Living With The Family--HELP!--Get Me OUT OF HERE!

[Razer64]

I can’t believe there is almost a whole year to wait for our house to be built so the wife and I can move off this property and get away from her precious family. I’m just flabbergasted and at my wit’s end. This is getting really sad.

My patience is wearing quite thin. My wife and I just had our thirteenth wedding anniversary the other day. Not one member of her family even stopped for a second to say congratulations. In fact, my wife and I got into an argument the morning of the anniversary. I packed a bag and took off from the property. I was hell-bent on never returning. As I left, her sister sat there, drinking tea, smiling at me.

My wife ran around looking for me. She found me. It took her two days to talk me into coming back here. But here I am again. I still don’t think it’s a good idea.

Her brother hates me, too. But, that’s OK. He don’t live here. He only comes on the weekends, if he comes around at all. Sister hates him, too. The only real reason he comes here is to get away from the city on the weekend, to have a place for his boy to run free and have some good, clean fun. It’s a good thing Sister loves his boy, or likely he wouldn’t be allowed on the property.

Sister wanted to kick me out of here for good not long ago, but my wife threatened her and told her, “Leave my husband alone!” Sister doesn’t want us to be married. Sister is the elder in the family and believes that it is my wife’s job to be at her beck-and-call and to take care of her and the rest of her family until her dying day. Sister is married. Sister hates her own husband, too. I think he hates her as well. They eat and sleep separately. When he sees her coming, he runs somewhere to hide. He can’t even stand to look at her.

Sister had her cabin built with no windows on purpose. Her hut literally has no windows, save for a small window on the front door, which is covered with two heavy curtains. Not a speck of light gets in or out. No, I’m not kidding.

My wife tells me that her primary concerns in life are as follows, in this particular order: her son first, her family second, our business third, and I am last in line. And that’s that. It’s not negotiable.

I don’t hate them. I am indifferent to them. I once loved them. And they once loved me, too, maybe. But when I stopped the money flowing into their coffers a couple of years ago, and when I moved here a few months ago, everything changed all of a sudden. I wonder why. Lol.

Sister and I don’t even speak to each other. We don’t even look at each other. I mean, we don’t even fake that we like each other for social reasons. I won’t even be in the same room with her. I refuse. I thought this was just so much talk coming out of my mouth until last night. I thought it was just a hardened heart and/or a chip on my shoulder trying to squeak its way out. I was wrong. I really am indifferent anymore. I just don’t care about these people anymore. My feelings surprised me. I didn’t think something like this could ever happen.

I had gotten myself cleaned up after a fine walk on last night’s very beautiful evening, and headed up to our cafe to get some grub. I was very hungry.

When I got there, in the best of spirits, I walked right into the entire family sitting in the dining room having their supper. I didn’t expect to see anything like that. They didn’t expect to see me either. Everyone looked at everyone and everyone looked at me. They were scared and feeling awkward. No one knew what to do.

In what should have been an awkward moment for me wasn’t awkward at all. I wasn’t scared, unnerved, or rattled one bit, in any way, shape, or form. I didn’t bat an eye. I knew exactly what to do.

I would never have approached the dining room in the first place, had I known they were all sitting there. And especially with my wife’s brother and sister sitting at the table, knowing full well they hate my guts with a passion.

Their feelings toward me leaves me indifferent to them. I don’t waste my time with hatred or brooding over whether someone likes me or not. I could care less one way or the other whether they suddenly strike it rich in mental or physical health and/or monetary riches, or take a long walk off a short dock. I just don’t care. I have no wish to go or to be where I am not wanted.

I walked past them in the dining room window. It was too late to turn back anyway. The damage caused by my presence was done already. I calmly walked into the kitchen, took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, and started away from there the way I’d came.

I suppose they all thought I was going to open the door and step into the room and say hello and sit down and join them. But upon ignoring them completely and walking past them like they weren’t even there, my wife got up and whipped open the door of the dining room behind me. She asked, trying to smile, trying to sound cheerful, "Where are you going?!” As if she needed to ask in the first place.

