She's left me with the children and gone back to her family!

[Alwyn]

A couple of issues here. Did she speak to you about her mum being sick and needing to go? If so did you try to stop her or say 'no' to her? If that's the case why did you say no?

Did she just go without saying anything? If so, she's a wrong 'un - not because of you (you actually don't come into the equation when it comes into the hierarchy in Thai families my friend) but because ANY mother who would just do one and leave her kids without a word is a wrong 'un. She's more than likely been summoned by her Thai husband or another farang who's just landed

[BKK Blues Brother]

Everything was discussed before and we are in constant communication via fb and phone.

Just had a terrible conversation with her.

She told me her brothers have gone back to work in Bangkok and it's just her and her sister in law and mother caring for the old man.

she said she's torn between her family here and there.

I stupidly asked what happens when you return here and the FIL does not get the same level of care and passes.

We can not afford another trip for the funeral that's when she started crying and saying her head is popping with the whole situation.

It's a crappy situation all round.

What can i do? Show support and hope it'll all blow over in a couple of months. Protect my children from their mother's trauma.

[benalibina]

Almost like this is really happening now.

[wayne hoskins]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

[Phoenix1312]

Run you are being taken

[JLCrab]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

Note re YOUR money see: My Thai wife is ten years older and wealthier, am i the odd one out on here?

[David48]

I do not find it strange she goes back home. I find it strange that she does not bring the children with her.

now, there is the question of how old the children are.

I vaguely remember that the OP had newish born twins.

So, if that is the case, the Airlines won't allow a single adult to fly with 2 infants.

Then, there is the cost.

the OP said that his credit cards are 'maxed out' ... maybe no extra funds available to pay for them ... infants don't travel for free any more

Don't forget that the OP now lives in another country, I presume, the UK ... so flights aren't cheap.

[Coppernicussing]

It is up to you; do you trust her? If so, get a nanny and get back to work. She needs the money.
If not, get a nanny and get back to work. Your lawyer will need the money.

What her kids GF did or didn't for you has nothing to do with how you feel about her, so don't let that influence you.
That it influences her goes back to time long before you were making kids with her. It's her dad, nothing you have or can ever do will change that.
Her nature we don't know, but if she is a quality human, one of the qualities you probably admired was her sense of responsibility. That's probably what you are seeing; she is counting on you.
If she isn't a quality person, and you married her because...well...you will get her true nature eventually.

Just as she gets yours.
Either way, you have to stop looking here and do the right thing. Only you know what that is. Do it.

[JLCrab]

Her nature we don't know ... don't know his, either.

[Scarpolo]

hi brooklyn, here in israel manythai immigrant workers manage to go back for two month visits after they've been here for two or three years; however, i know a large amount (like in the hundreds) that are here illegaly and therefore ahvent been back for even 11 years cause they cant. no money, or no visa for various reasons and the others dont go back cause its a strain on their finances. they stick it out for five years then go back home. hubby is a dual ciitizen and we waited til he got his passport etc for him to go. as it is its a serious strain (in debt) to buy the ticket because we both know that we will both ahve to finance ourselves and the family during our stay. i visited my parents in the states last about six years ago, and they sponsored me to visit sister two years ago. thats it. no more visits. they understand that i will join my hsuband for a few weeks of his visit, however. not sure what will happen with mom/dad deaths in family for iether of us.

as for taking the kids: here noone can just 'take their kids' out of school without permission and as far as i know also other countries ahve the same rules... if not on school breaks, cant get out of school. babies are an other matter.

as far as checking if things are true? if u cant trust the person,what are u doing with them in the first place.?

anf if there are problems with the marriage and she needs some down time, then u will know soon enough...

and as alfredo says: hubby also never remembers any dates, birthdays, wedding, nor thai holidays. he's not in thailand, doesnt remember holiday dates. it could be just him, it could be cultural or a combination.

I would say leaving the country without telling the husband and maxing out the credit cards means, the marriage is over,

but he is saying it was discussed in advance and now, he is not with the program they discussed somehow?

I suppose we just heard of another riisk of taking a thai girl out of the country,

lesson logged

Edited April 19, 2014 by Scarpolo

[Scarpolo]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

Note re YOUR money see: My Thai wife is ten years older and wealthier, am i the odd one out on here?

this is my first disaster story, coming on the heels of the exact opposite, that everything was going just dandy,

I hope there is nothing bad going on, but clearly, if true, the prior thread he started, they are her credit cards, or, do I have that wrong too?

