Follow-up Costs Thai/farang Marriage

[swissie]

Probably due to the fact, that a good pert of the male population in the "western world" have (over time), developped a certain dislike towards their female "conterparts" (for various reasons, female emancipation may have something to do with it, etc,etc,), the alternative, to look for a life-partner to build a lond lasting relationship with an Asian (Thai)- Lady seems to be a viable alternative and worth pursuing. Right?

If such a relationship between a "Farang" and a Thai-Lady is taking place in Thailand (and is planned for the long run and can be financed by the "Farang"), there is a fairly good chance that this might actually work.

A different situaton evolves automatically, if the "mutual happiness" should take place in the "homecontry" of the Farang.

In the country where I live (and in case you have married a Thai-Lady and her living with you here) you may, at some point, find youself in the following position:

Take a load of this:

= For whatever reasons, it might happen that she get's bored of you = she wants to get out! But, unless she is married to the "Farang" for over 5 years, her residentual status will be questioed by authorities (fake marriage, etc.) How could she possibly get around this slight problem? Easy for her!

All she has to do is:

- Go to the nearest police station and claim that "my husband beat me" and the rest is history. She will be escorted by local police to the nearest "womans shelter". Once there, and with the support of the average taxpayer, "witnesses" will be recruited (within the local Thai-Community, of course) that will swear that this represents the thruth and nothing but the truth. (Thai Rak Thai).

- Once this scenario is in place, there is no lawyer here that can give you any help. From hereon, it is at the descretion of the the "poor, battered Thai-Lady", for how much she watns to get you in monetary terms or otherwise. Needless to say, that her future stay in the "Farang-Country" is automatically assured for eternety. Mission accomplished! For the benefit of her and her "Family" in Thailand.

So, my humble suggestion would be: Alongside with the distributon of flyers at mayor airports warning "Farangs" of the dangers of AIDS while visiting Thailand, maybe a lot of grief could be avoided by simply adding a warning regarding this matter above.

Cheers, Swissie.

[Tarragona]

Sorry lad.

She had the whole thing figured out quicker than you. Hope that you would have read the flyer at the major airport.

Beaut.

[bkkmadness]

Perhaps you should make a smarter choice of wife next time.

[Dakhar]

Some Thai women do not want to live in America, even if they can be wealthy in America.

Some Thai women value thier family more than the chance to live in America.

I am thinking you met the type of Thai woman that does not value, family or her home land.

I happen to have met one that does. But that also comes with its own troubles. You get a spouse that does not appreciate the good qualities of America (there are some I promise). You get a spouse that no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you achieve financially, it is not recognized... becuase she would rather be in Thailand.

So after 7 years of this, I up rooted. Now I am in her country. A place where I do not speak the language, a place that without her, I could not survive. There is a lot of trust between her and I. I have no regrets, and I have such a wonderful son with her. I look forward to every moment I get to spend with him and her.

So to the OP. There are two sides to this coin.

[The Skipper]

No defense against the "he beat me" claims.

Everybody will believe the girl.

In fact, my soon to be EX WIFE is claiming exactly that!

The girls that pull this crap are doing a dis-service to women with real problems.

I'm guessing that 90% of the abuse reports are false.

[cdnvic]

Probably due to the fact, that a good pert of the male population in the "western world" have (over time), developped a certain dislike towards their female "conterparts" (for various reasons, female emancipation may have something to do with it, etc,etc,), the alternative, to look for a life-partner to build a lond lasting relationship with an Asian (Thai)- Lady seems to be a viable alternative and worth pursuing. Right?

Sometimes its a problem relating with women period. Instead of looking at why they don't get along with western women, some men assume it's all the fault of 50% of the adult population and not themselves. This leads them to assume due to questionable stereotypes, that an asian woman is the key, and rather than deal with, or even admit he may have problems, he rushes into a marriage with an asian woman. Further on down the road, she wants to leave and he now assumes that asian women too have a problem, but not him.

When two hemispheres of women are giving you problems, maybe it's time to take a look at yourself before making the leap to Africa or Eastern Europe.

This may or may not describe you swissie, but if you dismiss it outright you are setting yourself up for more trouble in the future.

Good luck

cv

[jdinasia]

agree with CV here ....

exactly why would one expect Reality to really change ....?

but I will avoid the tempting questions to the OP!

[jackr]

Some Thai women do not want to live in America, even if they can be wealthy in America.

Some Thai women value thier family more than the chance to live in America.