“I’m going back to my cabin for a bit. You go back and enjoy your dinner with your family.”

She shouted, “Don’t you want your dinner?!”

“Sure I do! I’ll be back in a little while. I won’t take long.”

She shouted again, “Come on!” At that, Sister’s husband, even being the drunk that he is, realized what was happening. He was near the door of the dining room smoking a cigarette and guzzling more whiskey, per usual. He didn’t like it. He grunted, surprised. He wanted to say something, but he stopped himself and moved on. He really hates the way Sister treats other people, but he isn’t man enough to say or do anything about it. She has him whipped, like a puppy.

My wife let me go without further ado. She knew if she tried to stop me or to say anything else, she would probably cause a scene for herself.

I went to the other kitchen and took a couple of really nice apples out of the refrigerator to start my dinner. I took them back to my cabin and ate them with some room temp Chinese Tea. I figured I’d give it a half-hour or so and they’d all be finished up and moved on.

My wife surprised me with a visit at my cabin just after I walked away (I had to build a cabin of my own. Sister doesn’t like my wife and I sleeping together while we are on the property and in her presence). She suggested that I come and eat, and sit at a separate table. I just looked at her. She knew better than to try me. The only reason she came in was to get a reading on me anyway. She got her reading, and, feeling satisfied that I was not upset, left me alone again. I smiled and assured her I would be back in about twenty-five minutes. Which I was.

I ate my dinner with my wife. She had eaten already, but she had a little salad with me and kept me company. I apologized to her for showing up while her family was occupying the dining room and for making everyone feel awkward. I explained that had I known they were sitting there already, I would not have shown my face to them. It was an accident. She made no comment, no reply. I let it go at that. Again, I am indifferent. It makes no difference to me if her family likes me or not or wants me around here or not. I don’t want to be here as much or more than they don’t want me here. I just don’t care. I will never sit at a table or attend a function with them ever again. Nor will any of them will ever be invited to anything of mine.

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built. But the house won’t be ready for almost another year. But the problem with this is my wife. She will “lose face” if I live somewhere else away from her. The thought of having to explain my absence to her workers and our friends is absolutely terrifying to her. Everyone would laugh on her. She can’t handle that. She refuses to even discuss it. She has everyone in her little world thinking that I just can’t live without her. Lol.

Another thought is to return to the United States while the house is being finished. Make up some bull story about how I have to return there for some darned thing or another and just get out of here as quickly as possible. But that means I’ll be gone for a whole year. What’s the point of being married to this woman and living apart -- even when we’re on the same piece of property! -- let alone in another country?! This whole thing has gotten to be so stupid. Amazingly stupid.


We’ve talked divorce, too. I think that’s the best choice for us. I think we need to end this sickening nightmare before someone really gets hurt and/or more time in my life is wasted. This is no way to live.

[stoneyboy]

You should be an author,I'd buy your books.

[uptheos]

"I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built".

Find one about 1,000 miles away and stop any further building funds!

[HeavyDrinker]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

[BritManToo]

Move somewhere else now. Life is too short to waste in a place that generates feelings you express in your op.

[uptheos]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

Who needs heavy baggage?

[transam]

I have said it many times here before, living near the extended family is crazy, because they will always come before you, every day, especially with their problems.

PS. OP, your position l have witnessed many times before, even though some farangs have said it's great. Mrs.Trans tells me otherwise ,farang face.

[Razer64]

You should be an author,I'd buy your books.

Thank you, for the fine compliment. All things begin and end with stories.

[Razer64]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

That will never happen. Wife will never leave Sister. That is out of the question. Besides, I'm just not built that way. People will do what they will do. There is no point in forcing anyone. All that will ever do is backfire on the one doing the force. Never fails.

You do make a great point however. Every now and again, I get sick and tired of it and pack a bag and walk on out of here. Wife always comes looking for me. I think that is sub-conscious on my part. I want to see if she really cares enough to want to come find out where the bloody hell I'm at and try and work things out. She always does. Then, she always sweet talks me back into this hell.

