Divorce and status

[battersea]

If a Thai wife goes to the ampur and petitions for divorce.. do i have to leave the LOS ?

We have a 7 month old son and after a row today my wife has; bitten me on the arm, dug her nails into my neck , and given me the following options ;

1-leave our house and then contact her in a few months to check if i can see my son again .. or

2- stay in our house with our son and look after him alone without any help.. even though her parents are 2 doors away.

If i take option 2, which i have, she has told me that i must go to the ampur with her tomorrow and divorce her . if i do divorce her how can i stay and look after my child ?

ps -- she has taken my british passport, my son's british and thai passport and driven off ..

What to do ?

[amykat]

I would say, stay with your son for sure, don't leave your house, and wait for her to come back with your passports.

She can't force you to do any of the above things you listed. You are married, you say, a real marriage?

When you get the passports back, lock them up or hide them, at least yours. Put at a friend's house maybe. Get a giant safe?

I don't know if you own the house (with her, without her) or rent or what? Probably doesn't matter, if you don't leave.

Do not leave your child for sure! She doesn't make the rules. Just remember that!

[soi41]

Sad to hear about your situation!

But your wife can not go to amphur and divorce you on her own. A divorce at amphur, where you both have to be present, is very simple if you are in agreement on the terms of the divorce. Financials and custody included. It doesn't seem to be the case here, so that means the court!

Your passport is the property of the UK government, plus it contains your visa, so you should tell your darlings parents, to tell her, that if you don't get it back immidately, you will have to report the theft to the police and immigration.

Reading between the lines here, you have ended up in a no win situation here, so despite the child get out, it is only going to get worse!

[rgs2001uk]

1. Go to police and report loss of passports.

2. Go to Brit house, after obtaining police report and request new passports.

3. Drive off and tell her to get ******.

[battersea]

Well i guess the inevitable happened.The soon to be ex-Mrs arrived at the house this morning mob handed. She gave my passport back (luckily i found the baby's uk passport hidden in the house last night !) and then proceeded to snatch the baby from my arms with the help of her family.

I resisted and the baby started crying so i let him go . heartbreaking to say the least..

the Mrs then told me that i could see him one day in the future and they all left...

who knows what's next ?

[Mario2008]

Divorce at the amphur can only be done if both parties are in agreement. as part of the process you can settle the division of assets and who takes care of the child. (Needless to say that in your case I would take a lawyer of your own for the agreement).

If no agreement can be made, divorce is only possible through the courts, based on the grounds mentioned in the law.

A divorce would mean that your permission to stay ends, if it was based on marriage. If you are taking care of the child, you can get a new permission to stay based on the child.

Best to talk with a lawyer to consider your options. if it comes to a divorce, normally the court will award both parents visitation rights, with one being the prime care taker. Only if one of the parents is unable or a danger to the child will a court reward someone sole parental rights.

As in any country, visitation rights are very hard to enforce if the prime caretaker doesn't cooperate.

[FiftyTwo]

Well i guess the inevitable happened.The soon to be ex-Mrs arrived at the house this morning mob handed. She gave my passport back (luckily i found the baby's uk passport hidden in the house last night !) and then proceeded to snatch the baby from my arms with the help of her family.

I resisted and the baby started crying so i let him go . heartbreaking to say the least..

the Mrs then told me that i could see him one day in the future and they all left...

who knows what's next ?

It's a shame you let the child go.

It's good you got your passport back.

What to do next is nothing, live your life as a single man.

She will probably change her mind, or be back wanting money.

Her real game is to upset you and to make you panic, acting as if nothing bad has happened will spoil her game.

She will be getting regular reports from her parents, really act like nothing bad has happened.

She can't divorce you easily without your co-operation, her life will be more difficult married but separated.

Especially difficult for her will be looking after the baby alone without leaving it with her parents.

Remember if she leaves the child with anyone else (her parents), and you see, you can just take the child back.

[battersea]

Because we are married and i am listed as the father on the birth certificate and the child has my surname.. can i really take the child if i see it with the parents ??

Also what visa can i get to support the child ?

[Mario2008]

You have equal rights as the mother. The law says that the parents have the right to determine the place where a child stays. So you could take the child from anyone but the mother. The wisdom of that of course depends on the circumstances.

The police will not want to be involved, unless the child is in danger. They consider it a family affair where they best stay out and have little power to act anyway.

The extension of stay is the same as you have now, but now based on the child instead of being married. Difference is that the money in the bank does not have to be seasoned.

[FiftyTwo]

Because we are married and i am listed as the father on the birth certificate and the child has my surname.. can i really take the child if i see it with the parents ??

Also what visa can i get to support the child ?

You can take the child from anyone except the mother.

If not divorced both parents have equal rights to take the child, nobody else has any rights at all.

