What are your perceptions of having a Thai GF or wife

[kimbathewhitelion]

Might I say, non-rented nor non-leased relationships. I find Thai relationships to be very sensitive based on their culture & me not wanting to give up on my own. Given. The "upset" times are accumulating. Taken as if all were (background) a bugs bunny cartoon with a classical (Koyaanisqatsi) foreground excluding but also telling a story. Thais have their own story to tell whether words or silent character or song.

More of a justification why I am here.

Note: Tourists should be ignored.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[bgrassboy]

Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences. I have had my share of differences with the wife of 6 years mostly to do with the spoiled younger brother. The rest of her family is OK, but Nong is a 29 year old living as though he were 12. Most recently we (wife and I) had a spat about him as he's staying with us for a month between terms at medical school. I was finally able to show her examples of how every time he comes to visit we have a problem, not just with me, but with other foreigner friends too. She thought about it for a while and finally said, Nong does't know how to interact with foreigners. She said she can't talk to him as he has to figure it out for himself but at least she is now seeing it from another perspective and even said she didn't want him to come with us to the states next time we go as she clearly sees he isn't capable of dealing with non-Thais.

I still find my relationship to be far healthier than any I ever had in the states. I mainly attribute that to my growing up and not running away from the person just because of a problem.

Thus my perception of having a Thai wife is that with work, lots of dialogue and compassion, problems can be overcome.

[wym]

Brother to the states?

Sure hope you weren't footing the tab for that boondoggle. I hope someone else doesn't pipe up with what I'm sure many of us are thinking. . .

[beachproperty]

Agree with Bgrssboy ...."Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences"....Aside from the cultural differences that my wife of 10 years and I have....Most arguments, misunderstandings, or "spats" occur because a misunderstanding occurs due to language barriers. Either she doesn't understand what I am trying to say or "visa versa". After MUCH patience we figure it out. If not ....wife goes into a huff and doesn't talk to me and its usually forgotten after a day.

Be that as it may .....still have a MUCH better relationship with her than I had with ANY western woman.....

[geronimo]

I've been married to my Thai wife for twenty years now and looking back there were many hurdles to overcome. The language barrier didn't exist for us, I was fluent before we met, but the cultural differences really had to be worked on. After a few years, I realised my wife didn't know how to think critically, so I taught her. She didn't know how to plan, so I taught her. She didn't understand the ways of the world or technology, so I taught her. Having said that, a girl from a poor farming family who left school at nine, has taught me so much about life!

I consider it to be a balanced relationship as she has helped me to learn so much about myself. I have always felt that I hit the jackpot when I met her and all of my friends (Thai and foreign) have echoed this.

[sam sen]

Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences. I have had my share of differences with the wife of 6 years mostly to do with the spoiled younger brother. The rest of her family is OK, but Nong is a 29 year old living as though he were 12. Most recently we (wife and I) had a spat about him as he's staying with us for a month between terms at medical school. I was finally able to show her examples of how every time he comes to visit we have a problem, not just with me, but with other foreigner friends too. She thought about it for a while and finally said, Nong does't know how to interact with foreigners. She said she can't talk to him as he has to figure it out for himself but at least she is now seeing it from another perspective and even said she didn't want him to come with us to the states next time we go as she clearly sees he isn't capable of dealing with non-Thais.

I still find my relationship to be far healthier than any I ever had in the states. I mainly attribute that to my growing up and not running away from the person just because of a problem.

Thus my perception of having a Thai wife is that with work, lots of dialogue and compassion, problems can be overcome.

She said she can't talk to him as he has to figure it out for himself

avoid responsibility and confrontation at all costs.

with these interpersonal skills and open-mindedness he's going to make an excellent doctor.

[Sigurris]

As a single man who has failed in three Thai relationships so far I am probably vastly unqualified to offer anything here. I do know that all the arguments and problems I have had came down to thought processes and interpretation/language and the age old problem of insecurity and jealousy (btw I never cheated). The frustration of dealing with a thought process so different to mine caused me to lose my temper on so many occasions, which of course is a no-no here, further adding flames to the fire. Then followed the sulking which drives me crazy.