But one of these days, and it won't be long, I am going to pack my bags and head out where she simply will not be able to locate me. I can so not be found if I want to. But the other problem with leaving is the money. Most of what we have is tied up in the new house and other things. If I leave, I can kiss all of that goodbye and say hello to starting over.

Thanks for raising your point. It made me think.

[GunterChiangMai]

I just read all this. Would it be ok I charge you 20 bucks?

I can’t believe there is almost a whole year to wait for our house to be built so the wife and I can move off this property and get away from her precious family. I’m just flabbergasted and at my wit’s end. This is getting really sad.

My patience is wearing quite thin. My wife and I just had our thirteenth wedding anniversary the other day. Not one member of her family even stopped for a second to say congratulations. In fact, my wife and I got into an argument the morning of the anniversary. I packed a bag and took off from the property. I was hell-bent on never returning. As I left, her sister sat there, drinking tea, smiling at me.

My wife ran around looking for me. She found me. It took her two days to talk me into coming back here. But here I am again. I still don’t think it’s a good idea.

Her brother hates me, too. But, that’s OK. He don’t live here. He only comes on the weekends, if he comes around at all. Sister hates him, too. The only real reason he comes here is to get away from the city on the weekend, to have a place for his boy to run free and have some good, clean fun. It’s a good thing Sister loves his boy, or likely he wouldn’t be allowed on the property.

Sister wanted to kick me out of here for good not long ago, but my wife threatened her and told her, “Leave my husband alone!” Sister doesn’t want us to be married. Sister is the elder in the family and believes that it is my wife’s job to be at her beck-and-call and to take care of her and the rest of her family until her dying day. Sister is married. Sister hates her own husband, too. I think he hates her as well. They eat and sleep separately. When he sees her coming, he runs somewhere to hide. He can’t even stand to look at her.

Sister had her cabin built with no windows on purpose. Her hut literally has no windows, save for a small window on the front door, which is covered with two heavy curtains. Not a speck of light gets in or out. No, I’m not kidding.

My wife tells me that her primary concerns in life are as follows, in this particular order: her son first, her family second, our business third, and I am last in line. And that’s that. It’s not negotiable.

I don’t hate them. I am indifferent to them. I once loved them. And they once loved me, too, maybe. But when I stopped the money flowing into their coffers a couple of years ago, and when I moved here a few months ago, everything changed all of a sudden. I wonder why. Lol.

Sister and I don’t even speak to each other. We don’t even look at each other. I mean, we don’t even fake that we like each other for social reasons. I won’t even be in the same room with her. I refuse. I thought this was just so much talk coming out of my mouth until last night. I thought it was just a hardened heart and/or a chip on my shoulder trying to squeak its way out. I was wrong. I really am indifferent anymore. I just don’t care about these people anymore. My feelings surprised me. I didn’t think something like this could ever happen.

I had gotten myself cleaned up after a fine walk on last night’s very beautiful evening, and headed up to our cafe to get some grub. I was very hungry.

When I got there, in the best of spirits, I walked right into the entire family sitting in the dining room having their supper. I didn’t expect to see anything like that. They didn’t expect to see me either. Everyone looked at everyone and everyone looked at me. They were scared and feeling awkward. No one knew what to do.

In what should have been an awkward moment for me wasn’t awkward at all. I wasn’t scared, unnerved, or rattled one bit, in any way, shape, or form. I didn’t bat an eye. I knew exactly what to do.

I would never have approached the dining room in the first place, had I known they were all sitting there. And especially with my wife’s brother and sister sitting at the table, knowing full well they hate my guts with a passion.

Their feelings toward me leaves me indifferent to them. I don’t waste my time with hatred or brooding over whether someone likes me or not. I could care less one way or the other whether they suddenly strike it rich in mental or physical health and/or monetary riches, or take a long walk off a short dock. I just don’t care. I have no wish to go or to be where I am not wanted.

I walked past them in the dining room window. It was too late to turn back anyway. The damage caused by my presence was done already. I calmly walked into the kitchen, took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator, and started away from there the way I’d came.

