Dowry

thailiketoo · June 10, 2014

Explosive charges in the foundations!!!! Dude you have no worries. I know you must be 007 or something like that.

After you blow the porch no one gonna mess with you. Don't worry about what anyone here says. You are in a league of your own.

I can see it now. Rooster walks bye crowing too loud. Out comes the Bazooka! Dog poop. No problem; Claymore mines round the perimeter.

Don't worry about whatever the limp wristed folk here say. You got it covered. Yahoo blow the place.

And just think what you could do for all of us. News headline; Angry Farang Blows Up Village!

The Thai folk gonna walk quiet for a while. When you tell them to turn down the music it's going to stay quiet for a year.

Go get em. Clint Eastwood's a pussy. He just had a pistol you got dynamite.

Edited June 10, 2014 by thailiketoo

Robert24 · June 10, 2014

http://www.thethailandlife.com/sin-sod

I thought this link gives you some good background about Sin sod and about how much you should pay to marry your girlfriend.

keithkarmann · June 10, 2014

I know where you are coming from but I could not live in a condo. There are several reasons to build the house and one of the reasons is to save money if I am being optomistic and hopefully my relationship will last I will eventually recover the money spent on the house as I will not have to pay rent. I will not start to build the house for a few months and take about 2 years to build, by that time I will have been with my future wife for about four years. Yes the relationship could end at any time between now and the house been completed or anytime after that. I know that in those four years I would have spent probably more on beer and women than it would cost to build the house and I would have probably killed myself through alcohol abuse or worse.
Secondly I will have a project that will keep me occupied for the foreseeable future,it is important that us seniors keep our minds active. If I truly lust (sorry love) my girlfriend and hopefully she loves me a little then we can have a future together. I guess building too close to the family could be a problem but I will have explosive charges built into the concrete pillars in the event the family try to move in if our relationship ends.
I guess none of us knows what will happen in the future but where would we be if we did not take chances in life. Yes I could carry on renting for the rest of my life here in Thailand but through all my adult life I have always favoured home ownership but I agree that owning property can give you problems in Thailand.
I have met farangs who have lost many millions of bahts through Thai relationships and they have been left with nothing but with me I hope I get the balance right and take the risk that I may lose with this venture but at the end of the day I will still have a decent amount left.

Rent Vs buy, buying cash takes about 20-25 years before you can claim to be making a profit.
(house rental in Thailand is around 5% of purchase price)
How old are you?
If over 50, not much chance of ever claiming a profit, even if you live there until you die.

Great to hear you can afford the loss,
But how many times can you rinse and repeat.
I know a few guys working on their 3rd house loss.

I presently pay about 180,000 baht per year rent, so with rent increases I will pay about 1,000,000 baht over a 5 year period. Have not done final costings for the modest single storey house but if it were to cost more than 1 million baht it will not get finished. So I make that a five year period to start making a profit.

keithkarmann · June 10, 2014

KeithKarmann-- A lot of people have asked the question about the status of your Lady---Children / Ex Husband'(s) etc, But you don't seem want to address those questions --is there a reason for that ?

AYJAYDEE, you are a little over the top--- it's not about "Well just ignore my posts then" because you are dominating the subject. I understand you have paid Sin-sot & wish everyone to do the same, but not everyone has these same feelings & certainly they do not feel they are shaming anyone to make this stand--- Not everyone feels that because you live in a country you should except there "norms"-- Customs, if you feel those customs are not correct.

If you lived in an African country would you be OK with a little bit of gentile Mutilation on your daughter when she became of age...Its the custom. ....Watching a lady stoned for having (or being accused) an affair, You OK about the treatment of the cast system in India....1,000s of years of custom behind that, one could go on about customs around the world---its silly to say people should just accept or leave.

If something is wrong in life---rage against it..... don't blindly accept.

KeithKarmann, its really your own decision & you seem to have made it before you posted anyway. My only advice is that you try Village living, its not for everyone, I found I couldn't. & as you say you do not like it now, age will not improve your outlook on it.

Best of luck anyway

Ok I will answer some of your questions. My girlfriend will be 27 years old this year, according to her she has only had one long term boyfriend for two years, he was a big boy at 150kg. No she was not a virgin when I met her and she has no children. She is a bit lazy now but she fulfils my needs and although we do have the odd disagreement we do no argue.

