Greeting a Thai Lady, with a kiss.

[Zodaka]

I know Thai woman in Bangkok who always expect me to peck them on both cheeks because I'm a foreigner however its actually not something that I was brought up with. There are girls in khon Kaen who've never spoken with a foreigner either Thai or English and frankly I find the town a boring and generally raciest while the people love to play the high morals game with you perhaps because the town is big on civil servants.

[Oscar2]

Kon kaen

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Ah, thanks. i'd never dream of going there.

[CryWolf]

i don't get the bit "When I first came to Thailand, to meet my future wife, I was pleasantly surprised, to see her waiting in KK airport..."

was she "mail order" or something? and forgive me, i've lived here many years but what is KK Airport?

didn't you read anything about Thai culture before coming here? ever see any Thais kiss strangers at an airport? some people really should stay in their own countries.

What is it you don´t get? Didn´t you know that it´s possible to meet people online? That´s how i met my wife. Obviously i had to go to Thailand to meet her in person

I do agree that OP should have known about the greeting customs.. And i belive he would if he gave a sh**

Then again, maybe he´s just making it up to make the story more interesting

[sirineou]

i don't get the bit "When I first came to Thailand, to meet my future wife, I was pleasantly surprised, to see her waiting in KK airport..."

was she "mail order" or something? and forgive me, i've lived here many years but what is KK Airport?

didn't you read anything about Thai culture before coming here? ever see any Thais kiss strangers at an airport? some people really should stay in their own countries.

I don't propose to speak for the OP I am sure he can best speak for him self , but I don't see anything unusual in his description of events.

KK airport is Khon Kaen Airport , a simple Google search could answer that

Second, , nothing unusual meeting a girl for the first time, I know my self back then before facebook I was chatting with people on MySpace and when I came to Thailand I made arrangements to meet with them. Is it the first time that you hear of farangs meeting Thais on the internet?

He said "future wife" when they first met were probably just friends,Do you marry everyone you meet, or does one of these acquaintances some times becomes a "future wife"

Third, When I first came to Thailand I knew some things about Thai culture, but by no stretch of the imagination did I know everything, after many years of coming here I still don't know everything. Did you know everything about Thai culture when you first came here? Do you now know everything? If so please make your self available I am sure many of us will have plenty of questions.and you would be a invaluable resource in the general forum answering the many "why do Thais" threads that appear daily

[monkeycountry]

When I first came to Thailand, to meet my future wife, I was pleasantly surprised, to see her waiting in KK airport, accompanied by two lady friends of hers.

I walked towards them, took my wife in my arms and kissed her.

Then in turns, I embraced the other two ladies and gave them a peck on the cheek.

I have to explain here, that where I come from, it is customary to greet, friends, relatives and even people we dont know very well, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or both cheeks.

Going back to the story, the reaction was amazing.

The 3 of them stood motionless, looking at me in horror, with eyes wide open and mouth half open.

Never crossed my mind, it was the kissing and I started thinking, do they find me so repulsive? Do I smell?

Eventually, we went for dinner, the ice broke, and later, I was left alone with my wife.

It wasnt till 3 or 4 days later that my wife said to me:

Costa, please, never again, kiss other women, its not permitted in Thailand, its against Thai culture.

Many times, Ive asked her, if she knows, why greeting with a kiss, is against, Thai culture.

Never had an answerjust its against Thai culture.

So, I would appreciate your input and comments, on this rule.

Considering, that Thais are warm hearted and kind people, why a small peck on the cheek, offends them?

To be honest, the kissing is a disgusting habit, and the real question is, why is it part of yours or anyones culture?

Think about it. Would you want to be kissed by guys you don't know, and who may be smelly, sweaty, ugly, bad breath etc? I certainly wouldn't, and I am quite sure I would back away if anyone attempted it, thereby causing an awkward situation.

At any other time going so close to a stranger would be considered an inappropriate invasion of ones personal sphere. And the kissing might even be criminal.