I suppose they all thought I was going to open the door and step into the room and say hello and sit down and join them. But upon ignoring them completely and walking past them like they weren’t even there, my wife got up and whipped open the door of the dining room behind me. She asked, trying to smile, trying to sound cheerful, "Where are you going?!” As if she needed to ask in the first place.

“I’m going back to my cabin for a bit. You go back and enjoy your dinner with your family.”

She shouted, “Don’t you want your dinner?!”

“Sure I do! I’ll be back in a little while. I won’t take long.”

She shouted again, “Come on!” At that, Sister’s husband, even being the drunk that he is, realized what was happening. He was near the door of the dining room smoking a cigarette and guzzling more whiskey, per usual. He didn’t like it. He grunted, surprised. He wanted to say something, but he stopped himself and moved on. He really hates the way Sister treats other people, but he isn’t man enough to say or do anything about it. She has him whipped, like a puppy.

My wife let me go without further ado. She knew if she tried to stop me or to say anything else, she would probably cause a scene for herself.

I went to the other kitchen and took a couple of really nice apples out of the refrigerator to start my dinner. I took them back to my cabin and ate them with some room temp Chinese Tea. I figured I’d give it a half-hour or so and they’d all be finished up and moved on.

My wife surprised me with a visit at my cabin just after I walked away (I had to build a cabin of my own. Sister doesn’t like my wife and I sleeping together while we are on the property and in her presence). She suggested that I come and eat, and sit at a separate table. I just looked at her. She knew better than to try me. The only reason she came in was to get a reading on me anyway. She got her reading, and, feeling satisfied that I was not upset, left me alone again. I smiled and assured her I would be back in about twenty-five minutes. Which I was.

I ate my dinner with my wife. She had eaten already, but she had a little salad with me and kept me company. I apologized to her for showing up while her family was occupying the dining room and for making everyone feel awkward. I explained that had I known they were sitting there already, I would not have shown my face to them. It was an accident. She made no comment, no reply. I let it go at that. Again, I am indifferent. It makes no difference to me if her family likes me or not or wants me around here or not. I don’t want to be here as much or more than they don’t want me here. I just don’t care. I will never sit at a table or attend a function with them ever again. Nor will any of them will ever be invited to anything of mine.

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built. But the house won’t be ready for almost another year. But the problem with this is my wife. She will “lose face” if I live somewhere else away from her. The thought of having to explain my absence to her workers and our friends is absolutely terrifying to her. Everyone would laugh on her. She can’t handle that. She refuses to even discuss it. She has everyone in her little world thinking that I just can’t live without her. Lol.

Another thought is to return to the United States while the house is being finished. Make up some bull story about how I have to return there for some darned thing or another and just get out of here as quickly as possible. But that means I’ll be gone for a whole year. What’s the point of being married to this woman and living apart -- even when we’re on the same piece of property! -- let alone in another country?! This whole thing has gotten to be so stupid. Amazingly stupid.


We’ve talked divorce, too. I think that’s the best choice for us. I think we need to end this sickening nightmare before someone really gets hurt and/or more time in my life is wasted. This is no way to live.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Bluetongue]

Don't know whether you are going to get much sensible advice, most of it will be along the lines of man up etc and even Transam for instance who knows what the extended family situation is like isn't giving any advice, only a variation of I told you so. I live with an extended family and yes there are dominant family members. I wasn't used to ordering people around, but now after some years do it quite naturally. I beg to differ with Transam I don't think I would lose face if I admitted living nearby the family was hell I think I have fitted in quite well, but then again where I came from I didn't ever think I fitted in very well, I didn't like it. Life here isn't perfect but when what the family does things that don't affect me it becomes so much white noise to me now. If something is really annoying I just tell em. Mostly they are just pretty dumb.

Anyway you've been married for 13 years, presumably your wife wasn't with sister that entire time, you need to evaluate your relationship with her, it sounds to me like you don't really want to leave her regardless of the financial costs. If this is so then work something out with her. By the way more than a year sounds like a long time for a house to be built perhaps someone is snowing you there.

