Paying her family?

[oneday]

Yeah, she is saying she has no say in it. She is sneaking downtown to see me a couple times a week, but her family can't find out. She is not even supposed to be talking to me anymore. I do love her, but it seems like an impossable task.

Exactly where do you think this will go. You can't possibly marry into a family like this. All you are doing is prolonging the agony of splitting from her and it does not sound like she will leave them for you.

[Tatsujin]

You set the tone by paying for things before even "knowing" the girl ... I never understand how foreigners can be so gullible or stupid here, it's like common sense, logic and right and wrong get left at home.

[TheFishman1]

Love for you is totally different for lots of Thai girls you been scammed by low class and police you should not worry move don't tell her where plenty if fish in the sea

[lucjoker]

If you want a thai lady for a night :go to a bar ,plenty there .

If you want a thai wife ,dont go to a bar ,go to a Big C,plenty nice educated ladies there.

You can see them every day (dating) ,just have to walk in there and speak to them .

After contact,let them keep their job for a wile ,so they know what you have to do to earn

honest money.

If it gets serious ,offer her a job as caretaker in your house and pay her double wages .(cant be much,and your house is clean)

If she talks about ,money for her parents ,tell her you dont have a job for them .(money doesn't come free remember)Suggests the parent go ask money

from her first employer (Big C),he might have a job and is more wealthy than you !

Then kick her out because "the crisis" is coming. (at surely was coming ,lol )

[AlexDorneles]

There are some very basic rules that apply if you want to date a Thai girl. There was a post not too long ago about that.

I stay away from women from Issan, bar girls and village girls.

Of course there are exceptions but they are few, don't waste time looking for exceptions.

100k baht for dowry is reasonable but opening a biz to support the family is completely abusive. My ex gf's family wanted a 1 million baht dowry from me.

I found that many poor families "pimp" their daughter into marring. Stay away from those.

[oneday]

Sin Sod, the dowry for the girl and some Gold is more or less normal and usually higher with a Falang, your sums seem not to high,

the immediately house building, buying and purchase of a car is not so common awaited in short time. But sure appreciated!

To take care of the family of wife, is common at least in some ways and in affordable borders!

So if she is a traditional Thai, some of that what she and her family asks for, is common practice in many families here in Thailand.

Special in rural Issan.

So find a consensus in a discussion, if you feel its worth the effort.

You are not entirely correct in this. Families do not automatically ASK for this, not after one month unless they are low life Thai and I totally disagree that buying a car, building a house and setting them up in a business is normal. These are things that do happen here, but usually it is at the request of the GF or wife or the falang just offers it, because he understands Thailand. Helping the family is common when it is reasonable and you can afford it. I will be building a modest house for my wife's family, but NO ONE EVER asked for it and that makes me want to do it all the more. Her family has never asked for anything EVER. They are wonderful people and they deserve whatever I can do to help them.

Another thing. If you were to give this family want they want then they would never love you or respect you. You would be looked upon with contempt.

Edited May 10, 2014 by oneday

[ttthailand]

I will say it is normal for a man to put up some money and gold when you get married, 100k or 200k and 2 or 3 baht of gold. It is mostly for show. Depending on the family they may keep it or give it back. But having said that, it is not put up until you are to be married. If they ask for the money now it is not correct. If the family is poor it is also normal for the children to assist them a little, a few thousand baht a month is also normal.

Do not pay just so she can live with you. This is a decision that is totally up to her. If what you say is really true I would walk away and never look back. She may be fine but her family will always be a pain and trying to suck you and her dry. You owe her nothing and your losses so far have not been so great.

Leaving town may be a good idea if family has police members. Never trust the police !

[luangtom]

Run away from this. Do not walk. As easily as you say you fell in love, there are others that will present you with much of the same. I have been married to a Thai woman for 40-plus years. No demands for permanent payments, no demands for property or buildings. We did so for ourselves over the years, but not for her family. Sin-sot is for "virgins" and those that have not married before. Alot of this may be the family telling their own family of the future you will give and for them now to not have it will disgrace them. Run........

[Docno]

It really depends on the personality of the girl. I was with a Chinese Singaporean gf for years but her parents refused to accept (or even meet) me because I had the 'wrong' skin colour. My Thai gf (going on 4 years) has a lot more chutzpah and will stand up to her parents on things... so they basically let her live her life as she wishes and make no demands on her (or me). Her younger sister is more cowed and so is controlled much more by the parents even though she spends less time with them. Of course, I don't know the details of your gf's situation, but it can be quite difficult to go against the parents if she has been raised/brainwashed into thinking that blind obedience and sacrifice is a mark of filial respect. Not easy to push through that.....

[chickin]

Cut communication, go back to your country, use that degree. Treat it as a lesson. This is no country to find love in. Not many happy relationships to be found here in the short time that I've been here.

Oh, and stop making payments on your "girlfriend". See how long she stays around then. Go home man.

Edited May 10, 2014 by chickin

[OmarZaidMD]

Dicturm: The best marriage is the one that costs the least.