I think the guy's Swiss

[Hutch]

Probably due to the fact, that a good pert of the male population in the "western world" have (over time), developped a certain dislike towards their female "conterparts" (for various reasons, female emancipation may have something to do with it, etc,etc,), the alternative, to look for a life-partner to build a lond lasting relationship with an Asian (Thai)- Lady seems to be a viable alternative and worth pursuing. Right?

If such a relationship between a "Farang" and a Thai-Lady is taking place in Thailand (and is planned for the long run and can be financed by the "Farang"), there is a fairly good chance that this might actually work.

A different situaton evolves automatically, if the "mutual happiness" should take place in the "homecontry" of the Farang.

In the country where I live (and in case you have married a Thai-Lady and her living with you here) you may, at some point, find youself in the following position:

Take a load of this:

= For whatever reasons, it might happen that she get's bored of you = she wants to get out! But, unless she is married to the "Farang" for over 5 years, her residentual status will be questioed by authorities (fake marriage, etc.) How could she possibly get around this slight problem? Easy for her!

All she has to do is:

- Go to the nearest police station and claim that "my husband beat me" and the rest is history. She will be escorted by local police to the nearest "womans shelter". Once there, and with the support of the average taxpayer, "witnesses" will be recruited (within the local Thai-Community, of course) that will swear that this represents the thruth and nothing but the truth. (Thai Rak Thai).

- Once this scenario is in place, there is no lawyer here that can give you any help. From hereon, it is at the descretion of the the "poor, battered Thai-Lady", for how much she watns to get you in monetary terms or otherwise. Needless to say, that her future stay in the "Farang-Country" is automatically assured for eternety. Mission accomplished! For the benefit of her and her "Family" in Thailand.

So, my humble suggestion would be: Alongside with the distributon of flyers at mayor airports warning "Farangs" of the dangers of AIDS while visiting Thailand, maybe a lot of grief could be avoided by simply adding a warning regarding this matter above.

Cheers, Swissie.

Im aware of this happening with russian women who go abroad and supposenly they do not have to prove it,just make the claim and presto.

[Dakhar]

Some Thai women do not want to live in America, even if they can be wealthy in America.

Some Thai women value thier family more than the chance to live in America.

I think the guy's Swiss

America, Switzerland, England, Mexico, Africa... etc.

The point is, she is away from her friends/family etc.

[vegas]

Just a polite enquiry here. Are we talking about girls from the night time entertainment field or a college educated lady?

[meadish_sweetball]

Probably due to the fact, that a good pert of the male population in the "western world" have (over time), developped a certain dislike towards their female "conterparts" (for various reasons, female emancipation may have something to do with it, etc,etc,), the alternative, to look for a life-partner to build a lond lasting relationship with an Asian (Thai)- Lady seems to be a viable alternative and worth pursuing. Right?

Sometimes its a problem relating with women period. Instead of looking at why they don't get along with western women, some men assume it's all the fault of 50% of the adult population and not themselves. This leads them to assume due to questionable stereotypes, that an asian woman is the key, and rather than deal with, or even admit he may have problems, he rushes into a marriage with an asian woman. Further on down the road, she wants to leave and he now assumes that asian women too have a problem, but not him.

When two hemispheres of women are giving you problems, maybe it's time to take a look at yourself before making the leap to Africa or Eastern Europe.

This may or may not describe you swissie, but if you dismiss it outright you are setting yourself up for more trouble in the future.

Good luck

cv

Thank you for expressing what I wanted to say.

[hammered]

Excellent CV

[swissie]

Well, since I started this thread, I might as well give some further input regarding this matter.

After consulting a bunch of lawyers, there seems to be only one remedy:

1) At the first sign of any "irregular" behaviour on part of the beloved wife, don't hesitate to inform the "authorities" by registered letter.

= In my case: She started to re-route her monthly Bank-Statements to a lady-friend of hers, and allowed myself no more insight into her financial affairs whatsoever. (This started 1 1/2 years ago.)

My appearant mistake was, that I let this slide for way too long and didn's signal this to the "authorities" early in the game. In the country where I live it is illegal that one spouse "hides" her/his financial situation from the other. Now the comment is: Well, you accepted this for so long, what do you want now?

After I started to insist on disclosure of her financial situation, she pulled the "Womans-Shelter" thing on me. (As described in the start-out comment of this thread.)

For me, "the deal is done". All others, married to a Thai-Lady and living in his country may want to remember what I posted above under 1).

Cheers, swissie.

[bkkmadness]

For me, "the deal is done". All others, married to a Thai-Lady and living in his country may want to remember what I posted above under 1).

