Why go to so much trouble marrying/dating someone of a different culture, nationality, mentality etc

[LaraC]

When i first got here a little under 6 years ago, I was stunned by some of the drivel some of these guys would trot out about Western women. I heard all the old chestnuts like "once they hit 30, they get fat", "they don't know how to look after a man", "the bitch just wanted the house" and "she put her career and her friends before me" and they said these things with an air of "tough luck you silly cows; you had your chance but I've got a young Thai bargirl now" I was sure I could hear the collective sigh of 400 million Western women kicking themselves for having let these premium specimens get away.

I remember asking myself where on earth they were meeting these dragons cos I'd never encountered them but then, after a while, I began to see a common streak running between pretty much every whinging wheezer on the subject of Western women. They were all - to a man - wannabe alpha males.

You see, back in the West, having money doesn't necessarily cut it as far as getting a woman to love you is concerned because so many women take perfectly good care of themselves financially. Indeed, even in instances where it is enough to get a look in, there's way too much competition from younger, better-looking guys with more money than your average Thai expat barfly.

So they roll up here where any insecure, socially-awkward, alpha male wannabe can pull an attractive woman several notches above the heifers he's been used to settling for back in Farangland.

All he has to do is produce a wallet because here, in Thailand, it's acknowledged that cash levels the playing field with Thais in general and with certain Thai women in particular. In Thailand, those soft skills; those ephemeral, wishy-washy qualities like empathy and understanding that women the world over set so much store by - can seemingly be successfully supplanted by regular and liberal application of a relatively insignificant amount of money.

Of course, the inability to communicate in anything but Thai-lish means that he can only meet her financial needs.

Next thing you hear, he's slating all Thai women

You do post some drivel!

Couldnt help having a giggle over a rather short one line sentence used in reply to a lengthy, well thought out and well drafted post. ..mainly because the sentence is not only short, but edited too! ^^

Sorry!

[LaraC]

Masochistic...HMMM...???

CHALLENGE - is my way of thinking, adding in the fact that women back home have become too much like men.

Some years ago, in the US, I held the door for the person behind me - being behind me, I had no idea of that person's gender, however, I received a severe tongue lashing for longer than was necessary and afterwards noticed a significant change in attitude of female collegues.

As for Language differences, there are more similarities than most notice...

Some suffixes and words are a little different, having changed thru time and distance, but many are very similar, as they have the same Indian origins.

Obviously that person had terrible manners. You could have scolded her in return and stated that her gender played no part in what was obviously a normal well-mannered thing to do (hold a door for someone). Doesnt mean all of the female gender in the west should be blamed for those women who need lessons in good manners.

In any case, ive noticed that in Thailand door holding isnt a "thing" really and if you do hold a door you dont always (or often) receive any acknowledgement for doing so. Of course...at least i dont get a tongue lashing, so thats good.

I imagine that business women and city women who are vying for a respected role within the workplace may end up androgenizing themselves, in order to be taken seriously. I suppose some go too far, such as the door holding scolding. Shame really. Shame that anyone would think that normal decent behavior could somehow mean they are..hmm,,weaker? But, im sure that doesnt apply outside of hardened business areas or big city areas? It certainly shouldnt be deemed that all western women are this way. Scolding someone for holding open a door for them isnt being more like a man, it is being rude. It would not be normal for a man to scold another man because they held the door open for him..unless he had some weird ego or irrational homophobic issue.

[Theoutsider]

So what happened to the troll. Haven't heard from him since the beginning.

As for me, it was no trouble at all. But that just me:-)

[bushwacker]

Hmm ... Why on earth would anybody want to date/marry a Thai lady? Deep question. After 2 seconds of thought the following popped to mind:

* usually 10-30 years younger

* very good looking to beautiful

* they do the housework, shopping, cooking, laundry as they loose face if man works. They even call it woman's work.

* take direction very nicely

* willing sexual participants (this should be the first point)

* warm, cuddelly, affectionate ... if you do not sleep around

* they see us as a status symbol

* They want the man to be the leader with none of this woman's equality shit like in the West, where they want to make the man into a lady-man

* they do nag but in a very qute way

* etc

Why would anyone not date/marry a Thai lady. And if it does not work out, go into the lady forest and pick another one.

