X Friends

[mark45y]

I don’t understand something. I think I am a pretty normal guy. I am 60 retired with a small nest egg and a couple of small businesses in Thailand. I have a Mia and a couple of Mia noi’s and life is good. I like where I live and I like the climate in the North. I have a view of the mountains and I feel good most days.

I do all of this for about what I used to pay my head dishwasher at my restaurant in the States.

I’m not a lech or a pervert. I don’t go out with women under 20.

I have never struck a woman in my life or cheated an employee.

I pay my own way cheerfully.

Why do people in the West think I am some kind of devil.

I email people I used to know in the West and post on forums I used to post on and I get so much negative feedback I have completely stopped communicating.

I am not talking just the women it is the men too.

Guys who I used to be able to communicate with have all of a sudden turned into anti Asian bigots.

They don’t have a clue about Thailand, let alone the rest of Asia but have become experts on the Asian experience and culture.

Has anyone else had this experience or is it just my ex friends?

[stumonster]

while this may sound a bit simplistic , but china is now being painted as the yellow devils , and to the geographically challenged you are probably thought of as consorting with the devil.

take this for example

US government restricts China PCs

A man using a laptop in a Beijing shopping mall, reflected in a mirror

Chinese firm Lenovo insists it is not a state-owned enterprise

The US State Department says the 16,000 computers it bought from a Chinese firm with links to the Beijing government will not be used for classified work.

Assistant Secretary of State Richard Griffin said the department would also alter its procurement process to ensure US information security was guaranteed.

His comments came after Rep Frank Wolf expressed national security concerns.

The company Lenovo insisted such concerns were unwarranted and said the computers posed no security risk.

BBC article continued here

the absurdity is astonishing. Not sure where Rep Frank Wolf thinks the worlds laptops are assembled. Not sure where Rep Frank Wolf thinks most of the worlds electronic appliances are manufactured and assembled ? even mac books are shipped from the factory in china to the doorstep of the consumer. Mr Wolf seems to be an increasingly common example of the pillocks who have schemed their way into leadership positions across the planet.

[GuestHouse]

Perhap every sentence you write on these web boards includes the word Thailand.. Here in Thailand.. Food here in Thailand... Life here in Thailand.... Women here in Thailand.

An alternative on the theme might be Here in Thailand things are so much better.. Food here in Thailand is so much better... Life here in Thailand is so much better.... Women here in Thailand are so much better.

Or perhaps, you include, I live so well on what I used to pay my head dish washer.

I've witnessed assignees returning from Thailand doing this, I have to some extent done it myself but having observed the response I make an effort not to lay the benfits of my life on with a trowel.

What is for sure, if all your friends are shunning you then the likelihood is it's something you are doing/saying and not all your friends individually taking the same issue.

I could lay it on with a trowel how my life here in Rome is so much better than my life in Thailand, I could talk about how much more money I make, how the food is better, the wine, the social life... If I did, I would expect a negative reaction from lovers of Thailand.

[Noel]

I don’t understand something. I think I am a pretty normal guy. I am 60 retired with a small nest egg and a couple of small businesses in Thailand. I have a Mia and a couple of Mia noi’s and life is good.

I’m not a lech or a pervert. I don’t go out with women under 20.

No way could that sort of talk piss anyone off...

[Phil Conners]

Troll.

[mark45y]

I appreciate all of the input. It is nice to know there are people out there who can take time off from running the universe and judging all of its citizens to answer my humble inquiry.

Really, I did not ask for an evaluation of my personality or lifestyle or posting motivations.

I asked if anyone else had the same thing happen.

I asked because I wondered if it was just me and my so called friends or if this was a common phenomenon.

I also have a real specific reason for asking. I have been approached by a business associate in the US to develop a retirement community in Northern Thailand.

At first I thought it was a good idea, that is a male oriented retirement community. There are a lot of miserable single old guys jumping off balconies in Florida.

Then I started wondering about my experience and the negative connotations existent in the West about living here and began to question the validity of the idea.

[jdinasia]

nope ... hasn't happened to me ....

[Ulysses G.]

You are a sexually fullfilled male at 60 years old and that is not allowed in the West and they are out to stop it here. To them you ARE a perv!

Freedom is only a word.

[ray23]

Well just a tought the average American I believe stays there plan for there retirement there. They really don't want to hear that you are doing fine. What they want to hear is you made a big mistake so they can feel so fortunate that they didn't chase there dream.

