Thai Friend Wants Me to Become an In-Law.... in 8 Years.

[wwest5829]

Wow. When you are 40, she will be 18! A 22 year gap. Sounds huge, doesn't it? And I would think that at 18, she will have little life experience. Ha! On the other hand, had you both been older....well, hmmm, 28 years difference in age with my wife. Yes, we are both considerably older but we both feel very fortunate to have met. This is part of the reason I retired here from the U.S. By the way, I was introduced to a 16 year old at one point. What do you know, she already had one in the oven. My opinion, come to Thailand (stay out of Bangkok at present) but take a couple of years to get your feet on the ground before making any serious commitment hof various kinds.

[quiuvo]

ther's live bait, ther's dead bait aand ther's jail bait!!!

Did you read the OP at all ?

The suggestion is to get married when she is 18, not marry now whilst she is underage.

He read between the lines, just like I'm doing. 555.

[pjthefey]

She, your friend, is trying to figure out if you are a future "Old Snake Head"

Old snake head?

[pjthefey]

From what I can read into your posts, is that you have only talked with this lady via Internet and not yet met her.

If this is correct then I say when you come to Thailand go and meet her and see how the relationship develops.

Who knows, maybe once you meet in real life you will either click or realise that it was a mistake, having an Internet friendship is different to having one in real life.

As for the marriage proposal, I would politely decline the offer and say that you are not interested (which your not anyway) in an arranged marriage but want to find a love in the natural way.

No we met when I was in Thailand last September, and then hung out when I visited again in December. While I'm in Korea we talk on the phone most days via Skype. I'm going back in January and plan to hang out then as well. This is when she wants to introduce me to her family.

[FiftyTwo]

is your friend a she?

the same age as you are?

if yes, and yes, + you said you are close, chance are she wants to tease you, and what really think is that she would be the one getting married to you...your job is to realize she is interested, and waiting you suggest that you would like to have someone closer in age to marry ( just like her)...

the bait is there, it is up to you to bite it or not

Yeah my friend is a she. For a while I've felt that she's been interested in more than just a friendship, but each time I mention it, she says "We just really good friends, I don't want boyfriend". She's 29, I'm 32. Our birthdays are actually the same week, so soon she'll be 30 and I'll be 33. I've tried to "bite" a couple of times but she moved out of the way each time.

Whatever. I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with her, we could be happy, but at the same time I am not obsessed with her.

She can do or say what she wants. I care more about the friendship.

Not that unusual.

But the waiting until she is 18, is slightly unusual.

(you can get married at 13 in Thailand with the right permissions)

[spermwhale]

I think your "friend" is a sick bas*d. I would not associate with someone who offered up his 9 year old niece. Why would you be friends with someone like this after they asked you this question? It's wrong on so many levels.

[pjthefey]

I think your "friend" is a sick bas*d. I would not associate with someone who offered up his 9 year old niece. Why would you be friends with someone like this after they asked you this question? It's wrong on so many levels.

She's a really sweet person, and she's not asking me to go do something with her 9 year old cousin's daughter.

She asked me what I thought about her 18 year old cousin's daughter when I am 40. There's a difference.

[sunnyk]

wow I hope you really not serious about marrying when she get 18. You don't love her, she don't love you..why you want arrange marriage? Here in India only poor people make an offer like this for the financial safety and good future of their daughters.

They just want you for her financially safe future.

Edited January 4, 2014 by sunnyk

[ianf]

wow I hope you really not serious about marrying when she get 18. You don't love her, she don't love you..why you want arrange marriage? Here in India only poor people make an offer like this for the financial safety and good future of their daughters.

They just want you for her financially safe future.

It has always been so throughout history in many cultures.

[slipperylobster]

You are sure setting yourself up for an unwanted classification just by discussing 9 year olds. How is the courtship supposed to work out? Send chocolates and presents, from the farang fiancee? That sure is going to raise eyebrows. How about the holiday photos...(my future wife)

I was invited for a drink by an older european man into a sleazy looking bar in koh chang. The mom was super nice, but in pops her 12 year old daughter, still in a girl scout uniform. European man starts singing karaoke and buying lady drinks for the kid. He hugged her very close and said, "you just are a wonderful girl to help your mom out like this". You never seen anything so fast as my 100 kilo body running from that place. One photo and there goes my reputation. Got on the first ferry back.

