Is my girlfriend different?

[frankold]

You are in the perfect situation. Even though you've not yet realised it.

You are in a position to continue screwing her whilst finding a decent woman for a replacement.

A decent girl isn't going to bend over without a fair bit of effort, you have the time to meet someone else, all the while still getting your balls drained by the gold digger your currently seeing, just play her at her own game.

[Berkshire]

You are in the perfect situation. Even though you've not yet realised it.

You are in a position to continue screwing her whilst finding a decent woman for a replacement.

A decent girl isn't going to bend over without a fair bit of effort, you have the time to meet someone else, all the while still getting your balls drained by the gold digger your currently seeing, just play her at her own game.

Well that's certainly one way to look at it. A glass-half-full scenario, well done. Unfortunately for the OP, he has to have some balls before it can be drained.

[Jasun]

The failed previous farang relationship would have been a massive loss of face, imagine all the 'told you so's from family and friends. That could be the reason she's keeping you away from them now.

That's a pretty optimistic view though. I think Frankold's advice above is masterful.

[Paangjang]

In a word, Forest....

[poanoi]

Some of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn't comply with my gut feeling,

i really wanted people to be better than they were, to the point where i committed treason on myself

[grimblegrumble]

As already said, trust your gut instinct.

Does she cuddle and kiss you at home? No? Bad mark.

Does she cuddle you only in public? Yes? Bad mark.

Runs off when her gay friend phones? Bad mark.

Far too often we only have our gut instinct to rely on. That instinct comes from our senses of what is going on around us. We sense things are not right and the little voice in our heads will tell us this. Sadly too many people ignore the voice. (No I am not crazy, I hear only one voice )

[amykat]

Some of the things you mentioned in your OP remind me of an ex of mine. Nothing good will come of this relationship. Get out while you can. I tried to make it work and got a bit singed. Walk away, bro.

Could it be because most Thai ladies, or Thai people, are the same, more or less?? I mean, would you feel nervous if you find out she is a Buddhist, likes iphones, likes stuffed animals, cartoon decorations, and Furby? Wouldn't all Thais love someone to buy them a house? I'm not Thai, but if someone wants to buy me a house, I guess I won't say no! Just that I am not trained to expect that, and am not dating guys who can't own a house in my country (and who might like to).

I think you haven't given enough information about this relationship to make even a small guess! You don't see her very often, don't say if you live here, and for how long you have known each other, etc. She could very well be dating other people, and rightly so. I think it is best to find someone from the start who is totally free, but I think many people don't do that, they always have something going on, while waiting for something better. That is really bad (in my opinion) if she is married, or living with someone, but not so bad if she is casually dating someone else, while casually dating you. Shocking as many men might see it, a woman's life didn't start the day she met you! And shouldn't stop the day she meets you either! That is really a bad sign ...in my opinion.

Talking about house leasing and such things, might just show that she knows these things exist to protect you, and she would be willing to do that. This is a complicated subject but she might be happy to know she has a house in X amount of years, upon your death, or whatever, if you two become a serious couple. Probably it is too soon to talk about such things, but not for Thais, or Asians ..or certain cultures. People here ask me questions within 5 minutes that Western friends have never asked me in 30 years.

Dropping hints about her father and money ...well really, are there Thai people who would never consider doing that? This seems to be Thai style ...she would probably use you for money, if you never become very important to her, AND you are forking over the money too. But if you are not forking over bucket loads of money, and she is a reasonable, normal person, she might eventually love? you and not try that out anymore. Or maybe she will try it out but be okay when she doesn't succeed. It seems to me that Thai people see no shame at all in asking for things, trying to get things, hoping someone else will support them, etc. If it is possible to date a Thai who would not do this, fish for money various ways, then I think I would be really worried about a good, long term con.