I think I have made my mind up but I wanted to find out if others have done what I want to do and weather or not it has worked out for them. If I have my own space in the village and my own belongings and luxuries then it should be alright.

AnotherOneAmerican · June 10, 2014

I presently pay about 180,000 baht per year rent, so with rent increases I will pay about 1,000,000 baht over a 5 year period. Have not done final costings for the modest single storey house but if it were to cost more than 1 million baht it will not get finished. So I make that a five year period to start making a profit.

Why not save the money by renting a "modest single storey house".

As for costings on your build, assuming gf involved, x4 the cost of a Thai building for himself.

Gf age 27 and you pushing 60!

Let me be the first to say 55555.

Edited June 10, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

ggt · June 10, 2014

I never tire of reading of these relationships built on financial rewards...what has love got to do with it?

BookMan · June 10, 2014

When it came to sin sod with my in-laws I sat down with them and discussed it reasonably.

They said if I respected their culture I should pay it, I agreed with this. I then asked if they respected my culture and they said they did.

We then negotiated how much sin sod for me to pay(100k) and once that was done I gave them the bill for the wedding(350k) and advised as part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding....they never asked about the 100k again.

True or not...

shadmo63 · June 10, 2014

No doubt your gf pushes you to build a house. Just remember you will never be as important to her as her family. I'd take the renting advice for now and reassess again in 5 years time. 150kg wow that's big. I guess she'd weigh the same as one of his legs!?

bander · June 10, 2014

Don't marry her, no dowry then.

Wise advice, I'd go for it :-)

Edited June 10, 2014 by bander

shadmo63 · June 10, 2014

I never tire of reading of these relationships built on financial rewards...what has love got to do with it?

Is that that you Tina?

Anthropologist John Townsend concludes "that men are susceptible to youth and beauty, whereas women are susceptible to status and security. These differences are part of a natural selection process where males seek many healthy women of childbearing age which will mother offspring, whereas women seek men who are willing and able to take care of them and their children."

So what's your problem? Nature taking its course?

BookMan · June 10, 2014

The reasons for my responses are twofold, I was initially offended at your assumption that I had shamed my wife's family and secondly it is a slow day at work and I needed to kill some time.

Also, If you are in Thailand now, why are you not responding in Thai? I would assume that is more part of Thai culture than English and if you are on Thai soil then everything has to be done according to Thai culture.....

never ASSume.

It's too much, please stop! You are giving my stomach a cramp from laughing.

In all your answers to ljd1308 you have made assumptions, all of which have been incorrect.

AnotherOneAmerican · June 10, 2014

I never tire of reading of these relationships built on financial rewards...what has love got to do with it?

Is that that you Tina?

Anthropologist John Townsend concludes "that men are susceptible to youth and beauty, whereas women are susceptible to status and security. These differences are part of a natural selection process where males seek many healthy women of childbearing age which will mother offspring, whereas women seek men who are willing and able to take care of them and their children."

So what's your problem? Nature taking its course?

But most of these old dudes have had a vasectomy?

What does that do for Mr. Townsends' theory?

keithkarmann · June 10, 2014

http://www.thethailandlife.com/sin-sod

I thought this link gives you some good background about Sin sod and about how much you should pay to marry your girlfriend.

The only point I want to make is that when we marry my payments to my wife will not cease and she will be giving her parents between 70,000 to 100,000 baht per year, This is why I have the problem paying the Sin sod. According to the link after Sin sod is paid then financial assistance to the parents should stop. As we did agree on 50,000 baht Sin sod before the house plan came up then her parents would be foolish to reject my plan and risk losing a six figure sum per year,in fact her parents would encourage her to stay with me. Yes she could kick me out after the house is built but she would be giving up the income from me. Yes I would have lost money but I would still have my 100,000 baht per month pension and income which will be there as long as I am alive and she would also be giving up the expensive holidays I would pay for her. I would survive very well and I would not go on to build any more houses.

keithkarmann · June 10, 2014

No doubt your gf pushes you to build a house. Just remember you will never be as important to her as her family. I'd take the renting advice for now and reassess again in 5 years time. 150kg wow that's big. I guess she'd weigh the same as one of his legs!?

My girlfriend is not pushing me to build the house, it is mainly my idea. In 5 years time I will be well over 65 years old and probably not want to start building a house. I know I am way down the list of importance to my girlfriend, first come the family, then the mobile phone and so on.

