Irrational emotional behaviour !

[atyclb]

As you referred to her as "your other half" I was going to say irrational behavior is often the norm in thailand but then I saw you wrote she threatend to delete you from her friends list. A woman you call your "other half" possibly pregnant (your child? maybe) and might delete you from her friends list make me wonder if perhaps you should be addressing your own sanity and rationale.

[Ulic]

This is totally rational behaviour. Any nationality.

1/ deny, deny, deny.

2/ As you become more direct and confrontational spin it turn the table. She has nothing to loose. You don't trust me.

you are to controlling, get aggressive and in your face, put you on the defencive. Hopefully you back of like a pussy whipped

weenie. As for her family, she is blood. Only one in 100 would tell you the full story against her wishes. For them if she wants

to tell you she would.

Now while you do not like your sister in law she is the one raising your kids. I know against your wishes but that is life.

Send the monthly allowance to her. I recommend 3,000 x 2 = 6,000 plus extras school/ medical. Keep all receipts as

this may be important one day as you do not see your kids as often as you should/would like to. Try to make those visits

happen. Get your kids registered with your embassy and get them there European passports. Move past the ex you are

just wasting emotional energy.

[Pescator]

Lucky we live Hawaii now

Good on you, mate.

She sure did seem nice for the first 5 years or so.

So does the first few drinks of Bourbon, then the hangover kicks in.

[phantomfiddler]

She was questioned ,confronted, called out on a lie, the only l ""logical"" reaction on her part is to explode and be so ugly that you will relent just to have a bit of peace. been there, experienced it, no more.

The three point rule :-

1. The first sign of irrational behaviour, or ...

2. The first sign of dishonesty, or ...

3. The first sign of lack of respect, ie she talks to you as if you are an idiot .....

Out of the f*****g door, and keep going !!!

[benalibina]

This is why you don't have 'long distance relationships', while the cat's away the mice will play and all that, I tried a few times and they always went off with someone else who was there and willing and ready to do the nasty before I could get there........

Understand ur point.

Having kids has blinded me.

[bifftastic]

Tell her your finished with her,watch her attitude change.

If not be a man and piss her off.

If a woman lies to me that's it.

What about the 'Save Face' white lies ... ?

We've, most likely all had them from time to time.

I use them myself

I find it balances things out quite nicely

[benalibina]

This is why you don't have 'long distance relationships', while the cat's away the mice will play and all that, I tried a few times and they always went off with someone else who was there and willing and ready to do the nasty before I could get there........

In a normal relationship with children involved and based on trust also because of the little 1s, 1 might expect different. Well.... i did at least. If i would have ever ever ever thought that she would leave them with somebody else in order to go work somewhere else, whatever work, than i would have taken them with me initially years ago. Children need to be raised by, and stay with their parents and by nobody else. All this i never have foreseen. Never. I blame myself enormous for that. To deal however with the people involved is difficult because they dont value it the same as i do. Its like an unbreakable wall where i have to go through. A thai wall with all its negative specifics. Like the topic title.

[ozyjon]

What can i say, it's all been said,, again and again.

[MichaelJackson]

What can i say, it's all been said,, again and again.

Yes it has, been said many times, what is the OP wanting and needing some kind of pat on the back or justification to make himself feel better and paint her as the wicked witch ?

Its all guesswork, for all anyone knows maybe HE was the problem ! Everyone is jumping on the girl but what did he do or perhaos didnt do for her to dump him ?

There are two sides to every story, no one knows her side but has assumed she is in the wrong.

Maybe she had to leave because there wasnt enough support for her to cope alone?

Maybe she did the only thing she knew, left the kids with "family" and tried to make money herself because of the lack of sufficient support, maybe false promises made by the OP. There has to be a reason why she turned on him, its not one sided.

The OP claims to be this loving caring father, but what is he actually doing? NOTHING !He hasnt been near his kids for 9 months, he is just wailing and procrastinating and "woe is me" isnt the thai woman bad.

Has he got off his arse and done anything ? NO, He just comes to an internet forum bleating about how bad she is. Why the fixation on her, if its over its over, and none of his damn business who she screws.

The issue here is supposed to be the kids and how the OP alledgedly wants them with him, but he's done nothing, but sit in Europe or wherever complaining. Actions speak louder than words, stop being so damn idle and go get your children or at least make sure they are Ok and if they dont want to know you, you have your answer, but at least face it like a father, like a man, on the ground face to face, not behind a phone or keyboard from the other side of the planet.

Edited December 3, 2013 by MichaelJackson

[FiftyTwo]

Everyone is jumping on the girl .......

That's probably why she's pregnant.

[koeko]

The question i asked in my OP was hoping to hear opinions from others about her behaviour of which i not thought about because all this is unknown territory for me.

Thanks.

The behaviour is all about manipulating and milking the cash cow (you).

In every case the solution is ending the money stream.

Keep paying and they keep behaving badly.

And I mean no money at all, to anyone, for any reason.

Most of the time they don't even want their kids, yours are with her SIL.

Stop sending them money.

Take a look at Scott's thread, same problem, he's sending money.

As long as he does, everyone getting the money will be hanging on to the kid.

