alanrchase Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 If you want a serious answer he is "family". You do not count. Choose to live with it or <deleted> off. Sorry to be blunt but that unfortunately is the reality here. Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buhi Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 you re right I wont let my life run by a kid. not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now. no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food no travel by car no holliday not play soccer. no more luxury lifestyle These are words of a timid and an insecure man. All these years the son was the king and you were the fool. You now want to reverse these roles, but the son doesn't. Time for you to walk away and not make the same mistakes again. Stay, and you'll remain the fool. He cant reverse the roles even if he wanted to, the son will always be the king in his mothers eyes. The OP still thinking like a farang, all the things he mentions, who is paying for them, you or the mother? I would be raging and straight round to see the Thai who ever introduced me to the mother in the first place. If the initial meeting involved a business transaction, then all bets are off, OP made his bed now can lie in it, or pack up and move his bed elsewhere. Gotta love these type of posts, no Thai man would stand for this sort of crap, no Thai man would have got involved in the first place. Kon Thai 1 farang 0. Mai pen rai rak nan nan ka. Not always true, read my post. I am talking long time, twenty years. I have the respect of my family and they know what I did was for the good. My step son lives with us and so does his partner. Someone has to take over the mantle of head of the family; maybe I am a rare farang that has done this. Father in law was with me yesterday and knows! We are close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buhi Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 you re right I wont let my life run by a kid. not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now. no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food no travel by car no holliday not play soccer. no more luxury lifestyle These are words of a timid and an insecure man. All these years the son was the king and you were the fool. You now want to reverse these roles, but the son doesn't. Time for you to walk away and not make the same mistakes again. Stay, and you'll remain the fool. He cant reverse the roles even if he wanted to, the son will always be the king in his mothers eyes. The OP still thinking like a farang, all the things he mentions, who is paying for them, you or the mother? I would be raging and straight round to see the Thai who ever introduced me to the mother in the first place. If the initial meeting involved a business transaction, then all bets are off, OP made his bed now can lie in it, or pack up and move his bed elsewhere. Gotta love these type of posts, no Thai man would stand for this sort of crap, no Thai man would have got involved in the first place. Kon Thai 1 farang 0. Mai pen rai rak nan nan ka. Not always true, read my post. I am talking long time, twenty years. I have the respect of my family and they know what I did was for the good. My step son lives with us and so does his partner. Someone has to take over the mantle of head of the family; maybe I am a rare farang that has done this. Father in law was with me yesterday and knows! We are close. Oh and step son and my son are close, brothers. We have moved on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
star kicker Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 he's. a. teenager. what do you expect? you need to learn parenting skills, e.g. make it clear what behaviour is acceptable and what is not acceptable. have clear and consistent boundaries. never make a threat you are not prepared to see through. work out your punishments in advance - there are so many options you have; removal of mobile phone, or stop buying phone credit, removal of tv or computer, removal of money, grounding, removal of motorcycle or money for petrol, etc. be calm, never lose your temper and speak to him in a calm but assertive way. be consistent. plan ahead about how you will deal with varous scenarios. try to bond with him. does he like footballl or other male passtime you can take an interest in? i work with teenagers some are great, some are monsters, you need to use your experience as an adult and some basic psychology 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rgs2001uk Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 you re right I wont let my life run by a kid. not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now. no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food no travel by car no holliday not play soccer. no more luxury lifestyle These are words of a timid and an insecure man. All these years the son was the king and you were the fool. You now want to reverse these roles, but the son doesn't. Time for you to walk away and not make the same mistakes again. Stay, and you'll remain the fool. He cant reverse the roles even if he wanted to, the son will always be the king in his mothers eyes. The OP still thinking like a farang, all the things he mentions, who is paying for them, you or the mother? I would be raging and straight round to see the Thai who ever introduced me to the mother in the first place. If the initial meeting involved a business transaction, then all bets are off, OP made his bed now can lie in it, or pack up and move his bed elsewhere. Gotta love these type of posts, no Thai man would stand for this sort of crap, no Thai man would have got involved in the first place. Kon Thai 1 farang 0. Mai pen rai rak nan nan ka. Not always true, read my post. I am talking long time, twenty years. I have the respect of my family and they know what I did was for the good. My step son lives with us and so does his partner. Someone has to take over the mantle of head of the family; maybe I am a rare farang that has done this. Father in law was with me yesterday and knows! We are close. And therein lies the crux of the matter, the farang Op here is the head of the family, not the kid, not the mother and not her mother. Someone needs to step up to the plate and make a desicion because clearly the OP is still pussystruck. He who pays the piper calls the tune, farang way of thinking. Thai way of thinking, why would you do the things that upset you. The Op is trying to discuss things such as, cause and effect with people who believe in karma, best of luck to him. People who live for the moment rather than believe in forward planning, people who would rather talk to a magic tree or talking snake for lottery numbers. Unbelievable, how long has the OP been in Thailand, how much Thai does he speak is he even capable of talking to the kid, how many Thai women has the Op been involved with? Someone has to take over the mantle of head of the family; Agree, the OP is the head of the family, he just doesnt know it yet, or his gf hasnt yet explained or he isnt yet long enough in Thailand to realise it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donnie Brasco Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Boot. "Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icare999 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 tell your girlfriend he goes or you go or your in for big trouble ahead best to run and i mean it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buhi Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 