[Razer64]

I need to find a different place to live while our house is being built

Sorry to sound crass but I fail to see what is stopping you? I'm afraid I couldn't read through all that. Far too early, and I've not had my tea yet.

I think you need to "man up" and get tough with your wife, be Tarzan, pick her up, tuck her under your arm, carry her out of the house, bung her in a cab to the nearest train/bus station and get out of there....You can rent a pleasant place for 20K THB almost anywhere.

When her sister visits you at your new home, be sure to treat her as she did you.

Who needs heavy baggage?

Another good point. Who needs any of this BS?!!!!!!!!

I just read my own post again, and I've discovered I am right up to my eyeballs with this crap.

When I woke up this morning, I got into the truck and started out for the university to see a friend. She came running outside and wanted to know where I was going (of course). I told her. She said she wanted to come with me. I said, 'fine'.

Then of course wandered off to her room, taking her own sweet time, to primp and preen and get ready to make yet another show of herself in front of everyone. I slammed on the parking brake and left the truck running. I barged into her room and said, "I'm leaving right now. Get in the truck and let's go -- or you can forget about coming with me. I'm not standing here all day waiting for you to make yourself up. We're going to taste pumpkins in a shed, for chrissakes, woman! What in the <deleted> do you need to put on makeup for?!!!!!!! Let's <deleted> goooooooooooo!!!!!!! Nooooooowwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!! Put on your white blouse, your denim shorts, slap the new ball cap I bought you on your head and let's <deleted> goooooooooooo!!!!!!! Nooooooowwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!"

I walked out of doors with her following quickly behind me, startled, shaken. She barely said a word the whole time we traveled.

She felt out of place at the pumpkin tasting. She was dressed just like everyone else, for a change. No flashy clothes and big, sparkling rings on her fingers. No makeup. That made her "lose face"; but only in her own mirror. No one cared how she was dressed. There was nothing wrong with the way she was dressed. She looked just fine and cute as ever. Little Miss Vanity had a fine time, in spite of her godddamned <deleted> self, which has a great big, empty black hole running right through the middle of it that no amount of money, clothing, makeup, property, love and/or attention can ever fill.

Spoiled <deleted> brat.

Which brings up another very good point... I'm too damned nice. Let her walk all over me and get away with murder.

Enough of that crap.

[Razer64]

Don't know whether you are going to get much sensible advice, most of it will be along the lines of man up etc and even Transam for instance who knows what the extended family situation is like isn't giving any advice, only a variation of I told you so. I live with an extended family and yes there are dominant family members. I wasn't used to ordering people around, but now after some years do it quite naturally. I beg to differ with Transam I don't think I would lose face if I admitted living nearby the family was hell I think I have fitted in quite well, but then again where I came from I didn't ever think I fitted in very well, I didn't like it. Life here isn't perfect but when what the family does things that don't affect me it becomes so much white noise to me now. If something is really annoying I just tell em. Mostly they are just pretty dumb.

Anyway you've been married for 13 years, presumably your wife wasn't with sister that entire time, you need to evaluate your relationship with her, it sounds to me like you don't really want to leave her regardless of the financial costs. If this is so then work something out with her. By the way more than a year sounds like a long time for a house to be built perhaps someone is snowing you there.

Right. I don't really want to leave her. She's cute.

No snow job on the house. It's a huge gated community project and they've just started. The way they're building it is retarded, in my opinion. But, I'm not doing the building, so I don't really give a rip.

We had another smaller home we had just finished building. It was a splendid little house, in another little gated community, which we didn't even get to move into. She sold it and put the money down on the bigger, flashier house with the swimming pool and all the trimmings.

We have another five acres down the road from where we live now. I was going to build a little house on that property and live there instead of here. It would have been perfect. Within walking distance of the business, and far enough away from the family. But, wouldn't ya know it? Yep, that's right, Sister owed a big debt to one of her long-time associates and ordered the land be handed over to him to build his rice farm and his little hut for living while he's working there. He doesn't even live in the hut. But he nor Sister will allow anyone near it. It's all locked up tight for his exclusive, personal use -- on my wife's <deleted> property!