AnotherOneAmerican · June 10, 2014

No doubt your gf pushes you to build a house. Just remember you will never be as important to her as her family. I'd take the renting advice for now and reassess again in 5 years time. 150kg wow that's big. I guess she'd weigh the same as one of his legs!?

My girlfriend is not pushing me to build the house, it is mainly my idea. In 5 years time I will be well over 65 years old and probably not want to start building a house. I know I am way down the list of importance to my girlfriend, first come the family, then the mobile phone and so on.

In 5 years time, you will probably have a new gf, assuming you still have some money left.

(the girls in their 20s usually go for the quick grab & run, rather than the regular wage)

Building a house on your gfs family farm, in the back-end of nowhere.

Just don't do it.

Edited June 10, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

Oceanbat · June 10, 2014

No doubt your gf pushes you to build a house. Just remember you will never be as important to her as her family. I'd take the renting advice for now and reassess again in 5 years time. 150kg wow that's big. I guess she'd weigh the same as one of his legs!?

My girlfriend is not pushing me to build the house, it is mainly my idea. In 5 years time I will be well over 65 years old and probably not want to start building a house. I know I am way down the list of importance to my girlfriend, first come the family, then the mobile phone and so on.

Why are you getting married?

OB

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

keithkarmann · June 10, 2014

No doubt your gf pushes you to build a house. Just remember you will never be as important to her as her family. I'd take the renting advice for now and reassess again in 5 years time. 150kg wow that's big. I guess she'd weigh the same as one of his legs!?

My girlfriend is not pushing me to build the house, it is mainly my idea. In 5 years time I will be well over 65 years old and probably not want to start building a house. I know I am way down the list of importance to my girlfriend, first come the family, then the mobile phone and so on.

Why are you getting married?

OB

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Because she asked me to marry her and I said yes, she has been asking me for over a year and it has been me delaying things as I have had one or two failed marraiges and I want to be sure it is the right thing to do.

CharlesHH · June 10, 2014

I did what I think is the preferred honorable thing to do.........

I took my Thai wife to marry in America and live there. Meanwhile, I gave her builder brother an ATM card on my third account in Am. bank which I refilled a few hundred each month. Brother used that to build Mom and Dad an little concrete house. That was a very big deal to the family and certainly worth more than gift money which would be spent fast anyway. One room is mine/wife with Western bathroom and air con. Wife and I lived there during extended visits. All family happy especially Momma because I also got her a DVD player for old time Thai stories dramatized in costume.

Then, I was treated like royalty and family slept where it was dry. That house is now packed with the extended family.

Later, wife and I moved permanently to Thailand and she bought us a home with my money, cash deal. House is in her name and I lease it from her... be sure to register the lease in govt office. I die and she still owns the house so no confusion or hassle about a Will. Married now 9 yrs.

I could agonize about trust issues, but one has eventually to make as good a decision as possible about taking a Thai wife, back up with good relations with her Momma, and use registered lease on the house. Regardless of all the negative stories, one must choose well and then trust. Good luck.

bangkoklasse · June 10, 2014

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No doubt your gf pushes you to build a house. Just remember you will never be as important to her as her family. I'd take the renting advice for now and reassess again in 5 years time. 150kg wow that's big. I guess she'd weigh the same as one of his legs!?

My girlfriend is not pushing me to build the house, it is mainly my idea. In 5 years time I will be well over 65 years old and probably not want to start building a house. I know I am way down the list of importance to my girlfriend, first come the family, then the mobile phone and so on.

Why are you getting married?

OB

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Because she asked me to marry her and I said yes, she has been asking me for over a year and it has been me delaying things as I have had one or two failed marraiges and I want to be sure it is the right thing to do.

And why do you belive your GF that are 36 years younger than you ask you over and over again to marry her? Because you are so hunsum and she loves you or?

AnotherOneAmerican · June 10, 2014

I could agonize about trust issues, but one has eventually to make as good a decision as possible about taking a Thai wife, back up with good relations with her Momma, and use registered lease on the house. Regardless of all the negative stories, one must choose well and then trust. Good luck.

Can I ask, were you 60 and your wife 27 at the time you married?

larsjohnsson · June 10, 2014

Your girlfriends mother would be the right age for you. When it's 36 years difference between you and your girl, I would expect her mother to be 10-15 years younger than you

AYJAYDEE · June 10, 2014

KeithKarmann-- A lot of people have asked the question about the status of your Lady---Children / Ex Husband'(s) etc, But you don't seem want to address those questions --is there a reason for that ?