Yes some of us move to third world countries learn how to live in them and prosper, but most don't. How many people did you see existing on the retirement they got when they could have had lived much better here on the same money and essentially had the same things or better.

Believe me I honestly think the people who done have what we have done are cut form a different cloth.

My best friend ther who had never been out o the states bet me I wouldn't make it three months here. I would want to go abck to wiork and make that 1ooK plus a year. Truth is I don't work anymore and live on a 1/3 rd of that. Much better then i could have there. Been three and a half years.

My friend enjoy when I slip up more then when I have great success, remember everyone like to be right.

Personally I think my friends made the right choose for them and I made the right one for myself. Both have there pitfalls but I'll take mine here. Don't expect them to understand it simply is not possible and it changes nothing , make new friends.

[Donz]

Stuff them, have fun, Im sure that they are just jealous that your living the life you want and having 2 gf's which is probaly there dream that your living.

[Gary A]

When I was active in the US stock market I posted on a number of the stock discussion boards. I took exception with one guy and he fired back that at age 60 (now 61) and living in Thailand that was enough for him and he KNEW I was a pedophile. If I wasn't a pedophile what was I doing in Thailand? Unfortunately there are idiots all over this small globe. I never gave him the satisfaction of a reply. He was obviously to stupid to understand anyways. I know what I am and I don't have to explain it to ANYONE! It's just a good thing more lonely old men don't know anything about the country or we would be swamped with them.

I have a lovely young 38 year old Thai wife and we live quite well. Why would anyone want to live like a pauper in their home country when they could live very happily here for the same or less.

[libya 115]

When people back home hear about someone else living successfully in Thailand, they jump to wrong conclusions; they might suspect; sex/crime/nefarious motives.

I know my own family and friends who have never set foot in Thailand pulled faces when they discovered I was serious about staying her in the LOS.

Just ignore them; it is jealousy, a deep seated resentment, bad information, cheap newspapers, sexual frustration, poor finances, poor weather and twisted logic mixed together with anger at their own inability to change their own wretched lives.

Enjoy the LOS and forget them.

[jdinasia]

it just could be that you (the OP) just don't have much in common with the people from your past any more ... chance are that you talk about Thailand and just Thailand now because that is where your life is ... They on the otherhand could likely care less about a place they are not likely to ever see ... or if they do will only think of as a holiday destination

[LaoPo]

When people back home hear about someone else living successfully in Thailand, they jump to wrong conclusions; they might suspect; sex/crime/nefarious motives.

I know my own family and friends who have never set foot in Thailand pulled faces when they discovered I was serious about staying her in the LOS.

Just ignore them; it is jealousy, a deep seated resentment, bad information, cheap newspapers, sexual frustration, poor finances, poor weather and twisted logic mixed together with anger at their own inability to change their own wretched lives.

Enjoy the LOS and forget them.

Whatever it is, it's mostly due to a complete lack of experience of travel to unknown and therefore 'weird' countries (in their opinion).

It's small minded actually.

I come from a small country and a lot of people say..."it's 1 hour driving....Ooohhh it's so far "

If I tell them I've to fly 10-12 hours....they say "Holy Moly....sooooooo far away", but when I recounter that a lot of people go out in the afternoon and spend the whole evening and night in bars and restaurants, than they say: it's different but in the same time when they go to bed, I'm already there.... ...........and enjoy a totally different world.

Often it is the 'being afraid' of the unknown...and thus they comment in a negative way.

Let them be

LaoPo

[Misplaced]

Your name is "mark45y" assuming the "y" stands for years. Than you tell us you're 60 years old...hmmm... sounds a bit fishy to me..

[mark45y]

Your name is "mark45y" assuming the "y" stands for years. Than you tell us you're 60 years old...hmmm... sounds a bit fishy to me..

1945, the year I was born. You want a pic?

[OldAsiaHand]

Why in God's name do people persist in attacking posters as frauds rather than comment on what they said? I don't care if the OP was a 14 year old girl. If his observation was worth a response, make one. Otherwise, shut the heck up.

Now, my response....

The OP's experience is one that a great many of us can relate to in one way or another. I stopped telling people in the States where I lived a decade ago because mentioning Thailand in any context always seem to put me under a cloud of suspicion.

Ever read any of Jake Needham's books set in Thailand? THE BIG MANGO, LAUNDRY MAN, KILLING PLATO.....all these novels have expat protagonists who notice how differently they are treated by people they know in the US after they come to Thailand. Sometimes I think that we're all assumed to be guilty of something by most everyone out there in the First World, merely because we are here instead of there.

