Another one bites the dust...

[timewilltell]

really out of curiosity, i notice that you did have more than 3000 messages on tv, so here my question: Are you one of those members

who spent their times claiming how much their gf/wife is different, that she come from a good family, she is so honest, you can trust her with you life, she will never harm you, she is the best thing that did happen in your life, and she love you maak????!

(Well inspite of warning, the cultural gap, language barriere, difference of wealth, her family, etc etc)

Because if you are one of them, who spent his times to spread myths and <deleted> on tv, well in fact you might have fooled some other members, but the biggest victims is...you!

Now its time for some weeks holidays, and after to start to build back yourself, and dont run again in the same problems as it seems that some never learn.......

I am glad I don't have you as a friend. You are quicksand!

[benalibina]

http://www.slideshare.net/mobile/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than othersFantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Taking advantage of others

Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Being jealous of others

Believing that others are jealous of you

Trouble keeping healthy relationships

Setting unrealistic goals

Being easily hurt and rejected

Having a fragile self-esteem

Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

[belg]

if your wife is/was not an expert accountant, why would you trust her abilities

[brit1984]

if your wife is/was not an expert accountant, why would you trust her abilities

she didn't need to do any accounting, she was just supposed to handle the cash, and the flow of funds into, and out of, the bank accounts (and she wasn't supposed to take out extra loans without informing me)... it was simple stuff an honest monkey could do... my mistake was to assume she was honest

[Scarpolo]

if your wife is/was not an expert accountant, why would you trust her abilities

she didn't need to do any accounting, she was just supposed to handle the cash, and the flow of funds into, and out of, the bank accounts (and she wasn't supposed to take out extra loans without informing me)... it was simple stuff an honest monkey could do... my mistake was to assume she was honest

This simply does not pass the smell test:

What is the real agenda here?

[Scarpolo]

http://www.slideshare.net/mobile/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than othersFantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Taking advantage of others

Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Being jealous of others

Believing that others are jealous of you

Trouble keeping healthy relationships

Setting unrealistic goals

Being easily hurt and rejected

Having a fragile self-esteem

Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

The prettier they are, the more narcissistic,

whats the big deal with all that exactly?

what, you want compassion and unconditional love? Isn't that what puppies are for?

you want to much from women, and simply don't understand them,

my short experience with the asian female is,

they are easy,

just be prepared to be forgotten

[brit1984]

if your wife is/was not an expert accountant, why would you trust her abilities

she didn't need to do any accounting, she was just supposed to handle the cash, and the flow of funds into, and out of, the bank accounts (and she wasn't supposed to take out extra loans without informing me)... it was simple stuff an honest monkey could do... my mistake was to assume she was honest

This simply does not pass the smell test:

What is the real agenda here?

What does is smell like detective?

It's not a troll thread... my life really is this messed up but discussing it here as helped me deal with it (at least mentally)...

It's not a scam thread... I'm not looking for any more investment as that would only makes things worse...

This thread is just about stupid guy trying to get something painful off his chest and provide some useful information (and entertainment) and hopefully prevent others making the same mistakes

[benalibina]

http://www.slideshare.net/mobile/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than othersFantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Taking advantage of others

Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Being jealous of others

Believing that others are jealous of you

Trouble keeping healthy relationships

Setting unrealistic goals

Being easily hurt and rejected

Having a fragile self-esteem

Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

The prettier they are, the more narcissistic,

whats the big deal with all that exactly?

what, you want compassion and unconditional love? Isn't that what puppies are for?

you want to much from women, and simply don't understand them,

my short experience with the asian female is,

they are easy,

just be prepared to be forgotten

Thanks for your analyzis. Ur a shining light here.

[khunpa]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I had an so-called evil selfish western wife once, so I can for sure relate.

However, I find it strange that you as the main person behind the company, had so little overview of the financial situation in general. But now it is of course too late :-(

But thanks for telling your story, because it does show that there are some real nasty women around, who are willing to do anything for money. Even leave their kids. Its sad...

Edited March 10, 2014 by khunpa

[Cosmo88]

It is a sad story indeed. I am quite curious about the NPD aspect, and wonder if it was diagnosed by a qualified psychologist/psychiatrist.

[wym]

He made the mistake of trusting his WIFE the mother of his children <deleted> and she robbed him blind.

Sure he should have known better but your blaming him for the whole thing and claiming what she couldn't help herself??? is ridiculous.

[mmh8]

just to make clear NPD is a label given to this type of personality to try and describe it, helps in certain situations. Another label is psychopath. It does not matter what, you label it as. If you see this type of behaviour they are out to do bad things to you and nop amount of rationalisation helps.

next thing you will be doing is saying that someone who has commited crimes of murder to gain money had a bad childhood. These are western ideas to try and apologise for this sort of behaviour.

no need

bad people do bad things. don't let them do it to you

[brit1984]

It is a sad story indeed. I am quite curious about the NPD aspect, and wonder if it was diagnosed by a qualified psychologist/psychiatrist.