A handshake or a wai seems way more appropriate. The wai being the best of the two, but mainly for health reasons.

A hug will be ok with family or people you know well, but with anyone else just awkward, just like the kissing.

further, a handshake or wai gives both parties a chance to decide on their response. They can decide whether to return the handshake or wai. A hug/kiss may leave the recipient surprised and with no chance to accept or reject and may therefore feel like an assault (for lack of a better word) to some.

The kissing seems to be some old southern european habit, that is fortunately dying a slow death.

And just to be clear, I am not insinuating Costas is ugly or smells bad :-)

Edited May 3, 2014 by monkeycountry

[healthbkkbkk]

When I first came to Thailand, to meet my future wife, I was pleasantly surprised, to see her waiting in KK airport, accompanied by two lady friends of hers.

I walked towards them, took my wife in my arms and kissed her.

Then in turns, I embraced the other two ladies and gave them a peck on the cheek.

I have to explain here, that where I come from, it is customary to greet, friends, relatives and even people we dont know very well, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or both cheeks.

Going back to the story, the reaction was amazing.

The 3 of them stood motionless, looking at me in horror, with eyes wide open and mouth half open.

Never crossed my mind, it was the kissing and I started thinking, do they find me so repulsive? Do I smell?

Eventually, we went for dinner, the ice broke, and later, I was left alone with my wife.

It wasnt till 3 or 4 days later that my wife said to me:

Costa, please, never again, kiss other women, its not permitted in Thailand, its against Thai culture.

Many times, Ive asked her, if she knows, why greeting with a kiss, is against, Thai culture.

Never had an answerjust its against Thai culture.

So, I would appreciate your input and comments, on this rule.

Considering, that Thais are warm hearted and kind people, why a small peck on the cheek, offends them?

To be honest, the kissing is a disgusting habit, and the real question is, why is it part of yours or anyones culture?

Think about it. Would you want to be kissed by guys you don't know, and who may be smelly, sweaty, ugly, bad breath etc? I certainly wouldn't, and I am quite sure I would back away if anyone attempted it, thereby causing an awkward situation.

At any other time going so close to a stranger would be considered an inappropriate invasion of ones personal sphere. And the kissing might even be criminal.

A handshake or a wai seems way more appropriate. The wai being the best of the two, but mainly for health reasons.

A hug will be ok with family or people you know well, but with anyone else just awkward, just like the kissing.

further, a handshake or wai gives both parties a chance to decide on their response. They can decide whether to return the handshake or wai. A hug/kiss may leave the recipient surprised and with no chance to accept or reject and may therefore feel like an assault (for lack of a better word) to some.

The kissing seems to be some old southern european habit, that is fortunately dying a slow death.

And just to be clear, I am not insinuating Costas is ugly or smells bad :-)

I have a lot I would like to say but good manners restrain my hands from typing them.

You seem overly concerned about "health" which leads me to believe you may have some neurosis we should lend our compassion to.

"Old Southern European habit"? "dying out"? You are wrong on both counts as Middle Easterners and Slovaks/Eastern Europeans and Russians also practice the "hugs and kisses".

In many African cultures men hold hands and show physical displays of affection.

I don't see why you would feel the need to insult my culture and the culture of over 2 billion other people on this planet.

[upinthesky]

No one did it in Thailand and not to stranger in United States. In most asian countries, especially Japan, if you are a male better not to touch the opposite sex, she would feel being harrassed. The OP are lucky by not having their BF accompanied otherwise you might get a broken tooth for your greeting style.

[sirineou]

No one did it in Thailand and not to stranger in United States. In most asian countries, especially Japan, if you are a male better not to touch the opposite sex, she would feel being harrassed. The OP are lucky by not having their BF accompanied otherwise you might get a broken tooth for your greeting style.

Stop being such an upinthesky

[CryWolf]

At any other time going so close to a stranger would be considered an inappropriate invasion of ones personal sphere. And the kissing might even be criminal.