[BKS22]

Some farangs who decide to marry with women from Thailand have certain defects, such as being unattractive or unfashionable and socially inept, misfits, loners, or have done the rounds in their home countries - become stayed in their ways – maybe have grown old and no longer desirable to younger Western women.

So they have read all the reports and media hype that Thai women are loyal, subservient and given a chance to settle down with a home and a little pocket money each week will be content to settle down with any farang, becoming a sweet little housewife and be grateful for it.

Then later the reality hits the fan that Thai women are no longer the easily available, cute, sweet, young, subservient little princesses as they were made to believe and that in fact the modern day Thai women are not much different from their Western counterparts, have similar outlooks and ambitions. This is a main reason why so many farangs go for the more desperate Thai women of the poorer lower classes, because most middle to upper class Thai women would prefer to marry a Thai rather than a farang. Culturally it is considered going down the social ladder to marry a farang, especially if there is a big age gap between them. Then these farangs become disgruntled having not been able to buy the girl of their dreams and their love and will blame all Thais and the country as a whole for their failures and errors of choice or for diving in head first on a pipe dream for what was actually a fanciful hope or scheme, especially if they get conned or scammed for their blind stupidity.

What a shot of reality....Couldn't be said much better!

[Fullstop]

"Why go to so much trouble marrying/dating someone of a different culture"

It's built into us. The urge to spread our seed as far and wide as possible. It's nature's way of diversifying the gene pool. Now go bonk a Thai troll and make some genetically diversified baby trolls.

[F4UCorsair]

Why go to the trouble of getting married to ANY women....Divorce rates in America are 4.95 per 1000 and in Thailand its .58 per 1000 (http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate )

You do the math!

Are you sure of those stats? I think it would be more like 495 per 1000 in the US. It's certainly higher than 4.95 per 1000 in Australia, something like 1 in 3, 333 per 1000.

Equally .58 seems ridiculously low.

[AYJAYDEE]

Why go to the trouble of getting married to ANY women....Divorce rates in America are 4.95 per 1000 and in Thailand its .58 per 1000 (http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate )

You do the math!

Are you sure of those stats? I think it would be more like 495 per 1000 in the US. It's certainly higher than 4.95 per 1000 in Australia, something like 1 in 3, 333 per 1000.

Equally .58 seems ridiculously low.

his figures are probably per 1000 people not marriages

[geronimo]

I think it's the attraction of something different, almost exotic (to a European) and it is this novelty that motivates guys to take the plunge into the unknown.

[spidermike007]

Most western woman do not even know what it is like to be a real woman.

Nah, that's just nonsense.

Sometimes I wonder just what the hell some of you were doing in your home countries. I mean like... what you were wearing, how you smelt, what your personality was like... No offence meant, it's just when I read people saying things like what you said- "being with most western women is a bit like being with a man" - and then I look at the kind of girls I dated back home, there's a massive gulf between these two things. I dated smart, sexy confident and attractive women. And you apparently could only date people who were masculine.

So yeah... I'm not discounting your experience or your views on the world, it's just when you make sweeping statements like that, it's sounds to me like it's more about your failings rather than the failings of the opposite sex, if you see what I mean. Jesus, that sounds harsh, sorry. It's not meant to be nearly as offensive as it probably sounds.

You have sandwiched that nicely, in order to attempt to cushion the reality blow.

Just simply my observation, and the observation of dozens of my friends who have dated in the west for decades. We can't all be wrong, can we? I realize a statement like "Most western women do not even know what it is like to be a real woman" is a very sweeping statement. But, I stand by it. I have met very, very few in this lifetime who are truly comfortable being a woman, and embracing the qualities that make women so outstanding. Instead, they insist on wearing the pants, and behaving like a control freak. Now, I realize quite a few of you that are reading this post will have already surrendered to a western woman, and will be under her complete control. I can see how you could find this offensive. But, for those of you who still wear the pants, and are still in full possession of your cajones, the truth is the truth. When I am back in the States, I am always amazed at how few of my friends who are either married, or in serious relationships have control of their lives. They have surrendered nearly complete control to these women, and are nearly incapable of making decisions on their own. Let me see what the wife thinks. Let me run that by my wife. I could never make a decision like that without my wife. For God's sake, we are talking about getting together this evening for a drink, we are not talking about mortgaging the family home!

