luck.

[Kudel]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

This a trick I used 40 to 60 years ago this works and sometimes it straightens them out And it fun for me

So and said woman you tried this trick on 40 or 60 years ago would have went around town and tell everybody youre a lunatic,and then one wonders why many farangs complain they cant land a girlfriend in there country of origin and wash up on the shore's of Thailand.

Remember we live in the times of social media ,maybe said lady is friends with op's co workers on facebook whats to stop her from starting a hate campaign online against him.Oh yes defemation charges but by then the damage is already done.

Edited August 26, 2013 by Kudel

[NeverSure]

What you are describing is the death of a codependent relationship which has arisen out of your own insecurity. In short you are the biggest part of the problem.

This is a time for you to be decisive. You must tell her in all sincerity that you don't want her anymore.

After a 3 year cohabitation you can't walk away legally in Thailand because you are not Thai

You should ask your lawyer to resolve the problem for you. He will negotiate with her and reach a financial settlement with her that will compensate her sufficiently to prevent her returning to you with three very big and hungry BIB's.

Once she has reach settlement, you have handed over the cash she will be required to signed an agreement that will keep her away from you and you will never hear from her again even if you want to.

Unless he has married he can walk away anytime. Only amphur marriages give any rights.

I find it fascinating to read all the half baked ideas of the folks who have never had to face a situation like this. Remember reading all the posts from the guys who have only had one women in 50 years of life and think they are experts? How many times have you heard on Thai Visa that Thai women are like women everywhere?

I remember one naive poster who said, "if things didn't work I could walk. I would own my own pickup and scooter and could just move."

Number 1. The world thinks that NSA is a sophisticated spy agency. They are novice players when it comes to the Thai women's network.

Number 2. Thai women have no fear of the police, you, the Army, Navy or any other group of men with guns.

Number 3. A Thai woman with a high heeled shoe in her hand is a weapon of mass destruction.

I could go on with this but suffice it to say the only answer is to get the woman to leave and think it is her idea.

No the naive ones are the ones who let some woman move into their house or apartment. The naive ones are the ones who need a job to stay here, put down roots and THEN let some gal move in with them. The naive ones are those mentioned before who also let that gal work where they do, or in any other way screw around with any woman at work. The naive ones are the ones who let some gal get her hooks in him;

The experienced ones keep some distance, even if they have to pay a gal's rent on her own apartment.

The experienced ones are retired and can move around even if it means going back to their home country for a while, and then reappearing with perhaps a name change at least 500 kms away from the weapon of mass destruction.

[ttthailand]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

I like the way you think

And it just might work, worth a try

Second thought, she might like it and make your case even tougher.

I will however keep this idea in the back of my mind for later use if required

[salapau]

I live in Thailand, married for three years. Thai women are obsessively jealous. This is why there are so many single mums. They blame the men but there's always another side. I am retired but I do go out on my own in the afternoons for a beer or two. I worked as hard at getting her to understand my culture as I did with the Thais. She now accepts this and rarely do I get a jealous tantrum. Maybe because I just left her once to return to England for a few weeks to spend time with my son.

You have a real problem here. You are a manager in the same company that she works. Get her sacked. Change the house locks just prior to going on holiday on your own for the longest period of time that is acceptable to you employer. Do not give her any access to any money. Change your phone number.

If you're risking your job by doing this, come up with your own plan. Your future happiness should now be your biggest priority and if you stay in this job as you are, it may eventually cost you your job. Nobody wants to work with a miserable employee with an obsessiive wife.

[slipperylobster]

You are going to have to pay her. Probably something like 50 000 baht. And get it legaized when you do.