Well for Scott, i dont know if he is sending money. My situation is though rather similar in total.

I mentioned before that i dont spent any bth i dont want to spent. I stick to that.

I agree with ur comment in this though. Apart from an earlier comment from u. I will never walk away from my kids life. No option for me. I love my kids.

"I will never walk away from my kids life. No option for me. I love my kids."

But you did already, didn't you? You said it yourself: you're living 10 000km away from them! When you'll see them the next time you come to Thailand, you'll be a total stranger to them.

Having said that,

(About You)

A Thai woman not answering her phone is an unintentional (she's not smart enough), very sophisticated, strategic and tactical psychological manipulation method. Why? Because when you're calling her and she doesn't pick up or that she turns off her phone, it makes you feel powerless, totally helpless, and starts to put you in a great fear, a kind of mental panic mode, which in these totally weakened moments you'd give EVERYTHING to make her answer her phone, including begging, forgiving her, and so on... That might not apply to every man at this exact intensity, but I deeply believe that it does at some level.

(About Her)

Now, she doesn't really know nor understand all the effects of this psychological reaction of yours, nor that it is actually at her advantage, but the reason she's turning off her phone is so simple that you wouldn't believe it: She is just busy with another man, and when she has a moment alone she'd finally answer you for a little while (to keep the relation going), and she wouldn't stop doing that as you'd keep forgiving her each time. It won't stop until either you physically come here, or that her other men leaves her, but even though nothing is guaranteed.

(About Your Children)

Not being present near your children implies that you don't raise them. You got to understand that you can't really send "orders" or "indications" about your children's education from 10 000km away. It's like abandoning them for adoption, and then providing special instructions to the adopters about how to raise the adopted kids (yours). It cannot work! I am personally married to a Thai woman and have children with her, and let me tell you that I don't let ANYBODY raise my children for me! I am at their side every single day of their life, and I am the only one (with my wife) to decide what is good for them and where they'll live.

Now, I understand the technical difficulties for you as you might not be able to work in Thailand, nor be able to get the mother of your children a proper VISA to your home country. I can understand this very difficult situation. And it's not because you're 10 000km away that you love them any less, I know that. However, like most living beings, children consider their loved ones the ones that are physically close to them and who give them the love and affection they need on a daily basis. Something you can't do 10 000km away. If you want to raise your children you will need to live with them daily, and that means making huge changes in your life, starting today (as each day count). Either come live here, either bring them home with you. This is my sincere recommendation to you my friend.

Finally,

Unlike what someone said a few pages ago, like most other living beings, Thai mothers do love their children, and letting the family raise them isn't a lack of love or attention. Look at my own aunt, she loves me as if I was her own child (despite not being raised by her).

[koeko]

Thanks till now for the people who have wrote constructive comments. To the 1s who make a joke out of it, well...this is to be expected when opening a topic on this forum.

For the posters who write that i have the right to take the kids away from any other than the mother.

Yes i know that i can do that. Children are however no toys, they are human beings. Till now the present situation has been created by my WIFE. She has made the choice that the kids will be raised by FIL and are being withheld from their father. As parental alienation had already been effected before i came there in March, now this is still ongoing. ( if anybody interested in reading about it and the effects on both the alienated parent and the child, read a topic on the fam&childforum from me and the topic of Scott1999). In the eyes of my children i am a bad man, this most likely repeatedly told by SIL. I have to wait in order to get everything sorted before i will try 1 time to go there and take my kids with me. This without knowing till what extend members of her family, and herself, will go to prevent me from doing. Fysical ? I need to take them with me with mothers consent otherwise it will be parental abduction. Not so much in thailand but in my homecountry.

For the posters who write that i need to stop sending money. I do that, unfortunately, already. I know they will be fed there. I am fully aware that this will get other posters of their sofa who claim; u have kids and dont provide for them, irresponsible etc... All my years of providing and trust has led to this, so....its only leverage i have. Sadly enough ! I have had threats continiously from wife and SIL, not being able to speak with kids etc. There are though people in the family who understand what i am doing. These are however not influential enough. I am trying to work around the centre of influence by being consistent that all this brings nobody anything. But the family and thai culture prevents real progress. With the latter i mean, saving face, lack of confrontation, in this case irrational emotional behaviour without any form of empathy due to simple vision ( LOS is centre of the world) and really thinking about best interest of the kids.

To the posters who write to let it all go. Well.....i cant, i wish i could care nothing about myself and thus my kids. The emotional attachment to my kids i need to let more go though to make it for me more bearable. Is difficult because they are in my heart 24/7. I know that it is my weakness in their eyes. I know. I know too that i am a way better parent than the 1s who are in control now. Apparantly this is a path of life i need to follow. Never ever thought that the present situation would be a reality. The guilt i feel reguarly is enormous because as i am part of it, i am too blame 2. Letting go however is no option. It would be the ultimate failure of my life. Mistakes i have made plenty in my life. Plenty. Trust in my wife was the last 1.