he's. a. teenager. what do you expect? you need to learn parenting skills, e.g. make it clear what behaviour is acceptable and what is not acceptable. have clear and consistent boundaries. never make a threat you are not prepared to see through. work out your punishments in advance - there are so many options you have; removal of mobile phone, or stop buying phone credit, removal of tv or computer, removal of money, grounding, removal of motorcycle or money for petrol, etc. be calm, never lose your temper and speak to him in a calm but assertive way. be consistent. plan ahead about how you will deal with varous scenarios. try to bond with him. does he like footballl or other male passtime you can take an interest in? i work with teenagers some are great, some are monsters, you need to use your experience as an adult and some basic psychology I like your post and agree in most part, but this is Thailand. A mother's love for her son, sons, trumps any common sense. If you are not Thai, then all sorts of games will be played and when it comes to mother versus son, you are trumped. As I have stated, we have a son together and the dynamics changed. My step son was furious and understandably so, he was no longer the chief player, I was. It was a hard time for all of us, but I stayed there and did my best and well I think it was right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alanrchase Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Been there, seen it, got the T-shirt. Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alanrchase Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Been there, seen it, got the T-shirt. Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Sorry, to add to post, you will probably never be truly happy.Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkeyLoo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My girls Son is same age and same attitude. He stays with his Grandmother not with us. He was supposed to go live with his Dad but refused. Problem is he has not had a Dad in his life to discipline when required and he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. I wouldnt take a kid on like that especially if you dont have the Mothers FULL support. If i were in your position i would just load up my truck and drive off into the sunset. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulic Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 How is the boy doing in school? If this kid is as lazy as you say and the mother is doing nothing to encourage him she is enabling his future failure. After a certain amount of time (14 months, is more than enough) a little tough love is in order. Very difficult for any parent but you have to be strong. Sounds like he is spoilt rotten, internet, games, TV. Get rid of all of it, put it in storage, no pocket money, etc. If the mother can't see he is headed down the path of self destruction and support you 100%, move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. The child's behavioural issues were there long before you came along. The mother has not done a good job of setting up a framework of structure and what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Don't invest any more time unless the mother is fully on board. If she can't see the long term problems nothing will change. Pack him off to relatives with nothing more than the cost of food for support. No games, no internet, no scooter, no TV, no phone. After 6 months to a year see how things are on a one week visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucifer Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 So many people telling the OP to pack his bags and run. Will he do it? No. He still gets his leg over everynight and that overrides any common sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buhi Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My girls Son is same age and same attitude. He stays with his Grandmother not with us. He was supposed to go live with his Dad but refused. Problem is he has not had a Dad in his life to discipline when required and he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. I wouldnt take a kid on like that especially if you dont have the Mothers FULL support. If i were in your position i would just load up my truck and drive off into the sunset. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Why should he piss off out of your life? Why should he go with his Dad, for your convenience? I know my step son's Dad and we are OK with things. My step daughter mostly lives with him, but sometimes here. We are family! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rgs2001uk Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My girls Son is same age and same attitude. He stays with his Grandmother not with us. He was supposed to go live with his Dad but refused. Problem is he has not had a Dad in his life to discipline when required and he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. I wouldnt take a kid on like that especially if you dont have the Mothers FULL support. If i were in your position i would just load up my truck and drive off into the sunset. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. Why should he go, the kid has already sussed out where he is on the totem pole of Thai society and upbringing. The Thai father wouldnt stand for such nonsense so why should the farang? Me thinks the farang love her mak mak. Pack up and leave. For all others reading this, DO NOT get involved with a Thai woman with a male child in tow. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loppylugs1 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My girls Son is same age and same attitude. He stays with his Grandmother not with us. He was supposed to go live with his Dad but refused. Problem is he has not had a Dad in his life to discipline when required and he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. I wouldnt take a kid on like that especially if you dont have the Mothers FULL support. If i were in your position i would just load up my truck and drive off into the sunset. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. Why should he go, the kid has already sussed out where he is on the totem pole of Thai society and upbringing. The Thai father wouldnt stand for such nonsense so why should the farang? Me thinks the farang love her mak mak. Pack up and leave. For all others reading this, DO NOT get involved with a Thai woman with a male child in tow. Right, do not get involved with any of them period,just a domestic servant ,well paid one, but a servant. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkeyLoo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My girls Son is same age and same attitude. He stays with his Grandmother not with us. He was supposed to go live with his Dad but refused. Problem is he has not had a Dad in his life to discipline when required and he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. I wouldnt take a kid on like that especially if you dont have the Mothers FULL support. If i were in your position i would just load up my truck and drive off into the sunset. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Why should he piss off out of your life?Why should he go with his Dad, for your convenience? I know my step son's Dad and we are OK with things. My step daughter mostly lives with him, but sometimes here. We are family! He doesnt have to piss off out for my convenience. He can stay or live with us but not by his rules. Just like my girls daughter is doing. She is totally different. As i say, he wont go to his Dads or live with us as he wont get away with his shit here or with his Dad. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracas Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 To accept a woman with a kid and look at starting a life together and raise the kid is a big challenge and responsibility, although there are many out there that do this I for one do not need a challenge like this, be it in Thailand or anywhere else. Good luck to the OP, but I fear the out come does no look good. Especially if the mother does not support you in this matter. If I were presented with the choice between taking on a 14 year old boy to raise or a job at the crocodile farm cleaning teeth it would be the crocodile farm for me. The bites would be much less severe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpolo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I am sure most will agree, this relationship is doomed, the question is what will it ultimately cost you? my guess is, MUCH more than you think, maybe your life, all of your money, possibly your freedom, you have only begun to scratch the surface of the problems you are about to encounter sadly, you have a g/f that maybe you love maybe she loves you she surely loves her son, you can only lose how much is the only answer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundrenched Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 The problems people make for themselves! Once in a while I get a reminder how wonderfully uncomplicated life is as a single man, and this is one. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poweratradio Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Let the kid grow and blossom without pressure. Buy him something you agree with to occupy his time in a more productive fashion. Get him a girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpolo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) radio power man from canada I cannot agree with your advice buying things for a kid that doesnt like or respect you, or respect his mother, just wastes money, they do not appreciate it, and feel you owe them everything, and they owe you nothing this sounds like a depressed kid, and one headed to bring more trouble to bear than the mother's value this is a run situation, this only gets worse there is a reason the father left Edited May 19, 2014 by Scarpolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donk Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I have experience similar problems with Thai, and if he has decided for the hell you will get very big problem. You also get no support from the mother, he will take her party and then he becomes your enemy and you will never succeed. He feels certain that now that the mother has a (rich) farang husband so he does not go to school or work and it is your duty to supply him with money. When Thai gets angry, it usually error in the brain office and then anything can happen, so be careful and keep an eye on what he does but it is not so easy. Sometimes it is better to escape before someone destroys one's life! I myself regret that I have not pulled me out much earlier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpolo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) I have experience similar problems with Thai, and if he has decided for the hell you will get very big problem. You also get no support from the mother, he will take her party and then he becomes your enemy and you will never succeed. He feels certain that now that the mother has a (rich) farang husband so he does not go to school or work and it is your duty to supply him with money. When Thai gets angry, it usually error in the brain office and then anything can happen, so be careful and keep an eye on what he does but it is not so easy. Sometimes it is better to escape before someone destroys one's life! I myself regret that I have not pulled me out much earlier! people don't get it these problems are not fixable no female is worth losing one's entire structural life for I would rather have a cold guitar lessons learned, the very hard, expensive way there is a reason there is a rule to never enagage a single mother I knew the rule and violated it it has cost me millions I have to fight for the future now, whereas it was in the bag, before I made that near fatal error not to say there werent times of great happiness, however, that fades, this is serious, and the kid will bring the relationship down, that is his job, and you are the enemy if he plays video games, then he is being desensitized to violence Edited May 19, 2014 by Scarpolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpolo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 perhas this thread can be merged with the thread where the man cant get hos wife's 14 year old daughter out of their bedroom and bed, seeing that the two posters could be headed for the same fate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 What does the mother do for a living? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarpolo Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) it wouldnt matter if she managed $5,000,000,000,000 Baht in properties, this guy is toast this is likely NOT the first guy this kid has had to endure he has outlasted them all, he will wear this one down too thats what they do Edited May 19, 2014 by Scarpolo 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inthepink Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My girls Son is same age and same attitude. He stays with his Grandmother not with us. He was supposed to go live with his Dad but refused. Problem is he has not had a Dad in his life to discipline when required and he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. I wouldnt take a kid on like that especially if you dont have the Mothers FULL support. If i were in your position i would just load up my truck and drive off into the sunset. Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app he wont go to his Dads as he knows he cant just do as he pleases as with his Mother and Grand mother. Why should he go, the kid has already sussed out where he is on the totem pole of Thai society and upbringing. The Thai father wouldnt stand for such nonsense so why should the farang? Me thinks the farang love her mak mak. Pack up and leave. For all others reading this, DO NOT get involved with a Thai woman with a male child in tow. Right, do not get involved with any of them period,just a domestic servant ,well paid one, but a servant. Can you clarify who you are referring to when you say, "any of them?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDavies Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I am sure most will agree, this relationship is doomed, the question is what will it ultimately cost you? my guess is, MUCH more than you think, maybe your life, all of your money, possibly your freedom, are you on drugs? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDavies Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 there is a reason there is a rule to never enagage a single mother I knew the rule and violated it it has cost me millions I have to fight for the future now, whereas it was in the bag, before I made that near fatal error how profound. don't tar everyone with the same brush because once upon a time you were a plonker. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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