[ALFREDO]

I've spent some time in Thailand and I've never had any problems with the girls, to be honest they don't come near me

If you have been here in Thailand for "some" time and never had any problems with the girls

and they not even come near you, than,

you probably much to old, to ugly, uninterested in girls-women, a loner, like men or Kathoys, are impotent, a monk or?

[mikemac]

Another absurd troll.

How many pages will this go on for? Up to all of you.

I'm out.

Regards,

arunsakda

I agree with arunsakda. And I have noticed that nearly every time I look at the list of topics under "Featured Topics" there is at least one topic, usually by a newbie with only a handful of posts, of this type. Nearly always one that attracts comments from those quick to contribute negative opinions, or habitual Thai bashers, etc. Sometimes they start the topic and disappear, and sometimes they will try to keep the post going as long as possible.

Very suss and not worth reading I have found.

[hgv driver]

unfortunately you have been coned by her family look for another.

[shirtless]

They view you in the same light as an ATM. Once your money is diminished they will kick you out anyway Farang.

[lostinisaan]

Welcome to the club.Stop that online dating and become a real man.

Start your job, or go back. Don't pay anything to this freaking family. Don't you think that a new guy's living there already. Wake up, dude/mate.

Edited May 10, 2014 by lostinisaan

[makkam]

A word to the wise.

If you pay these shysters anything at all as a 'dowry', sin sod, or whatever you need your head examining.

Her mother and father are probably drunks/gamblers who have been waiting for a pay day like you for years and are playing hardball.

Thai women especially the younger ones from poor families are always seeking praise from their family and you are the passport to this.

1000-1 says that if she was to marry a man from her village they'd be lucky to get 10 baht.

You're a pay day, nothing more nothing less and Thailand is littered with blokes like you who get 'entrapped' by such girls and their family and either return penniless to their hme country or join other past members of the "pattaya flying club''.

Do yourself a favour and tell the little trollop and her pimp of her father to stick their demands up their frequently penetrated Hershey highways and find yourself a decent thai woman ( there are plenty ) who isn't beholden to such medieval extortion

[richard peters]

There is very rarely any love in Thailand, Its "Money No.1" and maybe time for you 'bail out" while you are in front; It will only get much worse for you. I am happily married to a genuinly loving lady, but it took twelve long years and many false stars to find my wife, who is a professinal health practitioner.....

[TheRascal]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Ok, Thank you for all of your advice. After eight months and about 76,000 baht (not including travel expenses). I have heard of people losing a lot more than that. I still like it here, just maybe need to find new city. How is Chiang Mai? That should be far enough away from the family. Or Hua Hin, somewhere on other side of the country.

Why leave Bangkok, just move to an apartment in a different part of town and avoid places you know she goes. Her family aren't going to waste time making problems - they already think she's not seeing you so where's the problem. Bangkok is a huge city and the chances of bumping into her are very low. But agreed get out while you can, even if the money was nothing to you why would you want to be involved long term with people like this.

There is very rarely any love in Thailand, Its "Money No.1" and maybe time for you 'bail out" while you are in front; It will only get much worse for you. I am happily married to a genuinly loving lady, but it took twelve long years and many false stars to find my wife, who is a professinal health practitioner.....

Another TV cynical expert...

[ALFREDO]

suggest you find out more about thailand and nthai culture as i have been here over 10 years, dated many wonderful girls, had amazing times and not been asked for a baht.

Please post a photo of you ADONIS.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adonis

"An extremely attractive, youthful male is often called an Adonis, often with a connotation of deserved vanity: "the office Adonis.""

Edited May 10, 2014 by ALFREDO

[realenglish1]

Common Even a dog knows when it is not wanted. They are only interested in how much money you have not anything else You cannon pay On to the next Farang Wake up and smell the coffee.

And I am talking from experience . My Thai wife's family invited me to stay in their house because I was leaving my ex wife for their daughter.l Guess what They never asked for any money morning noon or night. So I paid for groceries for them helped with monthly bills and gave her a little bit of money from time to time for the family.l Nothing more that someone sharing accomodations would do.. I stayed a year. And we get along fabulously after 7 years . Close family that never never asks for anything so last week I bought the mom a brand new sewing machine for about 13,000 baht. Why because they never ask me for anyting other than love and take care of their daughter. So you are surely being scammed

[kovaltech]

if you want to buy a girl as is the case in African or Arabic countries, this is your problem. But where is love???...

Another one who doesn't understand the Thai culture ???

100K for the engagement and how much for the wedding ?

The family asumes that you love her and that you take care her... Nothing wrong with that. Normal for Thailand...

You want to mary her or can live on your own...

Its up to the father to decide..

Any decent girl will obey the family rules and tradition.

Thai culture can be very harsch...

Better the OP learns about the Thaiculture, also learn to say to the family that he's not aware yet, about the Thai culture and traditions..

OP if she's worth it, follow the tradition... But learn before deciding...

[transam]

suggest you find out more about thailand and nthai culture as i have been here over 10 years, dated many wonderful girls, had amazing times and not been asked for a baht.

Please post a photo of you ADONIS.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adonis

"An extremely attractive, youthful male is often called an Adonis, often with a connotation of deserved vanity: "the office Adonis.""