This, I am afraid, is the proper answer. You will be out some money, but think of the damage that she could otherwise do. She gave up many things to be with you, so you would be right in re-establishing her in her old town and help her get back to where she left off. She is probably no happier than you, and both of you will have a miserable life otherwise. It might even turn to violence, or an unending vendetta. Just stash away money that you would normally spend on expensive vacations, restaurants, and gifts for a while. Then make her a good, honest offer to help her get on her way to a better existence. I have been in this situation, and was sleeping on my stomach for for years....it was about the time Bobbitt got bobbed.

[TinaKohChang]

You are going to have to pay her. Probably something like 50 000 baht. And get it legaized when you do.

I do not think so, this woman is not after money. She is insanely jealous, has very low self esteem and concentrates all her energy on him. That has nothing to do with love, it is sort of a mental sickness and there is no cure without therapy. There must have happened much more to her than just a cheating ex

Her own life has no value to her and I fear that she will take it to the limits having zero control, that makes her volatile and very dangerous. Her very, very low self esteem and too much time to let her imagination run riot doesn't ease the situation at all... IMHO and from own similar experience, I would strongly suggest that the OP must quit his job immediately (I know it is hard, but physical and psychological integrity should count much higher than a good job). Once you've lost your health, the very best job on earth will make no good at all. moving somewhere far away secretly by not leaving any trace to her, otherwise it will not end as long as she sticks to him, not being ready to let loose and willing to go for another man.That way, presented with a fait accompli, she will have only the solution to fight it out with her self. She will be drowning in self pity for a few weeks but people of such kind of mental problems are NOT LIKELY to be suicide candidates, but often appear to seriously harm others! They love it much too much to have them self suffer. If he is gone and she has no way to follow, she will give up quite fast,cause she lost her audience & 'sparring partner'. She obviously hates or at least dislikes her self for something and is unable to believe that someone else could love her...that will never end or change without long term therapy.

[Puwa]

No one else can solve this for you--no cop, no boss, no other woman, no relative.

You need a full reboot, a clean slate, and the best way to achieve that is to go home for few years then come back. During your hiatus, work on yourself, your self esteem, assertiveness, communication skill etc. Then come back and enjoy life. (And I hope it goes without saying you must cut off all communication with the gf forever).

[slipperylobster]

If she refuses to leave, then just leave yourself. Find another apartment and let the landlord deal with kicking her out. If she blocks your car, just drive slowly forward and push her out of the way. If she follows, grab her keys, throw them into the road, and go along your way.

Alternatively, scare the shit out of her. No offense but you sound fairly passive, letting her hit you, bother your work etc. Just flip out, grab her firm by the shoulders, yell something like "don't EVER fuc_king touch me again", with your eyes all wild like you're crazy.

ideally stay friends? Are you crazy? You don't stay friends with a woman like this. Staying friends with an ex is difficult in the best of breakups, you have to break up, cut off all contact. Whether she struggles to pay rent or anything like that, well, I guess what is more important, your wellbeing and happiness, or that of the psycho who has made you miserable.

I've had stalkers in the past, never that serious, but a couple of girls who got overly clingy after just a few dates. There's no "nice" way to go about it, you want this type of person to stop, you have to be brutally blunt, "stay the fuc_k away from me, I don't want anything to do with you ever again, under no circumstances will I ever change my mind." etc.

I don't know HOW you can still be with her after 3 years of this. And why your posts are so sympathetic towards her. She must be amazing in bed.

Sounds like a good way to get yourself arrested. Who are the cops going to believe if you even touch her with the car, threaten her , etc.

Agreed. It might turn ugly, fast. I had a gal break a chair and stab me in the gut with a piece of wood. I went to the police, and they only laughed. The girl was only 4 foot tall (filipina) and I am a hefty kind of guy. Just don't touch her. Its ok to get crazy, but acting is not quite the same as being a real crazy bitch. You might find yourself outgunned.