[tookwan cottage]

My gut tells me that anyone who would seriously call themselves "BKK Blues Brother" in a public forum, with a corresponding dancing GIF, is not the type of person who a female partner will go the distance with, if she has any insight. I am not suggesting that I am in any way a "ladies man", nor would I want to be, but the OPP may just have to accept that this accident called "life" that has simply happened to him is not going to be as smooth as he would like it to be—for numerous reasons that are not worth exploring in this kind of forum by someone like me, who is happily single and childless.

All the best for the Year of Horse everyone!

[shaurene]

To the OP, you forget where you stand in the Social Order.

Many times, in that order, you and your biological children are below the parents ... sometimes well below.

Have you never discussed this her before?

What do you mean by ... "Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil then flying around the globe back to her village"

From your previous threads, you live here!

My idea of social order is your closest family comes first, i didn't consider this point before and hence never discussed.

We are in Europe presently as we wanted a safer standard of living and better standard education for our children.

She's gone back for 4 weeks!!! I'm sole full time parent unable to work and finances are getting tighter because of this situation.

Yes, the Thai parent is on his last legs, as he ever done anything for our family? No! Has he ever given his grand children a birthday card or present? No!Has he tried to communicate or interact with them? No!

Yep, i'm being mean! Selfish, far from it!

One thing's for sure, i'm glad i've not spewed this lot on the wife's ears.

One gripey uker

The parents will take care of the kids if the women leaves them there. A close family member on last legs, the Thai way, they will go, end of story. You just have to manage mate, sorry the way it is but keep your eye on the card, I would go the bank and put a withdrawal limit on it. But check it see what has been taken out if un-reasonable you have to do something. One thing about Thai women when they marry, they want and will be the boss man.

[Scarpolo]

To the OP, you forget where you stand in the Social Order.

Many times, in that order, you and your biological children are below the parents ... sometimes well below.

Have you never discussed this her before?

What do you mean by ... "Maxing the credit cards, lending money of her mil then flying around the globe back to her village"

From your previous threads, you live here!

My idea of social order is your closest family comes first, i didn't consider this point before and hence never discussed.

We are in Europe presently as we wanted a safer standard of living and better standard education for our children.

She's gone back for 4 weeks!!! I'm sole full time parent unable to work and finances are getting tighter because of this situation.

Yes, the Thai parent is on his last legs, as he ever done anything for our family? No! Has he ever given his grand children a birthday card or present? No!Has he tried to communicate or interact with them? No!

Yep, i'm being mean! Selfish, far from it!

One thing's for sure, i'm glad i've not spewed this lot on the wife's ears.

One gripey uker

The parents will take care of the kids if the women leaves them there. A close family member on last legs, the Thai way, they will go, end of story. You just have to manage mate, sorry the way it is but keep your eye on the card, I would go the bank and put a withdrawal limit on it. But check it see what has been taken out if un-reasonable you have to do something. One thing about Thai women when they marry, they want and will be the boss man.

<<<<<<<<<<One thing about Thai women when they marry, they want and will be the boss man.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

whats up with that?

[lostinsurin]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

Not just you, but why is it always about the money.

If people stopped being idiots marrying bar girls they would maybe have a better relationship with wife and family.

To the OP, you seem to have made a bad choice in moving back to Europe from a financial point of view,

stop moaning and support your wife, her father is dying for Christ sake, look after your kids and get on with life, get your mother to lend a hand

it's about family.

[Scarpolo]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

Not just you, but why is it always about the money.

If people stopped being idiots marrying bar girls they would maybe have a better relationship with wife and family.

To the OP, you seem to have made a bad choice in moving back to Europe from a financial point of view,

stop moaning and support your wife, her father is dying for Christ sake, look after your kids and get on with life, get your mother to lend a hand

it's about family.

hold old is the father?

how many times, has he been dying?

thats a legit question

[poweratradio]

Nonsense my friend. You are just starting thread for trolls. Any relationship that does not allow for logic to prevail is doomed and one where the man is not wearing the pants is also.

GET A LIFE JERK.

[saroq]

Put yourself in her position. How would you feel if your beloved parents were ill and your wife told you you couldn't visit them to take care of them? Sounds like your vintage is getting in the way of modern parenting. Looking after kids isn't the sole responsibility of your wife and you'll just have to carry a heavier load for a while.