I have been single for the last eight months and it has been the most stress free time in the 7 years I have lived here. Maybe I am just not cut out to have an Anglo-Thai relationship. But I keep trying and hope the next one will be different (which is, I believe Einsteins definition of madness, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result).

Bottom line I suppose is that I have to change. The trouble is I know that it won't happen.

To those who have found the answer or the right person, I salute you.

[smileydude]

Having a GF from a different culture probably requires more commitment and effort like others here have said.

That being said relationships are not static. People change and so does everything around us.

It's not a one time effort and then everything falls into place.

It requires time and patience in the form of trying to understand someone instead of just trying to have it your own way.

If you want it your own way go to Burger King.

I find it usually requires nurturing and not taking your partner for granted and realizing that the world does not revolve around us but rather us around everything else.

If we find Thai women or any women for that matter complicated and do not want to invest any effort in a relationship get a dog.

Research studies indicate that people who have furry pets tend to live longer.

Edited March 12, 2014 by smileydude

[lostinsurin]

Welcome to the agony aunt's section of TV.

[chrisinth]

Word of warning, don't let the cultures become too close.

'Someone' nicked my cucumber sandwiches out of the fridge again last night.....................

[Somsrisonphimai]

Do you really work harder at being with a Thai woman than say the woman in your hometown? Or is it more like individual type of thing?

I think every relationship has its flaws, you just have to work on it no matter who you are with, same race or different race, same age or different age. It is going take a lot of love, a lot of compassion, and a lot of patience for the relationship to flourish.

Edited March 12, 2014 by Somsrisonphimai

[i claudius]

To be quite honest after 20 years of marriage and i year living together ,i find my wife is the same as any other woman ,maybe its her upbringing or the fact we lived in the west for many years ,but on the whole she thinks like i do , or maybe just pretends to who knows.

Edited March 12, 2014 by i claudius

[rtco]

The phrase do it the "Thai way" comes to mind. Been married to a Thai for 7 years and have a 2-year old daughter. Have lived in Thailand for the last 3 years. Maintain your Western ideals but mix them with the "Thai way" where possible. There are always disagreements but like in any relationship a solution can be found. I have to say that the one thing I really like about Thai's is that they will go into a strop for a day but after that everything is forgotten ... no grudges, no repercussions. Not at all like the "Western way" where we tend to harbor these things and let then get to us. Also be prepared to be second to the Thai family ... this is important to them ... they have been bought up to support their elders unlike the "Western way" which seems to be the opposite.

[fatdrunkandstupid]

Easy

[godden]

mine thinks I'm stupid, perhaps she has a point

[1Ping1]

I am thrilled to see a lot of great posts above. Stunned, not even any Thai bashing. Makes me proud to be on this site. Yeah, sometimes not to proud, esp when it comes to Thai Women bashing. Glad to see none here.

I agree with most everything posted and can only state that for me. It has been the best 2.5 years of my life. Both in regards to my Thai wife. And in regards to "her" teaching me how to de stress, not worry about things and to let life pretty much come at me, rather than thinking I need to think, fight my way through it as my Western Culture had taught me.

Having stated that. The drive to get ahead, meaning coming from the Western culture is what got me out of that very rat race. I now though am learning to appreciate life "Thai Style" and could not be happier with the transformation. Meaning I am far more peaceful and low key than I was in the past. Thai Buddhiest based culture of course call it "taking the middle path". I love that phrase and try and apply it to each and every day. It is amazing how much more at peace with oneself one can be. I attribute all this to my Thai wife's nurturing and caring, sharing her beliefs and life skills with me.

This is 100% due to my Thai wife's upbringing and the Thai Buddhist culture of being at peace with ones self. Long story short. My Thai wife has changed my life in a lot of great ways, and I had a great life before. So, long story short. I could not be happier.

I waste some time sometimes trying to explain Western Culture to her, and how to apply it and I can honestly say, more and more I realize that what I am stating is a bunch of BS. She is often curious and asks me so anymore, it is only during these times that I even share it with her. Meaning for informational purposes only. Not to try and make her "westernized". God forbid I would not know why any of us would want to do that anyway. The middle path makes more sense each day that I live here. Meaning that my Thai wife has taught me far more than I ever plan on teaching her.