As I tried to hint on before and as CV eloquently put, the problem is not that she is Thai, its that shes a bitch and your an idiot.

Race and culture doesn't come into it, she conned you to get a visa in Switzerland, deal with your own mistake mate, don't blame it on anything else but her and yourself. Take some responsibilty for your actions.

[Rj 81]

To be honest swissie you sound pretty stupid. Like cv said, your pinning everything on her, when it is you yourself who needs to look in the mirror. Yeah sure, what she is doing is bad, but I get the feeling it's probably no more than what you deserve.

[Rj 81]

For me, "the deal is done". All others, married to a Thai-Lady and living in his country may want to remember what I posted above under 1).

As I tried to hint on before and as CV eloquently put, the problem is not that she is Thai, its that shes a bitch and your an idiot.

Race and culture doesn't come into it, she conned you to get a visa in Switzerland, deal with your own mistake mate, don't blame it on anything else but her and yourself. Take some responsibilty for your actions.

Spot on

[Donz]

yes spot on BKK

[sibeymai]

You guys (I assume "guys": Donz, Rj 81, bkkmadness) are all so bloody sanctamonious. So you may have been lucky with your choices in life thus far. Not all of us are so lucky.

For anyone who has genuinely offered to share their life with a Thai girl and end up bitterly disappointed like "swissie", I offer my sympathy.

The world is full of scammers who have no respect for other people and take advantage of other's decency and humanity. Scammers like to call these people stupid or suckers.

Thai women are as good at scamming as are the number of useless farang's scamming anyone who comes along. By that I mean causing misery for the sake of their own financial gain because they are too STUPID to make an honest living.

Karma will get you if someone you scammed doesn't get you first.

[jdinasia]

Bitter Much?

The theme of a post saying ... I can't cope with women fromthe west ... so I import one from the east and she turns out to be the same ..... is all about the guy with the problem with women.

Edited May 14, 2006 by jdinasia

[sibeymai]

only in a glass.

Edited May 14, 2006 by sibeymai

[bkkmadness]

You guys (I assume "guys": Donz, Rj 81, bkkmadness) are all so bloody sanctamonious. So you may have been lucky with your choices in life thus far. Not all of us are so lucky.

Its not about being sanctamonious, its about being to accept responsibilty for your own actions and putting the blame fairly on the shoulders of the one women that caused Swissie the grief. Were I in the same situation then I would not lay the blame on Thai women as a whole, but fully on the girl and myself.

Blaming all Thai women just because he has had a problem with one of them is insulting. Hence the perhaps overly harsh reply.

I do feel genuinely sorry for the guy but sometimes kind words and sympathetic twoddle will not help, a kick in the arse often does the job so much better.

Edited May 14, 2006 by bkkmadness

[cdnvic]

because they are too STUPID to make an honest living.

Got you didn't they?

cv

[cdnvic]

Well, since I started this thread, I might as well give some further input regarding this matter.

After consulting a bunch of lawyers, there seems to be only one remedy:

1) At the first sign of any "irregular" behaviour on part of the beloved wife, don't hesitate to inform the "authorities" by registered letter.

= In my case: She started to re-route her monthly Bank-Statements to a lady-friend of hers, and allowed myself no more insight into her financial affairs whatsoever. (This started 1 1/2 years ago.)

My appearant mistake was, that I let this slide for way too long and didn's signal this to the "authorities" early in the game. In the country where I live it is illegal that one spouse "hides" her/his financial situation from the other. Now the comment is: Well, you accepted this for so long, what do you want now?

After I started to insist on disclosure of her financial situation, she pulled the "Womans-Shelter" thing on me. (As described in the start-out comment of this thread.)

For me, "the deal is done". All others, married to a Thai-Lady and living in his country may want to remember what I posted above under 1).

Cheers, swissie.

Pardon me for asking but just what makes her private bank account any of your businsess in the first place? Were you upset that she took steps to make sure she had some measure of financial independance? A woman seperated from her traditional emotional and financial suppoprt needs to start taking care of herself, and it seems that's exactly what she did.

That you find it a good idea to "inform the authorities" that she resents your intrusion into he private bank account makes it blindingly obvious that you cannot bear it when you do not have complete control over her. Seems she realized this and took measures to protect herself so that she wouldn't be put under your financial thumbs if things went bad. Thai women did not grow up in a country where you could just run to the govermment for a check if you were broke. They had to prepare their own emergency plan, like saving for bad times.