So, if it makes you feel better to believe that this opinion is based on my own failings, rather than the exposure to hundreds and hundreds of western women, than go ahead believing that. But, I must say, I am not the only one who have experienced this. I have spoken to countless men from all over the world who feel this way.

[AYJAYDEE]

Most western woman do not even know what it is like to be a real woman.

Nah, that's just nonsense.

Sometimes I wonder just what the hell some of you were doing in your home countries. I mean like... what you were wearing, how you smelt, what your personality was like... No offence meant, it's just when I read people saying things like what you said- "being with most western women is a bit like being with a man" - and then I look at the kind of girls I dated back home, there's a massive gulf between these two things. I dated smart, sexy confident and attractive women. And you apparently could only date people who were masculine.

So yeah... I'm not discounting your experience or your views on the world, it's just when you make sweeping statements like that, it's sounds to me like it's more about your failings rather than the failings of the opposite sex, if you see what I mean. Jesus, that sounds harsh, sorry. It's not meant to be nearly as offensive as it probably sounds.

You have sandwiched that nicely, in order to attempt to cushion the reality blow.

Just simply my observation, and the observation of dozens of my friends who have dated in the west for decades. We can't all be wrong, can we? I realize a statement like "Most western women do not even know what it is like to be a real woman" is a very sweeping statement. But, I stand by it. I have met very, very few in this lifetime who are truly comfortable being a woman, and embracing the qualities that make women so outstanding. Instead, they insist on wearing the pants, and behaving like a control freak. Now, I realize quite a few of you that are reading this post will have already surrendered to a western woman, and will be under her complete control. I can see how you could find this offensive. But, for those of you who still wear the pants, and are still in full possession of your cajones, the truth is the truth. When I am back in the States, I am always amazed at how few of my friends who are either married, or in serious relationships have control of their lives. They have surrendered nearly complete control to these women, and are nearly incapable of making decisions on their own. Let me see what the wife thinks. Let me run that by my wife. I could never make a decision like that without my wife. For God's sake, we are talking about getting together this evening for a drink, we are not talking about mortgaging the family home!

So, if it makes you feel better to believe that this opinion is based on my own failings, rather than the exposure to hundreds and hundreds of western women, than go ahead believing that. But, I must say, I am not the only one who have experienced this. I have spoken to countless men from all over the world who feel this way.

the fact that you and these "countless" other men feel you have the authority to define what a modern woman is defined as speaks volumes. about you.

[F4UCorsair]

I think it's the attraction of something different, almost exotic (to a European) and it is this novelty that motivates guys to take the plunge into the unknown.

I think that's what it is. I've always had a 'thing' about Asian women, married to one for 30 years, and seek them out.....still.

[arthurwait]

..... that in fact the modern day Thai women are not much different from their Western counterparts, have similar outlooks and ambitions.

I never met an English university student in the UK that would have sex with an old guy, two or three times her age, for a tenner.

It's called poverty Tommo, not a difference in ideals.

[JLCrab]

LaraC -- Maybe it was a lengthy well thought out post because the guy has posted the same material so often he's getting good at it.

[HardenedSoul]

When i first got here a little under 6 years ago, I was stunned by some of the drivel some of these guys would trot out about Western women. I heard all the old chestnuts like "once they hit 30, they get fat", "they don't know how to look after a man", "the bitch just wanted the house" and "she put her career and her friends before me" and they said these things with an air of "tough luck you silly cows; you had your chance but I've got a young Thai bargirl now" I was sure I could hear the collective sigh of 400 million Western women kicking themselves for having let these premium specimens get away.

I remember asking myself where on earth they were meeting these dragons cos I'd never encountered them but then, after a while, I began to see a common streak running between pretty much every whinging wheezer on the subject of Western women. They were all - to a man - wannabe alpha males.

