Friendship / Romance / What The.....

[kc_phil]

I have visited patong 3 times in the last 2 years, all for fairly lengthy periods (2month/2month/10day).

On my second trip, last summer, I met a girl who worked in the massage shop downstairs from my hotel, Pam. She is about 22 years old, not the best masseuse but she was adequate and good fun for a two hour massage. We would talk and laugh and have a good time. No sex. She would help me practice Thai (I was taking lessons at the time), I would help her with English. Always sanook maak maak.

Summer ends, I give her my email address and a good tip. A hearty wave and I tell her I will see her next time I come, at Christmas.

Over the course of the fall, she sends me a couple of emails, maybe 3. Nothing romantic. Just a “hello, how are you?” She addresses me as “PeeChai” and “Brother”

Then I show up at X-mas for 10 days.

Over the course of last summer, I must have said something about how cold it gets in Kansas City. She is very happy to see me and gives me a scarf and matching hat as a holiday gift. She knitted it herself while passing the time between customers. I was grateful and spent the winter with a warm neck.

She gave me few massages over the course of my stay but still no sex, kissing, nothing. Everything was above board and lots of fun.

After x-mas, she started emailing me more often. Then she figured out how to send SMS to me in America and started to text me every day! It was great and was the only thing kept me smiling through a very depressing and lonely winter in KC. Again I was grateful. I found the TV SMS site and started texting her back.

For Songkran, I sent her a little bit of money so she and her family, who she lives with in Phuket, could have a nice new year. It was a token of my gratitude for her staying in touch through the winter months (believe me it was a rough one this year). Then, not surprisingly, the SMS really started to pick up. Now she calls me PeeChai Na Raak. Tells me she smiles every day for me only. Tells me to take good care of my health and not work too hard.

We talk on the phone a little bit every so often. Two times she has called me and had me talk to her mom. She sends me SMS 2 or 3 times a day, emails regularly, and every once in while, sends me some pictures.

All in all, its pretty cool.

But my question is, what the hel_l is going on here? When I go back to Thailand, do I have a girlfriend waiting for me? Is there some underlying romantic meaning when a Thai girl starts calling you ‘brother’, idon’t know if she is using it in a literal sense or as a slang term. I am clueless and I don’t want to read all these signals the wrong way.

I guess there is the obvious idea of asking her….

Maybe she sends SMS and makes scarfs for 6 other customers....Pam could be a marketing genius...

Advice? Experience? Insight?

Edited June 3, 2006 by kc_phil

[techie]

Its no real surprise the text messaging picked up after you sent some money..

But my question is, what the hel_l is going on here? When I go back to Thailand, do I have a girlfriend waiting for me?

If you dont know if you are entering a relationship then how will anyone else?

Edited June 3, 2006 by techie

[toptuan]

Methinks you gotta girl-friend waiting when you come back. The ramping-up of relationship is a steady one--albeit at a pretty nice pace. Pat yourself on the back for not buying a diamond ring after the first massage.

"Brother" is the Thai's sweet way of telling you that you're more than just a "friend," but not yet a lover. Possibly the nicest word describing this relationship would be "fondness."

The progression is...

• Farang (any ol' white-skinned foreigner)
  
• Pheuan (friend)
  
• Pee Chai (brother--blood relative or brother-like)
  
• Pee Chai Rak Na (a brother I love in a family-sorta way; it gets muddy, here)
  
• Ti Rak (sweek little lover; OK, the signals are getting pretty strong)
  
• Faahn (my one and only, to the exclusion of all others)
  
• Mahn (engaged)
  
• Saa-mee ("husband'; hooked--line and sinker)
  

She really does sound like a sweet one, and is clever enough not to push too fast to frighten you off. Can't guarantee she's not knitting more gifts for other "Pee Chai Rak na's", but you still couldn't blame her for having to do some amount of fishing before catching the right one. And there's a lot of fish in Patong--it would be easy. If you had met her in, say, Mukdahan (the boonies) a little less caution would be in order--you could be pretty sure you were one of the few fish available in her pond.

