Just another super normal night in Chiang Mai, 4 a.m. style

[puukao]

Boy (nah, not boy, middle-aged clown - late 30's) meets Girl (nah, some super crazy drunk nutjob) right outside of nightclub. This was one of those rare nights where I wanted to stay out late and have a few drinks. I biked to the bar, so chained up my super duper 2000 baht mountain bike to some gate. Had a few overpriced drinks, walked around, practiced my thai, realized these places are getting old (no, i'm getting old) and after an hour I went outside. Talked to a few more ladies of the night (likely) and right before I was going to get my bike I made the mistake of talking to this interestingly-dressed girl (late 20's). She was persistent, and I guess I was bored or the drinks were finally hitting me good. Anyhow, or should I say luckily, I don't remember the next 10 minutes. So, now she is in my room and I wake up to reality. Buzz gone. I think like an adult. This one needs to go, now. no kissing, no touching, nothing. I tell her I have to do (incoherent, very fast english to confuse her). She is confused, but I help her off the floor (yes, she is lying on the floor). this is not good.

OK, I get her to the street (after a few people I know see me with her - they said somethings to me the next day but i don't pay much mind to that). She collapses and pronounces, "my motorbike, my motorbike". Now crazy crying. rolling in the street, yelling 'motorbike'. I try to tell her we will walk back to the bar and get her motorbike, but the crying continues. i have to carry her (not sure how many stones, and not sure what a stone is...maybe 8 lbs) for about 15 minutes, then politely drag her, then wonder if i'm doing the right thing. stupid buzz might still be there.

ok, finally back to bar, she sees her bike and is happy, crying stopped. but i can't leave her like this. stupid conscious. i try to get some other thais to help (it's 4 a.m. now) and luckily, or not, a tuk-tuk stops. I try to tell him to drive her home and gave him a few hundred baht for the task. i have no idea how this all played out, but she got in the tuk-tuk and i went to retrieve my bike. it was as if a mountain was lifted from my shoulders. This was 2.5 hours of my life that could have went the wrong way.

sorry if this isn't super exciting, but my life is a little boring and this ranks in the top-10 of chiang mai experiences.

i hope to read better stories. thanks for reading; hopefully you laughed, once. and if you "like" this post, i'll tell you about the time the massage lady kissed me on the lips. i kid you not. that was weird.

[hellodolly]

I liked it

[Punkreas]

Probably my fault as English isn't my first language but I don't get the problem (the reason you panicked). You picked up a girl, she was drunk, you were drunk, so....

Edited October 21, 2013 by Punkreas

[Loptr]

I remember a night like that, except woke up next to the beast from the black lagoon and almost had to gnaw my arm off to get away. The problem was you weren't drunk enough to just go for it.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I think everyone has similar stories. Things that I would -now, with experience- have done different:

* Would not try and get a semi-conscious person out the door in the middle of the night. She can sleep it off. And -heck- I probably need sleep too.

* Would not have left a semi-conscious girl in the care of a tuk tuk driver. Two of them, maybe, but not a single girl when nobody else knows the guy.

But anyway, that's easy to say. I've been there too, only difference is that I didn't invite her to my place but for some reason offered to drive her home. She then forgot where home was and passed out. So there you are.

[Ulysses G.]

The problem was you weren't drunk enough to just go for it.

[terminatorchiangmai]

Next time take a curtain hotel.

Nobody that knows you will see you and you can leave the girl behind if necessary.

[CMKiwi]

Sort of reminds me of a T Shirt once spotted at the night market. It read "She's fat, Im Drunk, Its on!

Or maybe it was the other way around? Just joking. Lucky escape

[worgeordie]

If I ever have an experience like that I think I would

prefer to keep it to myself ,rather than let the

world know what a complete dick I am !

regards Worgeordie

[Gonzo the Face]

Next time when you have had a few drinks and before you have too many, please post the parts of the story that you seemed to have forgotten..

[NancyL]

Puukao, the hope you have good health insurance, or at least accident insurance, because it's just going to be a matter of time before you need it if you do this sort of thing very often.

[Thailand]

There must be a forum on TV somewhere for this sort of topic?

[stoneyboy]

There must be a forum on TV somewhere for this sort of topic?

Yes it's called the Pub.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[puukao]

Probably my fault as English isn't my first language but I don't get the problem (the reason you panicked). You picked up a girl, she was drunk, you were drunk, so....

Your English is good.

Why did I panic? OK, OK........I hope I can delete this later. My gut feeling was screaming at me "AIDS, AIDS!!!!" Seriously, that part I remember. It was like the devil herself was lying on my floor, and it was up to me to kill myself via sex or not (even if I used protection). Have I been drunk and naked with girls before? Of course. But this was different, and likely my thai paranoia coming out. This was like the ultimate bad girl, and I was being tested. I have to believe my gut feeling was sort-of right. In America, it would be like going to Vegas and things taking a turn for the worst. I've been in Thailand for a year and this was the only panic moment. Ah, maybe there was a full moon.