If mum leaves the kid with anyone else, snatch and run.

[battersea]

Well Fifty Two .. you were right..she did come back..

I stayed at our house and she came

back with our son after a few days. I missed him and was glad to see him.

She said that we could live under the same roof but separately . I agreed in principle because i wanted to be close to my son .

There was a part of me that wanted to tell her that i would buy everything for the child (milk,nappies etc) and pay the water and electric and invest every single penny in my son's future UK education but i kept my mouth shut.

Would i like to raise my child without her ? , maybe i would...but if i start to change the rules of the game now.. how much of the negativity , anger and stress will affect my son ?

Do i want to risk my wife running off with him and subjecting him to an impoverished life ?

[FiftyTwo]

Well Fifty Two .. you were right..she did come back..

I stayed at our house and she came

back with our son after a few days. I missed him and was glad to see him.

She said that we could live under the same roof but separately . I agreed in principle because i wanted to be close to my son .

There was a part of me that wanted to tell her that i would buy everything for the child (milk,nappies etc) and pay the water and electric and invest every single penny in my son's future UK education but i kept my mouth shut.

Would i like to raise my child without her ? , maybe i would...but if i start to change the rules of the game now.. how much of the negativity , anger and stress will affect my son ?

Do i want to risk my wife running off with him and subjecting him to an impoverished life ?

Good for you she came back.

Bad for you she is playing the next game.

She will live with you but separately ...... she gets to do whatever she likes while you pay for it, I don't think so.

This is not a game you want to participate in, no really, I've played this game and it is one you can't win.

She will make your life hell, no privacy for you, no chance for you to live any life of your own, no sex for you with anyone ever. She will nag you, torment you and probably take lovers and let you know about them.

If she wants to live separately, let her do it somewhere else!

Why don't you suggest she lives with her parents, as they live nearby, let them pay for all her expenses.

You do understand a wife not allowing her husband to have sex with her is grounds for divorce in Thailand.

You do understand that the lover of a married woman can be taken to court and him forced to pay damages to her husband in Thailand.

[battersea]

It's the boy i care about.

One night she is nice and the next i am told to sleep in the other room.

When i say i want to sleep next to my son then she says i am selfish.

I know she has to get up 3 times a night to feed him but...

i get up at 7.. do housework, cooking , shopping , shower the boy , change his nappy .. all non stop until midday .. then i work from home from 2pm until 10pm 5 days a week !!!

If i could have the kid and keep him guaranteed i would be off !!

How can i win ?

[benalibina]

Do you want to stay married emotionally and/or rationally ? For the kid to have a father and mother.

If not,

Stay in thailand with your son or move back to your homecountry with him ?

Where do you stay in Thailand ?

[battersea]

My wife would never let me take him back to UK. By the way we are in Phon Phisai...in the middle of nowhere .

I would like my son to have a Mother and Father but i think if we divorced and i set myself up alone.. then i would think that my wife would demand 50k per month and if i dod not hand it over then she would either take the boy to the USA (she has a 10 year visa) or she would make it difficult for me to see him .

If i had a private jet .. we would both be in London tomorrow.

[Mario2008]

Thai law does not know the concept of alimony, only child suport is to be paid. Usually between 3,000 and 6,000 baht a month plus both parents share the costs for education and healthcare.

Your wife might have a 10 year visa for the US, but does your child also have? If not, obtaining a visa for the child without your approval would proof to be difficult. Especially if the embassy is forwarned.

[jamploy]

Sadly I can see exactly where this is going and my thoughts are with you. It seems that once one has adjusted to the Thai way of life, married, raising a family, basically committed and doing the right thing, it seems to flag a sign of weakness in predatory Thai's who will look to fully exploit this. Apologies if I sound negative or am reinforcing negative stereotypes, because I don't want to. Its just my opinion backed by experience.

There is some excellent advice on this thread, I would listen to it and do what you believe is right. Walk tall and try to take charge, don't be afraid to bend the rules in your favor, that's what Thailand is all about. Considering that you are out in the sticks and probably far away from your family and friends I think that the best thing you can do you are already doing, that is sharing your experiences with like minded people on this site.

Chok Dee

[FiftyTwo]

Sadly I can see exactly where this is going and my thoughts are with you. It seems that once one has adjusted to the Thai way of life, married, raising a family, basically committed and doing the right thing, it seems to flag a sign of weakness in predatory Thai's who will look to fully exploit this. Apologies if I sound negative or am reinforcing negative stereotypes, because I don't want to. Its just my opinion backed by experience.

There is some excellent advice on this thread, I would listen to it and do what you believe is right. Walk tall and try to take charge, don't be afraid to bend the rules in your favor, that's what Thailand is all about. Considering that you are out in the sticks and probably far away from your family and friends I think that the best thing you can do you are already doing, that is sharing your experiences with like minded people on this site.

