Bangkokian

[The Quill]

BANGKOKIAN: Thailand's own lord of the rings takes on the phantom army

Published on Mar 6, 2004

Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra's intelligence reports were rather accurate. Last week he came out to reveal that the mass labour union rally at the Bang Kruay headquarters of the Electricity Generating Authority of Thailand had been infiltrated by a "third party", resulting in what he described as an "inflated number" of protesters.

To this, the only explanation Bangkokian can come up with is that the Egat unionists protesting against Egat's privatisation may have enlisted the support of hobbits, wizards, elves and dwarves from the last instalment of the epic trilogy "The Lord of the Rings", following their decisive victory against the dark Lord Sauron.

Bang Kruay's climate was rather hot and humid compared with the more temperate Middle-Earth as Frodo, Samwise Gamgee and Gollum mingled with chanting union workers. Of course, the union workers in their yellow T-shirts could not see them and the TV cameras could not capture their images because they came from Middle-Earth fantasyland.

But some of Bangkokian's colleagues who went to cover the demonstration at Egat's head office in Bang Kruay claimed to overhear a rather interesting conversation among those Middle-Earth denizens.

Frodo: We have offered moral support to Egat's labour union because they are fighting a good cause.

Samwise: I hardly believe that after our battling against Lord Sauron we are confronting another equally evil enemy.

Frodo: Yeah, this is going to be tougher than "The Return of the King", when I had to climb to Mount Doom to drop the One Ring into the fires. Only then could the dark force of Lord Sauron be overcome. I am not sure whether I have the courage to do it this time.

Samwise: But this time you have to do the opposite - prevent Egat from falling into the volcano of the Stock Market of Doom.

Frodo: It's going to be the Fellowship of the Hydroelectric Dams. Who could have believed that the water at the dams, which feeds Thai farms, would be owned by the dark capitalists governed by greed?

Gollum: Master, is Egat's privatisation good? Or is it bad? If it enriches everybody, it must be good. If the money only ends up in the pockets of some people, then it must be bad. But then that's what's the matter with good or bad. It all depends on the eye of the beholder.

Samwise: Stop talking like that, or else I'll pluck your eyes out.

Frodo: Thailand is like Middle-Earth during the dark influence of Sauron. Yes, we have to stop Egat from falling into the Stock Market of Doom, otherwise Thailand will soon run out of electricity and water. A blackout has already taken place in California.

Gollum: I like the labour union, but I am not sure whether I can trust them. They look like nice people, but they also look mean sometimes. But master, I'll do whatever you tell me to.

Samwise: You only need to shut up and clear up your head.

Frodo: I don't know for how long the 50,000-strong phantom army of Egat's labour union workers and their allies can continue to hold out in their fortifications.

Gollum: But the prime minister said they only numbered 7,000.

Samwise: Don't interrupt while we are talking and using our thoughts.

Frodo: At present, there is a stalemate. The Thaksin government won't budge an inch to the labour union's demands for a delay to privatisation. The labour union will not soften their position either. They have threatened to show up at Government House to flex their muscles.

Samwise: I am not sure whether that's a good thing to do. Like the battle of the Two Towers, we have to guard our backs.

Gollum: Master, if we give our support to the dark side, we're sure to receive a handsome reward. We'll be allowed to subscribe to the Egat IPO without having to queue at the bank.

Samwise: Gollum, not again.

Frodo: We can't let the dark forces weaken our resolve. I think the only way to overcome this evil battle is to fight in allegiance with the army of the yellow shirts at Egat. Then we must open the gates to flood the Stock Market of Doom with the water from the reservoirs of the numerous dams of Egat. Then, and only then, shall this struggle be overcome.

Gollum: Master, can we win this battle while still guarding our right to subscribe to the IPO at rock-bottom prices?

Samwise: Gollum, you're always greedy. We belong to humanity, not to greed.

The Nation Saturday March 6

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