AYJAYDEE, you are a little over the top--- it's not about "Well just ignore my posts then" because you are dominating the subject. I understand you have paid Sin-sot & wish everyone to do the same, but not everyone has these same feelings & certainly they do not feel they are shaming anyone to make this stand--- Not everyone feels that because you live in a country you should except there "norms"-- Customs, if you feel those customs are not correct.

If you lived in an African country would you be OK with a little bit of gentile Mutilation on your daughter when she became of age...Its the custom. ....Watching a lady stoned for having (or being accused) an affair, You OK about the treatment of the cast system in India....1,000s of years of custom behind that, one could go on about customs around the world---its silly to say people should just accept or leave.

If something is wrong in life---rage against it..... don't blindly accept.

KeithKarmann, its really your own decision & you seem to have made it before you posted anyway. My only advice is that you try Village living, its not for everyone, I found I couldn't. & as you say you do not like it now, age will not improve your outlook on it.

Best of luck anyway

i wouldnt live in a culture i didnt agree with

sanuk711 · June 10, 2014

"i wouldnt live in a culture i didnt agree with"-----AYJAYDEE

And I wouldn't partake in a custom that I didn't believe in------ but I will live were it dam well suits me.......

AYJAYDEE · June 10, 2014

"i wouldnt live in a culture i didnt agree with"-----AYJAYDEE

And I wouldn't partake in a custom that I didn't believe in------ but I will live were it dam well suits me.......

go for it

poweratradio · June 10, 2014

How many kids does she have? Her first marriage? Don't expect a lot of helpful, polite responses from this bunch. There would still need to be some money shown at the wedding or it would be total loss of face for the Thai family to let their daughter marry a farang. There's millions of them out there, who are only 20 years younger, who wouldn't expect a Baht, and have the wherewithall to not be reliant on foreign bankbook.

Buy a condo in your name; let her stay in it for free, unless she would rather stay with her parents or rent her own place. If she stays with you until death, leave it to her.

DOWRY! Are you in India? What year are you living in? Do you have a backbone?

AYJAYDEE · June 10, 2014

How many kids does she have? Her first marriage? Don't expect a lot of helpful, polite responses from this bunch. There would still need to be some money shown at the wedding or it would be total loss of face for the Thai family to let their daughter marry a farang. There's millions of them out there, who are only 20 years younger, who wouldn't expect a Baht, and have the wherewithall to not be reliant on foreign bankbook.

Buy a condo in your name; let her stay in it for free, unless she would rather stay with her parents or rent her own place. If she stays with you until death, leave it to her.

DOWRY! Are you in India? What year are you living in? Do you have a backbone?

you are unaware of sin sod?

shadmo63 · June 10, 2014

I never tire of reading of these relationships built on financial rewards...what has love got to do with it?
Is that that you Tina?
Anthropologist John Townsend concludes "that men are susceptible to youth and beauty, whereas women are susceptible to status and security. These differences are part of a natural selection process where males seek many healthy women of childbearing age which will mother offspring, whereas women seek men who are willing and able to take care of them and their children."

So what's your problem? Nature taking its course?

But most of these old dudes have had a vasectomy?
What does that do for Mr. Townsends' theory?

I don't know. Do you think it would make men chase menopausal women instead of young nubile women? Ha ha ha not in Thailand where us older men are considered so hansum and can score women 36 years younger (or 17 years in my case). Have you heard the perfect age of a woman theory? - half your age plus 7. That's how old my lovely lady is. So Mr OP is only out by 11.5 years = 63/2 + 7 = 38.5 years.

F4UCorsair · June 10, 2014

I think its a great idea , if the family will go along with it . Sounds like they will being the land arrangement . Rather than a lease I would get a usfruct or its called something like that and get it prior to getting married . This gives you total control of the land until you die. But what your doing makes good sense to me anyway . I paid sin sod to the parents felt weard at the time because I had not been in the country much . I also bought them some land which in agreement would be left to my wife . They are both still alive and the land is now in my wifes name .. What does concern me is the fact that you are going to be in very close living status with her family , but that's all a matter of taste . Not every Thai woman gets a house and then dumps her husband throws him out on the street .... When that does happen sometimes theres a pretty good reason ... So not all is Bad in the land of smiles ..