Yes but only indirectly by observation from my mum and other close family/friends who work in that field.

[brit1984]

How is this thread Thai-related?

Surely it's nothing more than one man's tale of woeful incompetence. It could have happened anywhere. Incompetence knows no boundaries.

Suggesting that a Thai woman is somehow to blame serves only to exacerbate the OP's pygmified abilities.

I agree that I was incompetent, as were many other people, not to see the full facts or to control her / protect ourselves.

I do think my story is relevant to a lot of ThaiVisa members who may currently / in the future be in a relationship with Thai, as NPD (or bad people) exist just as much here if not more than other countries, but they are often disguised by language / cultural barriers (or just because there isn't much awareness / understanding about mental health issues).

Many things that happen in Thailand also happen in other countries too but that does not mean they are not Thai-related.

Anyway, thanks for your input.

[brit1984]

bad people do bad things. don't let them do it to you

Thanks... I have written this on a post it note and stuck it on my wall... great advice.

[lormakmak]

http://www.slideshare.net/mobile/jenimawter/moving-on-from-narcissistic-abuse-due-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/red-flags-to-narcissistic-personality-disorder-compiled-by-jeni-mawter

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than othersFantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Taking advantage of others

Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Being jealous of others

Believing that others are jealous of you

Trouble keeping healthy relationships

Setting unrealistic goals

Being easily hurt and rejected

Having a fragile self-esteem

Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

the above could read as traits of 'Thainess'

It certainly reads like my ex-wifes resume

[brit1984]

How is this thread Thai-related?

Surely it's nothing more than one man's tale of woeful incompetence. It could have happened anywhere. Incompetence knows no boundaries.

Suggesting that a Thai woman is somehow to blame serves only to exacerbate the OP's pygmified abilities.

I agree that I was incompetent, as were many other people, not to see the full facts or to control her / protect ourselves.

I do think my story is relevant to a lot of ThaiVisa members who may currently / in the future be in a relationship with Thai, as NPD (or bad people) exist just as much here if not more than other countries, but they are often disguised by language / cultural barriers (or just because there isn't much awareness / understanding about mental health issues).

Many things that happen in Thailand also happen in other countries too but that does not mean they are not Thai-related.

Anyway, thanks for your input.

No. No .No.

Do not try to lessen your incompetence by introducing Thais into the equation.

You are not a businessman. Full stop. You're probably a useful back office employee. Perhaps you'd make a good analyst. Maybe I could trust you with marketing. But you're not "hands on". I would never encharge someone like you with managing things.

Please don't tell me that you grew up dreaming of managing a string of massage outlets. You never had any interest whatsoever in the practicalities of the business. What appealed to you more than anything was the opportunity to tell people that you were a businessman. You also loved the academic side of things. You devoured business books. You spent ages working on stats, forecasts and projections. And that's why you failed.

Your personal troubles sound harsh. Go back to England. Get a job. Come to terms with who you really are. Find a job that's right for you. Work hard. Make money. Focus on yourself. Deal with your kids later. Accept (albeit reluctantly) that the BITCH will probably always be a part of your life. Be strong. Learn how to deal with your situation. You will not find the answers you're looking for on this forum.

Good luck.

Thanks very much for the good luck and your advice.

Although obviously I did not become a spa owner by working my way up from a job as a masseur (or in fact having any particular interest in massage), I was relatively hands-on, which is why we had a very flat management structure and why some things were handled by my wife (although admittedly I probably gave her the tasks that I found most boring and that I thought would be simple/easy/quick for her to complete, rather than limiting her responsibility/influence to things which were less important, which would have been more sensible in hindsight).

Going back to London (or another city with a sizeable financial services industry) to re-start my salaried career is certainly an option, although it would probably mean losing 1/2 years doing an MBA to give my CV a decent shape (which I do not have the time/money for right now). Contrary to your presumption, I was happier introducing myself as an investment professional than a spa owner, but there are lots of pros and cons on both sides of being an entrepreneur vs an employee. For now my plan (which I am already working on does not include returning to regular work but I haven't turned 30 yet so much could change in the future).

Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts. I'm not really expecting to find any "answers" from this forum but many of the posters (including yourself) have provided interesting/valuable input that helps my thought process. Cheers.

[Marcos989]

I can sypathize with your situation as my Brazilian wife married me to rob me and that is exactly what she got away with including murdering her own child with an injection to the head to conceal her crimes.

I invested 10 years and my entire life into seeking justice whch cost me everything I had.

I had to start all over and now years later am doing well, not great but well enough to escape Brazil.

Going to start a new life in Thailand. Older and wiser.

My only comment about the business thefts is this (which you likely know) the only way anybody can embezle a business is by the Directors instituting a ineffective, inefficient accounting system.

Not enough checks and balances.

All malfeasance cannot realistically be stopped but if it becomes significant you have a flawed system.

Risk control costs time & money.