When you get beyond the "Rak Na" stage, it's time to start investigating the exclusivity of her relationships (good luck).

I consulted a Thai for background information before I wrote this. Hope it helps. Do you think I should start writing a "Dear Abbey" advice column for lovelorn farangs? OK, I'll keep my day job as backup.

Edited June 3, 2006 by toptuan

[leftcross]

she's a massage girl playing the odds - don't lose sight of that before you lose your senses

[toptuan]

Granted: "A massage girl from Patong" vs. "a bank clerk from Mukdahan" does have a different ring to it. Proceed accordingly.

[geoffphuket]

Read it, seen it, and lived with it a 1000 times over the past eight years I've lived here. No amount of advice will change the mind of man whose fallen in love with a massage girl....Good luck

[monochaser]

80% of board members have found love with a girl like yours and most are delighted. Keep up the good work

[jackr]

Run

[jackr]

Run

...but make sure you give her a good seeing to first

[redrus]

80% of board members have found love with a girl like yours and most are delighted. Keep up the good work

A positive post MC.........

Follow yer heart man, it might let you down fut buck it. Keep smilin.

redrus

[lordofdelusion]

80% of board members have found love with a girl like yours and most are delighted. Keep up the good work

A positive post MC.........

Follow yer heart man, it might let you down fut buck it. Keep smilin.

redrus

I didn't notice you mention your age. If you're 52 take a pass on romance. Friends are very valuable however. Thai women tend to mature later than in the west IMHO. 22 is pretty young. Maybe she is moving slowly due to lack of experience in this area. But otherwise, I'm with these guys, enjoy! You will regret what you didn't do more than what you did do when you are old and gray.

[kc_phil]

I am a the ripe old age of 32....

Planning to head back to Thailand in August for a visit of unknown duration.

[lordofdelusion]

I am a the ripe old age of 32....

Planning to head back to Thailand in August for a visit of unknown duration.

Well then, sounds like you have a girlfriend I'll be back in Patong in July myself after dealing with business issues here in New Mexico. I met my GF on my 3rd long stay in Thailand in the pleasant area of Patong. A civilian, her university degree was in microbiology. Our first date didn't include sex. Thai women who are not bar girls do not want to be thought of as bar girls. Our relationship grew and we became very close. Met the family, stayed together, etc; but it didn't happen overnight. We talk daily while I'm over here and I enjoy her company. There are many on this board who assume all Thai women are bad news. There are many who are in long term relationships with Thai women. Very similar opinions about American women in the states too, eh?

[LaoPo]

I am a the ripe old age of 32....

Planning to head back to Thailand in August for a visit of unknown duration.

I couldn't read between the lines if you are in love with her...are you?

If so...go for it.

LaoPo

[TRIPxCORE]

I am lost about something here KCPhil. Did you want to start getting romantic with her or did you want to remain only friends? You never said but you seem to be worried that she might be getting romantic with you.

[Totster]

Sounds like a really nice story... a true blossoming romance... best thing you can do in my opinion is ask her.. not us..!

totster

[kayo]

K.iss her and then run.

[kc_phil]

I am lost about something here KCPhil. Did you want to start getting romantic with her or did you want to remain only friends?

I honestly don’t know. It hasn’t really seemed like a relevant question until recently. I can’t really imagine myself living in Phuket unless I have some type of online job that allows me the freedom to live wherever I please.

You never said but you seem to be worried that she might be getting romantic with you.

Though I am thrilled with her friendship and am open to experimenting with more, I am still worried that she might be getting romantic because relationships scare the hel_l out of me!!!

[kc_phil]

I couldn't read between the lines if you are in love with her...are you?

If so...go for it.

LaoPo

My interaction with her has been initially as masseuse/client and now it is moving into a murky area that i don't really understand. I don't know her very deeply so how would i know if its 'love'?

Hence my query to the populace to see if anyone has been in this nebulous situation as well. I am not exactly a master of obvious when it comes to females....

[britmaveric]

If you don't want anything serious I think its best if you set her straight - else she very well might be heading down the path you think.