[Robbie Dye]

Would be intrigued at what the Thai way is. I am in similar situation and have also in 5 years been attacked, hurt and threatened but suffer from COPD so never have enought force to deliver the blow I would like to. I have tried herparenst, a security company and even the cops but they all say one thing, you have to take Court action for eviction. I cnnot run due work and my dogs or believe me I would have been miles away. I tried one day but was found in under 6 hrs thru the Thai grapevine. No-one has great sex in stressful times like this so please lay off that topic.I took her to a physciatric unit 3 years ago and she was rated as manic depressive. Jealousy is a part of that. Things have improved but still not how I want to have my life. If you have been with her 3 years or more you are I suspect (as am I) in the position of a common law husband and wife. There is only one way out, take her to Court. I am about to do that same thing. Good luck and feel free to share notes direct

[TinaKohChang]

If she is this crazy the sex must be amazing.

Wow, what a statement,,, and that makes it worth to stick to such a relation?

[RigPig]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

I like the way you think

And it just might work, worth a try

Second thought, she might like it and make your case even tougher.

I will however keep this idea in the back of my mind for later use if required

If she does enjoy it you've had a bit of a win and makes putting up with the BS a little more tolerable 5 5 5

But if they see it getting worse, more persistent and it doesn't look like it will change,.......

Seriously though if you don't want to end up as a drive-by shooting, the girl topping herself (I have seen a lot of Thai girls with slashed wrists) or loosing everything you have worked for, you have to find some way of getting her to make the decision IMHO

[KIWIBATCH]

I sympathise with the OP but I'd advise him to ignore the time-honoured TV BS approach that advocates moving out in the dead of the night with your tail between your legs, changing your phone number, abandoning your regular haunts and essentially uprooting your life.

It's a waste of time and resources unless you're gonna leave your job too because she can easily follow you home after you finish work, right?

Thai men deal with this kinda shit from an early age and their way works.

Twice I found myself in situations like this myself here and, twice the Thai approach brought the situation to a satisfactory conclusion.

Explain the Thai, men, Way !

Yes please explain the thai man "way"...I think I need it....I am in a somewhat similar situation

[garyhanover]

I've had a very similar experience with a friend of mine. Thai women can be very jealous, but this person is mentally unbalanced. My friend left the country for 6 weeks and when he came back she approached him unseen from behind and murdered him. She was arrested, released on bail, didn't attend the final day of the trial, was found guilty and skipped the country, doing no more time than a few days in a police cell. Returned about 8 years later with no ramifications.

My advice is to leave the area without trace, and don't return to any of your old haunts. Good luck.

Edited August 26, 2013 by garyhanover

[Mister Fixit]

You don't finish with a Thai girl, you escape!

YOU will have to change your phone number, job and town. You'll never get away from this psychopathic jealousy which is so prevalent in Thai girls unless YOU take the initiative and get well away from her, as far as you can.

Until she finds you again ...

One trick in the meantime is to do as another poster said, move all her stuff out to one of her friends for safekeeping, change the locks (and add a couple of new ones) and the best bit - buy a pair of women's shoes, preferably second-hand so they look used, and put them outside by the front door. That'll get her going ...

Edited August 26, 2013 by Mister Fixit

[ttthailand]

Reverse Psychology, you need her to leave, her idea.

Kinky sex !!! Tell her if she really loves you.......

Keep getting kinkier and kinkier, push the boundaries over the edge, worked for me came home one day and she was gone!!! And the fun I had till she did almost compensated for the grief

Amazingly she never said no or complained, just eventually left, never heard from her since.......

I like the way you think

And it just might work, worth a try

Second thought, she might like it and make your case even tougher.

I will however keep this idea in the back of my mind for later use if required

If she does enjoy it you've had a bit of a win and makes putting up with the BS a little more tolerable 5 5 5

But if they see it getting worse, more persistent and it doesn't look like it will change,.......