All this happening now is beyond comprehension. It is difficult to listen to people who say that she as an individual needs 30k a month to live on. Gotta stay nice because she can come in handy later on. Biting my tongue is a neccesaty. My children have a mother and a father and going to act similar as them makes me no better. Playing games well......sadly enough.......yes, because reason is not really possible with them.

I wish i could turn back times....but....cant.

Dear Friend it appears that you're in a very unlucky and delicate situation. I have seen a couple other similar cases, and according to what you have said it is clearly at their advantage to prevent you from seeing or speaking to the children, in order to force you to send more money.

This looks typical to a low value family in deep country village, with no education and almost no ethical values, it's just about money after all. Probably she had those children with you ONLY for the money you'd send monthly. And rest assured nothing from this money goes to the children themselves, I can guarantee it!

Now, you say that you would like to retrieve your children, OK very well that's a very good thing, and there is only 2 ways to make it happen, both require you to stop sending ANY money, no 1 bath, nothing! This will be the Step 1 to recovery.

Step 2: Prepare the legal documents

Okay so you are the biological father, very well, however are you the legal father? Is your name written on your children's birth certificate?

• If yes: Go to the Police Station, and ask them to escort you to the Sister-In-Law's house where your children are living in order to retrieve them. In Thailand only the Mother or the Father have the absolute right on the children. If the mother is not present, you have the absolute rights to take your children with you. The Sister-in-Law has precisely 0 rights to keep them (legally speaking).

• If no: This is a very delicate situation and you will need to legalize your status first. Even if the mother handles the children over to you willingly, you will still need to legally be the father in order to get them a European passport the take them aboard.

[Showbags]

Name on birth certificate does not automatically make you the legal father

[benalibina]

Well.....am married....am on birthcerificate as the father.

Convinced now 100% that she is working as a .......in Phuket.

All this rather seems surreal in having to deal with.

My responsability though 2.

Different cultures, different backgrounds, different moral base.

Children suffer unknowingly the most.....later on, i guess....on whichever way the outcome will be.

On hindseight.......well yeah.....been a wan.er

Que sera, sera

Thanks everybody for their comments.

[koeko]

Name on birth certificate does not automatically make you the legal father

what does then?

[HardenedSoul]

I still reckon you're better off chucking everyone - other half, sprogs and the extended "family"

You're young enough to start again

[benalibina]

I still reckon you're better off chucking everyone - other half, sprogs and the extended "family"

You're young enough to start again

Your profilename speaks out for u based on ur comment. No ill intent meant !

Apart from sprogs, i agree with u.

[Hardened Spanker]

I hate to bring this up but have you had any DNA tests to prove the kids are yours?To my mind there is only a miniscule possibility of these children actually being yours from what I can work out of your long distance relationship!

[koeko]

I hate to bring this up but have you had any DNA tests to prove the kids are yours?To my mind there is only a miniscule possibility of these children actually being yours from what I can work out of your long distance relationship!

This doesn't matter. In most European countries you are the legal father by simply declaring that you are. Only in America they actually want a DNA test in case of doubts.

When you consider children as yours, and then later discover that they aren't biologically yours, it doesn't change your feelings for them, they're still your children as you're their only dad.

You think that a simple DNA test will be like a pill that will suddenly cancel all feelings and all emotional attachments to those little human beings? No way.

[benalibina]

I hate to bring this up but have you had any DNA tests to prove the kids are yours?To my mind there is only a miniscule possibility of these children actually being yours from what I can work out of your long distance relationship!

Lived in thailand with wife and kids before so.....

Trust is in eye of the beholder but the eye can see it wrong......sometimes.

[FiftyTwo]

Name on birth certificate does not automatically make you the legal father

what does then?

Marriage certificate with the mother.

[FiftyTwo]

This doesn't matter. In most European countries you are the legal father by simply declaring that you are. Only in America they actually want a DNA test in case of doubts.

Small legal correction.

In America they are yours from the moment you accept them as yours.

DNA tests later indicating otherwise and it's tough luck, you still have to pay.

In some cases just living with them and their mother, even if from a previous marriage, you may have to pay.

[oogster8]

Obviously op is just as irrational as FAT girl. Go be with your kids or get lost. They dont want you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[samuibeachcomber]

I feel sorry for the OP,caught between a rock and a hard place.

If you have everything legal,like marriage certificate,name on the childrens birth certificate you should be able to get custody.

To do this,stop sending anymore money(the children will not starve to death)

Come to thailand asap to sort it all out..................offer a final payment once you get a divorce and custody.Money is more important to thais than parental responsibility

It sounds like the mother does n't care about the children,has buggered off to patong to score a few tricks,and is now up the duff.This is not your problem

your problem is 'just not knowing the truth" and what is really going on,and you can only solve this by being here..

[oogster8]

Do guys really marry prostitutes wo knowing they are prostitutes. I just cant imagine how this is possible?

[Showbags]

Name on birth certificate does not automatically make you the legal father

what does then?

Marriage certificate with the mother.

or family court declaration if not married.

[samuibeachcomber]

Do guys really marry prostitutes wo knowing they are prostitutes. I just cant imagine how this is possible?

yes i think they really doo!but they are ever so pretty not looking like a freelancer back home,and so young i know they love me!