What a <deleted> nightmare!!!!!!!!

[transam]

Don't know whether you are going to get much sensible advice, most of it will be along the lines of man up etc and even Transam for instance who knows what the extended family situation is like isn't giving any advice, only a variation of I told you so. I live with an extended family and yes there are dominant family members. I wasn't used to ordering people around, but now after some years do it quite naturally. I beg to differ with Transam I don't think I would lose face if I admitted living nearby the family was hell I think I have fitted in quite well, but then again where I came from I didn't ever think I fitted in very well, I didn't like it. Life here isn't perfect but when what the family does things that don't affect me it becomes so much white noise to me now. If something is really annoying I just tell em. Mostly they are just pretty dumb.

Anyway you've been married for 13 years, presumably your wife wasn't with sister that entire time, you need to evaluate your relationship with her, it sounds to me like you don't really want to leave her regardless of the financial costs. If this is so then work something out with her. By the way more than a year sounds like a long time for a house to be built perhaps someone is snowing you there.

Right. I don't really want to leave her. She's cute.

No snow job on the house. It's a huge gated community project and they've just started. The way they're building it is retarded, in my opinion. But, I'm not doing the building, so I don't really give a rip.

We had another smaller home we had just finished building. It was a splendid little house, in another little gated community, which we didn't even get to move into. She sold it and put the money down on the bigger, flashier house with the swimming pool and all the trimmings.

We have another five acres down the road from where we live now. I was going to build a little house on that property and live there instead of here. It would have been perfect. Within walking distance of the business, and far enough away from the family. But, wouldn't ya know it? Yep, that's right, Sister owed a big debt to one of her long-time associates and ordered the land be handed over to him to build his rice farm and his little hut for living while he's working there. He doesn't even live in the hut. But he nor Sister will allow anyone near it. It's all locked up tight for his exclusive, personal use -- on my wife's <deleted> property!

What a <deleted> nightmare!!!!!!!!

I dare not reply to this....................

[Razer64]

Don't know whether you are going to get much sensible advice, most of it will be along the lines of man up etc and even Transam for instance who knows what the extended family situation is like isn't giving any advice, only a variation of I told you so. I live with an extended family and yes there are dominant family members. I wasn't used to ordering people around, but now after some years do it quite naturally. I beg to differ with Transam I don't think I would lose face if I admitted living nearby the family was hell I think I have fitted in quite well, but then again where I came from I didn't ever think I fitted in very well, I didn't like it. Life here isn't perfect but when what the family does things that don't affect me it becomes so much white noise to me now. If something is really annoying I just tell em. Mostly they are just pretty dumb.

Anyway you've been married for 13 years, presumably your wife wasn't with sister that entire time, you need to evaluate your relationship with her, it sounds to me like you don't really want to leave her regardless of the financial costs. If this is so then work something out with her. By the way more than a year sounds like a long time for a house to be built perhaps someone is snowing you there.

Right. I don't really want to leave her. She's cute.

No snow job on the house. It's a huge gated community project and they've just started. The way they're building it is retarded, in my opinion. But, I'm not doing the building, so I don't really give a rip.

We had another smaller home we had just finished building. It was a splendid little house, in another little gated community, which we didn't even get to move into. She sold it and put the money down on the bigger, flashier house with the swimming pool and all the trimmings.

We have another five acres down the road from where we live now. I was going to build a little house on that property and live there instead of here. It would have been perfect. Within walking distance of the business, and far enough away from the family. But, wouldn't ya know it? Yep, that's right, Sister owed a big debt to one of her long-time associates and ordered the land be handed over to him to build his rice farm and his little hut for living while he's working there. He doesn't even live in the hut. But he nor Sister will allow anyone near it. It's all locked up tight for his exclusive, personal use -- on my wife's <deleted> property!