[thailampang2012]

Having a GF from a different culture probably requires more commitment and effort like others here have said.

That being said relationships are not static. People change and so does everything around us.

It's not a one time effort and then everything falls into place.

It requires time and patience in the form of trying to understand someone instead of just trying to have it your own way.

If you want it your own way go to Burger King.

I find it usually requires nurturing and not taking your partner for granted and realizing that the world does not revolve around us but rather us around everything else.

If we find Thai women or any women for that matter complicated and do not want to invest any effort in a relationship get a dog.

Research studies indicate that people who have furry pets tend to live longer.

I think the answer is "no to give up" looking what makes you happy....and that's apply in any culture or country. Making a list of all your wants and needs, and all what you are willing to compromise in order to have a companionship, lover, or wife.

It s very important. I didn't do it before moving to Thailand.

I think for foreigners the big challenge to achieve is to brake the language barrier. Not so much can be accomplished without a good communication, with a good disposition, and/or with a good sense of humor.

Knowing the culture and the customs helps a lot to not form false judgments. Most of foreigners think that Thai women is only motivated by money when dating or marrying a foreigner, and may be true. But it is also true that Thai men, in particular the married and older ones, use money to seduce and maintain lovers and affairs. That, plus the common Thai cultural practice to use money to show affection and interest in every situation, creates a pattern, also reflected in loving relationships. I admit that it not easy to deal with that sometimes, and can creates conflicts and serious misunderstandings...but also... that what may be "serious" to foreigners may not to Thai people, because Thai people are very direct and western people people don't. At least in my case. How I can be 'serious" and upset, when in seconds the "serious" question or request is followed with a joke and a smile? I am glad I am changing my attitude about life, because my wife is teaching me to be more casual about things that are not really so important. Took me some time to find what I was looking for in Thailand, but after 3 failed marriages with western women, I found a younger Thai woman that is teaching me to really enjoy life. She also is teaching me to live the moment, and not to worry about the future. I hope she will be my wife forever. If not, I will be happy just thinking about the good times we had together.

Edited March 12, 2014 by thailampang2012

[lostmebike]

These 'What's your idea..' or 'What's your relationship with a Thai like? topics seem to coming round rather a lot lately.

[Benmart]

Brother to the states?

Sure hope you weren't footing the tab for that boondoggle. I hope someone else doesn't pipe up with what I'm sure many of us are thinking. . .

Thanks for knowing what "many of us are thinking". I've yet to be able or interested in doing that.

[kennypowers]

My wife is awesome and some days I ponder on just how lucky I am. She really is the salt of the earth; a genuine, loyal friend and partner.

We let each other grow as individuals and facilitate each other's happiness, something that has been very difficult in past relationships what with possessiveness and selfishness getting in the way. Perhaps at 35 and 34, respectively, we are in the right places in our lives to make a successful life together.

I didn't set out to find a Thai wife or to settle in Thailand. I've had girlfriends of many nationalities and try not to get caught in the trap of seeing my wife as "a Thai wife". She's an individual, with individual character traits, many of which are vastly different from the Thai GFs/wives of friends I have here. In terms of cultural differences I've never had any real problems. One or two of her family members annoy me but then a couple of mine annoy her too. We have our healthy disagreements occasionally, as every couple should, and she stands up for what she believes in, which I fully encourage and respect.

Sure, there are things she can't relate to about my life, and vice versa, but then we share those parts with friends who can. This has been the same in every relationship I've had; thus the importance of having friends.

While this might sound somewhat romantic (we aren't actually), I am a realist and know that people can grow apart - my parents did after 20 odd years. People change, people make mistakes; humans are not as rational as we might believe we are. So I'm sure they'll be many obstacles to come. But in the meantime we are looking forward to the birth of our first child - a first for both of us I might add. Exciting times.