The gay friend would have me worried a bit, but on one hand, at least it could be considered a sign of respect, that she actually walks away while on the phone with him! How disgusting it is, to have the whole restaurant know your date is talking to her other b/f while sitting right in front of you (or like I have seen before, talking about the commission they are about to make off of you, with ABC deal, and other nasty things.) Maybe she and you are not near being exclusive and she IS being respectful!! (Esp, with the loss of face thinking here, that what you don't know, doesn't hurt you, so "he" is gay, you can't speak Thai, AND she walks away for the call.) What do you do ...turn your phone off probably when you are with her?

She might have more reasonable expectations about you, if she has been with a farang before. No matter what happened, maybe she learned a few things, she is "seasoned" in a way, that might make your life easier, if she isn't a total gold-digging, con artist.

And I will go back to a theme I always wonder about here ...it came up the other day in a big thread from "theblether" and that is apparently that woman want older men (or Western men, or just men) for money/security mostly and how that is okay in certain societies ...but yet, the advice was mostly to NOT give them any money, just be a nice guy, help Yai wash dishes and you will be loved forever and recognized for the great, wonderful person, we all know you are!

I find that strange to say the least. If you know the ladies are motivated by money, and you have some money, and you are more than happy to have that open the door for you ...then why are you hestitant, or angry, or resentful when money comes into your life together? I'm not suggesting people get themselves into doormat situations, or with 100% gold digger people, but if you really want none of that, want a girl who speaks your language, knows your culture, has something in common with you ... then I think the answer is usually obvious, don't come looking in Thailand.

Anyway, I would ignore a lot of comments here, and think again, or at least tell us more, so people can give you a better opinion.

[sustento]

[benalibina]

Run out the back Jack.

Make a new plan Stan

His heart tells him though;

Come overhere dear !

[Sharp]

She's been married to a falang before

This.

Run.

Spot on !!!!!

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[uptheos]

You have answered your own questions.

"We get on very well but I just don't feel like I can trust her though I want to. It would be hurtful to finish it now but I worry about the consequences in the future if I let it go on".

Time to move on.

[uptheos]

Never allowed to meet her friends or social circle (this means she's ashamed of you and doesn't want them to know). Check.

I always thought this means she thinks her friends might tell you about her husband, or vice versa.

Did you check out her facebook page? and photos of you and her together on it?

If a person needs to check FB, emails, texts etc, it's time to go.

[benalibina]

Some of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn't comply with my gut feeling,i really wanted people to be better than they were, to the point where i committed treason on myself

In the top 5 of best comments i have read on Thaivisa !

Thanks.

[transam]

Some of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn't comply with my gut feeling, i really wanted people to be better than they were, to the point where i committed treason on myself

Agree, or you wanted folk to be the same as you/me but was disappointed. . I was.

[khunpa]

If you are not 110% sure, then dump her!

[Nautilus05]

Ummm...

Speaks excellent English, married to a farang before, has a gay male friend you're not allowed to meet, and a job you're not allowed to visit her at.

Definitely sounds like a keeper to me!

[i claudius]

You know the answer already ,as was said before ,if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck ,its more than likely a duck.

[poanoi]

Some of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn't comply with my gut feeling, i really wanted people to be better than they were, to the point where i committed treason on myself

Agree, or you wanted folk to be the same as you/me but was disappointed. . I was.

I'm slow, even after demonstrated hostilities i still wouldnt react, and suffered and suffer the consequences as a result..

Edited September 18, 2013 by poanoi

[benalibina]

Some of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn't comply with my gut feeling, i really wanted people to be better than they were, to the point where i committed treason on myself

Agree, or you wanted folk to be the same as you/me but was disappointed. . I was.

I'm slow, even after demonstrated hostilities i still wouldnt react, and suffered and suffer the consequences as a result..

Out of interest; do you know why you let it happen ?

[jbrain]

Okay I know this will attract scorn and derision but I also know there are some seasoned contributors here who's advice I have found invaluable in the past.

How do you know all this since you're only a member since yesterday, but have 5 threads started already in those 24 hours ?

What was your previous username Tommo ?

Edited September 18, 2013 by jbrain

[x0r1987]

Lets not call out the fact she apparently has a gay friend.. My mrs does... Id be worried (I was at first, thanks to TV But kept it to myself), ive watched him get stuck in with 1 aussie dude and 1 thai dude. And pretty sure it continued after I left, with parts I really dont wanna see haha....