Yes if you go around french kissing random people, but i guess things are different when you are introduced, and take culture into consideration.

A handshake or a wai seems way more appropriate. The wai being the best of the two, but mainly for health reasons.

More appropriate in our culture maybe, but this is a big world and the same set of rules does not apply everywhere. If you´re so scared of some germs maybe you should stay in your apartment. How fun is it to interact with people when you keep a 1 meter safety distance for health reasons? I wouldn't expect many invitations

What´s the point in traveling if you don´t want to explore?

20 years ago, when i visited my friends family who lived in the poorer area of Ceuta (North Africa) i got 3 on each cheek from toothless old folks. Yes this was new to me and seemed very strange, but it was their way... I must say the experience will stay with me forever and i am so happy i got the chance to meet these people, learn about hospitality, experience a different culture etc.

If I ever meet a person who refuse to handshake because he thinks i´m dirty i will greet him with the old kick in the nut

[DrTuner]

If I ever meet a person who refuse to handshake because he thinks i´m dirty i will greet him with the old kick in the nut

Interesting. Does this mean I have to throw a roundhouse every time somebody puts their arm out just in case ? You know, preventive action. I like my nuts.

If there every was a case for carrying non-concealed weapons, I reckon the overly friendly greeters would make it. Though I don't have a problem, to be honest, the snarl I've perfected during the year keeps 'em away.

[rixalex]

The kissing seems to be some old southern european habit, that is fortunately dying a slow death.

I think it's quite the opposite. Becoming much more prevalent. Certainly if the UK is anything to go by. Thankfully though, don't think there is any chance of Thailand, or any other South-East Asian nation for that matter, adopting it anytime soon.

[CryWolf]

If I ever meet a person who refuse to handshake because he thinks i´m dirty i will greet him with the old kick in the nut

Interesting. Does this mean I have to throw a roundhouse every time somebody puts their arm out just in case ? You know, preventive action. I like my nuts.

If there every was a case for carrying non-concealed weapons, I reckon the overly friendly greeters would make it. Though I don't have a problem, to be honest, the snarl I've perfected during the year keeps 'em away.

Yes, better safe than sorry It would also produce some great stories here on TV..

[Mentors]

Many years ago i read in a Pub in London: "don't kiss in the public!"

[katana]

Never liked the kiss greeting either. Reminds me of Borat in this clip:

http://youtu.be/JPOEGYt50go?t=1m13s

[HooHaa]

Kiss greeting is weird and gross. I'm saddened to learn it has apparently caught on in the UK. Thankfully it hasn't back in the US yet, and it never will in Thailand.

OP listen to your wife and stop kissing strangers. They don't appreciate it. People that see you do it will think bad things about you and them. People at the airport probably thought all of them were your girlfriends

how very provincial of you. weird and gross indeed.

[monkeycountry]

When I first came to Thailand, to meet my future wife, I was pleasantly surprised, to see her waiting in KK airport, accompanied by two lady friends of hers.

I walked towards them, took my wife in my arms and kissed her.

Then in turns, I embraced the other two ladies and gave them a peck on the cheek.

I have to explain here, that where I come from, it is customary to greet, friends, relatives and even people we dont know very well, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, or both cheeks.

Going back to the story, the reaction was amazing.

The 3 of them stood motionless, looking at me in horror, with eyes wide open and mouth half open.

Never crossed my mind, it was the kissing and I started thinking, do they find me so repulsive? Do I smell?

Eventually, we went for dinner, the ice broke, and later, I was left alone with my wife.

It wasnt till 3 or 4 days later that my wife said to me:

Costa, please, never again, kiss other women, its not permitted in Thailand, its against Thai culture.

Many times, Ive asked her, if she knows, why greeting with a kiss, is against, Thai culture.

Never had an answerjust its against Thai culture.

So, I would appreciate your input and comments, on this rule.

