Things Thai GF/Wives say...."bread for my Jam"

[AussieSteve]

I am constantly amused by some of the things my GF comes out with. We were driving back home and she said can we stop at 7/11. I said ok what do you want. She said some bread, I thought ok we don't eat much bread but if that's what she wants.

Then she said I need bread for my jam, I thought what jam? When she came back to the car I saw she had actually bought some pads for her monthly.

I could stop laughing all the way home, even new I smile everytime I think about it. Her English isn't that good, which is why this took me by surprise.

It might be interesting to hear from others on the forum, some of the things their GF/Wives have come out with.

[Costas2008]

OP, you've put me off my breakfast.

[Seastallion]

Yeah, I get a smile with the imagery too.

It's not really an expression, and her English is good, but for some reason she commits the same malapropism every time (and lets face it, malapropisms can be made by native speakers).

Instead of saying "sarcastic", she always says "capsicum". It;s quite amusing. "Are you being capsicum?"

[Soutpeel]

Well one suspects you will be waiting a long time from others on the forum simply because TV's finest only have GF and wives who speak perfect English, all are Thai/Chinese hiso's with double doctorates from only the top universities

[h90]

Very funny....a native English speaker makes jokes about the mistake some Thai makes.

Most probably you would be angry if your GF is posting jokes about what nonsense you are telling when you try to speak Thai.

[AussieSteve]

In reply to h90, just so you understand the post..... it was not a mistake..... she intended it to mean what she said. She know very well what she was saying.

That's why it's so funny.

[benalibina]

Very funny....a native English speaker makes jokes about the mistake some Thai makes.

Most probably you would be angry if your GF is posting jokes about what nonsense you are telling when you try to speak Thai.

Jeeeezz, the OP is trying to start something lighthearted and then you come along. Get a life man !

[tingtongdingdong]

Well one suspects you will be waiting a long time from others on the forum simply because TV's finest only have GF and wives who speak perfect English, all are Thai/Chinese hiso's with double doctorates from only the top universities

lol I actually met an English guy who trys to be like this he was a real <deleted> all thais secretly wanted to bash him.

[Seastallion]

Well one suspects you will be waiting a long time from others on the forum simply because TV's finest only have GF and wives who speak perfect English, all are Thai/Chinese hiso's with double doctorates from only the top universities

Mine has no Chinese, and parents are poor dirt farmers, and she hasn't completed her Phd yet. Guess they all will look down on me. Never mind.

[Banshee]

Well mine is not a half Chinese hi so but is a perfect English speaker with an education, is that beyond the realms of belief here.

Should I lie and say her English is not great,

Edited April 19, 2014 by Banshee

[tingtongdingdong]

Very funny....a native English speaker makes jokes about the mistake some Thai makes.

Most probably you would be angry if your GF is posting jokes about what nonsense you are telling when you try to speak Thai.

somebody takes him self way too seriously .....

[yermanee]

Back on topic, my wife calls olive oil : lovely oi but I don't mind.

Yermanee

[JLCrab]

Ok I had agreed to buy her a comforter pictured in the brochure on sale at BigC and as we're walking through the ground floor lobby the non-English speaking girl starts saying Ankenburg Ankenburg -- and I just nod OK but what is this girl saying.

So we get to the comforter section and she points that she wants an Angry Bird comforter.

[bodypaul]

When I ask my g/f how she likes her bacon she always says "crip see" which makes me smile.

I tried to get her to say crispy by asking her to say Chris ..... no problem there ...... then Pee ... no problem again!! So we would say Chris followed by Pee over and over quicker and quicker so that eventually she should be able to say crispy!!

I asked her again ..... How do you like your bacon darling?

Answer ....."crip see"

I gave up but I always ask her when doing a full English as I love the way she says it!!

[nottocus]

I rememeber not long after coming to Thailand for the first time I was romping around with a young lady I'd met in a bar the night before. In the morning, when we decided to "do it" again she said "Cannot. Men come".

<deleted>…"Men? What men?" I started to freak out and was getting ready to get the hell out of dodge.

Then she showed me what she meant…..ahhh. That's how I learnt what "men" meant.

[Clutch]

When my wife comments on the price of something she's generally says 'expencheap', so I'm never quite sure if it's a bargain or not.

[Om85]

I almost lough to death!! that was really funny!

[55Jay]

My Mrs. still, sometimes, says tomatoes when she means potatoes, or the other way around.

We had fun today as the dark clouds and wind were approaching, and she wanted to say "thunder".

[Nautilus05]

One night from upstairs I hear, "come down when you a lady!"

Huh? Come down when I'm a lady? What the hell?

Then I realized it was meant to be, "Come! Dinner's ready!"

Edited April 19, 2014 by Nautilus05

[Scarpolo]

OP, you've put me off my breakfast.

breakfast of champions not for you this morning?

[Scarpolo]

Ask her to say the car brand Volvo, if you want to crack up

[BngkkB]

Always liked, "Foot Fingers" instead of toes.

Also once I was asked to explain why English has so many rights?

Right, you eat.

Right, you turn on to see.

Right, your name.

Right, not left.

Right, not wrong.

Sent from my HTC One using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Rooo]

Moved to Pub & expats.

[chrisinth]

My wife always seems to get her fibula and tibia mixed up when talking about leg injuries.

"I banged my fibula on the table today". Honestly, such a laugh!

[Gsxrnz]

Golf caddie asked me what "ship shaper" meant. Bit of a strange question but I explained in a combination of English and Thai that ship was the same as boat, and a shaper was making something into a shape - so maybe a ship shaper was somebody who made boats.

She then asks me what "oozie durian go" meant. This one threw me and the best I could do was the ouzie gun, durian as in the smelly fruit (which she obviously knew), and "Go" as in go. But I told her the three words don't make sense.

One hole later she tells me that I cannot be correct. I ask her where she heard the words and she said she heard them from two customers playing golf the previous day. I ask her to tell me what happened and she said that one man got a birdie and his partner called him a <deleted> ship shaper - to which he replied eff off you oozie durian go.

I was still perplexed and asked her what country the men come from as maybe it was some weird accent spoken by non-native speakers. She said the man who got the birdie was from New Zealand and the other man from Australia.

Suddenly the penny dropped.

Ship Shaper = Sheep Shagger.

Oozie durian go = Aussie Drongo.

[LaraC]

Dont think i ever want to eat bread and jam again. Gross.

[A1Str8]

In reply to h90, just so you understand the post..... it was not a mistake..... she intended it to mean what she said. She know very well what she was saying.

That's why it's so funny.

Bit disgusting nonetheless.

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Scarpolo]

but, they arent just like junior high school girls

[dukeandduke]

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend said that we couldn't go buy alcohol, because it was "Erection Day."

I said, "Well, to be honest, that's probably going to help my performance, so no problem."

[Somtamme]

I like it when my wife asks for Scratching Pork