[jdinasia]

Quoting fiction to make a case for reality ... hmmmmm

[ace]

I still have to work, and so am based mainly in the UK. I contract, moving jobs regularly. I used to stand by my convictions and talk openly about regularly visiting Thailand and wanting to live there. But the sheer vitriol and hatred I have received has meant I have had to stop doing so. It is a shame. Most people think Thailand = sex pervert, end of story. The media here is largely to blame. Gary Glitter makes front page news, even entire prime time documentaries, but the recent political upheavals have not even been mentioned in passing. It is in fact a reflection on the repressed perversion of the "accusers". Probably the same in the States. I don't lose any sleep over it, and hope you don't either.

[niagarekoja]

I still have to work, and so am based mainly in the UK. I contract, moving jobs regularly. I used to stand by my convictions and talk openly about regularly visiting Thailand and wanting to live there. But the sheer vitriol and hatred I have received has meant I have had to stop doing so. It is a shame. Most people think Thailand = sex pervert, end of story. The media here is largely to blame. Gary Glitter makes front page news, even entire prime time documentaries, but the recent political upheavals have not even been mentioned in passing. It is in fact a reflection on the repressed perversion of the "accusers". Probably the same in the States. I don't lose any sleep over it, and hope you don't either.

Too true ACE. Too true!!

[Misplaced]

Where in my tiny sentence did I attacked the OP? I merely questioned his name to the description he gave himself.

Again, OldasiaMan speaks with little sense of understanding (as usual). Its you who attacked me and not me attacking the OP, SO, may be you should "shut the heck up" and grow up a bit at your old age. After all, we're not in highschool any more Oldman.

Why in God's name do people persist in attacking posters as frauds rather than comment on what they said? I don't care if the OP was a 14 year old girl. If his observation was worth a response, make one. Otherwise, shut the heck up.

Now, my response....

The OP's experience is one that a great many of us can relate to in one way or another. I stopped telling people in the States where I lived a decade ago because mentioning Thailand in any context always seem to put me under a cloud of suspicion.

Ever read any of Jake Needham's books set in Thailand? THE BIG MANGO, LAUNDRY MAN, KILLING PLATO.....all these novels have expat protagonists who notice how differently they are treated by people they know in the US after they come to Thailand. Sometimes I think that we're all assumed to be guilty of something by most everyone out there in the First World, merely because we are here instead of there.

[GuestHouse]

There are a lot of miserable single old guys jumping off balconies in Florida.

My guess is there are a proportionatly higher number of single old farang guys jumping of balconies in Thailand - It's such a common practice in Pattaya I've considered wearing a hard hat lest some sad old git, spent up, dosed up and fed up lands on my bonce.

[Diablo Bob]

I can't speak for anyplace other than Southern California, where I technically come from.......

To make a long story VERY short, I was born in Indonesia, then returned to the USA at the age of 6 months, just to leave again to Saudi Arabia then Indonesia then Thailand then Philippines then Thailand, etc, etc, etc.

Those that have had this experience are called TCKs or Third Culture Kids by the professional head shrinking community. We are not like the rest of our peers.......

Mt extended family in California and Rhode Island don't know how to explain my sister and myself to other family members. My sister and I don't really care about keeping up the family airs either......

This TCK phenomenon is not a USA invention, it is actually European. They were attempting to understand why children brought up out of country were so different from the locals.

They found that despite the local social customs, TCK's were non racial, were able to marry outside their culture etc...... in other words were better International Citizens.

Face it...... your home country doesn't have a clue as to what your adopted country is all about.

Face it...... your friends from your home country are probably envious of your ability to adapt and have a productive life away from them...........

Be proud that you have adapted, that you feel all right in a foreign country, and understand that with education even some of your critics in your home country will be here in Thailand, given the opportunity.

[mark45y]

There are a lot of miserable single old guys jumping off balconies in Florida.

My guess is there are a proportionatly higher number of single old farang guys jumping of balconies in Thailand - It's such a common practice in Pattaya I've considered wearing a hard hat lest some sad old git, spent up, dosed up and fed up lands on my bonce.

It was the jumpers that got me. I either managed or owned the food service departments in upscale retirement centers for 8 years. The last one was probably the best restaurant I have ever run. Lennox china, gold flatware, opera during dinner and an almost unlimited food and booze budget.

Still we had jumpers. Four or five a year and the plastic bag thing a couple of times and a lot of OD’s on sleeping pills.