Considering, that Thais are warm hearted and kind people, why a small peck on the cheek, offends them?

To be honest, the kissing is a disgusting habit, and the real question is, why is it part of yours or anyones culture?

Think about it. Would you want to be kissed by guys you don't know, and who may be smelly, sweaty, ugly, bad breath etc? I certainly wouldn't, and I am quite sure I would back away if anyone attempted it, thereby causing an awkward situation.

At any other time going so close to a stranger would be considered an inappropriate invasion of ones personal sphere. And the kissing might even be criminal.

A handshake or a wai seems way more appropriate. The wai being the best of the two, but mainly for health reasons.

A hug will be ok with family or people you know well, but with anyone else just awkward, just like the kissing.

further, a handshake or wai gives both parties a chance to decide on their response. They can decide whether to return the handshake or wai. A hug/kiss may leave the recipient surprised and with no chance to accept or reject and may therefore feel like an assault (for lack of a better word) to some.

The kissing seems to be some old southern european habit, that is fortunately dying a slow death.

And just to be clear, I am not insinuating Costas is ugly or smells bad :-)

I have a lot I would like to say but good manners restrain my hands from typing them.

You seem overly concerned about "health" which leads me to believe you may have some neurosis we should lend our compassion to.

"Old Southern European habit"? "dying out"? You are wrong on both counts as Middle Easterners and Slovaks/Eastern Europeans and Russians also practice the "hugs and kisses".

In many African cultures men hold hands and show physical displays of affection.

I don't see why you would feel the need to insult my culture and the culture of over 2 billion other people on this planet.

And I don't see why you would feel the need to run around kissing people you have just met? - and judging from the OP, Thai women don't see why either :-)

Why not step it up and grab their boobs too while you are at it? At least that would be a fun habit :-)

[Greg Nixon]

Kissing is just not in the traditional Thai culture. In the backwaters of Thailand you never see any public displays of affection. People rarely hold hands. Although my wife has been giving and loving in every way only a few nights ago did she awkwardly experiment with kissing and did not allow it even in bed. I could kiss or orally please her but not her mouth. Just not in their culture. They consider the feet to be dirty and you should not touch anyone with your feet so there is likely a similar taboo with kissing. Also you should not touch anyones head. So I guess kissing is touching someones head. BIG TABOO !!

[Greg Nixon]

Farang !! Please give up your old habits and culture (at least the optional variety) and adopt a new one. When in Rome do as the Romans do. Watch, watch, watch. practise Practise practise. Adopt and adapt. When in doubt ask a Thai friend first.

[Thai at Heart]

To me, kissing total strangers seems an unnatural and overly intimate thing to do. When I left the UK, nobody did it. Now going back, it's weird because everyone is doing it, and it often looks uncomfortable and awkward, with people often getting in a muddle about which cheek to dive in for and how many kisses to give.

I don't think the way you greet is a good measure of how friendly you are. Thais are some of the friendliest people in the world. They manage to convey friendless, if not intimacy, without the need for great physical contact. Works for me. The only aspect of their greeting custom that I don't really get is parents and their children who haven't seen each other for months or maybe years, not hugging or touching at all upon meeting. That does seem unnatural and strange. I wonder whether they are resisting the urge on such occasions or whether the urge doesn't exist.

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Yes, its much more.common in the UK now.

I feel like a fogey. Just doesn't feel right.

When i grew up in England many years ago, people just did not greet strangers with kisses. Now they seem to be copying some Europeans , slamming away left cheek, right cheek, left cheek, absolutely stupid way to say "G'day"

I am English, body language tells all, if a kiss is deemed OK, then it is OK.............

But isnt that the problem with a kiss versus a handshake.

It is extremely difficult and uncomfortable to refuse a kiss if you don't want to. Handshakes are a little less personal. Refusing a kiss or receiving one unexpectedly feels weird.