You see, back in the West, having money doesn't necessarily cut it as far as getting a woman to love you is concerned because so many women take perfectly good care of themselves financially. Indeed, even in instances where it is enough to get a look in, there's way too much competition from younger, better-looking guys with more money than your average Thai expat barfly.

So they roll up here where any insecure, socially-awkward, alpha male wannabe can pull an attractive woman several notches above the heifers he's been used to settling for back in Farangland.

All he has to do is produce a wallet because here, in Thailand, it's acknowledged that cash levels the playing field with Thais in general and with certain Thai women in particular. In Thailand, those soft skills; those ephemeral, wishy-washy qualities like empathy and understanding that women the world over set so much store by - can seemingly be successfully supplanted by regular and liberal application of a relatively insignificant amount of money.

Of course, the inability to communicate in anything but Thai-lish means that he can only meet her financial needs.

Next thing you hear, he's slating all Thai women

You do post some drivel!

Oh poor FiftyTwo. Raw nerve??

[willyumiii]

I have to agree some what with the OP.

Have heard of lot's of problem case's more than the one's that go right.

I am English been married to an English girl lasted 3 years have had several lady friend's since then all English and all money grabber's or played around on the side.

Been coming to Thailand for many year's eventually met up with a Thai lady been an item for over 13 years now married.

Does she moan ask for monies well NO in fact quite the opposite save's me bundle's we laugh every day and I've never been so happy. Problems what problems.

It seems to me if you get on alright it doesn't matter what culture they are, you do have to get used to their quirky way's and they with yours, if you can do that you'll stand a good chance of it working out in the end.

There will always be one's that don't go right who's fault who know, the ladies that Farang's meet in bars are on for a slippery slide from the start you can never compare like with like.

Every relationship has it's ups and downs just go with the flow if it doesn't suit get out.

But I know where Id sooner be.

Why would anyone come to TV to complain about a good relationship with a Thai woman????

Is it any wonder why you only hear of the bad relationships?

[willyumiii]

I have to agree some what with the OP.

Have heard of lot's of problem case's more than the one's that go right.

I am English been married to an English girl lasted 3 years have had several lady friend's since then all English and all money grabber's or played around on the side.

Been coming to Thailand for many year's eventually met up with a Thai lady been an item for over 13 years now married.

Does she moan ask for monies well NO in fact quite the opposite save's me bundle's we laugh every day and I've never been so happy. Problems what problems.

It seems to me if you get on alright it doesn't matter what culture they are, you do have to get used to their quirky way's and they with yours, if you can do that you'll stand a good chance of it working out in the end.

There will always be one's that don't go right who's fault who know, the ladies that Farang's meet in bars are on for a slippery slide from the start you can never compare like with like.

Every relationship has it's ups and downs just go with the flow if it doesn't suit get out.

But I know where Id sooner be.

Why would anyone come to TV to complain about a good relationship with a Thai woman????

Is it any wonder why you only hear of the bad relationships?

[HardenedSoul]

Hmm ... Why on earth would anybody want to date/marry a Thai lady? Deep question. After 2 seconds of thought the following popped to mind:

* usually 10-30 years younger

* very good looking to beautiful

* they do the housework, shopping, cooking, laundry as they loose face if man works. They even call it woman's work.

* take direction very nicely

* willing sexual participants (this should be the first point)

* warm, cuddelly, affectionate ... if you do not sleep around

* they see us as a status symbol

* They want the man to be the leader with none of this woman's equality shit like in the West, where they want to make the man into a lady-man

* they do nag but in a very qute way

* etc

Why would anyone not date/marry a Thai lady. And if it does not work out, go into the lady forest and pick another one.

Very good-looking to Beautiful?? Most of the women I've seen married to the typical Western retiree are trouts. In a country teeming with so many beautiful females, where have these guys been fishing? At the bottom of the barrel??

A status symbol??!! A lot of the time, a bald, corpulent, sandal-wearing hippo?? Serious delusions there, pal.