[David48]

As a single man who has failed in three Thai relationships so far I am probably vastly unqualified to offer anything here. I do know that all the arguments and problems I have had came down to thought processes and interpretation/language and the age old problem of insecurity and jealousy (btw I never cheated). The frustration of dealing with a thought process so different to mine caused me to lose my temper on so many occasions, which of course is a no-no here, further adding flames to the fire. Then followed the sulking which drives me crazy.

I have been single for the last eight months and it has been the most stress free time in the 7 years I have lived here. Maybe I am just not cut out to have an Anglo-Thai relationship. But I keep trying and hope the next one will be different (which is, I believe Einsteins definition of madness, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result).

Bottom line I suppose is that I have to change. The trouble is I know that it won't happen.

To those who have found the answer or the right person, I salute you.

Great Post.

I appreciate the honesty ...

[hanno]

I have had girlfriends (and wives) from all over the world and my take is that every relationship needs lots of work. My girlfriend is my love first, Thai second.

From some posts, not necessarily on this thread, I get a feeling that some people are not willing to change or make sacrifices and then blame problems on the different cultures.

[slipperylobster]

Yep ... communication is the channel you must use. It is unfortunate when common ground cannot be reached because of the inability to express your/her ideas to one another. Baby talk is not going to work.... I hope I can be proficient enough in Thai, and I do attempt to learn something new each day, but when I am upset, it is always going to be english that comes out. I have not yet seen my gal get angry....just sort of passive aggressive..... cooking the rice way after the curry is finished, or filling my hot coffee to the brim and handing it to me so I have to grab the hot part. That is about is bad as it ever got.

[bgrassboy]

It would be on the brothers dime for travel IF he were to ever go, but accommodation would be provided!

The situation is more about his lack of awareness when dealing with non-Thais and any drive to try and understand another culture. When wife and I had the conversation we talked about each time he has gone to another country how he has said he didn't like it and Thailand is so much better. That I think was the deciding point at which she started to look at him from a different vantage point. The wife is very adventurous and is always on the up for a new experience. She even likes Indian and Lebanese food since going to the Middle East. This is a great contrast to the younger brother, who has shown none of her traits.

Our ability to talk about our problems in life and work together is what keeps us together,

[wolfmanjack]

The phrase do it the "Thai way" comes to mind. Been married to a Thai for 7 years and have a 2-year old daughter. Have lived in Thailand for the last 3 years. Maintain your Western ideals but mix them with the "Thai way" where possible. There are always disagreements but like in any relationship a solution can be found. I have to say that the one thing I really like about Thai's is that they will go into a strop for a day but after that everything is forgotten ... no grudges, no repercussions. Not at all like the "Western way" where we tend to harbor these things and let then get to us. Also be prepared to be second to the Thai family ... this is important to them ... they have been bought up to support their elders unlike the "Western way" which seems to be the opposite.

I wish my thai wife was that way. When we get in an argument she still brings up stuff that happened (or not) from 14 years ago and most of that didn't happen the way she remembers.

[BB1955]

I think culture differences play a big part . My wife doesn't understand the in law theory . I know the saying marry the wife and you marry all the way down to the cousin she never met .. Sorry I cant go there . I was completely up front with her before we married . I will not live with your family and they will not live with us . We will not be the family bank of Thailand . Plain simple take it or leave it . Needless to say we have had a few spats , but mainly where it pertained to discussions and decisions with her family that I should have been included in on the front end and not after the fact . Then Im supposed to understand and agree with things I don't . Its kind of like I ll just do it and take my chances ..... So now last of May I have 6 of her family showing up for three days . Only place for them to sleep is a room we use for storage , no beds. The sofas are off limits to sleeping as is the livng room .... Oh well you know Thai people ,, that's what I always hear ..... B.S

[wym]

3 days, you wish!

Take yourself and your ATM on a week's holiday. . .

[asiaexpat]

After 45 years of marriage I find life together is simple. I just say yes dear to everything and hide in my office.

[thailiketoo]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

[davejones23]

For me it's not much different to having a Western girlfriend. People are people the world over and mostly want the same things. A few minor cultural differences, but nit too that big a difference really. Perhaps many people focus to much on the culture and not enough on the actual person. Try looking at your girlfriend/wife as a person not as a Thai woman.