[Dante99]

Sad, it was one of his top ten experiences, can't wait to hear the other nine.

[Chicog]

A lot of blokes would have had a field day and posted the pics on the internet.

You are a gentleman at least.

[DLock]

Next time take a curtain hotel.

Nobody that knows you will see you and you can leave the girl behind if necessary.

Rolling up to a curtain hotel on a mountain bike.

Priceless.

[Paangjang]

A lot of blokes would have had a field day and posted the pics on the internet.

You are a gentleman at least.

NO, a lot of fella's would of manned up an posted the pics.

Pictures or i didn't happen...

[timtscott]

Your story although interesting is confusing. Really, you were worried about AIDS? You do realize your risk of contracting HIV from a woman is minuscule right? This risk would be eliminated almost entirely if you used a condom. The risk was all hers. Regardless, I would avoid future situations in the future. You most likely embarrassed her by your rejection. Happen to have her phone number?

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[pitchag]

Your story although interesting is confusing. Really, you were worried about AIDS? You do realize your risk of contracting HIV from a woman is minuscule right? This risk would be eliminated almost entirely if you used a condom. The risk was all hers. Regardless, I would avoid future situations in the future. You most likely embarrassed her by your rejection. Happen to have her phone number?

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Timtscott is correct unless you have lesions or open sores on the old fella the risk of aids is very very slight from a woman , Fred Hollows commented on this a few weeks before he died and was attacked by the gay community that had an agenda to scare the general population into doing something about aids and got millions of dollars from governments to spread the panic. They realised if it only affected the gay men most people would not have much sympathy for them. Africa was the most affected area because of the practice of anal sex as contraception and is practised by most indigenous natives hence the spread of the disease to women. The anus has many small capillaries and a thin wall lining that are easily broken during anal sex causing bleeding and the transference of the virus So as long as you refrain from pushing brownies up hill you should be safe from aids, but don't forget about all those other interesting things you can acquire with unprotected sex

[cerbera]

I think your assessment of yourself in the first sentence was correct. A clown...just a seriously unfunny one.

[JingerBen]

A sleazy experience more typical of Pattaya, Phuket, or Bangkok.

The scenario of sex, drink/drugs, and pratfalls in an exotic location has become a Hollywood staple that is beginning to bore.

[andreandre]

I think your assessment of yourself in the first sentence was correct. A clown...just a seriously unfunny one.

Embarrassing enough to be in that scenario..but to then post about it on the "not known to be kind to dickheads" forum should be even more embarrassing...Its a school holidays experience sort of story IMO

[Jose]

Puukao, not wanting to encourage you to give up your day job by any means, but your fiction writing is improving.

[Frank James]

I like the story. Has some familiar elements from my freshman year here. I am no expert on AIDS/HIV but I don't believe the stuff about the low possibility of catching same from non-anal intercourse with a woman. I never heard that before. I ran to get checked out a couple of times (clean, whew!) after some ill-advised liassons, followed by massive attack of regret/paranoia.

Bet you won't be going back to that place, hmmmm?

[songhklasid]

If I happen to go bareback, shower straight after the event whilst urinating ( ship captains medical guide)

Regards songhklasid.

[FiftyTwo]

I think everyone has similar stories. Things that I would -now, with experience- have done different:

* Would not try and get a semi-conscious person out the door in the middle of the night. She can sleep it off. And -heck- I probably need sleep too.

* Would not have left a semi-conscious girl in the care of a tuk tuk driver. Two of them, maybe, but not a single girl when nobody else knows the guy.

But anyway, that's easy to say. I've been there too, only difference is that I didn't invite her to my place but for some reason offered to drive her home. She then forgot where home was and passed out. So there you are.

Taking a girl (or someone you think is a girl) back to your room is never a good idea.

This is what short-time hotels are for, the rooms can be very posh (Love Boat 150bht), clean towels, sheets, shampoo, soap. Not to mention the mirrored walls and ceilings.

And if a problem happens, you just leave, girl is not YOUR problem.

It always amazes me how guys get into ridiculous predicaments because they are too daft to spend 150bht. for a 'love hotel' room.

Edited October 24, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[beau thai]

If I happen to go bareback, shower straight after the event whilst urinating ( ship captains medical guide)

Regards songhklasid.

I would hate for someone to risk taking that advice, then pass something unpleasant to their next 'partner'

[GirlDrinkDrunk]

gee i remember my first night out in thailand too.

[Chicog]

I like the story. Has some familiar elements from my freshman year here. I am no expert on AIDS/HIV but I don't believe the stuff about the low possibility of catching same from non-anal intercourse with a woman. I never heard that before. I ran to get checked out a couple of times (clean, whew!) after some ill-advised liassons, followed by massive attack of regret/paranoia.

Bet you won't be going back to that place, hmmmm?

It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, the infection rates speak for themselves.

However I wouldn't take the chance. It's still russian roulette, albeit with a lot more chambers.

Edited October 24, 2013 by Chicog