[Nam Kao]

Give her my litmus test, tell her:

1) ###### i lost all my $$$$ (make up some sob story)

2) I am kicked out of America, that darn Bush kicked me out, can never go back (or take you back)

3) I need you take care of me, can i stay with you etc til i find work

4) It might be a longtime til i find work, i might make 20,000 bt a month if i am lucky

Basically thats what i did, this story sent the gold diggers and greencard dreamers heading

to the hills. I stongly sugest you do this, especially since its a massuese from Phuket.

One girl said "No problem", married now 9 years since then, her family tested me though and i told

them to get F###ed, thats about it. Oh and i get a lot of jealous/angry looks from lady farangs.

[lordofdelusion]

Give her my litmus test, tell her:

1) ###### i lost all my $$$$ (make up some sob story)

2) I am kicked out of America, that darn Bush kicked me out, can never go back (or take you back)

3) I need you take care of me, can i stay with you etc til i find work

4) It might be a longtime til i find work, i might make 20,000 bt a month if i am lucky

Basically thats what i did, this story sent the gold diggers and greencard dreamers heading

to the hills. I stongly sugest you do this, especially since its a massuese from Phuket.

One girl said "No problem", married now 9 years since then, her family tested me though and i told

them to get F###ed, thats about it. Oh and i get a lot of jealous/angry looks from lady farangs.

If you told any 20 something girl in the states the same stories, she would beat the Thai girl into the hills.

What?, no coach bag? no sports car? no future alimony? Later loser!!

[slackula]

Though I am thrilled with her friendship and am open to experimenting with more, I am still worried that she might be getting romantic because relationships scare the hel_l out of me!!!

Then play it straight. Level with the girl, it's what she deserves.

If she is knitting hats for a few people then she can move on and let your friendship cool, if not then she knows where she stands and you can both see if the friendship develops into something more.

Either way, the only fair thing to do is tell her how you feel but do it gently and leave the door open just in case.

[monochaser]

She might be one of those legit massage girls who doesn't do the sex thing w/customers. sounds that way to me

[barryofthailand]

I live in Thailand. Thai girls take courting and dating very slowly. If she did not truly like you, you would not hear from her again. If you truly like her and want to get to know her much better then tell her so. When you come to Thailand this time meet her family. Bring some pictures of your family. Thais are very family oriantated. If your friendship blosums into a romantic relationship, and the both of you are thinking of marriage, you don't have to move to thailand. You can apply for a fiance visa and bring her to America. You would then have to marry in America 90 days after she enters the country. The both of you can take trips back to Thailand to visit her family.

Barry

[Donz]

80% of board members have found love with a girl like yours and most are delighted. Keep up the good work

pin this thread, frame this post, monochaser has said something positive, now lets see you keep it up.

[jackr]

80% of board members have found love with a girl like yours and most are delighted. Keep up the good work

pin this thread, frame this post, monochaser has said something positive, now lets see you keep it up.

I think the ole tongue was firmly in cheek at the time, Donz

[leftcross]

I live in Thailand. Thai girls take courting and dating very slowly. If she did not truly like you, you would not hear from her again. If you truly like her and want to get to know her much better then tell her so. When you come to Thailand this time meet her family. Bring some pictures of your family. Thais are very family oriantated. If your friendship blosums into a romantic relationship, and the both of you are thinking of marriage, you don't have to move to thailand. You can apply for a fiance visa and bring her to America. You would then have to marry in America 90 days after she enters the country. The both of you can take trips back to Thailand to visit her family.

Barry

what terrible advice. don't go anywhere near her family. if you go to see a thai girl's family then they will EXPECT you to be getting married. you don't just pop around for tea and biscuits in thailand.

keep the relationship just to you and the girl and then if anything goes wrong her family won't know and she won't lose face and be viewed as 'used goods' by everyone else.

[alexth]

80% of board members have found love with a girl like yours and most are delighted. Keep up the good work

pin this thread, frame this post, monochaser has said something positive, now lets see you keep it up.

I don't know why I think he was just being sarcastic...

[OlRedEyes]

You are being reeled in

Are you gonna fight it, or go quietly....