What a <deleted> nightmare!!!!!!!!

I dare not reply to this....................

Oh, come on! Reply! I am really getting a lot figured out by going over all this and getting it all in one thread.

Some of other replies help. Some don't.

Every time I come back to this post, it makes me think of something else I'm being screwed over.

I'm making a list of all the pros and all the cons.

So far, the cons have it.

[transam]

Don't know whether you are going to get much sensible advice, most of it will be along the lines of man up etc and even Transam for instance who knows what the extended family situation is like isn't giving any advice, only a variation of I told you so. I live with an extended family and yes there are dominant family members. I wasn't used to ordering people around, but now after some years do it quite naturally. I beg to differ with Transam I don't think I would lose face if I admitted living nearby the family was hell I think I have fitted in quite well, but then again where I came from I didn't ever think I fitted in very well, I didn't like it. Life here isn't perfect but when what the family does things that don't affect me it becomes so much white noise to me now. If something is really annoying I just tell em. Mostly they are just pretty dumb.

Anyway you've been married for 13 years, presumably your wife wasn't with sister that entire time, you need to evaluate your relationship with her, it sounds to me like you don't really want to leave her regardless of the financial costs. If this is so then work something out with her. By the way more than a year sounds like a long time for a house to be built perhaps someone is snowing you there.

Right. I don't really want to leave her. She's cute.

No snow job on the house. It's a huge gated community project and they've just started. The way they're building it is retarded, in my opinion. But, I'm not doing the building, so I don't really give a rip.

We had another smaller home we had just finished building. It was a splendid little house, in another little gated community, which we didn't even get to move into. She sold it and put the money down on the bigger, flashier house with the swimming pool and all the trimmings.

We have another five acres down the road from where we live now. I was going to build a little house on that property and live there instead of here. It would have been perfect. Within walking distance of the business, and far enough away from the family. But, wouldn't ya know it? Yep, that's right, Sister owed a big debt to one of her long-time associates and ordered the land be handed over to him to build his rice farm and his little hut for living while he's working there. He doesn't even live in the hut. But he nor Sister will allow anyone near it. It's all locked up tight for his exclusive, personal use -- on my wife's <deleted> property!

What a <deleted> nightmare!!!!!!!!

I dare not reply to this....................

Oh, come on! Reply! I am really getting a lot figured out by going over all this and getting it all in one thread.

Some of other replies help. Some don't.

Every time I come back to this post, it makes me think of something else I'm being screwed over.

I'm making a list of all the pros and all the cons.

So far, the cons have it.

No, I think your lady has it....... ............................

[Razer64]

"No, I think your lady has it......"

Um... yeah... I think I've made that quite clear. You have a knack for the obvious.

Of course, she has it! I wouldn't be with a woman who didn't have it. I'm reminded on her Facebook and in person daily, while another guy comes hitting on her and she laughs in his face, for one example. Happens a lot. She's quite a handful.

But it's not like she's not willing to negotiate. It's not like we're low-life animals and can't work things out.

Furthermore, I have things of my own as well. Things that she won't be getting her hands on. Not ever. She knows better than to even ask. Sister does, too. I cut them all off at least three years back. And they're not happy about it. That's just too bad, aint it? My money's their money--but their money's not my money? Ummmmmm... no. That's not the way it works, Ladies. You're welcome to try your luck somewhere else, if you like.

Life is a negotiation. It's not over until the plane goes down and slams the surface of the South China Sea.

Bottom line. If she didn't care, and we didn't trust one another, I wouldn't even be here telling this story. All my goods would be long gone and I would be headed for the airport. The End.

Real differences can be resolved. More land can be bought and sold. More money can be made. I can go out for a massage and a girl, or I can order them sent to my hut. I can scream at my wife to screw off and die, and she can lose her spoiled-rotten, violent temper and slam the door so hard the window breaks. None of this stuff is a problem. Real differences can be resolved...

...But a sleight? An imaginary injury? It's these kinds of things that will never be forgiven. These are the kinds of things a guy has to watch out for.