Seriously though if you don't want to end up as a drive-by shooting, the girl topping herself (I have seen a lot of Thai girls with slashed wrists) or loosing everything you have worked for, you have to find some way of getting her to make the decision IMHO

I also had a gf who did the slashing of her wrists and got really strung out on drugs. I really cared for her and she loved me too much but i was afraid with the direction we were heading. I called her family and explained what was happening and helped with a little cash. They took her home and I never saw her again. I did however move so it made it difficult to find me. I did hear later that she got her life together and married a nice farang guy. Now have baby and her own shop. There are some happy endings but you need to get out of an unhealthy relationship as soon as possible.

Another thought that you should consider is having some close friends over when you break the news. They can help support and comfort her. You also have witnesses there in case shit hits the fan.

[MegaRanter]

Too many pages to read, but I have seen a lot of these kind of situations.

Not all type of personalities encounter this situations. A gf or wife with you for years must have known how you handle people or issues. So I do believe she knows that she got the op by the balls.

[mickyboy]

i been in this type relationship and it ended not very well yes she was crazy and the sex was out this world but the moods of this women was also some thing to see and her behaviour unreal as she lost all my friends in the end i cracked up beat the shit out her threw her down some stairs and thought that was it no she came back black and blue to say it was her fualt and we can start again for me NO but took 6 months to finnally end it after she smashed up my place twice this guy in for big time trouble always sleep with your hand on your privates or you may lose them

[rotary]

Dump her fast

[fittobethaied]

Brother, I'm going to approach this from an entirely different angle...so hear me out. I have been in these situations before and the Word of God offers the only sane solution for your dilemma. I'm assuming that if your gf can clean up her act then you would like for the two of you to stay together. If that is the case then hear the Word of the Lord from Matthew 18:15:

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’[b] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

Now before everyone goes ballistic on me for talking about "religion"...you don't have to be a believer for these principles to work in your life. So let me break it down and put it into laymen's terms. You have probably discussed these issues with her before, but now it's time to get serious and work this principle from start to finish. The goal of the principle is to bring her to a point of repentance so that the two of you can be reconciled together and get on with a healthy relationship. Firstly, you should choose a time when the two of you are cool, calm and collected, then invite her to sit down with you for a private discussion of a matter that is of dire importance to your relationship. But, you have to approach her in a spirit of love and not condemnation. Be gentle and understanding, but be firm. Make sure she understands that unless there is change then you will have no choice but to end the relationship. Afterwards, give her some time and test her to see that there has been true repentance. If not, then you must return to her with a wise and respected friend that is known well by the two of you and restate your case in front of this witness...preferably another man and his wife so that both sexes will be represented. Afterwards, give her another test period to see if there has been repentance on her part. If not, then your next measure has to be very drastic. You must put her out of fellowship with yourself which means that either you leave the apartment or she leaves the apartment. During this time of separation she will have a final opportunity to repent, and hopefully this final drastic measure will help her to see the error of her ways. Now this is the really tough part in light of the fact that she has a very unstable and hostile personality. First off, there's no way that she's leaving the apartment, and if you try to forcefully evict her then you are setting yourself up for bodily harm. Also it makes no sense for you to leave the apartment because you have the added burden of working with her every day and you can't escape her. She know's exactly where you are and can easily follow you, so you will have to constantly be looking over your shoulder and expecting to be blindsided. So, as a final extreme measure, if all else fails and she had not repented, I would make up whatever excuse is necessary to quietly leave the city, or even the country, even if it means transferring or giving up your job. Just get completely out of the situation and leave her no way to retaliate against you. Right now you are so subjective to your circumstances that you can't see clearly. Remove yourself from your environment and after a short time you will begin to have some clarity about what you should do for your future. If necessarily you can always return to Thailand when the coast is clear and start your life over in a location where she cannot find you.

My friend, I hope that your gf changes her ways during this test, but if not then you are much better off being miles away from her. People like her can be a real threat to your health and well being and this could be a major turning point in your life. The wrong decision could actually cost you your life. Be strong, be wise and take courage. I have been where you are and I had to run from the evil and it all worked out for the best for me. I'm praying the same for you, but I pray first for her repentance.