Nothing like this every happened up North for any farang we know. I am discussing this with my 46 year old Isaan wife. You are getting set up. Somebody is looking for money...and no mom promises 9 year old kids for marriage unless that got a screw loose. It even sounds pathetic.

[slipperylobster]

wow I hope you really not serious about marrying when she get 18. You don't love her, she don't love you..why you want arrange marriage? Here in India only poor people make an offer like this for the financial safety and good future of their daughters.

They just want you for her financially safe future.

9 + 8 = 17 still sounds ridiculous.

[slipperylobster]

From what I can read into your posts, is that you have only talked with this lady via Internet and not yet met her.

If this is correct then I say when you come to Thailand go and meet her and see how the relationship develops.

Who knows, maybe once you meet in real life you will either click or realise that it was a mistake, having an Internet friendship is different to having one in real life.

As for the marriage proposal, I would politely decline the offer and say that you are not interested (which your not anyway) in an arranged marriage but want to find a love in the natural way.

Are you suggesting that he is being introduced to this 9 year old on the internet? I hope this gets picked up on the news.

[recycler]

Thailand is one of many countries and areas in the world where woman are put in dependable and dangerous positions and often are simply sold by the family.

Calling it culture does not justify it, it is wrong not matter how it's labelled!

[pjthefey]

You are sure setting yourself up for an unwanted classification just by discussing 9 year olds. How is the courtship supposed to work out? Send chocolates and presents, from the farang fiancee? That sure is going to raise eyebrows. How about the holiday photos...(my future wife)

I was invited for a drink by an older european man into a sleazy looking bar in koh chang. The mom was super nice, but in pops her 12 year old daughter, still in a girl scout uniform. European man starts singing karaoke and buying lady drinks for the kid. He hugged her very close and said, "you just are a wonderful girl to help your mom out like this". You never seen anything so fast as my 100 kilo body running from that place. One photo and there goes my reputation. Got on the first ferry back.

Nothing like this every happened up North for any farang we know. I am discussing this with my 46 year old Isaan wife. You are getting set up. Somebody is looking for money...and no mom promises 9 year old kids for marriage unless that got a screw loose. It even sounds pathetic.

Again, I'm not actually considering it.

I posted it here because it was just as shocking to me as it is to most of you who are reading this. That said, I know that cultures are different, and I'm trying not to be arrogant by automatically condemning anything I come across that hits me as foreign. I mean, honestly, what do I REALLY know about Thailand and Thai culture? I've been there several times in the past two years on vacation, but I've never actually lived there. Hell, I didn't even know I could get a "McLovin" Hawaiian Driver's License ID on Khaosan road until 4 days ago .

Honestly I'm far more interested in my friend than anyone else I know, but she has also been encouraging me to find a "good girl who won't lie to you" for a few weeks now whether the girl is in or out of her family. Actually she's pretty vocal about me not getting involved with any bad girls who "Just lie lie lie, and only want money. I want you find girl who make you happy all the time. Honest girl."

Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if my friend and I ultimately became a couple, she just needs some healing time after her last relationship. I think her driving me towards other women is her own way of blocking off any possibility of herself ending up with me and thus opening herself up to being hurt again.

[slipperylobster]

I am out of this topic.

[pjthefey]

From what I can read into your posts, is that you have only talked with this lady via Internet and not yet met her.

If this is correct then I say when you come to Thailand go and meet her and see how the relationship develops.

Who knows, maybe once you meet in real life you will either click or realise that it was a mistake, having an Internet friendship is different to having one in real life.

As for the marriage proposal, I would politely decline the offer and say that you are not interested (which your not anyway) in an arranged marriage but want to find a love in the natural way.

Are you suggesting that he is being introduced to this 9 year old on the internet? I hope this gets picked up on the news.

Oh for the love of Pete, it's nothing like that at all!

This is a friend of mine who I met two vacations ago in Thailand. We talk almost every day, but in the last few times we've talked she's brought up the idea of marrying an 18 year old when I'm 40 who happen's to be her cousin's daughter. I was just trying to get a sense of..

A..) Are arranged marriages actually a thing in Thailand (I didn't think they were), and

B..) What she might be hinting at if in fact she's not serious about trying to get me to marry her cousin's daughter.

As I said in an early post, she laughs out loud every time I seem uncomfortable when she mentions it and embellishes "She 18, you 40, good for you! Parents happy because you take care of her!"