The dowry if paid will be 50,000 baht max, this can be displayed at the wedding. If it is not returned then that would be the end of the relationship. If it is returned to me I would feel confident in our relationship. The 50,000 baht would pay for the start of construction of the foundations after the rainy season this year. The more our relationship developes then the more confident I will feel to put more cash into the house. I am looking to the future and would not consider living permanently in the house for at least another 5 years so there would be no rush to throw a lot of money at the house straight away. One of the reasons for building the house is that I need something to do and I want to build a house in Thailand, how it should be built (in my opinion) and not to Thai standards. The recent earthquake made me feel unsafe in the rented house I am living in, so I would build a house to a higher standard. If everything works out with the relationship and the house I would save about 180,000 baht a year in rent when I eventually move into it. Before we move into the house permanently I can just spend the odd day in it while my girlfriend visits her family.

Sorry Keith, just have to say what is wrong with you?

You are thinking of buying a girlfriend a house, the chances of you living in it after it is built is extremely small.

I know so many white guys that have travelled this road and lost the lot.

You are already suspicious about Sinsot requests, you already know what sort of girl she is (20 years younger than you?).

Rent a house, buy a condo in your own name. These are your only sensible choices.

If you are desperate to buy her a house, let her get a bank loan, you make the payments.

What, she doesn't have a job?

Get real man.

We're on the same page Another One!!

How many guys buy a girlfriend a house back home,, wherever that is? Not many I bet, and even less if she's 20 years younger. This is a recipe for losing money.....sloooooowly.

Buy a condo in YOUR name, rent a house, anything but buying/building in her name.

As AOA says Keith, GET REAL !!!

Ozybear · June 10, 2014

I think its a great idea , if the family will go along with it . Sounds like they will being the land arrangement . Rather than a lease I would get a usfruct or its called something like that and get it prior to getting married . This gives you total control of the land until you die. But what your doing makes good sense to me anyway . I paid sin sod to the parents felt weard at the time because I had not been in the country much . I also bought them some land which in agreement would be left to my wife . They are both still alive and the land is now in my wifes name .. What does concern me is the fact that you are going to be in very close living status with her family , but that's all a matter of taste . Not every Thai woman gets a house and then dumps her husband throws him out on the street .... When that does happen sometimes theres a pretty good reason ... So not all is Bad in the land of smiles ..

The dowry if paid will be 50,000 baht max, this can be displayed at the wedding. If it is not returned then that would be the end of the relationship. If it is returned to me I would feel confident in our relationship. The 50,000 baht would pay for the start of construction of the foundations after the rainy season this year. The more our relationship developes then the more confident I will feel to put more cash into the house. I am looking to the future and would not consider living permanently in the house for at least another 5 years so there would be no rush to throw a lot of money at the house straight away. One of the reasons for building the house is that I need something to do and I want to build a house in Thailand, how it should be built (in my opinion) and not to Thai standards. The recent earthquake made me feel unsafe in the rented house I am living in, so I would build a house to a higher standard. If everything works out with the relationship and the house I would save about 180,000 baht a year in rent when I eventually move into it. Before we move into the house permanently I can just spend the odd day in it while my girlfriend visits her family.

Sorry Keith, just have to say what is wrong with you?
You are thinking of buying a girlfriend a house, the chances of you living in it after it is built is extremely small.

I know so many white guys that have travelled this road and lost the lot.

You are already suspicious about Sinsot requests, you already know what sort of girl she is (20 years younger than you?).

Rent a house, buy a condo in your own name. These are your only sensible choices.

If you are desperate to buy her a house, let her get a bank loan, you make the payments.

What, she doesn't have a job?

Get real man.

We're on the same page Another One!!

How many guys buy a girlfriend a house back home,, wherever that is? Not many I bet, and even less if she's 20 years younger. This is a recipe for losing money.....sloooooowly.

Buy a condo in YOUR name, rent a house, anything but buying/building in her name.

As AOA says Keith, GET REAL !!!

If it cost 400,000 baht to build a house in Oz, I would have built plenty of houses here.

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

Edited June 10, 2014 by Ozybear

hhgz · June 11, 2014

"Has anyone got any positive or negative views on my plans"

Rather than taking a poll amongst a bunch of strangers, why not speak to her people parents? You're over 60, and you need to show some backbone.

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