Chok Dee

Yep, he showed weakness (by loving the kid) and she will exploit it until he screams for mercy, a mercy that is unlikely to be forthcoming. Not sure this is entirely a Thai problem though.

[battersea]

How can i bend the rules in my favour ?

How can i make sure that my son has a good upbringing without being a pawn in a game ?

How can i tiptoe around someone else's emotions ?

If i slam my foot down and take control of the finances then she will run off with my son ?

[benalibina]

If you can, stay patient and be prepared for more crazy stuf to happen. Do not trust her family and for sure do not expect empathy from them. Your son only 7 months old now.

Define what you want and where, realistically spoken ofcourse. Make a plan.

Get your emotions under control. Smile, laugh, admit and keep schtum and naive, outside ofcourse.

Make passports for kid. Thai and UK.

In time your vision will become more clear when you emotionally detach yourself from your wife.

In meantime try contacting a lawyer.

Good luck.

[battersea]

I have a thai and uk passport for my child .. what are you suggesting...i look over my shoulder for the rest of my life in case my son gets taken off me and returned to Thailand .. and i am prevented from seeing him ever again ???

[rayongchelsea]

You have to move out and now. Move somewhere nearby, but detach yourself.

The baby is 7 months old, be realistic it's not like you can wait until he is a teenage.

Stop trying to be decent to someone who is not being decent to you.

She sees you as a weak foreigner..isolated..dependent on her..prove her wrong..

The kid doesn't know what is going on now, he will do when he is older..

People can be cruel on forums but I sense a great deal of sympathy and realism in this thread.

Get out, take the gamble..you have clear rights....

Clearly she wants out but as has been stated it's difficult for her..

I see nothing but her being more spiteful towards you..Thais have a great propensity for that..

Good luck..

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[FiftyTwo]

I see nothing but her being more spiteful towards you..Thais have a great propensity for that..

Good luck..

To be fair nearly all male/female relationships that reach that slippery slope, only get worse.

Not something that is specific to Thais.

[rayongchelsea]

I see nothing but her being more spiteful towards you..Thais have a great propensity for that..

Good luck..

To be fair nearly all male/female relationships that reach that slippery slope, only get worse.

Not something that is specific to Thais.

Agree, but in the context of being in a foreign country, the ops isolation etc..it's magnified..

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[battersea]

I am constantly thinking of moving out but not too far away.

If i do she will want a divorce and probably 50k thb per month. If i decline this offer she will probably challenge me in court for visitation rights. She might mention that i have been doing some internet work ( under the radar) and then try to get me kicked out of Thailand.

She knows people with money and i don't know how difficult they can make it for me to see my son in Thailand. I will contest the divorce until i get visitation or better still, custody rights but she will not want to lose face.

No doubt my marriage visa will be invalid in January so what next ???

Anyone got any good advice?

ps.. thank you all so much for your support so far..

[FiftyTwo]

As you are married you will get 50% custody (unless you give that up).

Thai courts don't remove custody from fathers (unlike the west).

Nobody cares about your internet work (just don't be obvious).

Education VISA is cheap and easy (why not learn Thai).

Don't panic, you are 1 million times better off re custody, than you would have been in the west.

[Mario2008]

In a divorce she will get less, as there is no alimony only child support. If she will be the prime caretaker all she gets is between 3,000 an 6,000 baht a month, plus half of all educational and medical cost. If you become prime caretaker, that is what she will have to pay you.

[rayongchelsea]

Listen to and act on the advice of fifty two and Mario.

You are like most put foreigners here..all doom and gloom..

The law is the law.. You have rights..you are the father..you sound like you have no rights..

Where is she going to take your son..

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Dr Robert]

time to seek good legal counsel, you poor unfortunate soul. Doing the right thing as you have done so far is admirable, but sooner or later you will collapse under this siege. Get good advice, and start to think about YOU first for a change, because you are no good to anyone if you are no good to yourself. Seek advice from close friends who know the situation first hand. Life is very fragile and short and precious and you don't want to waste it in this living hell and there is a way for things to get better if you act decisively.

[battersea]

Thank you all for your support. The threats are mingled with bizarre accusations. The wedding rings have been thrown back at me and i have been blatantly told that she will never wear them again. Yesterday she asked to wear them because she wanted to rent a shop and appear to the shopping mall landlord that she had money ! A month ago she suggested that we split my wages and that she would buy food, pay the bills and get nappies and baby milk . .. also 4k to her parents and 3k to the slave from Laos who does housework and washing and the usual chores that my wife is suppossed to do !

She told me that i could spend ny half on whatever ..

But now apparently she thinks WE should invest in a shop so SHE can run her business !!!

One minute we are together and the next minute i am insulted in front of all and sundry !