[NeverSure]

I can sypathize with your situation as my Brazilian wife married me to rob me and that is exactly what she got away with including murdering her own child with an injection to the head to conceal her crimes.

I invested 10 years and my entire life into seeking justice whch cost me everything I had.

I had to start all over and now years later am doing well, not great but well enough to escape Brazil.

Going to start a new life in Thailand. Older and wiser.

My only comment about the business thefts is this (which you likely know) the only way anybody can embezle a business is by the Directors instituting a ineffective, inefficient accounting system.

Not enough checks and balances.

All malfeasance cannot realistically be stopped but if it becomes significant you have a flawed system.

Risk control costs time & money.

Sorry about your hard times and I wish you the best in your new life in Thailand. This forum is full of horrible stories, especially in the divorce and marriage section.

I do have to disagree that the best of controls can stop an embezzler over a short period of time which is what the OP seems to be saying. In my first life I was a banker and the bank of course had many controls, many which seemed like overkill. But still the manager of a different branch from where I worked managed to steal about $100,000 USD over the course of about 3 months. That was a lot of money back in the 70's. He was juggling false paperwork every day but of course the bank's controls caught it but 3 months is long enough to wipe you out if you don't have the money. Of course it didn't break the bank, but it probably would have a small business.

[brit1984]

I can sypathize with your situation as my Brazilian wife married me to rob me and that is exactly what she got away with including murdering her own child with an injection to the head to conceal her crimes.

I invested 10 years and my entire life into seeking justice whch cost me everything I had.

I had to start all over and now years later am doing well, not great but well enough to escape Brazil.

Going to start a new life in Thailand. Older and wiser.

My only comment about the business thefts is this (which you likely know) the only way anybody can embezle a business is by the Directors instituting a ineffective, inefficient accounting system.

Not enough checks and balances.

All malfeasance cannot realistically be stopped but if it becomes significant you have a flawed system.

Risk control costs time & money.

Wow - that sounds awful - sorry you have gone through that - pleased you survived!

Your right about accounting systems - like most relatively young / family-run businesses, we lacked a lot of checks and balances that could have prevented it although I think it would have all come out in the wash when end of year accounts were done.

[brit1984]

I can sypathize with your situation as my Brazilian wife married me to rob me and that is exactly what she got away with including murdering her own child with an injection to the head to conceal her crimes.

I invested 10 years and my entire life into seeking justice whch cost me everything I had.

I had to start all over and now years later am doing well, not great but well enough to escape Brazil.

Going to start a new life in Thailand. Older and wiser.

My only comment about the business thefts is this (which you likely know) the only way anybody can embezle a business is by the Directors instituting a ineffective, inefficient accounting system.

Not enough checks and balances.

All malfeasance cannot realistically be stopped but if it becomes significant you have a flawed system.

Risk control costs time & money.

Sorry about your hard times and I wish you the best in your new life in Thailand. This forum is full of horrible stories, especially in the divorce and marriage section.

I do have to disagree that the best of controls can stop an embezzler over a short period of time which is what the OP seems to be saying. In my first life I was a banker and the bank of course had many controls, many which seemed like overkill. But still the manager of a different branch from where I worked managed to steal about $100,000 USD over the course of about 3 months. That was a lot of money back in the 70's. He was juggling false paperwork every day but of course the bank's controls caught it but 3 months is long enough to wipe you out if you don't have the money. Of course it didn't break the bank, but it probably would have a small business.

Yes I think it's a good point, you can't check everything every day... what happened to me is not something you expect or give much thought too... in the same way that investing time/money in home security always seems to make more sense AFTER your house has been burgled.

I had been brought up / educated to believe and still do believe (for most people) that putting more controls / restrictions / checks on them actually makes them less honest... so there is need for a balance... but obviously I got this balance badly wrong with my business / wife...!

[AbeSurd]

Thank you for starting this thread brit1984.

And continuing with it, despite all the predictable, repetitive brickbats - I take my hat off to you.

You sound like one of the most balanced, reasonable people I've ever read on ThaiVisa.

Good luck!

[brit1984]

Thank you for starting this thread brit1984.

And continuing with it, despite all the predictable, repetitive brickbats - I take my hat off to you.

You sound like one of the most balanced, reasonable people I've ever read on ThaiVisa.

Good luck!

Actually if you met me you would see I'm not that well balanced... in fact my "friends" back home gave me the nickname Bent Nose.

Seriously though if anyone else is going through a personal crisis (and I know many people are worse off than me) I would recommend to talk with family/friends but also to find another outlet (such as this forum) where one can speak anonymously and express thoughts more openly.

I hope this thread has provided some useful information / entertainment to others, but regardless it has helped me get my future plan clearer in my head, especially with the help of some of very well-informed replies.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to share their knowledge / brain-power. It's much appreciated. Cheers.

[telstrareg]

Why not declare bankruptcy and start over? Working for years just to pay off debts seems an odd choice, especially if you can't pay your staff.

Yeah great... Dump your pain and the consequences of your mistakes on other people.