Willing sexual partners? Not really but if it's part of the arrangement, they keep their end of it

That "no woman's equality shit" works two ways - just stop the stipend; come back and let us know how you got on

[FiftyTwo]

Very good-looking to Beautiful?? Most of the women I've seen married to the typical Western retiree are trouts. In a country teeming with so many beautiful females, where have these guys been fishing? At the bottom of the barrel??

A status symbol??!! A lot of the time, a bald, corpulent, sandal-wearing hippo?? Serious delusions there, pal.

Willing sexual partners? Not really but if it's part of the arrangement, they keep their end of it

That "no woman's equality shit" works two ways - just stop the stipend; come back and let us know how you got on

I've always chased and married good-looking.

Sometimes I've bedded trouts.

The trouts are usually much more fun in bed, don't knock them until you've tried them.

As for payment, who cares, not me, I have money, they don't, it's not a big deal to me, like it seems to be for you.

Edited November 11, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[eldragon]

I do not have more problems with my thai gf then any other one i had, it is all about a perfect balance of attention and ignorance.

This is brilliant.

[HardenedSoul]

Very good-looking to Beautiful?? Most of the women I've seen married to the typical Western retiree are trouts. In a country teeming with so many beautiful females, where have these guys been fishing? At the bottom of the barrel??

A status symbol??!! A lot of the time, a bald, corpulent, sandal-wearing hippo?? Serious delusions there, pal.

Willing sexual partners? Not really but if it's part of the arrangement, they keep their end of it

That "no woman's equality shit" works two ways - just stop the stipend; come back and let us know how you got on

As for payment, who cares, not me, I have money, they don't, it's not a big deal to me, like it seems to be for you.

Given the extent of your whinging over your divorce, I find that really difficult to believe.

It's not a problem for me; I'm just not one of those guys who has no choice but to pay

[FiftyTwo]

It's not a problem for me; I'm just not one of those guys who has no choice but to pay

If you I don't pay, they want to stay.

Glad you don't have that problem.

Edited November 11, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[wileycoyote]

Because it is worth it !

[pigeonjake]

You don't seem to realise how many western men hate western women. Google it if you are interested. Many web sites on the subject.

Sadly, I do, as I've listened in bars to many of them bang on with their bitter, generalising BS. But hate's a strong word. Why would anyone of sound mind hate western women for not being what they want them to be. Preference is a better word. And, it all depends on the reason they prefer them over western women. Because an attractive one or young one at home wouldn't look twice at them? Because they only ever managed to have bloody awful relationships with women at home? Because they were cheated on, or found them insufficiently subservient ? Not always but mainly that's as much to do with the men.

But if you mean men who have a preference for asian looking women over western women, find them more feminine etc or favour traditional relationships with old school power differentials, where they are waited on hand and foot while being the bread winner, then fair enough. Naturally,they will prefer Asian women. But read through these threads, which category would you say most of them fall into?

When i first got here a little under 6 years ago, I was stunned by some of the drivel some of these guys would trot out about Western women. I heard all the old chestnuts like "once they hit 30, they get fat", "they don't know how to look after a man", "the bitch just wanted the house" and "she put her career and her friends before me" and they said these things with an air of "tough luck you silly cows; you had your chance but I've got a young Thai bargirl now" I was sure I could hear the collective sigh of 400 million Western women kicking themselves for having let these premium specimens get away.

I remember asking myself where on earth they were meeting these dragons cos I'd never encountered them but then, after a while, I began to see a common streak running between pretty much every whinging wheezer on the subject of Western women. They were all - to a man - wannabe alpha males.

You see, back in the West, having money doesn't necessarily cut it as far as getting a woman to love you is concerned because so many women take perfectly good care of themselves financially. Indeed, even in instances where it is enough to get a look in, there's way too much competition from younger, better-looking guys with more money than your average Thai expat barfly.

So they roll up here where any insecure, socially-awkward, alpha male wannabe can pull an attractive woman several notches above the heifers he's been used to settling for back in Farangland.

All he has to do is produce a wallet because here, in Thailand, it's acknowledged that cash levels the playing field with Thais in general and with certain Thai women in particular. In Thailand, those soft skills; those ephemeral, wishy-washy qualities like empathy and understanding that women the world over set so much store by - can seemingly be successfully supplanted by regular and liberal application of a relatively insignificant amount of money.