I'm starting to think less and less that the woman's shelter was a ploy. Could be that you are a manipulative bully who really scared her. I apologise if that's wrong but the insecurity, inability to take blame, and authoritarian leanings make you fit the profile pretty well.

cv

[Mighty Mouse]

A relationship is all about getting to know each other.

Lust may eventually turn into love.

People who get married whilst still in lust face a huge risk with marriage failure.

Marriage should only follow a long engagement period. Two years minimum.

If you forego a long engagement because you live in different countries, then you only have yourself to blame if the relationship doesn't work out.

Getting to know all the important things about your partner is an essential step in building a rock solid foundation upon which a relationship can develop.

Maintaining and/or improving the rock solid foundation is essential for a happy marriage.

There has to be give and take on both sides. The long engagement period will provide valuable knowledge to both parties as to whether adequate flexibility exists.

.........and then there is 'trust.'

It seems apparent that the OP has failed in the basics and now blames it all on his partner. Sad.

[Douggie Style]

Same old story, don’t be too harsh on the lad, we all make mistakes especially in love. Still getter all bitter and sour only makes you old!

It is a good idea to get a trusted Thai friend (or savvy expat)to meet with any potential long term lady friend beforehand. They can pick up a lot that many newbie western guys would miss education, social strata, general honesty. At the end of the day getting the right match from the start avoids most of the other problems.

If you don’t have any trust the whole thing is going to finish sooner or later. People tend to meet expectations either up or down.

Control freaks (male or female) are so boring can't imagine why someone would want to see a partners bank statements even if it was the law?

[Patex]

swissie,

keep posting, this is just the normal colloqial language on this board... deep inside we all feel the same fear of distrust and rejection .

Patex

[swissie]

Would like to respond to some of the above comments with regard to this thread:

To sibeymai: You definitely got the grasp of it all! Congratulations!

To cdnvic: The original purpose to return to my country with my Thai Wife was (mutually agreed), to work, save and, in a relatively short period of time to return to Thailand, "to live happily ever after". (Again: mutual agreement.) OR: To plan and work for a future together.

While my "books" were always open to her, she started a financial "hide and seek" game. At such a point, even "bkkmadness" would probably have to start wondering "what happened to the concept of a future together", while at the same time I know for a fact, that the monthly money-transfer conveyor-belt to Thailand is alive and well and on the increase on a monthly basis?!?

In the country we live in, it's not only the law, but also considered as a minimum ethical standart, that both spouses owe each other complete disclosure of their financial affairs. It has to do with trust and not having to hide something. Even the gouvernment feels that way (and this is to say quite a lot.)

To mighty mouse: I have lived with her for 1 1/2 years in Thailand before. So, there was no "rushing into things on my part".

To bkkmadness: You (or the type of "Farang" like you), are clearly the dream of every sceamster-lady no matter where she lives! Accept, everything, question nothing, let the poor thing do what ever she likes and what the mutual future concerns: Trust in God or her goodwill toward you! (at her discretion of course!)

Summary: This is the problem: As long as there are "Farangs" and immigation authorities around, that find above descibed behaviour perfectly normal,

= OR: This vicious "Farang", that had the audacity to Hi-Jack a perfectly innocent female farm worker from a rice-field in Thailand ( or an average Beer-Bar in Pattaya, as the case may be) to a hellish place like Europe and, (on top of it), he actually starts to wonder about the "mutual future" and the true reasons and motivations of his spouse beeing here in the first place, well, then of course, as long as something like this finds support and sanctioning, I truly can not further comment on this subject.

Cheers.

[Donz]

Swissie,

I guess you just had bad luck, you shouldnt feel bitter about all females who do something bad to you, soon you will hate all woman all together and might be a lonely man one day.

How about repeating this 5 times every night before going to sleep "Not all woman are all the same"

[GU22]

Probably due to the fact, that a good pert of the male population in the "western world" have (over time), developped a certain dislike towards their female "conterparts" (for various reasons, female emancipation may have something to do with it, etc,etc,), the alternative, to look for a life-partner to build a lond lasting relationship with an Asian (Thai)- Lady seems to be a viable alternative and worth pursuing. Right?

Wrong!!!!

This paragraph completely sums up your problem. You want to be in control and western women won't let you. So, you think you'll go to S.E. Asia and get yourself one of these nice, subservient, the husband is the boss Asian ladies you've heard about.

Well, you've now found out hat Asian women are just as free spirited and independent as their western sisters, and quite right too!

However, I have found just the place for you to obtain your ideal life partner: Click here.