She was quite serious about me coming to visit her home next time I am in Thailand. No teasing or laughing there beyond "... but you can't sleep here, no AC!"

Edited January 4, 2014 by pjthefey

[HeavyDrinker]

Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if my friend and I ultimately became a couple,

You'd consider hooking up with someone who's already tried to use her niece as bait to draw you in/get your money in the family's grasp? You sound like an accident waiting to happen to be honest. I'd stay well clear.

The main question you should be asking yourself is "Why?"

It sounds like there's a sob story in the mix already....I'd steer well clear if I were you....

[sydneyboy]

From what I can read into your posts, is that you have only talked with this lady via Internet and not yet met her.

If this is correct then I say when you come to Thailand go and meet her and see how the relationship develops.

Who knows, maybe once you meet in real life you will either click or realise that it was a mistake, having an Internet friendship is different to having one in real life.

As for the marriage proposal, I would politely decline the offer and say that you are not interested (which your not anyway) in an arranged marriage but want to find a love in the natural way.

Are you suggesting that he is being introduced to this 9 year old on the internet? I hope this gets picked up on the news.

No I am not suggesting that he MET the 9 year old on the Internet.

What I said was that it seems he had only conversed with his female friend on the Internet, but the OP has since replied and cleared up that he has met the lady in person on previous trips and he has also stated in posts that he is not interested in the 9 yo.

Read all the posts before you make an ass of yourself next time.

[Torrens54]

ther's live bait, ther's dead bait aand ther's jail bait!!!

Did you read the OP at all ?

The suggestion is to get married when she is 18, not marry now whilst she is underage.

Yes, sure thing BUT who knows what sort of trap is being set for the guy who could later be charged if he is somehow put into a manufactured compromising situation with the child?

The whole thing stinks of "set-up." Run, don't even be tempted to allow for a meeting to be arranged.

[pjthefey]

Truth be told, I wouldn't be surprised if my friend and I ultimately became a couple,

You'd consider hooking up with someone who's already tried to use her niece as bait to draw you in/get your money in the family's grasp? You sound like an accident waiting to happen to be honest. I'd stay well clear.

The main question you should be asking yourself is "Why?"

It sounds like there's a sob story in the mix already....I'd steer well clear if I were you....

Half the reason I'm posting is because it's hard for me to tell if she is serious or if I should be laughing this off as her having a twisted sense of humor. I have one too, however I don't know what is and is not normal in Thailand so, if it is a joke, I am missing the punch line because I don't know what actually happens regarding arranged relationships in this country.

Seriously... . This teaches me to ask questions.... I Googled the subject of arranged marriage in Thailand and discovered just as many sites that indicate that it is more or less nonexistent as I have found those that say that it is commonly practiced.

Half the reason my friend and I are good friends is because we are oddities that find humor and joy in unlikely places who also have very similar emotional truths surrounding our lives.

Apparently this thread is spiraling into judgement and non-productivity so I should likely consider figuring out how to delete it (I am new to the forum... Welcome I guess.).

[Torrens54]

Further to my earlier comments.

Just have a look at the story posted here on Thaivisa about a British Charity Worker who has just been released after spending time in a Thai Jail

as a result of being falsely accused of Child Molestation.

Don't put yourself in a position where you could be blackmailed, at the very least, if not tossed in jail.

[harber8]

Yeeeer.......marry her. Put all your money in her bank account, give her kids and oh...don't forget to buy a house and car in her name.

You knew the answer to your question before you posted the opening piece. Meet the family in any case. They might be a genuinely nice bunch.

Goodluck.

[pjthefey]

Yeeeer.......marry her. Put all your money in her bank account, give her kids and oh...don't forget to buy a house and car in her name.

You knew the answer to your question before you posted the opening piece. Meet the family in any case. They might be a genuinely nice bunch.

Goodluck.

Yeah.... That's not going to happen (money in her account, buying a house and car in her name, etc ). I'm more of a prenup kind of guy, much less the type of person who would sign away shared luxury items in a careless marriage.

As for marriage, she says she doesn't even want a boyfriend much less a husband.

Edited January 4, 2014 by pjthefey

[pjthefey]

Arranged marriages do still happen here but not so often as say, 20 years ago. As someone already posted, she may be trying you out for herself but on the other hand, the family meeting could be to persuade you to ' put a deposit ' down ready for 8 years hence. Advice = be careful in a friendly manner

That's not going to happen because I'm not interested in that kind of marriage. Even if I were, I certainly wouldn't be paying someone a decade in advance to marry someone later. I'm not into the whole buying people think.