Of course, the inability to communicate in anything but Thai-lish means that he can only meet her financial needs.

Next thing you hear, he's slating all Thai women

can i just ask,,,

why are you here, if you think you are such an alfa male,,???

my ex wife was 14 years younger then me in the uk and i allways did ok, more from personality and having the craic with women,,

i really dont think im alfa male,

im with my thai wife because i love her, look at all my posts and ive never pulled any women down western or thai,

im here because i love thailand,

yes i still work all over the world, so maybe its a little different for me,

all men are different just the same as women, some men shy, so are some women

some men are just shy with everyone.not just women,

some men are outgoing and gobby,( that could be me,,lol )

women are women, so look for love and some look for material things in life,

some are happy to be at home taking care of there partner, and some like to be out clubing,

this is all over the world, its all about finding what suits you,

if your lady happens to be a farmers daughter (like mine) and likes to stay at home, then so be it,

if your lady likes to be out clubing, so be it,

we are all different,

jake

[HardenedSoul]

can i just ask,,,

why are you here, if you think you are such an alfa male,,???

Of course you can.

I'm here because I like it, it's cheap, I like the locals and I like the food.

I genuinely don't expect to find a wife/significant other in Thailand but I do enjoy a number of friendships and "gikships" that meet my needs.

As far as being an alpha male is concerned, where did I say I was?

[ozyjon]

My Thai girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday,, am i sad,, NEXT

[eldragon]

I don't really have the types of complaints, concerns, etc. the OP speaks of. The problem I see is the one Beetlejuice mentions: "...most middle to upper class Thai women would prefer to marry a Thai rather than a farang. Culturally it is considered going down the social ladder to marry a farang..." And that might go beyond the middle class up, which is a small percentage of Thailand or any other country these days... I'd say most decent, dignified Thai girls are afraid of foreigners and/or embarassed to be seen with one. The ones that aren't seem to be quirky, immature, or weird. Or shady. Overconfident and snarky is another group I've noticed... But in general, I'd say most of the Thai girls that are willing to go out with foreigners are undesirable to Thais for one reason or another. And I feel like the Thai equivalent of the kind of girl I'd date back home isn't interested in me.

[transam]

I don't really have the types of complaints, concerns, etc. the OP speaks of. The problem I see is the one Beetlejuice mentions: "...most middle to upper class Thai women would prefer to marry a Thai rather than a farang. Culturally it is considered going down the social ladder to marry a farang..." And that might go beyond the middle class up, which is a small percentage of Thailand or any other country these days... I'd say most decent, dignified Thai girls are afraid of foreigners and/or embarassed to be seen with one. The ones that aren't seem to be quirky, immature, or weird. Or shady. Overconfident and snarky is another group I've noticed... But in general, I'd say most of the Thai girls that are willing to go out with foreigners are undesirable to Thais for one reason or another. And I feel like the Thai equivalent of the kind of girl I'd date back home isn't interested in me.

Do not agree. Look at some Thai history and marriage. I cannot mention my thought here but take a look.

[transam]

My Thai girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday,, am i sad,, NEXT

Well, if you want an object then YOUR next. Sad really.

[sangsom69]

Hmm ... Why on earth would anybody want to date/marry a Thai lady? Deep question. After 2 seconds of thought the following popped to mind:

* usually 10-30 years younger

* very good looking to beautiful

* they do the housework, shopping, cooking, laundry as they loose face if man works. They even call it woman's work.

* take direction very nicely

* willing sexual participants (this should be the first point)

* warm, cuddelly, affectionate ... if you do not sleep around

* they see us as a status symbol

* They want the man to be the leader with none of this woman's equality shit like in the West, where they want to make the man into a lady-man

* they do nag but in a very qute way

* etc

Why would anyone not date/marry a Thai lady. And if it does not work out, go into the lady forest and pick another one.

Hilarious. I'm taking this as a wind-up joke. No-one can be that tragic, and mistake being a sexpat in a developing country buying a wife for a real relationship. can they? Ye gods.