They killed themselves for different reasons. A lot of them family or pain related.

I keep thinking about their last days filled with snippy old battle axe nurses and doctors telling them life was worth living.

At least in Pattaya I would assume they had a run with their money before they jumped.

[monochaser]

First of all, I dont care what people think. 2nd, I think that the OP comes across as a major <deleted> in his posts, esp in the ladies forum re: farang women and farangland. He is no doubt like this in real life. It is no wonder why he has no farang friends

[NovaBlue05]

Your name is "mark45y" assuming the "y" stands for years. Than you tell us you're 60 years old...hmmm... sounds a bit fishy to me..

1945

[HarryHerb]

Guys who I used to be able to communicate with have all of a sudden turned into anti Asian bigots.

They don’t have a clue about Thailand, let alone the rest of Asia but have become experts on the Asian experience and culture.

Has anyone else had this experience or is it just my ex friends?

Good Lord. It's so common as to be almost unremarkable - and to make you sound rather disingenuous.

Of course you know that nobody just 'turns into' a bigot because you decide to move country. These are deep-seated prejudices and stereotypes - some, although not all grounded in fact - held in the West about SE Asia, and Thailand in particular, that are merely rising to the surface.

What I find perplexing is that a man of the world like yourself finds this at all surprising.

[mark45y]

What I really find perplexing is the attacks on me. I really like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am amazed at being called a <deleted> and my age questioned. Frankly if I was 45 I would tell the world I was 45. It was a nice age for me. I am actually kind of embarrassed to admit I am 60 but I thought it was relevant to the post.

I don’t really know what a “man of the world” is but I assume you mean well traveled and experienced. Yes I am but I had lived abroad before in other countries and not gotten such bad reviews from the home folks.

I like Thai Visa and have gotten a world of important information here. Some may have even been life saving about hospitals and flood conditions last year.

I have this image about ex pats as being open minded and accepting of ideas and other cultures. Interesting people with fascinating stories and colorful lives.

That has been my experience for the most part.

But darn there are a lot of narrow minded, suspicious, parochial and downright mean people here too.

Thank you to all of the people who have answered my question. For those who took the opportunity of my post to slam me or call me a troll or other names I hope it made you feel better and I will give you further opportunities to do the same because it gives me pleasure to know you are reading what I have written.

[tutsiwarrior]

I went through a bad divorce with a white woman but ended up on my feet soon after with a thai woman, with a home in Thailand and happily integrated into her family. From that juncture I have lost communication with some close friends in the US and I'll be buggered if I can understand why.

After some thought I realized that my friends' wives never took to me very well...thought that as a fearless wanderer without consideration for US home or family that I am a bad influence (I later married in the UK with disasterous results). If it is true that I can move on after a divorce and live happily in Asia then their middle aged hold on their spouses (my friends) is tenuous as they are no less capable of achieving the same under whatever circumstances. When you add the allure of attractive young Asian women into the equation the threat becomes poisonous.

so, it becomes

'hey honey, I got an email from tutsi today...'

'that lowlife?...why do you stay friends with him?..he no longer respects our values...'

'how can he be a lowlife when he is supporting an extended family in Thailand, working hard, etc...'

'listen, you a-hole I don't approve an' unless you dispatch him I want a divorce...'

or variations thereof...unfortunately most of my friends in the US are constrained in such a way that venal threats are taken seriously...

Edited May 20, 2006 by tutsiwarrior

[sonthaya]

What I really find perplexing is the attacks on me. I really like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am amazed at being called a <deleted> and my age questioned. Frankly if I was 45 I would tell the world I was 45. It was a nice age for me. I am actually kind of embarrassed to admit I am 60 but I thought it was relevant to the post.

I don’t really know what a “man of the world” is but I assume you mean well traveled and experienced. Yes I am but I had lived abroad before in other countries and not gotten such bad reviews from the home folks.

I like Thai Visa and have gotten a world of important information here. Some may have even been life saving about hospitals and flood conditions last year.

I have this image about ex pats as being open minded and accepting of ideas and other cultures. Interesting people with fascinating stories and colorful lives.

That has been my experience for the most part.

But darn there are a lot of narrow minded, suspicious, parochial and downright mean people here too.

Thank you to all of the people who have answered my question. For those who took the opportunity of my post to slam me or call me a troll or other names I hope it made you feel better and I will give you further opportunities to do the same because it gives me pleasure to know you are reading what I have written.

Just ignore the "bad" ones, it was a good posting we all could learn something from.