[dotpoom]

When I first came here 12 yrs. ago I bought a small condo in Pattaya. There was a Thai lady teacher living in the condo beneath me and we became good friends (that's all). I would fix things for her and she would drive me to Thai shows etc., I have a habit of touching a person on the forearm (man or lady) if I feel comfortable while in their company and talking with them. She would literally jump back when I would do this...when I asked why on the first occasion...she said....in Thailand, "good lady not let man touch her other than her husband" (lucky i never tried to kiss her). She was Buddhist by the way, not of a different religion.

[Thaiberius]

The peck on the cheek thing has only really been in vogue in the UK for the past 20 years or so. Thai society is very conservative in a lot of ways and kissing somebody on the cheek is a no-no in public. On the other hand, some Thai's who are exposed to western habits whether in Thailand or the west will often adopt this behaviour. I personally think it is cringeworthy but I'm a 50 year old Daily Mail reading UKIP voter.

Edited May 4, 2014 by Thaiberius

[SDM0712]

I did it once in the early days of coming here with someone I knew quite well to a very similar reaction. Now I never kiss anyone in public even just on the cheek. Rarely even touch a Thai even if I know them quite well. A wai is as far as I go in public. Maybe I've been here too long. The kissing thing in the UK is only a relatively recent thing anyway. I always get confused, is it one cheek or both cheeks, what if you both aim for the wrong cheek, could this end up on the lips. I think the French do left cheek, right cheek then back to the left, and even my French male friends kiss each other. In London it's normally just one kiss on one cheek, this kissing in public etiquette is very confusing. I sometimes kiss my dogs outside on the top of their head when I get home, but they aren't bothered either way and are technically Thai.

SDM

[StefanBBK]

I did it once in the early days of coming here with someone I knew quite well to a very similar reaction. Now I never kiss anyone in public even just on the cheek. Rarely even touch a Thai even if I know them quite well. A wai is as far as I go in public. Maybe I've been here too long. The kissing thing in the UK is only a relatively recent thing anyway. I always get confused, is it one cheek or both cheeks, what if you both aim for the wrong cheek, could this end up on the lips. I think the French do left cheek, right cheek then back to the left, and even my French male friends kiss each other. In London it's normally just one kiss on one cheek, this kissing in public etiquette is very confusing. I sometimes kiss my dogs outside on the top of their head when I get home, but they aren't bothered either way and are technically Thai.

SDM

Just to confirm, it can end up with a kiss on the lips. Experienced this with Americans trying to do the French thing and mixing up sides....

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[cheeryble]

Don't forget these:

1. No tongues with the MIL

2. When shaking hands never immediately turn sideways to the disinfectant handwash dispenser.

3. If an American or someone at yoga class ever attempts the bear hug knee him where it hurts.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

Edited May 4, 2014 by cheeryble

[healthbkkbkk]

Kissing is just not in the traditional Thai culture. In the backwaters of Thailand you never see any public displays of affection. People rarely hold hands. Although my wife has been giving and loving in every way only a few nights ago did she awkwardly experiment with kissing and did not allow it even in bed. I could kiss or orally please her but not her mouth. Just not in their culture. They consider the feet to be dirty and you should not touch anyone with your feet so there is likely a similar taboo with kissing. Also you should not touch anyones head. So I guess kissing is touching someones head. BIG TABOO !!

Did I understand correctly that your wife does not want you to kiss her lips?

I have heard from a few farrangs that their women did not give oral sex because "the mouth was considered sacred" yet in my experience Thai women love to do this, even more so than in my country were our women are world renowned for it.

I was once in a taxis and the driver put his hand on my forearm and said I was very handsome and Thai women must like me. I have also been touched quite a lot by other Thais. When I ask a Thai friend about it they will say "oh, that person must come from such or such a place and they touch there".

In my club, I have been a member since Anthony had his first class of wine with Cleopatra, I am very friendly with the staff and we touch quite a lot, both the males and the females.