[indyuk]

lol. My friend and I are actually really close. We talk almost every day and care about each other a lot. I don't want to give up the friendship.

I've just never been handed an arranged marriage before on a silver platter (or on any other platter for that matter).

Be very careful. If to follow your cousins advice, she will exploit you throughout the eight year waiting time. Every time that you make a mistake the family will record it. If it's a biggie they will make police a police report. You should always remember that you are betrothed to the younger girl. If you try to jump ship it could cost you big time or even your life.

Meanwhile you'll very likely finish up in your cousins bed. This would be noted by the family, and could also lead to your demise.

Situations like this have resulted for simple reasons, like for example, maybe your cousin wants to lock you down securely so that she can trust you when she takes you to her bed. Or it could even be that her dad wants your BMW or her brother wants a motorbike.

Whatever your feeling now you should realise once committed you will be the familys reserve bank, like I am to my Thai wife's family. To me it does not matter because I love my (third) Thai wife and am very happy with her.

So if you wish climb onto the ride and be happy until you are not, I'm sure that you will.

[pjthefey]

lol. My friend and I are actually really close. We talk almost every day and care about each other a lot. I don't want to give up the friendship.

I've just never been handed an arranged marriage before on a silver platter (or on any other platter for that matter).

Be very careful. If to follow your cousins advice, she will exploit you throughout the eight year waiting time. Every time that you make a mistake the family will record it. If it's a biggie they will make police a police report. You should always remember that you are betrothed to the younger girl. If you try to jump ship it could cost you big time or even your life.

Meanwhile you'll very likely finish up in your cousins bed. This would be noted by the family, and could also lead to your demise.

Situations like this have resulted for simple reasons, like for example, maybe your cousin wants to lock you down securely so that she can trust you when she takes you to her bed. Or it could even be that her dad wants your BMW or her brother wants a motorbike.

Whatever your feeling now you should realise once committed you will be the familys reserve bank, like I am to my Thai wife's family. To me it does not matter because I love my (third) Thai wife and am very happy with her.

So if you wish climb onto the ride and be happy until you are not, I'm sure that you will.

I really don't see all of this as an issue because I'm not planning to marry the girl. I just wanted to know if this is known to happen in Thailand. I wanted to see how common a situation this was.

[harber8]

Yeeeer.......marry her. Put all your money in her bank account, give her kids and oh...don't forget to buy a house and car in her name.

You knew the answer to your question before you posted the opening piece. Meet the family in any case. They might be a genuinely nice bunch.

Goodluck.

[pjthefey]

Yeeeer.......marry her. Put all your money in her bank account, give her kids and oh...don't forget to buy a house and car in her name.

You knew the answer to your question before you posted the opening piece. Meet the family in any case. They might be a genuinely nice bunch.

Goodluck.

Yeah.... That's not going to happen (money in her account, buying a house and car in her name, etc ). I'm more of a prenup kind of guy, much less the type of person who would sign away shared luxury items in a careless marriage.

As for marriage, she says she doesn't even want a boyfriend much less a husband.

[harber8]

Yeeeer.......marry her. Put all your money in her bank account, give her kids and oh...don't forget to buy a house and car in her name.

You knew the answer to your question before you posted the opening piece. Meet the family in any case. They might be a genuinely nice bunch.

Goodluck.

Yeah.... That's not going to happen (money in her account, buying a house and car in her name, etc ). I'm more of a prenup kind of guy, much less the type of person who would sign away shared luxury items in a careless marriage.

As for marriage, she says she doesn't even want a boyfriend much less a husband.

She says ha ha ha......thai girls say a lot of things. You've got a lot to learn.

Btw does she'd know you're "more of a prenup kind of guy". ?? She'll lose interest once she finds out. If she knows what it means!!

Stay in South Korea if I were you. You're a ticking time bomb.

[Malthus101]

"these things do not happen today, specially with a 9 year old minor."

Yes they do, all over the world, since time began.

And he's suggesting the marriage once she is of age, so your mentioning her currently being a minor is just an attempt be inflammatory.

It seems like you don't understand the hardship of life some families face in a country like Thailand.

Finding a farang with money could be a Godsend.

If you love Western values so much, live in the West. Simple.