Edited August 26, 2013 by fittobethaied

[Straight8]

If she is this crazy the sex must be amazing.

Yuk! Where are you, moderator?

Jessie, Jessie, you got no sense of humour???

[Straight8]

You should have dumped her ages ago judging by what you have said.

Seriously, you went through all that before turning to the forum for help.

As people have said here, find your Kujongs and attach them to their rightful place fast and take action immediately.

Oh, I am sure you have paid enough, I bet 99.9% of all living expenses were paid by yourself, pay her nothing, as I am sure if she found someone to replace you, she wouldn't even bat an eye lid, and would ahppily skip along in the sunset with her new beau in tact.

[puukao]

Dumping her in a mean way will jeopardize your safety, as well as all your co-workers' safety. You must think differently to avoid the wrath of the terminator. So, first make a nice dinner and tell her how much you like/love her. Then, a few days later, explain how sick your (relative) is in your home country and fake a trip back home. Yes, you must leave your job. Since you will have no job, maybe escape across the border for a few days/weeks. phone off, internet off, etc.... honestly, consider another country. if not, return a few days/weeks later and try to get about 500+ miles from where you think she is. A city you never told her about. If you straight dump her, she will be angry beyond comprehension and you will be doomed. If she still thinks you like/love her, she will be more confused and that will buy you valuable time. Don't worry, in 100-years, she will forget about you.

code name: apocalypse last-chance

Edited August 26, 2013 by puukao

[Chicog]

Talk to her mother confidentially and explain the situation. Say that you'll give her Bt25,000 to retrieve her, and another Bt25,000 six months later if you've had no contact.

Keep it between the two of you.

Mumsy will organise the family posse to sort it out, without ever telling them she's making money out of it.

[mooris7]

Be a man and break up with her. Let the cards fall where they may. You made your bed now lie in it!

[usainsabah]

Im sorry to hear this, I thought I was the only one that had a problem like yours. I was in the same boat as you. Only I have been stabbed, hit with a pan. Cut while asleep and pretty much all the other stuff you went through. My solution was I took her back to her Parents. We were married for 3 years and only after we got married did I see the true side of her. I was the one who scolded her Parents for not telling me about her mental instability. After taking her back she would come around the house spying and also spreading rumors that were not true. We had a daughter and I got full custody. She gave up her motherly rights for 30,000. But to stop her from looking for me I made and Atenerary for Malaysian Airlines and told her I was going back to to my home country. However I used front page and altered the info to make it seem like it was confirmed. All I did was go to another part of the country and never got back to her. Our daughter was 14 months old at the time and she did not want her and gave her to me. So of course I accepted. Now her money is gone and I have a very beautiful daughter who is now 9 years old. I have remarried and have been very happy with another little girl who is 6 now. The grass is much greener in another pasture if you cut all ties and never get back in touch again. My sadness goes out for you cause I know the feeling you are facing. But believe me it is not going to get better. So please dont kid yourself. Find a way out. The sonner the better. As mentioned before it will take giving her money to do it. I know your not married but still you can be happier if you just pay her off and go away. She will never leave you alone. Its sad to say this but it is true. You have to leave and make her think you are going one place but then go somewhere else. She will try to look. Mine did. Even had her sister study in my country trying to look for us. But I wasnt there. I still had friends that knew where I was but they were good friends and would only tell me whats going on. Now after 8 years of being rid of her I can rest assured that she has forgotten about us. I hope that it all works out for you.

Edited August 26, 2013 by usainsabah

[Nooky2]

I will respond in the same manner as the OP.

1. You must go, but you must protect yourself.

2. Get a different job hopefully with the same company, none the less you must move.

3. Tell her nothing.

4. When you have everything in place, move your stuff to your new job and home.

5. AFTER, you have done these things, IF you feel you must speak to her that you are going, THEN you can do it. ONLY after you have have completed the move. Don't tell her where you moved to or any new information.