If he is acting, he bloody well deserves my belief! lol

either way tho, sounds suss.... from what the OP posted, it sounds like she might be with him because its a benefit to her and not much else....

Okay I know this will attract scorn and derision but I also know there are some seasoned contributors here who's advice I have found invaluable in the past.

How do you know all this since you're only a member since yesterday, but have 5 threads started already in those 24 hours ?

What was your previous username Tommo ?

This very well could blow your mind, but it is possible to read TV with out been a member.. Ive been reading for about 6 months

Edited September 18, 2013 by x0r1987

[poanoi]

Some of my biggest regrets in life is that i didn't comply with my gut feeling, i really wanted people to be better than they were, to the point where i committed treason on myself

Agree, or you wanted folk to be the same as you/me but was disappointed. . I was.

I'm slow, even after demonstrated hostilities i still wouldnt react, and suffered and suffer the consequences as a result..

Out of interest; do you know why you let it happen ?

A severe imprinted aversion to violence

[yourauntbob]

Go with your gut, but dont put in anything you dont mind walking away from. As far as a house, if you do decide to buy put down a very small down payment and pay the mortgage minimum month to month. It may cost you a bit in the long run, but your not going to get screwed out of too much in the short run.

Good luck

[khunpa]

All women are different! ... except of when it comes to all the things they have in common like...

- Constant Nagging.

- Love shopping.

- Taking forever to get ready, when going out.

.... and you know the rest...

[frankold]

Go with your gut, but dont put in anything you dont mind walking away from.  As far as a house, if you do decide to buy put down a very small down payment and pay the mortgage minimum month to month.  It may cost you a bit in the long run, but your not going to get screwed out of too much in the short run.

 

Good luck

'The blind leading the blind' springs to mind......

[NeverSure]

Please remember that even a gay friend can actually be bisexual. Even if proven to be gay, it doesn't mean he isn't shagging your wife/girlfriend.

NOW I'm not disparaging gays at all. I'm just pointing something out, that might be of concern. Many people who consider themselves either gay or bi fit this description.

If you think my above statement is anti-gay, you would be dead wrong.

Also "gay friend" or "brother" or such can as you know actually be a lie and be a boyfriend or even a husband. That's been discussed on here many times.

1. Been married to a farang before. I disagree that this ruins her with friends and relatives. They may be proud of her for a rip-off. But, she may be making a career out of it.

2. Won't let you meet friends. I disagree that this has to be because she's embarrassed to be with a farang. It could be because she's married or has a bf. Probably the "gay" friend?

3. "Gay" friend if husband or bf may be in on it and fine with it.

I could go on but I'd run fast and far. The relationship isn't meeting your needs, and may be a setup.

[maccaroni man]

I think your own suspicions, which probably crystallised your thoughts as your wrote are worth listening too-what is your gut feel? Act on that gut feel even if it means you need to make the hard decision. There are plenty more of her out there who can make your life less uncertain-letting go is hard but sometimes its the only choice.

+1

[TheSpade]

A decent girl isn't going to bend over without a fair bit of effort,

What does 'decent' mean?

I know girls who have lots of money, good social standing, important and well paying jobs, respectable and / or well off families and they bend over as easily as the poor farm girls.

[frankold]

 

 A decent girl isn't going to bend over without a fair bit of effort,

 

What does 'decent' mean?

 

I know girls who have lots of money, good social standing, important and well paying jobs, respectable and / or well off families and they bend over as easily as the poor farm girls. 

Good for you, and your so busy dealing with them your on Thaivisa at 3am?

[TheSpade]

A decent girl isn't going to bend over without a fair bit of effort,

What does 'decent' mean?

I know girls who have lots of money, good social standing, important and well paying jobs, respectable and / or well off families and they bend over as easily as the poor farm girls.

Good for you, and your so busy dealing with them your on Thaivisa at 3am?

I had just arrived home from one of their apartments.