Or it could have been a big..........................

..............

[HughJass]

sometimes a picture is worth more than a thousand words

[ALFREDO]

Sin Sod, the dowry for the girl and some Gold is more or less normal and usually higher with a Falang, your sums seem not to high,

the immediately house building, buying and purchase of a car is not so common awaited in short time. But sure appreciated!

To take care of the family of wife, is common at least in some ways and in affordable borders!

So if she is a traditional Thai, some of that what she and her family asks for, is common practice in many families here in Thailand.

Special in rural Issan.

So find a consensus in a discussion, if you feel its worth the effort.

You are not entirely correct in this. Families do not automatically ASK for this, not after one month unless they are low life Thai and I totally disagree that buying a car, building a house and setting them up in a business is normal. These are things that do happen here, but usually it is at the request of the GF or wife or the falang just offers it, because he understands Thailand. Helping the family is common when it is reasonable and you can afford it. I will be building a modest house for my wife's family, but NO ONE EVER asked for it and that makes me want to do it all the more. Her family has never asked for anything EVER. They are wonderful people and they deserve whatever I can do to help them.

Another thing. If you were to give this family want they want then they would never love you or respect you. You would be looked upon with contempt.

Did I write, =automatically=? I wrote, "more or less normal" Not splitting hairs, please.

Its also, not -so normal- to let the Falang in the family house living and having Sex under the families roof, from the first days of relationship,

same it happened here.

From OP

"I wanted to get an apartment downtown, but was told not to by her family, "many bad girls in thailand, you stay with family". They insisted I live there."

Edited May 10, 2014 by ALFREDO

[umbanda]

Yeah, she is saying she has no say in it. She is sneaking downtown to see me a couple times a week, but her family can't find out. She is not even supposed to be talking to me anymore. I do love her, but it seems like an impossable task.

You said that her family is full of police people, and you are meeting the girl without family permission? Believe me....the family will find out..and you will be in BIG trouble. Don't be fool! Change know, home, phone, and GF..and without NOBODY knowing....and if she send you an e-mail, just tell her that you had to go back to your country....

[bigbamboo]

After one month her father demanded I marry her or leave the house.

me thinks you have your answer

Considering the family insisted you stayed there in the first place I would ditto that. When faced with a Thai pirate demanding 'your money or your wife.' don't even think about it.

[arminbkk]

From the OP: I fell in love. I have bought her a new phone, pay dentist 1000 baht per month and like 7000 upfront to fix her teeth, and 2200 baht a month payments on new honda click. I saved some money for a few months and quit my job and came to Thailand. ...... I hold a BA degree and am a native English speaker,, so I was going to go the teaching route. ..... After one month her father demanded I marry her or leave the house. They ask for 100,000 baht, a ring that was around 34,000 baht, not that big of a deal. The other part of it was to buy land and build a house, and get us a car, and start up a business for the family. Oh and continue to take care of the family forever. When I explained I needed to wait for my job to start here, rage followed!

I usually stop as soon as I get asked for something.

OP apparently not.

OP said "not that big of a deal": I guess OP does not know what you average foreigner with degree teaching English in rural Thailand earns.

OP saved some money for a few months back home and then quit his job and moved here.

I know salaries are higher in the West and prices are lower here......but how did OP think he was going to pay for all the above from

a few months savings and a teaching job in Thailand?

Again prove that a university degree does not necessarily make someone smart.

[NoshowJones]

Plenty of available girls in Thailand, go back online, find a new one with less demands.

Personally, I think you should forget about online, and try and meet a girl who is in employment, there are plenty places to look and find a good Thai girl, working in shops, offices, markets etc.

Before you get too serious, meet her family and friends, and make it clear although you may help from time to time, you are not going to support her family. Some Thai girls are looking for Farangs just for that purpose, although there are a lot of Thai girls who are decent and just want love in their lives. Be careful and good luck.

[stephenterry]

Yeah, she is saying she has no say in it. She is sneaking downtown to see me a couple times a week, but her family can't find out. She is not even supposed to be talking to me anymore. I do love her, but it seems like an impossable task.

You said that her family is full of police people, and you are meeting the girl without family permission? Believe me....the family will find out..and you will be in BIG trouble. Don't be fool! Change know, home, phone, and GF..and without NOBODY knowing....and if she send you an e-mail, just tell her that you had to go back to your country....

Have you considered that the girl may not be telling the truth - and that she uses sex to get another pay-off, which she probably gives to her family, anyway. And to keep you on the hook. As far as she is concerned she may even get you to 'see sense' and marry her with all the financial rewards as a bonus.

But let's assume that the family is headed by some authoritarian richardhead. Then his demands would appear to him as being most reasonable, however outrageous it might appear to outsiders, and his family would have to comply or lose his favour.

If you consider either scenario to be the reality, then the advice on here to get the hell out of BKK is really the only practical solution. Cut off all contact AND throw away your SIM, so she doesn't keep pestering you for ever and a day.

And finally, I know from bitter experience how easy it is to fall for a girl who opens her legs every time she sees you. It's called 'Brain in Dick' syndrome.