6. Don't look back. This girl is destructive. She feels like she is entitled to something but that's not your problem.

7. If you inform her of ANY of this, she will hurt you somehow to prevent you from leaving.

8. Get a new girlfriend. If the same happens, repeat the above.

9. Be strong.

Edited August 26, 2013 by Nooky2

[Andre0720]

Something like that happened to me some 5 years ago.

So read carefully the advice no 2. from Sheryl, and no 55, from A1str8.

I got help from both the tourist police and the local police.

The advice was to change the locks, and put all her belongings outside, and say she is NOT your girlfriend.

I did so, and took a room elsewhere for the night.

She called police in the morning, and I was called to get there asap.

Got there, handed over my mobile to one of the police, to talk to the owner of the apartment, just to indicate that I was the one renting.

The police brought a pick-up truck, and loaded her stuff in the back, then proceeded to take her where she wanted to go.

She had 4 motorbikes of mine under her name. The police said that if I wanted them back, that I would need to go to court, where she would have to explain where she got the money to buy these motorbikes. And that this way, I could get the motorcycles back.

I just said 'forget it', I just want her to go. Then and understanding was reached between me and the police, as to how to resolve the motorbikes situation. All cheaper than getting a lawyer and going to court.......

We were brought to the police station to sign a report of agreement. The police made her sign the agreement stating that she could keep 3 motorbikes, and the bigger one would be transferred to me. I did not mind letting her have the motorbikes, but a financial settlement was never a consideration.

Never heard of her since.

But you got yourself a psychotic one there.... You will need more than good luck...

[Andre0720]

And I would think that Nooky2 provides good advice when dealing with psychotic ones....

[HardenedSoul]

You are going to have to pay her. Probably something like 50 000 baht. And get it legaized when you do.

This, I am afraid, is the proper answer. You will be out some money, but think of the damage that she could otherwise do. She gave up many things to be with you, so you would be right in re-establishing her in her old town and help her get back to where she left off. She is probably no happier than you, and both of you will have a miserable life otherwise. It might even turn to violence, or an unending vendetta. Just stash away money that you would normally spend on expensive vacations, restaurants, and gifts for a while. Then make her a good, honest offer to help her get on her way to a better existence. I have been in this situation, and was sleeping on my stomach for for years....it was about the time Bobbitt got bobbed.

No, it's not the right answer.

No one else can solve this for you--no cop, no boss, no other woman, no relative.

You need a full reboot, a clean slate, and the best way to achieve that is to go home for few years then come back. During your hiatus, work on yourself, your self esteem, assertiveness, communication skill etc. Then come back and enjoy life. (And I hope it goes without saying you must cut off all communication with the gf forever).

No, he doesn't

YOU will have to change your phone number, job and town. You'll never get away from this psychopathic jealousy which is so prevalent in Thai girls unless YOU take the initiative and get well away from her, as far as you can.

No, he won't

The OP should bear in mind that he's seeking the advice of a demographic that - 9 times outta 10 - came here to Thailand in the first place precisely because they were clueless about and/or baffled as to the ways of women so when someone suggests that our hapless love fool "Pay her off" and another advises that he "leave his job, his condo, his car and delete his Facebook account", he knows he's receiving BS advice.

The OP does NOT need to pay off his GF

The OP does NOT need to abandon his job, move home, leave the country and change his identity

The OP does NOT need to hire a UN negotiator

While I still maintain the Thai method is cheap and effective for both Thai and farang men, I readily accept that it may not work for this guy.

It relies as much upon the woman's perception of the man applying it as it does the physical aspect; meaning that a guy who's been passive and meek with his woman all through the relationship probably won't be able to make it stick.

So, what to do? IMO, the guy needs to get their employer's human resources department and the Old Bill involved sharpish. It might be more convoluted but it's unlikely to culminate in him uprooting his life