Maxing out the credit cards etc. is a whole separate issue and I'd definitely put a stop to that.

[lostinsurin]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

Not just you, but why is it always about the money.

If people stopped being idiots marrying bar girls they would maybe have a better relationship with wife and family.

To the OP, you seem to have made a bad choice in moving back to Europe from a financial point of view,

stop moaning and support your wife, her father is dying for Christ sake, look after your kids and get on with life, get your mother to lend a hand

it's about family.

hold old is the father?

how many times, has he been dying?

thats a legit question

Yes agree, but from the phone conversation it seems genuine and she is at her wits end worrying what to do

and this (plonker) chap is putting more pressure on her.

Edited April 20, 2014 by lostinsurin

[Scarpolo]

Super member,you are so right very good repley,sounds odd to me,hope he listens to you,I have been in the same position,go my all means,I certainly controlled the money,my wife visited her ill father,then she came back,around two weeks,no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

no money to family that's for sure once you lose control,of YOUR money mate if you want your marriage you will have to be stronger with the money,or you will have nothing,all the best

Not just you, but why is it always about the money.

If people stopped being idiots marrying bar girls they would maybe have a better relationship with wife and family.

To the OP, you seem to have made a bad choice in moving back to Europe from a financial point of view,

stop moaning and support your wife, her father is dying for Christ sake, look after your kids and get on with life, get your mother to lend a hand

it's about family.

hold old is the father?

how many times, has he been dying?

thats a legit question

Yes agree, but from the phone conversation it seems genuine and she is at her wits end worrying what to do

and this (plonker) chap is putting more pressure on her.

well, I dont want to make enemies of anyone, and even as this is a very personal matter, he made it a public discussion, so,

I have to go back to the thread where he says she is the breadwinner and he was happily home taking care of the kids,

if she is the breadwinner, then she is going to pay off the credit cards, so, no beef there I guess,

but, if she has that much control, that she can fly across the world at a moments notice, for any whim, then,

she is off to a helluva start

[benalibina]

On a boring eastersunday i would not be surprised if this" made up thread" reaches around 200 comments.

[Greg Nixon]

Cancel the credit cards or put a freeze on purchases. Put them in water and throw them in the freezer. Where in the world are you ? USA ?

Thais are always attending to the sick or dying or already dead. It is their kharma.

I think they want to show family solidarity. Westerners do the same thing if you think about it. We all go see Mom or Pop in the hospital. We all commiserate over the illness of a sibling or cousin etc. For the sake of your finances, thank goodness she did not take the children with her.

[monkey4u]

I wish my msz would leave me with the kids. Permanently.

Shame on you

[brit1984]

I wish my msz would leave me with the kids. Permanently.

i know what you mean... i'm pleased my wife did exactly that

i'm not so pleased she also left me with 20 million baht debt

[wolfmanjack]

BBB

You are married with a Thai lady and you have been living in Thailand, but you understand nothing about the Thai social system?

OMG

==>

The "Bun Kun" system plays a crucial role in the life of the Thai people., It means that you answered a favor, the other people have a proven.

In our western world, we would say, "return a favor". This runs through all walks of life and is of course particularly pronounced towards their own parents.

Through their entire childhood the children will always be remembered the sacrifices and efforts that have applied their parents for them. Thus, they are committed to their parents when they are old to give back what they have received even in their childhood and youth.

That means even if the parents are not good or one parent had left the family alone with their problems the children are deeply indebted to them!

Therfore everything has been said.

Maybe but not in the case of my family and extended family.

In my family my wife expects respect and kindness from our kids even though she has not shown the same to them. My son hates her and my daughter just barely tolerates her. She will be alone in her old age because of the way she has treated our children. Unless of course she has more children and treats them better.

My wife's stepfather is hated by his step kids and his own daughter for the wrongs he has committed. His son tolerates him and that is about it.

I do not know how much Bun Khun still applies in todays thailand but it sure as hell was not returned by most of my employees that i helped out when they had problems.

[atyclb]

hmmm, sounds to me like she is a wrong one. if my missus maxed out any credit card then she would immediatley be an ex missus. if she left me with the kids even if her mother or father were sick then she would also be the ex missus. ok i would expect her to visit and help out etc. but if her siblings are aware that she has a ferang husband and kids then they would not expect her to abandon them. unless of course they are like her.

it is not a thai thing - it is a person thing. some people are simply not good human beings. nothing to do with nationality. trouble seems to be - here in thailand many guys get involved with scummy girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality.

"girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality." It is fair to postulate that the % of skummy lowest class people is higher due to socio-economic conditions, education or lack there of, and especially related to a society in which cheating, scamming, and corruption is widely accepted hence practiced, thus the poor may steal thousands but the wealthy steal millions. being hi-so does not mean you need any class, education, integrity, deceny, or humanity, simply need money (bling)

Many guys knowingly accept they will be paying and paying and paying for the alleged (privilege?) of having a thai wife. (exceptions duly noted)

[jonesthebaker]

hmmm, sounds to me like she is a wrong one. if my missus maxed out any credit card then she would immediatley be an ex missus. if she left me with the kids even if her mother or father were sick then she would also be the ex missus. ok i would expect her to visit and help out etc. but if her siblings are aware that she has a ferang husband and kids then they would not expect her to abandon them. unless of course they are like her.

it is not a thai thing - it is a person thing. some people are simply not good human beings. nothing to do with nationality. trouble seems to be - here in thailand many guys get involved with scummy girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality.

"girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality." It is fair to postulate that the % of skummy lowest class people is higher due to socio-economic conditions, education or lack there of, and especially related to a society in which cheating, scamming, and corruption is widely accepted hence practiced, thus the poor may steal thousands but the wealthy steal millions. being hi-so does not mean you need any class, education, integrity, deceny, or humanity, simply need money (bling)

Many guys knowingly accept they will be paying and paying and paying for the alleged (privilege?) of having a thai wife. (exceptions duly noted)

hmmm, as i said many guys get involved with scummy girls 'of the lowest class'. of the lowest class - not from the lowest class. big big diffference my friend - big difference.

in fact i have known more guys that have been turned over and shafted by scummy girls from the highest class that scummy girls of the lowest class. what class they are of or from is irrelivant.

again - of a certain class is not from a certain class

[Morakot]

Am i being unreasonable too suggest that the wife should stay with me and our young children when one off her parents is sick?

Do you think she should have taken the children with her?

[Pacificperson]

Be happy that your wife is the type of person who will fly home to visit/take care of a sick parent. How she treats her parents is a pretty good indicator of how she will treat you. You aparently have been the primary caretaker of the children, so she probably felt they were in good hands.

The working part I can't comment upon. Is daycare not an option?

My wife's mother has been ill for several years. She goes home to visit once or twice a year. I brought my 85 year old mother over here to live with us. My wife and her get along well, and my wife takes good care of her. She did tell me that if something happened to me, then my mother would have to return home to live with one of my brothers.

[Scarpolo]

hmmm, sounds to me like she is a wrong one. if my missus maxed out any credit card then she would immediatley be an ex missus. if she left me with the kids even if her mother or father were sick then she would also be the ex missus. ok i would expect her to visit and help out etc. but if her siblings are aware that she has a ferang husband and kids then they would not expect her to abandon them. unless of course they are like her.

it is not a thai thing - it is a person thing. some people are simply not good human beings. nothing to do with nationality. trouble seems to be - here in thailand many guys get involved with scummy girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality.

"girls of the lowest class and then assume that their disgusting ways are somehow related to nationality." It is fair to postulate that the % of skummy lowest class people is higher due to socio-economic conditions, education or lack there of, and especially related to a society in which cheating, scamming, and corruption is widely accepted hence practiced, thus the poor may steal thousands but the wealthy steal millions. being hi-so does not mean you need any class, education, integrity, deceny, or humanity, simply need money (bling)

Many guys knowingly accept they will be paying and paying and paying for the alleged (privilege?) of having a thai wife. (exceptions duly noted)

hmmm, as i said many guys get involved with scummy girls 'of the lowest class'. of the lowest class - not from the lowest class. big big diffference my friend - big difference.

in fact i have known more guys that have been turned over and shafted by scummy girls from the highest class that scummy girls of the lowest class. what class they are of or from is irrelivant.

again - of a certain class is not from a certain class

this is better than Bill Clintons, "it all depends on what "is" "is"

in this case it is what "of" is

in Thailand, the less fortunate define "hi-so" by money, not action as quality people are everywhere

the best example is Donald Trump

need I say more?