I am often amazed at how diverse Thailand is and how different farrangs can have absolutely different experiences here.

[otherstuff1957]

Several years ago some friends of my wife came to Bangkok from upcountry (Lampun or Lampang or somewhere around there). I had to leave dinner early to do some work and gave my wife a casual kiss goodbye. Their 5 year old daughter shrieked with delighted horror at the sight! She had never seen adults kissing before and was both shocked and fascinated.

While Americans are not as free with their kisses as Southern Europeans, the sight of a couple giving a quick peck on the lips would not be an unusual sight in any Western country. However, in Thailand, there is no tradition of kissing as a greeting and some upcountry people may never see a public kiss!

[monkeycountry]

Kissing is just not in the traditional Thai culture. In the backwaters of Thailand you never see any public displays of affection. People rarely hold hands. Although my wife has been giving and loving in every way only a few nights ago did she awkwardly experiment with kissing and did not allow it even in bed. I could kiss or orally please her but not her mouth. Just not in their culture. They consider the feet to be dirty and you should not touch anyone with your feet so there is likely a similar taboo with kissing. Also you should not touch anyones head. So I guess kissing is touching someones head. BIG TABOO !!

Did I understand correctly that your wife does not want you to kiss her lips?

I have heard from a few farrangs that their women did not give oral sex because "the mouth was considered sacred" yet in my experience Thai women love to do this, even more so than in my country were our women are world renowned for it.

I was once in a taxis and the driver put his hand on my forearm and said I was very handsome and Thai women must like me. I have also been touched quite a lot by other Thais. When I ask a Thai friend about it they will say "oh, that person must come from such or such a place and they touch there".

In my club, I have been a member since Anthony had his first class of wine with Cleopatra, I am very friendly with the staff and we touch quite a lot, both the males and the females.

I am often amazed at how diverse Thailand is and how different farrangs can have absolutely different experiences here.

I agree, in certain Thai "clubs" there is a lot of touching between staff and members, and the staff does seem extremely friendly - even to people they have never met before :-D Edited May 4, 2014 by monkeycountry

[Thaiberius]

In some of the Nana and Cowboy bars a Thai guy will often drape a towel over your shoulders and start massaging you as you take a leak. I would have thought that's a very easy way of not getting a tip but a fat lip. Certainly not typically Thai and something I try to avoid like the plague.

[Maggusoil]

contribute to both cultures. When I meet a Thai friend, I first WAI to him/her . . .then include a western greeting. If I know the Thai friend long enough, it will be a hug and a two cheek kiss (french kiss). if he/she is a social aquaintance, it's shaking hands after the WAI.

Learning to tone/subtone your WAI, is important. If your initial WAI has not been appropiate, all the cheek kissing or the hugs or the hand shaking that follows to underline your western culture, is for the clowns

Which is why I never wai. There have been several threads about this, so not going to get into it here.

This is good! Sub toning!

I like it.

Yes, I do a bit of sub toning. After all, Wai is a Thia custom and no matter how we do it, we'll get it wrong somehow, but

that's OK because we're foreigners. I have never kissed the gf's sisters or relatives and Wai the whole family and the kid and all her relatives and friends wai me.

I'm the faring and it doesn't matter what I say or do, I'll always be the 'farang'. So I think its better to Wai and get it wrong than not wai at all.

The best Wai I've ever received was from a very well dressed policeman after he took my speeding "fine!".

Its a great custom. I've always thought that French Euro kissing thing was a bit fay. I kiss some of my lady "mates" back home, but they're sheilas and that's what you do with Shielas right?

I'd sooner do a good Russian hug.

These days it has become so confusing in the west , when someone raises their hand you don't know whether to shake it, fist it end to end or knuckle to knuckle "Bro" style, or slap it palm to palm, everybody is getting it wrong. Culture crossing gone mad . . . .

[technologybytes]

The bottom line here is one of respect.

We can go on and on, but when in Thailand it's respectful to be more restrained.