Sister, for example, is off limits. Can't say anything bad about Sister. Can't say anything bad about the step-son. Though I would never want to. He really is a great kid. He does a lot of goofy stuff, but he does take care of business, just like his mom. That's admirable.

Anyway, I still haven't made up my mind what is to be done here.

Off to find some fun.

Thanks, to everyone who contributed!

[playbgnow]

For someone who probably is pickled, this was pretty interesting.

[Nemesis7]

I feel you mate. Bet its tough and more tougher to decide. One life to live, if there is no peace of mind, trust me nothing will make any sense. Thus- please chose what will give you peace and even little happiness.

[crazykopite]

Man I really feel sorry for you it sounds as if you are very frustrated with not just the wife and her family but life in general a house is a house made of mud , concrete or bamboo it is just a place to put your head down . Tell her you have had enough and of get a rental house until tours is built as for her priorities okay is it your son but to place you last says it all you are just an ATM machine and no doubt you are the same to her family. Hope you can sort this crazy life your living out before it drives you to do something silly take a deep breath In with anger out with Love.

[Minnehaha]

Are you fluent in Thai?

This significantly maximizes one's stature, ability to discern and navigate everything in Thailand including relationships.

For a guy who is happy with a couple apples and tepid tea, I think you should stay right where you are and continue to post on TF

If you are sincere and want a different life - do Landmark Education. Find it in BKK and do the forum. Ignore the bull crap and glean the benefits, if you are mature enough. And Then make the wife do it. Not together.

After that, you will know what to do with her, the family, your money, and the post you OP'd with.

[thhMan]

Seems like you gave yourself some good advice...

[HeavyDrinker]

That will never happen. Wife will never leave Sister.

Well you're being your own worst enemy.

Some blokes just won't be told. Thailand is rammed to the rafters with cute women; time to seriously consider trading this one in if she's driving you nuts to the level you need to write to War and Peace length in every post just to vent off steam...

Imagine yourself on your favourite beach, or in you place in Thailand, or in your favourite bar, far away from all this.

How would you feel there? You can be there...tomorrow, maybe in a few hours.....if you bite the bullet...

Take control of your life.

Once you lose it, you're heading for utter ruin and despair, especially here, if the family realise their little princess has you by the knackers....

[smotherb]

Does no one understand the major differences between collectivist and individualist societies? A little research would answer a lot of questions.

[onni4me]

I can't imagine why you would like to live like that? Masochist you are?

Yep, you may have cut down ATM but now they still have a new house to look for...what makes you think that you would be in possession of that if your wife is been walked over regarding her own land?

Run, Forest, run!

[Minnehaha]

Does no one understand the major differences between collectivist and individualist societies? A little research would answer a lot of questions.

Yes. Some do.

Particularly if one understands the language and culture where one lives. One can figure it out. and TV would be a boring list of places to buy a shirt.

Even if they don't... they need to grasp what a local American said to me 20 years ago... at some point you are going to reach a stage where everything they (she, he, etc.) do and say is going to make you mad and crazy with anger......... or it will become part of the charm.

I remember that. And make the choice often.

It doesnt mean I dont get upset or feel a certain way... I do! But I know how to dial it back and ultimately operate and express myself in a way that "works" and gets me the understanding I am communicating with respect. I am grateful for that comment when I was having a "&lt;deleted&gt;! Why do they do it this way?" moment. It was a brilliant insight.

[EASYDOGG]

Here's to another 13 years. Let's all raise a Chang! You made your bed, now lay in it and what did you expect a forum can do for you?

Another Chang anyone?

[EASYDOGG]

Edited March 31, 2014 by EASYDOGG

[The Usual Suspect]

Edited March 31, 2014 by The Usual Suspect

[dfp]

I do not think Thais they are much excited about anniversaries, I mean what is a 13 year wedding anniversary ? The same goes for birthdays. What I think matters are completion of cycles like f.inst. a 12 year cycle.

I am sorry I did not read the whole story, but if it is difficult to live with the wife's family then just move out.