Two Thai Boys Coming To Oz With Their Mother

[xerostar]

My wife is waiting for her Immigration Visa to come to Oz. I don't speak much Thai as yet.

She will be bringing her two boys.

She was given full custody of the boys since the father has not been around for a few years, apart from quick visits once a year. He has never contributed any money.

The younger boy is 7 years old and is happy just to be with his mum and he loves his new papa.

So I don't see a problem there.

The elder boy aged 13 has had a lot of freedom living with his grandma and several other younger children - all cousins. My wife has been working in Bangkok for a few years to support the family.

So the elder son does what he pleases. He has a motorcyle and drives it everywhere including doing errands for grandma. He appears to be very jealous of me. He tries to make fun of me and do little annoying things to irritate me. He is very mature for his age and very confident.

On the other hand I think he is terribly disappointed that his real father rarely shows up.

Recently my wife said he was refusing to go to school. He has just started junior high.

When I found out, I insisted that she make him go.

I told her to warn him that in Oz he won't be able to please himself.

Of course I want to try and be a good substitute father, but others have warned me that he may become uncontrollable when he gets here.

My wife and I want to keep the family together. The children will have a great oportunity to learn English and if they eventualy return to Thailand will have a chance of a good job and future.

Any helpful advice appreciated ..

[leisurely]

Bloody hel_l. Don't envy you at all . No advice regarding boys, I have girls and they are a whole different world . The eldest boy will more than likely feel restricted, having been allowed to ride a bike etc. Is there a Thai social club he could go to to speak to his peers in Perth? How will he attend school in the English language or is he going to a special school?

I am sure that these are all issues you have addressed already though.

Once again. Good luck!

[Pink Mist]

Tough one mate, I have a 15.9995 year old son from the previous marriage living with us.

It was difficult at first mainly because we didn't know each other that well, he respected me, and called me dad, but was a bit strange.

We worked on the situation, my wife was the instigator into the schooling issues and that is still a slight problem, purely because of the different curriculums between countries

I have seen kids go good here and a few aint so good but you never know unless you give it a go

good luck

by the way my son is doing work experience with me tomorrow, his first choice, not because I can do it for him but he is really interested in my industry

[samran]

I really can't stress it enough, make sure that the older one gets all the professional support you can give him in learning English. Maybe even a private tutor will be useful, and make sure he is getting the right amount of ESL classes when at school.

On top of everything else already on his plate, he is going to be struggling with English, just the thing that a teenage boy needs. Make sure as much as possible, it is one less stress for him

[Mighty Mouse]

It will be difficult for any 13 year old to say goodbye to his Thai mates and his Thai lifestyle and to start again in an unknown country, particularly if he can't speak the language of that country.

He will however, get more opportunities in Australia than he could ever hope to get in Thailand and you need to start selling this aspect to him. Show him books about Australia, take him to the internet cafe and log onto Australian sites etc.

Tell him about the hundreds of thousands of other Thais who are living and thriving in Australia, who have started up their own businesses and who are always looking for employees.

Perhaps you could bring him out to Australia first on a tourist visa for a short, exploratory trip and let him see first hand what is on offer. He is sure to be impressed, and if it is just you who brings him out here it may assist both of you to establish a much stronger bond.

I know a few Thai families now living in Australia who had certain children not wanting to move out of Thailand and who now don't want to go back to Thailand other than for a holiday. They have integrated into the Aussie way of life, have joined Thai cultural groups in Sydney, performing traditional Thai dancing at various events and have made numerous Aussie friends. They can now speak reasonable English too.

I'm sure you will find that any rebellious attitude he may now have will quickly disappear once he arrives in Australia, provided of course you closely monitor the crowd he mixes with.

Good luck.

[xerostar]

Thank you all very much for that valuable and encouraging advice!

[Chang_paarp]

Apart from making sure they have enough English to go out and meet others as sugested above, think about some of these ideas. Thay are not answers alone but can be used as part of a package to help the whole family intergrate into Australia

Are you a member of the Australian - Thai Association? They can help create a network of support. PM me if you need some details. ($12/ year for families)

Another thing to consider is the Thai Buddhist temple at Nollamarra. Again a good place for Thai input to help ease the culture shock of moving. www.bswa.org for details of when things happen.

The older boy will be a handfull, and you will have to sort out the rules with your wife very quickly. You will need to become the alpha male, and be prepared to keep the kid on a short leash untill he understands his life has changed. He will have to go back to a push bike in Perth, if you know anyone with some land he could ride a motor bike there, but make sure he knows how lucky he to be able to do this.

Get phone cards or VOIP so they can call home and not send you broke. Encourage them to keep in contact with friends and family.

Find time to do some things with both boys together and seperately.

Remember your house your rules.

Find the local junior soccer club, or one with some Thais in the junior ranks.

If these ideas don't work don't give up, try something (anything) different.

Remember to show love, patience and understanding. (Learn to count backwards from 100 in Thai) Done right the benifits will be a joy to behold.

You are a brave man to take on a new family. I wish you well.